Profile advice (Full Version)

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fragilepieces -> Profile advice (12/26/2011 11:08:54 AM)

Nah, I don't need anyone to take a look at my profile and see if my grammar sucks---I just did not want to hijack another thread.

It seems that sometimes people come on the boards looking for advice on how to spiff up their profile in hopes that the elusive love will magically come forth and present him/herself. That's fine I have no real issues with it BUT---it made me think.

If I were looking and reading a profile, I want the profile to reflect the person I am reading about.

If the profile/journal entries I am reading are of a negative flavor that says a great deal about the person writing it. If they constantly bitch about wannabe's, out people for being wannabe's in journals, or just whine in general about how their life sucks---I need to know this because chances are I won't respond.

It was stated on another thread that the OP should leave out the fact that he enjoys poly. WHY? If someone enjoys poly that probably is not going to just go away, it might be put on a back burner but probably not cease to exist. So someone comes along enjoys the profile starts speaking to the OP, falls head over heels and several months down the road he happens to mention, "oh btw I am poly." I think it's better to have it right out there or at least say, "I am interested in poly but I can take it or leave it."


Communication skills...okay I get tired of the grammar police too but if someone is unable to write a sentence I can comprehend, I am not really interested. Believe it or not when I was seeking I came across some really well written profiles moved forward to chat and the person I was chatting seemed to be possessing a second grade education either that or their keyboards were totally messed up because even the space bar did not seem to work or worked at the wrong time.


I've been hanging out at CM and FL for awhile. This profile has been up since '08 but I really have been hanging here since '05 or maybe '04, anyways some of that time I was seeking and I NEVER got hundreds of emails. I'd be lucky if I got two or three a week unless I was interested in someone and we were still at the email stage. Now if I put a picture of my tits, or did not specify exactly the type of guy I was seeking I may have gotten a bunch more emails....but what would be the point of getting a zillion emails or a zillion responses when there is only room in my life for ONE and if 90% the responders were not people I was interested in to begin with.


I think a profile is sort of a window to who you are. Having someone else write it or leaving things about yourself out--IMO is sort of being dishonest. It's sort of like putting up a picture of yourself when you were ten years younger and 50 pounds lighter and presenting it as the here and now.


Finding someone really takes time....I know personally, I'd come and seek for two months--if nothing happened I'd hide my profile for several months then try it again. I did this literally for YEARS. Ummm then--it happened. Right place, right time and I even had in my profile that I was not seeking and he asked if we could possibly be friends. Shrugs---I was patient. (and he got me the coolest Christmas gift ever but that's another thread)


So anyways there was no real point to this thread except I that I felt like complaining and did not want to hijack another thread---if anyone wants to comment---you can. [:D]



DarkSteven -> RE: Profile advice (12/26/2011 11:19:00 AM)

I'll take you up on this.

Regarding the "poly" guy - he specified that weakly, and the rest of his profile made it look like he was really mono.  So I felt no issue telling him that it was making his search harder.  Had his profile been hardwired to say he was poly, I might not have said that.

I have frequently told folks to include something interesting about themselves, and how to present it.  If I said something like "Women like to see that you like opera.  Include that", that would be unethical.  For me to say "Women like to see your activities", that's fine.

There was one case I feel bad about.  Someone posted and his journal entries were full of anger.  I told him that and suggested he work on the anger issues, and the journal disappeared.  I worry that I might have told him how to present himself better when he still did not deal with his issues.



fragilepieces -> RE: Profile advice (12/26/2011 11:32:52 AM)

Steven I see your point but I still would have left the poly thing in---if it is worth mentioning in the first place then it seem it may be a bit more than weakly stated---I don't know cause I never read his original profile. I just know from the flip side of the coin that many times poly is not mentioned and it held off until way later down the road. By the time it is mentioned, a person can be so head over heels that she may stay and put up with it even though it may not have been something she really wanted. That kind of shit just leads to hurt feelings and bitterness.

Listing activities are fine---because that helps me to decide if I want to test the waters or run. (An interest in sports would cause me to run--and he wouldn't like the fact that all sports channels are on parental block at my house.) However, if the only activities he lists are of a sexual nature---that makes me think that he is just here for a quick fuck and nothing else. Those types I generally pass on.


