Feelin lost in the shuffle

Feelin lost in the shuffle (Full Version)

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quinnmalcolm -> Feelin lost in the shuffle (12/20/2011 10:38:53 PM)
I don't mind taking my time, but I am a little overwhelmed how many more guys are out there. It is hard enough standing out or even getting any sort of reply from the subs. It's been ages and even then I had to leave Alaska just to find someone. I am uncertain how even to get so much as a reply from anyone and looking for advice. I will admit in my younger days I was a douchey arrogant jackass. It worked swimmingly but I am tired of that. I enjoy the dominant lifestyle but I feel different now that I'm older. But at the same time that seems to be the ones that get the attention. I can be patient and stick it out, but I could use some advice and thoughts to get replies or any subs interested in simply starting a conversation. help? Advice? Or is this the right section?

tazzygirl -> RE: Feelin lost in the shuffle (12/20/2011 11:00:16 PM)
First, welcome to CM. This is as good a place as any to ask this question. Its a good thing you have patience, you will need it. Men outnumber women on this site, so it can take a while.. and it should... to find the right one. If I may make a suggestion? Remove the financial part from your profile. You are setting yourself up to be a mark. I dont think you would be an easy target, but why make it more difficult for yourself to weed out the users if they see that part as a beacon? I do wish you luck on your search!

quinnmalcolm -> RE: Feelin lost in the shuffle (12/20/2011 11:26:19 PM)
LOL I guess I wanted to make it clear the ease of getting around I have. Thanks. I"ll fix that.

myotherself -> RE: Feelin lost in the shuffle (12/20/2011 11:32:17 PM)
It's tough for guys to get noticed on here, but it's also hard for women to find what they're looking for too. It's easy to find an NSA play partner or FWB, but if you want something longer term and deeply compatible then it takes us a long time too. So don't feel despondent about the numbers game - on this site quantity does not always mean quality [:D] I had a quick peruse of your profile, and if I'm being honest it wouldn't attract me if I was still looking. It dwells on the past and describes the kind of person I most definitely would not want to be around - a guy who leaps from bed to bed, satisfying his kink. Although you say that's the 'old you', it's right up there at the top of the profile which makes me think it's the most important thing about you, and I'm sure it's not. The bit that got me though was where you said you were disgusted with your old ways. I got an uncomfortable feeling that you were not happy and settled with yourself - a bit of a red flag to someone who wants to find someone to be her guide and mentor. I would suggest a rewrite. Forget the past - that's for discussing with the woman you find. Concentrate on the now and the future. You want a long-term relationship (I think, based on the last para of your profile), so say so nearer the top. Describe what you want from a partner, but also tell them about YOU. When you're not doing kink, what do you like to do? What interests do you have that turn you from a 2D kinky guy into a 3D man who lives in the real world? I wish you luck, because you seem to be a good guy who's getting his life in order. [:D]

Iamsemisweet -> RE: Feelin lost in the shuffle (12/20/2011 11:49:29 PM)
I also took a look. Think of your profile as a resume. If you were looking for a job, you wouldn't submit a resume that talked about mistakes you had made and what you didn't want. Same thing with your profile. Talk about what you want, your values, and what you have to offer.

quinnmalcolm -> RE: Feelin lost in the shuffle (12/20/2011 11:58:27 PM)
Thanks. I guess I am still figuring out how to approach this. I am a nice guy, and all I ever got was people mocking me. I am uncertain, but I'll try to rewrite it for the present.

