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limits - 12/27/2011 5:56:27 AM   
Batman54954


Posts: 6
Joined: 12/26/2011
Status: offline 		i'm certain this has been asked, but i'm new to this site & experience.

i had the pleasure of some mild domination, & spanking. it was very nice.

but if i would meet a strict master/misstress, when do you say when?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: limits - 12/27/2011 6:04:54 AM   
seababy


Posts: 845
Joined: 6/20/2008
Status: offline 		Welcome To CM

So is your question when do I say I have reached my limit?

(in reply to Batman54954)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: limits - 12/27/2011 6:10:07 AM   
TenzoDom


Posts: 12
Joined: 7/22/2011
Status: offline 		You set limits BEFORE your session. You should also have a safety word to use if things go past your comfort zone.

(in reply to Batman54954)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: limits - 12/27/2011 6:35:15 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Let me see if I understand your question.

You're just poking your toe into the water and realizing exactly how much stuff is out there.  Some of it repels you, some of it attracts you.  And you equate "strict" with wanting to push you further.

First off "strict" means having lots of rules and not able to accept much variation from them.  It's not how you used it.

Second, as TenzoDom stated, you have two different ways to control how things go.  Before the session, and during.

I'd suggest going to some play parties where you can witness different play activities and see what you think of each.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to TenzoDom)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: limits - 12/27/2011 6:41:45 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		You explain ahead of time that you have very limited experience and you want to enjoy what's happening. The top should monitor your reactions and stop when it's getting too rough. If she can't read you well enough, then you tell her it's getting too intense and she needs to back off or stop. And then you discuss it again after you've had time to recover.

You can use the traffic light signals to indicate how you're doing with green meaning great, yellow meaning you're handling it but it's getting difficult and red meaning stop right now. You can also rate things on a scale of 1 - 10. You don't want to always limit yourself to a 2 but at the same time a 9 is too much. Try not to go past a 6 or 7 in the experimenting stage. And remember, it is helpful to try things a couple of times before making a final decision if you like it or not.


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(in reply to DarkSteven)
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RE: limits - 12/27/2011 6:44:44 AM   
BoxwineForBrunch


Posts: 184
Joined: 11/14/2011
Status: offline 		sometime between being shoved bound and gagged into the car trunk and the time you reach the isolated farmhouse, though by then often nobody can actually hear you voice your concerns.

hope this helps!



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you have achieved success. but have you achieved success at success at success?

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Profile   Post #: 6
RE: limits - 12/27/2011 7:30:12 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Batman54954

but if i would meet a strict master/misstress, when do you say when?
Before you get involved. Seriously, limits and things like that should be discussed BEFORE. Having it pop up in the middle is likely to cause issues.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Batman54954)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: limits - 12/27/2011 7:55:37 AM   
bighappygoth39


Posts: 633
Joined: 10/7/2009
Status: offline 		If you explain to whoever you do any play with that you're new and don't have much experience, they should take that into consideration.
A lot of dommes actually like newbies and like to be the ones helping them to find out what they enjoy. Most will accept that you're still finding your feet and should be happy to help you.
Make sure you make it very clear on your profile and also make sure you have respect for the ladies you contact at all times and remember that they are people first and being dominant is not just what they are, so they might enjoy a bit of wooing, even if you only intend on play sessions. Good luck.

_____________________________

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Don't judge a book by its cover, it could well be worth a good sniff or two...

(in reply to Batman54954)
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RE: limits - 12/27/2011 10:51:10 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

You can use the traffic light signals to indicate how you're doing with green meaning great, yellow meaning you're handling it but it's getting difficult and red meaning stop right now.


^^^ This is what I use.

Yellow tends to mean I am slightly over the edge of my pain tolerance and Red means the pain is so great I'm starting to freak out.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: limits - 12/27/2011 11:34:36 AM   
Fornica


Posts: 2986
Status: offline 		Pussy.
quote:

ORIGINAL: BoxwineForBrunch

sometime between being shoved bound and gagged into the car trunk and the time you reach the isolated farmhouse, though by then often nobody can actually hear you voice your concerns.

hope this helps!





_____________________________

There is no spoon.


(in reply to BoxwineForBrunch)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: limits - 12/27/2011 4:04:54 PM   
Delilya


Posts: 4108
Joined: 2/2/2011
Status: offline 		Don't be afraid to speak up. You're not letting anyone down. Talk before, during and after as needed.