I totally understand what you are saying about advising to get help with the anger issues then they change the profile and move on. That sort of stuff really needs to stay. And that was the point I was making---so thanks Steven.




sheisreeds -> RE: Profile advice (12/26/2011 4:28:29 PM)

I actually checked for old time's sake, and I had 74 messages my first week on this site, and that was a light week. I think the fact that I was 26 played into it. I had good photos, a reasonable narrative, and in general am online a lot, so there was usually a CM tab on my browser when my computer was open. Now I barely get any mail, but I'm listed as only looking for friends, and lead with the fact that I'm in a monogamous relationship.

I think providing profile advice is a good thing. A lot of people don't have fantastic writing skills. Someone can be smart, a nice person, and kinky and just be terrible at writing profile text.

Re: the advice on removing poly.

I had no problem with the discussion because it was more like, "Don't get ahead of yourself thinking poly, when you're having trouble getting a date". Which is good advice. I agree that if that is something someone really wants it should be in there, if it's something someone is already actively engaged in it definitely should be in there. If it's a random thought, an only maybe sort of deal, leave it out.



Ninebelowzero -> RE: Profile advice (12/26/2011 4:30:16 PM)

Naaaah your mail dropped off because you told me to fuck off & blocked me.



sheisreeds -> RE: Profile advice (12/26/2011 4:54:19 PM)

Yeah, I did a crazy ninja total IP block to route out all your nasty ass socks.



Ninebelowzero -> RE: Profile advice (12/26/2011 4:59:06 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds

Yeah, I did a crazy ninja total IP block to route out all your nasty ass socks.



But I swear I loved you like no other & the injunction was just so unfair, & then you had me arrested for following you to work an everyfing.



hlen5 -> RE: Profile advice (12/26/2011 5:21:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds

I actually checked for old time's sake, and I had 74 messages my first week on this site, and that was a light week. ....................A lot of people don't have fantastic writing skills. Someone can be smart, a nice person, and kinky and just be terrible at writing profile text.


How does one checkpast mail volume?

People may have coherent writing skills but absolutely sucky typing skills. I bet ALL of my posts are corrected before I ever hit send.

ETA: See what I mean re typing?



sheisreeds -> RE: Profile advice (12/26/2011 5:49:10 PM)

I archive all my e-mail, and I got e-mail notifications whenever I got mail.

I later switched to an account that is no longer active, so I can only see the first week or I was on this site without reloading old archives.

Ok it was 72, one was my "welcome message", and another was my "photo approval"



[image]local://upfiles/637228/4B0A75AF63C6493C895F1B7B70A7FF6D.jpg[/image]



hlen5 -> RE: Profile advice (12/26/2011 5:52:14 PM)

Thank you for explaining!



sheisreeds -> RE: Profile advice (12/26/2011 5:57:15 PM)

I don't know if ninebelowzero is posting or not, I blocked his ass so he doesn't violate the peace order.

Sweetie if you're listening, go back to therapy, you were doing so good.



Ninebelowzero -> RE: Profile advice (12/26/2011 6:01:41 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds

I don't know if ninebelowzero is posting or not, I blocked his ass so he doesn't violate the peace order.

Sweetie if you're listening, go back to therapy, you were doing so good.



But they were mean to me, & made me go to speshul classes. I had outings on a bus with flavoured windows n evryfink



tj444 -> RE: Profile advice (12/26/2011 6:20:02 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: fragilepieces
Steven I see your point but I still would have left the poly thing in---if it is worth mentioning in the first place then it seem it may be a bit more than weakly stated---I don't know cause I never read his original profile. I just know from the flip side of the coin that many times poly is not mentioned and it held off until way later down the road. By the time it is mentioned, a person can be so head over heels that she may stay and put up with it even though it may not have been something she really wanted. That kind of shit just leads to hurt feelings and bitterness.

That is why I ask a lot of questions.. I have been accused of over-analysing things.. and by more than one guy.. But how are you to find out otherwise? And sometimes its not what they say but how they say it, body language, etc..

I would rather take my time getting to know someone platonically, ask a ton of questions, rather than get into that love thing and end up wasting time with the wrong person (again)..



DesFIP -> RE: Profile advice (12/26/2011 7:32:05 PM)

In the angry journal posts, to be fair the guy did later clarify that they were written months before when he hadn't begun to deal with certain issues. If he was over that first flush of bitterness, then those old journal posts wouldn't be reflecting him as he now is, and thus it was a good idea to suggest he eliminate them.

If he hasn't dealt at all with those issues, I'm sure it will come out on a first date or the first few email convos.