DaddySatyr -> RE: Feelin lost in the shuffle (12/21/2011 12:04:49 AM)
First, I would make my profile about who I am, *right now. Obviously, you may want to talk about some* things from your past but, tell everyone who Quinn is, at this moment. Talking about your past (life experiences) is something you can do as you're getting to know a lady with whom you feel there's a potential relationship. Then, go into the future. What you want out of a relationship, what *kind* of relationship. Here's the tough part: You don't want to make your profile too long (I should know) but, you don't want to make it too short, either. You want to put some effort into crafting your profile because people want to see more than a few sentences. Something else I do which isn't everyone's cup of tea is: I put potential "deal breakers" (of mine) somewhere fairly early on. To my mind, there's nothing worse than reading a profile and saying to myself: "Yes, I agree with that ... She's right on, here ...We have a lot in common ... Oh ... she's a switch and wants me to switch so she can perfect her body modification techniques? Oooooops!" Obviously, I'm having some fun but, you get my point. Lastly, as someone else (I think it was Tazzy?) said: Men greatly out-number the ladies on this site. Without putting down other men, try to show the ladies what makes you different. Remember that the ladies get bombarded by some really "interesting" e-mails and once they're done with that and onto some profile perusing, they're going to want to see something other than the same old song and dance. Oooooh! One more thing: Alaska? Really? You live there on *purpose* ? LOL Peace and comfort, Michael

quinnmalcolm -> RE: Feelin lost in the shuffle (12/21/2011 12:33:58 AM)
Something tells me I'm going to have to do a few rewrites. I took all you guys said into consideration and rewrote it. I tried to keep it simple and true to myself. Is it still boring? :S

DarkSteven -> RE: Feelin lost in the shuffle (12/21/2011 12:58:41 AM)
First, understand how the male/female dynamic works. I find it almost impossible to stand out with unsolicited cmails. Just because women have been swamped, so being their 400th message of the day guarantees that I will get deleted no matter what I write. The only exceptions are when the recipient has seen my posts here, or when I greet a local in a cmail and ask if she's aware of the local groups. I'd try to locate RL groups and if there aren't any, try to start up a munch. Regarding your profile, I have two suggestions. 1. Make your pictures show who you ARE. Pictures of you in a suit, closing a sale. Pics of you rewiring a house. Pics of you wrestling a Kodiak bear, or swimming the Bering Sea. A pic of you working on a computer, or reading a book. Show what activities you like. 2. Forget about poly. You've got stiff enough odds as is. Many women won't do poly, and I'd recommend not mentioning it unless it's an absolute must-have. The rest of your profile is written to reflect a mono mindset.

quinnmalcolm -> RE: Feelin lost in the shuffle (12/21/2011 1:16:06 AM)
Hmmm Alright, I'll see if I can get a few pics of me. I hate taking my pic tho. Bleh. What the heck is cmail and rl groups?

DarkSteven -> RE: Feelin lost in the shuffle (12/21/2011 1:26:23 AM)
cmail - a private message on collarme to your profile. RL - real life. In other words, offline with real people meeting and talking.

lizi -> RE: Feelin lost in the shuffle (12/21/2011 4:12:14 AM)
This is a great thread on profiles, emails, etc, http://www.collarchat.com/m_1717756/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#1717756 Just an fyi, DS was right about the poly....I'd pass you by for that and as he mentioned, it seems to be more common that women aren't into it. You find women who are, just not as many. I personally like that your profile has non-kinky interests in it. When I was looking I passed by men whose profiles were all about sex and kink, I didn't really want to know about that as it wasn't important, especially in a stranger. What was important was who the guy was, and would be. outside of the bedroom. Since you seem to be looking for a relationship I'd not concentrate on the intimate details in the profile. Women aren't men, they don't generally want to know that stuff upfront, they want to know about the man they're dealing with and if they'll like him as a person. My opinion is that the relationship will be made on the basis of the vanilla activities more so than the kinky ones, and I'd like to know what a man does in his daily life. My partner and I just talked like two people meeting for most of our preliminary conversations, in fact if anyone tried to Dominate me from the start, or concentrate on talking about kink I ended contact with them immediately. OP, do a search in these forums for past threads on your topic and you'll find a wealth of information about what women find attractive and like to see. There's a search feature on the page here that you can use, there's so much already here in the forums.

sheisreeds -> RE: Feelin lost in the shuffle (12/21/2011 8:19:38 AM)
When I was looking I always appreciated some personality in profiles. A bit of finesse goes a long way. A good profile should be a snapshot of who you are as a person. How you speak, what you value, what you're looking for, where you are in life and where you want to go. It also mattered to me that there was a balance of kink and normal daily life in the profile. And when I say kink I don't mean what toys the person plays with but a sense of what BDSM does for them, and how they approach it. It gives a sense of actual compatibility. It's also not bad to leave a little mystery, give them something to ask you questions about. Or propose some topics to start a dialogue. Everytime I have met someone and it had worked at all the initial dialogue was more then. "hey you're cute" or "I want you to be mean to me." The start has always been me messaging a question or thought based on something meaningful in the profile.

