RE: Tired of fakes! How does Messaging with a normal mistress usually go?

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RE: Tired of fakes! How does Messaging with a normal mi... - 1/4/2012 2:19:15 PM

AAkasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kittynoir

Another thing to avoid if you message a misstress is one word messages or one line messages. Things like "nice boobs" or "wow" or "can i help you misstress" will be taken as compliaments in their own right as they convey the senders interest, but honestly how on earth do you reply to that, when it doesn't give you as a domme much to work with. Be specific. I'm not saying you have been following this trend but if you have been there's a good place to start remedying the problem.

This is a good thing to remember, but a lot of well-meaning subs who are not guilty of this bad of an approach still falter down the road by not making enough - or the right kind - of effort in starting and maintaining a back and forth conversation (via email or in person).

A good conversation means both people ask questions and answer questions. I can't tell you how many times I have started a pretty engaging conversation with a male sub (one he initiated or I did), he does all the right things by being insightful and intelligent, doesn't get all horny, seems interesting. But by the second or third email, it's a series of me asking questions, and him answering questions, and that's it. He doesn't ask anything. With the exception of, "Does that answer make sense?" or "do you agree (with my statement)?" When it starts to become so awkwardly one sided and he doesn't notice, I have to just call it quits.

The dilemma is as follows. If I tell him to ask me questions, or point out that he isn't asking any, than he's obviously just going to start asking questions because he was told to. How can I know if he's even interested? If it doesn't feel uncomfortably one sided to him by the third email when he's doing all the talking, then it's not going to work. Having to prod someone to ask things is not authentic.

I get it that some subs feel that maybe a woman doesn't want to be asked personal questions, or that there is some etiquette going on. But if a man knows well enough to have a NORMAL conversation going back and forth, he surely knows how to create a (non personal) question to engage in conversation, and must also be aware of the one sidedness.

Akasha

< Message edited by AAkasha -- 1/4/2012 2:20:15 PM >

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RE: Tired of fakes! How does Messaging with a normal mi... - 1/4/2012 9:25:26 PM

Kittynoir

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@FrostedFlake

quote:

A message I have sent someone:

Yeahhhh I think people just see a pic and message without thinking sometimes, it's always sad because many I've come across seem genuine and nice enough and I think if they took the time to read my profile I wouldn't have to reject so many otherwise perfectly nice offers. I keep hearing about fakes on here, maybe I havent been a member long enough to stumble across one yet. Are they common? I wonder what reason people would be fake for? I thought this place being a BDSM community would have to be pretty open and not beat about the bush so to speak.

Hmmmmm maybe I don't get fakes because I'm not looking for them or rather I don't expect them?

< Message edited by Kittynoir -- 1/4/2012 9:26:16 PM >

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RE: Tired of fakes! How does Messaging with a normal mi... - 1/4/2012 11:42:12 PM

FrostedFlake

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Your reality may be something you can choose or shape by directing your attention to what you want to see. That is not solipsism, at least not hard solipsism. Those who focus on the worst will see it, while those who always look on the bright side of life will have more sunshine. But I can't see it working all the time.

There is also that strange dynamic that happens sometimes where one says something the other misinterprets. And then the other says something the one misinterprets. And before you know it the two are having separate conversations at the same time, with each other. This is something no one wants to do, but it happens. It is not even be apparent at first. When it does become apparent it can be very disappointing. And it can be misunderstood.

http://www.sounddogs.com/sound-effects/99/mp3/116175_SOUNDDOGS__ra.mp3

After a desperate attempt to tune in it could be very tempting to say some bad things, including ; FAKE!

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RE: Tired of fakes! How does Messaging with a normal mi... - 1/5/2012 12:26:56 AM

Kittynoir

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At Frosted Flake as well as the OP:

Perhaps then fakes are less common than people think, indeed it may simply have originated by feelings being hurt. Another one I have often thought about since reading this topic is perhaps people back away when it gets too serious because they have second thoughts like "am i getting in too deep/ should i really be doing this (meeting a stranger from the internet)" or "on second thought maybe their level is too different from mine for us both to be comfortable", not that they are fake but mearly because they are apprehensive and shy away when it gets too real.

Evidently there is somebody manning the profiles so the people are very much real.
The other thing I could think about is trolling, but I have yet to see hide nor hair of one and I wouldn't be surprised at the lack of them here. After all it would take a very brave person to troll a BDSM forum, (and we all know trolls are cowards at heart so it's unlikely) after all there is always the risk of the odd nutter who genuinely would track them down and give them a very real dose of punishment haha. Extra scary for a vanilla troll when you consider what a kinkster would have in their arsenal. :D

< Message edited by Kittynoir -- 1/5/2012 12:30:20 AM >

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RE: Tired of fakes! How does Messaging with a normal mi... - 1/5/2012 2:50:25 AM

FrostedFlake

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It may be so.

It may be there is a dynamic at work similar to hunting Mammoth.

I am in the camp that holds that Mammoth were scavenged more often than hunted and that when a Mammoth was actually brought down you didn't stop hearing about it for a long.. ..long time. In the case of Mammoth, this would be because there was nothing more impressive than "actually killing a mammoth". I mean, Imagine going after an elephant with a stick and a stone. If you can do it, I am prepared to hear about it for the rest of your life.

In the case of the internet FAKE (aka sock puppet) the salient fact is no one likes being played a fool. No one likes discovering they have been talking to someones hand. When this happens, people get angry. There is no reason they shouldn't. But there is not a lot that can be done about it. Outta reach, so smashing 'em is right out. Which is why those people who do that, do that. It's fun to Piss people off, when they can't do anything about it. If they could, these same people would be very careful NOT to piss people off.