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“Love me without fear, trust me without questioning, need me without demanding, want me without restrictions, accept me without changes, desire me without inhibitions"-Dick Sutphen

(in reply to Fornica)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: limits - 12/27/2011 6:22:58 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline 		I've said it a hundred times and it's worth saying again: give your dom(me) a completed bdsm checklist, then review it together before playing.

Google 'submissive bdsm checklist'...there are many good ones. If you CMail me on the other side I've made one into an Excel file that can be typed on and emailed.

< Message edited by MistressDarkArt -- 12/27/2011 6:24:07 PM >

(in reply to Batman54954)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: limits - 12/27/2011 6:32:36 PM   
BKSir


Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt

I've said it a hundred times and it's worth saying again: give your dom(me) a completed bdsm checklist, then review it together before playing.

Google 'submissive bdsm checklist'...there are many good ones. If you CMail me on the other side I've made one into an Excel file that can be typed on and emailed.


Personally, I wish everyone had these. I'm a busy person, and these would save me so much time in finding out if I might be compatible with people. Normally I'm not really one for such things, but, they are very handy. :)

_____________________________

We'll begin with a spin, traveling in a world of my creation. What we'll see will defy explanation.

I am the voices in your head.

BiggKatt Studios

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: limits - 12/27/2011 6:46:11 PM   
tj444


Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BKSir

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt
I've said it a hundred times and it's worth saying again: give your dom(me) a completed bdsm checklist, then review it together before playing.

Google 'submissive bdsm checklist'...there are many good ones. If you CMail me on the other side I've made one into an Excel file that can be typed on and emailed.


Personally, I wish everyone had these. I'm a busy person, and these would save me so much time in finding out if I might be compatible with people. Normally I'm not really one for such things, but, they are very handy. :)

The huge problem with the sub submitting the submissive checklist is that i have had doms tell me they are into the same things as me but they arent. They LIE cuz they think they can convert you and call it pushing your limits. I will not provide any list that allows a Dom to manipulate and fuck me around with. I say... let the Dom submit his bdsm checklist to me first.

_____________________________

As Anderson Cooper said “If he (Trump) took a dump on his desk, you would defend it”

(in reply to BKSir)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: limits - 12/27/2011 6:51:18 PM   
BKSir


Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444


quote:

ORIGINAL: BKSir

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt
I've said it a hundred times and it's worth saying again: give your dom(me) a completed bdsm checklist, then review it together before playing.

Google 'submissive bdsm checklist'...there are many good ones. If you CMail me on the other side I've made one into an Excel file that can be typed on and emailed.


Personally, I wish everyone had these. I'm a busy person, and these would save me so much time in finding out if I might be compatible with people. Normally I'm not really one for such things, but, they are very handy. :)

The huge problem with the sub submitting the submissive checklist is that i have had doms tell me they are into the same things as me but they arent. They LIE cuz they think they can convert you and call it pushing your limits. I will not provide any list that allows a Dom to manipulate and fuck me around with. I say... let the Dom submit his bdsm checklist to me first.


Well, that's not terribly ethical of them... but yes, I can see where you are coming from on that.

I guess, to me, it makes more sense to look at what they are into, and then if those tend to mesh, look at things like hard limits and soft limits. Hard limits, to me, means just that. Not going to change. Soft limits, in my eyes means, something that may be discussed at some point and the answer would likely be "no" still, but it may change. Anything other than that is open for discussion at any point, opinions changing to various degrees.

< Message edited by BKSir -- 12/27/2011 6:58:27 PM >

_____________________________

We'll begin with a spin, traveling in a world of my creation. What we'll see will defy explanation.

I am the voices in your head.

BiggKatt Studios

(in reply to tj444)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: limits - 12/27/2011 7:08:48 PM   
tj444


Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BKSir

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

quote:

ORIGINAL: BKSir

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt
I've said it a hundred times and it's worth saying again: give your dom(me) a completed bdsm checklist, then review it together before playing.

Google 'submissive bdsm checklist'...there are many good ones. If you CMail me on the other side I've made one into an Excel file that can be typed on and emailed.


Personally, I wish everyone had these. I'm a busy person, and these would save me so much time in finding out if I might be compatible with people. Normally I'm not really one for such things, but, they are very handy. :)

The huge problem with the sub submitting the submissive checklist is that i have had doms tell me they are into the same things as me but they arent. They LIE cuz they think they can convert you and call it pushing your limits. I will not provide any list that allows a Dom to manipulate and fuck me around with. I say... let the Dom submit his bdsm checklist to me first.


Well, that's not terribly ethical of them... but yes, I can see where you are coming from on that.