DesFIP -> RE: Feelin lost in the shuffle (12/21/2011 8:42:37 AM)
There are groups in Anchorage, just google BDSM Anchorage and things pop up. You do better to go and make friends. Even if the woman of your dreams isn't there, someone may know someone they would love to have meet you. You know, just like regular people date and get introduced by friends. The other thing is that there may well be some lovely women you've met who you've written off as possible because you don't think they're kinky. We don't wear signs on our foreheads. So if you meet someone you're attracted to, ask her out. If you feel enough chemistry that you want to go farther, that's when you tell her about your preferred relationship dynamic. Don't use the words master or slave, just say that you get along with someone who prefers to allow you to make the majority of decisions, who gives her input but doesn't feel the need to control everything. There's nothing in that which will get you branded as an evil pervert. Should you be compatible, then just say you're kinky and does she have any interests in that area. If she does, then you discuss what you both like. If she isn't, then you aren't compatible and you still haven't told the world what you're into.

Fornica -> RE: Feelin lost in the shuffle (12/21/2011 10:10:18 AM)
fr Honesty? Ok, the first thing i see is your profile picture on here. It's an arrogant pose that you scribbled on in microsoft paint, by the looks of it. Automatic turn-off for me. I just read your profile, and I think it's good. Maybe add some things you like to do for fun (normal stuff). Your journal entries are whiney. If you're on here to meet people, keep them light, not a place to complain or grumble. That all being said, it's cool that you're willing to listen and improve what you can. It speaks well of you as a person :)

LadyPact -> RE: Feelin lost in the shuffle (12/21/2011 10:24:17 AM)
Getting a good response rate to email is a long discussed topic around here. I don't envy your position in that. It is going to take patience because of the difference in numbers between the genders. There are some things that can improve that. Forum participation is one. I would improve the picture at your first opportunity. I'd still fix up the profile a bit more, too. There absolutely are kink events in your city. I don't get out that way as often as I'd like, but if you want some info, drop Me a note on the other side.

kalikshama -> RE: Feelin lost in the shuffle (12/21/2011 1:22:36 PM)
Hi Quinn, Your new profile's not bad. If I were looking, I would prefer a little more vanilla info about you. I'd delete this part of your journal entry, which I find it negative and confusing: "And yes I am tired of the criticism, please just tell me if you have a problem with me sure, but talk to me if you would." I kept my journals light and vanilla, and they appeared to make good conversation starters - men would write me and say they'd been to the same concert, etc. If you send me a sample first email that you send I'd be happy to critique it. Do get a friend to take some pictures of you. Say they are for OKCupid :) Most importantly - do follow up with LadyPact regarding events in your area. Welcome, KK

quinnmalcolm -> RE: Feelin lost in the shuffle (12/23/2011 12:45:42 PM)
Wow. I am taken aback by all the kindness. The new pic would be up soon. In 10 years I have about 8 pictures of myself. Never been one for pics. But looks like I should now. That one pic was me trying to take a picture of myself, and more confused. I'll see what I can do to adjust the pictures and journal entries. I appreciate all the kind words and criticism said without malice and I would appreciate running some of this past you guys first.

MasterSlaveLA -> RE: Feelin lost in the shuffle (12/24/2011 12:28:33 AM)
Send cock-shots with every introductory email... teh subbie/slavey types love it!!! [;)]

Kefka750 -> RE: Feelin lost in the shuffle (12/26/2011 8:20:11 AM)
Um, I'm a female uncollared sub/slave and I actually feel the same way about this site (as well as FL and bdsm in general) but... I feel totally ignored. Granted I have yet to upload photos, but that seldom makes the difference for me.

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