But basically, making profile suggestions isn't much more than telling someone to remember to shine their shoes and get the spinach out of their teeth before going in for an interview. It won't substantially change the interviewer's opinion of the person's rightness for the job.



fragilepieces -> RE: Profile advice (12/27/2011 2:58:54 AM)

nm It's too damn early after a four day weekend.



MariaB -> RE: Profile advice (12/27/2011 4:04:23 AM)

I met Steve, my now husband, on here. His spelling skills were questionable and fortunately that didn't influence my decision on getting to know him better. The trouble with dyslexia is, when one writes 'there' instead of 'their' spell check isn't going to correct you. There is a more fundamental problem with dyslexia and spell check. If you can't even work out what the first letter of a word is then spell check can't help you.
It turned out that Steve is a physicist and far brighter both academically and socially than I could ever be.
He rarely uses the boards on here because certain types wouldn't be able to resist picking him up on his spelling and grammar instead of reading about what he actually has to say.
There is a certain type of person that becomes a pedant and from what I have witnessed, they tend not to be overly bright people.



SailingBum -> RE: Profile advice (12/27/2011 9:19:45 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds

I actually checked for old time's sake, and I had 74 messages my first week on this site, and that was a light week. I think the fact that I was 26 played into it. I had good photos, a reasonable narrative, and in general am online a lot, so there was usually a CM tab on my browser when my computer was open. Now I barely get any mail, but I'm listed as only looking for friends, and lead with the fact that I'm in a monogamous relationship.




None of that matters ...what mattered was you could fog a mirror and are female. My mid 40's girl signed up here a couple months ago. no picture, here profiled lists her as owned. Tons of mail. The acid test is do you have a pulse. I mean really guys are you that desperate???

BadOne




Casteele -> RE: Profile advice (1/1/2012 1:11:05 AM)

FR

As I posted on another thread asking for dating advice.. I agree that the best way to write a profile is in a manner that says who you really are--If you are writing it to make yourself seem like the perfect catch to everyone out there, you're only presenting a fake front that is not who you really are and not sustainable. Worse, it creates the situation where so many people just start assuming that every profile out there is nothing but lies and bullshit. And even worse, those same people seem to jump on people whom do present a more truthful view of who they are, but do not feel that person is a great person to know. That last bit has always left me shaking my head and thinking "What, you want them to lie and tell you that they are everything you want, so you can find out they really aren't and then blame them for deceiving you?"

That's a big part of the logic behind my own profile (which is still under reconstruction after several more meaningful emails with some advice) and why I include some things knowing full well that it probably turns some people off towards me and narrows my chances of "finding someone." But I'm okay with that. I don't want or need to be everyone's favorite person, nor do I need to be some universal ideal of "perfect." I am just me, take it or leave it. And I've gotten a lot of feedback--some positive but most negative, some constructive (offering rationale or suggestions) but most just seemed to be from someone determined to make me feel as shitty about myself as I suspect they feel about themselves. Likewise, I've sent comments and suggestions to people about something in their profile.. and must sheepishly admit that I've not always been positive or constructive in my own approach.



LaTigresse -> RE: Profile advice (1/1/2012 6:51:10 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

I met Steve, my now husband, on here. His spelling skills were questionable and fortunately that didn't influence my decision on getting to know him better. The trouble with dyslexia is, when one writes 'there' instead of 'their' spell check isn't going to correct you. There is a more fundamental problem with dyslexia and spell check. If you can't even work out what the first letter of a word is then spell check can't help you.
It turned out that Steve is a physicist and far brighter both academically and socially than I could ever be.
He rarely uses the boards on here because certain types wouldn't be able to resist picking him up on his spelling and grammar instead of reading about what he actually has to say.
There is a certain type of person that becomes a pedant and from what I have witnessed, they tend not to be overly bright people.


Indeed. Maria I've always enjoyed reading what Steve has to say........both of you actually. Even if I don't agree, I enjoy reading it.

As for the spelling/grammer/punctuation, anally inclined........I just figure that, if my writing annoys them, it makes my, not so inner sadist, happy.

If I read a post or profile and the thoughts being expressed via the typed words are intelligent, then I don't really notice the spelling etc....... If the thoughts are that of an abject idiot, they the poor spelling, grammer, etc.....only serves to underline the stupidity.

If that makes any sense at all.



erieangel -> RE: Profile advice (1/1/2012 11:32:26 AM)

Makes perfect sense, LaTigresse.  Unfortunately, I am one of those people who get caught up with spelling and grammar sometimes, though I have been trying very hard to control that part of me, since my own is not always perfect.  LOL 





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