I guess, to me, it makes more sense to look at what they are into, and then if those tend to mesh, look at things like hard limits and soft limits. Hard limits, to me, means just that. Not going to change. Soft limits, in my eyes means, something that may be discussed at some point and the answer would likely be "no" still, but it may change. Anything other than that is open for discussion at any point, opinions changing to various degrees.

well,.. i see a lot of Dom profiles that are basically blank.. hard to make any kind of assessment other than block delete.. If a Dom is interested in me then he has to tell me what he is into first, then I will be the one deciding if we are compatible enough. Until it has been decided by me and the Dom that we are to be together, we are just two people talking and there is no sub or dom, we are equals... Doing it this way will get me the right person for me and i wont be wasting my time with someone that is wrong for me.. no trying to fit a square peg in a round hole for me..

_____________________________

As Anderson Cooper said “If he (Trump) took a dump on his desk, you would defend it”

(in reply to BKSir)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: limits - 12/27/2011 7:17:53 PM   
slaverachel2Him


Posts: 147
Joined: 11/19/2011
Status: offline 		When you first start to play, or play with someone new etc. you FIRST discuss limits and safewords. You discuss medical conditions as well. If something unexpected comes up- then it is time to stop and discuss the new limit. You will meet many who claim to be no limits. Is it REALLY no limits when a person knows the limits of their Master and that is a large part of the negotiations, or the sizing up of a prospective partner? No one moves in with a Master from a random email- "Wanted, no limit slave." and they just go there. No- they talk and discuss. They may let the Master set the limits, but they KNOW the Master and know they are safe within an acceptable perimeter.

Master has more limits than i, and we have no safeword, never did. We have also been together for 39 years. We KNOW each other. When a person claims to have no limits- you will always find one of three things- 1) a person with a KNOWN risk factor in their Master making their statement a technically true but intellectually dishonest statement since they KNOW their risk factor and are safe within it, 2) a person who will find they DO have limits when their head is held under water for 2 minutes, 3) a self destructive disordered person. The idea of no limits is HOT. i like it myself, i like being able to say i have no limits based on the fact He has more than i which is true for most if not all who say that.

i am throwing the limits/no limits thing in here just because as a new person you need to know some people may try to talk you into that idea-especially another player who wants to play with you and maybe they aren't so responsible.

Just know what is okay for you and what isn't. There are plenty of people out there and sticking to what you know and can handle will keep you on the right track for the right person for you.

_____________________________

Master Richard's slave rachel

(in reply to BKSir)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: limits - 12/27/2011 8:03:20 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Batman54954
but if i would meet a strict master/misstress, when do you say when?

I would recommend going to some play parties and watching other people first, to get an idea of what all's out there and whether you're even at all interested in specific things.

Make sure the Dom/me knows you are very new and you should also have a safeword in place. Make sure s/he understands that you're still learning what your limits are and that s/he needs to respect that safeword. Strict Dom/me or not, safewords should always be respected.

I have a BDSM Checklist that I like to use with someone when things start to get serious, before any play takes place. That way, things things that he might not have even thought about can be easily brought up and discussed.

NBMG

< Message edited by NiceButMeanGirl -- 12/27/2011 8:05:06 PM >

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I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


(in reply to Batman54954)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: limits - 12/27/2011 8:19:36 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

The huge problem with the sub submitting the submissive checklist is that i have had doms tell me they are into the same things as me but they arent. They LIE cuz they think they can convert you and call it pushing your limits. I will not provide any list that allows a Dom to manipulate and fuck me around with. I say... let the Dom submit his bdsm checklist to me first.


This has happened to me too.

quote:

well,.. i see a lot of Dom profiles that are basically blank.. hard to make any kind of assessment other than block delete.. If a Dom is interested in me then he has to tell me what he is into first, then I will be the one deciding if we are compatible enough. Until it has been decided by me and the Dom that we are to be together, we are just two people talking and there is no sub or dom, we are equals... Doing it this way will get me the right person for me and i wont be wasting my time with someone that is wrong for me.. no trying to fit a square peg in a round hole for me..


Rock on sister!

(in reply to tj444)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: limits - 12/27/2011 9:31:27 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

but if i would meet a strict master/misstress, when do you say when?


Strict doesnt mean abusive. Since you are relatively new, you wont have a clue how much you can handle. Some limits will be hard... meaning you will never cross or give up. Some will be soft limits.. meaning this is something that you are interested in and possibly willing to explore at your own pace.

These are all things you discuss before you play or collar. Munches and play parties are great ways to investigate what you may or may not want to explore. Talk to others, both Dominants and submissives.

There is no need to rush.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Batman54954)
Profile   Post #: 20
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