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having trouble coming up with words to describe how I feel - 5/29/2006 4:25:05 PM

mellian

Posts: 211
Joined: 9/6/2004
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Of course, it seems I am also having trouble figuring how to start this post too :p

For the past few months I have felt ready for another relationship, much preferably a D/s one, while knowing it is not going to happen anytime soon and in someways prefer that it comes unexpectedly like my first, yet feel discouraged what I see and know in the bdsm community here and the various Dommes I see, along on the internet. The few that I like nothing will happen with due to our current life situations and plans not being compatible, age differences, sexual orientations, not seeking another, turn out to have serious issues like my last Domme, simply do not trust them, because of the bad impressions I gave in the past due to drama and my own emotional nonsense, only interested in kinky fun and not serious D/s, and so on. Because of this, been considering to move to Montreal again by the end of the year or the beginning of the next and get involved in the bigger community there.

Then at times like now, feel quite silly whenever I think of possible scenarios with the various kind of Dommes while keeping mind as to what I seek. I have no set fantasies or roles for a D/s relationship, prefer to let that develop and evolve whenever another relationship happens, yet I do have general expectations of having good communication, trust, honesty and someone I like and fall for along with preferences of a Domme that is mature, a strong person personality wise, not physically inhibited, and being able to actually dominate me.

Yet with many dominant like I encounter with some being Dommes, they succeed more in making a fool of themselves where I cannot take them seriously, push me away, or have no reaction to it. Few that managed I cannot be with, turn out to have issues, or I do not see anything chance of happening with at all. So starting to think that I would not really find this Domme that I seek, that or limiting myself to much. So looks like I will have to explore to another city like Montreal where I know there is an active bdsm group(s) as the course of action to improve the chances. Probably help if I am more active in approaching Dommes instead of completly leaving up to chance.

Meanwhile, reading on the various situations and scenarios, I think I may be too serious and realistic to be able to fantasy scenarios or fantasies, considering them silly and having trouble actually happening with a Domme, and if tried, possibly not able to get into it. This comes from more of me prefering that the D/s being actually real and not some pretend thing which no human can constantly pull off anyway.

Re-reading what I wrote above, I seem lost and uncertaint in some ways, along maybe with some doubts.

So yes, with all that going through my mind, thought I would get back involve the bdsm communities online to help explore further and what to do.

-mellian

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RE: having trouble coming up with words to describe how... - 5/29/2006 5:38:02 PM

NastyDaddy

Posts: 957
Joined: 9/8/2004
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Sounds like you are literally confused and virtually don't know what to do.

(in reply to mellian)

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RE: having trouble coming up with words to describe how... - 5/29/2006 6:13:18 PM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
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mellian, I can understand what you are saying, so many of us go through times when it just seems like it would be easier to just give up... been there, it was so much fun that I'm there again. But a large part of me is the eternal optimist and even though I only half heartedly search I do believe that the right person will eventually find me. If someone were to ask me what it is that I'm looking for? I couldn't answer with any real definition. Sometimes I'm certain it's a male... then I talk to males and get disappointed on a regular basis... so then I think, ok, maybe I really need a female instead.. I haven't talked myself out of that one yet... lol

I guess the point I am making is that it's ok to be confused about what it is that you want out of a dominant... being honest, I believe that people that set out with a specific set of ideals about what it is that they want in a partner are sorely let down when they find it. My only advice would be to step out of the box and open yourself to new possibilities, you may be pleasantly surprised in what you find... or better yet, what finds you.

Jewel

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Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to mellian)

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RE: having trouble coming up with words to describe how... - 5/30/2006 8:45:33 PM

mellian

Posts: 211
Joined: 9/6/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel
I guess the point I am making is that it's ok to be confused about what it is that you want out of a dominant... being honest, I believe that people that set out with a specific set of ideals about what it is that they want in a partner are sorely let down when they find it. My only advice would be to step out of the box and open yourself to new possibilities, you may be pleasantly surprised in what you find... or better yet, what finds you.

Jewel

Got various interesting replies to what I wrote in my OP which I posted elsewhere as well, which tells me I failed at conveying what I was trying to say, and making me wonder if I have as well with my profile and giving out the wrong impressions. Your reply is the closest to the mark. :)

As for open myself up, something I try to do and struggled at it throughout my life, but I have improved alot in the past several years. Alot of it comes from not being sure how to open myself up more and explore new possibilities especially when I can be overcautious and afraid of hurting someone or/and myself which I have done in the past, yet also had some successes like with my last Domme when I finally approached her and opening myself up to her when feelings for her became to overwhelming.

-mellian

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

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RE: having trouble coming up with words to describe how... - 5/30/2006 9:33:22 PM

Reflectivesoul

Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
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mellian,

Your profile looked fine to me, it read well, stated what you were looking for, who you are, and some information about you. The best way to start meeting people is to start posting here on the threads, give people a peek at who you are, how you think, things like that. The best way to get noticed is to put yourself in front of people and say hello here I am ..... or the ever wonderful " Honey....... I'm home"

*chuckles*

Just as with any relationships it takes a long time to build a good solid foundation through friendships. I can understand this being difficult when you arent one to open up to others very easily, but when you find the right ones and feel comfortable talking with them it will come naturally for you over time.

A word of caution though, while yes moving to another place would give you new people to talk with, problems with communicating and things of this nature follow you. If you are noticing the same paterns within relationships where you consistently feel like you cant open up with someone, then moving wont help that. Learning how to trust and how to be more open will, and posting here on the forum will help you with that, it provides a safe anonymity where you can ask questions and seek advise without having to be face to face with someone, right off the bat.

Good luck to you and dont give up, you'll never know who will come through the doors of opportunity, if you keep them closed...

~RS~

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ooooo..I bet THATS gonna leave a mark!!!!

Equal opportunity pisser on-er ... heh..

Gimme some crayons, I want color and I want it now DAMNIT!

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RE: having trouble coming up with words to describe how... - 5/31/2006 2:16:27 AM

becca333

Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
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It's difficult when you know that you want, and you want so badly, but you're not sure exactly what it is that you need. There's a yearning, a strong desire, but you can't direct it towards something specific.

Explore, see if you can set your limits a bit differently - maybe you're ready to move to some different kind of relationship that you haven't tried before. One of the great things about BDSM is that there's SO many options.

I hope you find what works best for you.

(in reply to Reflectivesoul)

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