There are some of these sockpuppets wandering these boards. People pretending to be cartoon characters. Characters that are fictional, not representative of the account holder. And In my limited experience, about half the time mental illness is a noticable factor, so, a little sympathy, maybe. But if the OP was talking about these, he was talking about writing them and getting responses that set off his B.S. detector. Responses that he thought made them seem like men. //Shudder// Carralo seems a bright young man. I have to give his word some weight. I wonder if this is the sort of thing Trolls do on a BDSM website.

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< Message edited by FrostedFlake -- 1/5/2012 3:36:17 AM >

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RE: Tired of fakes! How does Messaging with a normal mi... - 1/5/2012 5:42:29 AM

Kittynoir

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FrostedFlake.... I think I know what your saying but if I'm wrong then disregard this reply.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FrostedFlake
People pretending to be cartoon characters. Characters that are fictional, not representative of the account holder

I may have lost the plot, but do you mean furries?

quote:

In the case of the internet FAKE (aka sock puppet) the salient fact is no one likes being played a fool. No one likes discovering they have been talking to someones hand. When this happens, people get angry. There is no reason they shouldn't. But there is not a lot that can be done about it. Outta reach, so smashing 'em is right out. Which is why those people who do that, do that. It's fun to Piss people off, when they can't do anything about it. If they could, these same people would be very careful NOT to piss people off

gonna use furries as an example again:

Note that if this was a furry fansite the troll would outright attack with flame/abuse things like 'furfag' or "furvert" to set of a defense emotion and retaliation in the furry who would respond with "no im not anything like that, stop flamming me and calling me names"(the furry gets their feelings hurt and fuels the troll). So I can sort of see what you mean they can't outright attack in this (a bdsm) setting and would have to lure them into wasting their time.
Because to outright call a kinkster something like 'pervert' would have no effect, the kinkster would reply back with "oh you know it *wink*"(the kinkster laughs at the troll who then becomes disinterested they didn't get the response they wanted)

However in my experience trolls are very lazy, they drop a word bomb then let their victims explode and sit back watching with a bowl of popcorn.
In the senario you posted it would seem the timewaster trolls would have to put in much more effort to lure people in, which goes against their lazy nature. They ultimately have to waste their own time to waste somebody elses, thats not a win, it's a draw, and probably not that satisfying to the troll, because anything less than a win, is a lose.
So although I can accept yes there maybe some trolls/sockpuppets/timewasters/fakes here on CM, I honestly can't see them being overly common, or atleast as common as folks make out to be.

< Message edited by Kittynoir -- 1/5/2012 6:29:40 AM >

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RE: Tired of fakes! How does Messaging with a normal mi... - 1/5/2012 9:35:38 PM

FrostedFlake

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I'd never heard of a 'Furry' before. Looking the word up, I realize now I have seen some. I just wasn't interested enough to ask what they were. Now I know, score one for me, Yay, thanks! A furry differs from a sockpuppet in that it is obvious that it is a character. Perhaps I should not have used the word, 'cartoon'.

A sockpuppet is the online version of crossderessing. When Uncle Irv dresses up in Aunt Minnies mini, Irv isn't fooling anyone. He is just fooling around. But online, no one can tell you are a dog. Cat. Squirrel. Rat. Skunk. Bat. Polecat. Whatever. At least for a while. So it is a lot easier for Uncle Irv to pretend to be Aunt Minnie. At least for a while. And ; "cartoon character", it is just as easy to pretend to a bunch of lesbians who live together and a proselytizing monk who speaks slowly and sideways and a sailor talking little girl who 'claims' to be 18 and I don't know how many others. All pretty much harmless stuff, until the temptation to mess with someones head becomes too strong. Then the line gets crossed. The line between whether or not a personal offense is being committed. Eventually the mask is penetrated or is dropped, and then the sucker knows he is one. And that makes him angry. And there is little, but bitch, he can do about it.

There are more puppets I know of than those I just mentioned, but all those mentioned above are accounts held by the same guy. And he is mentally ill. Schizophrenic. Voices tell him what to do. This is where things get a little scary. Because aside from how much of this he is up to, there is serious concern, at least on my part, about how much of this is up to him. I wonder seriously, does he know he is doing it. This, naturally, also colors my view of those others I see doing this. There are not too many reasons to do it and only one or two off them are good. The good guys, it should be noted, do not cause trouble and so make none of the legend. They just ask a question without identifying the source and stuff like that

Turning to address what can be done about this. In a word, not much. All of the solutions would be more trouble than the problem. And cost money too. What can be done, however, and what is generally done is, posts such as this one that "blacklist" puppets... get... taken... down. So, while for you there is no protection but your own thick hide, the puppets have protection from you.

I am taking the precaution of emailing the OP to make sure he gets to read this. Whether it is taken down or not.

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< Message edited by FrostedFlake -- 1/5/2012 9:37:14 PM >

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RE: Tired of fakes! How does Messaging with a normal mi... - 6/14/2016 4:00:41 PM

BEMYBICH7287

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I replied to this five years ago. When I learned this lifestyle I originally did it for the money. Since then I no longer host paid sessions after spending two and a half years in a relationship where I served as the submissive. I now consider myself a switch and no longer sell sessions because I understand that like any other type of relationship this type of relationship is built on trust and love and understanding of the other persons wants and needs.
So I do apologize to everyone in this forum for the immature responses. I understand that I entered this lifestyle with no respect for it and those involved but since then have learned a lot from the many people ice met on here and the relationship I was in.

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