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books about submission - 12/28/2011 8:13:41 AM   
Ilikepie


Posts: 10
Joined: 4/4/2008
Status: offline 		Hey, I have been looking for a book to have my slave read. Specifically, I want it to be about submission. How to submit when you don't want to, why submit, etc. She has a good grip on the lifestyle but at times she struggles with what it means to really submit. If possible I would like to find an ebook on the subject. Any recommendations?
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RE: books about submission - 12/28/2011 8:23:37 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		uuummm...how does she deal in life with other things she doesn't like to do but you have to? You know...cooking, cleaning, going to work, paying bills....yeah I hate doing those things too but they have to be done because that's life and the payoff is better...clean dishes, good food, electricity, heat.....

Same thing for submitting. I don't like everything I do but I do it because the payoff is better than what I had to do.

No book needed for that conclusion.



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Everything has changed

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RE: books about submission - 12/28/2011 9:02:04 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		See if any of these books will help: http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm

(in reply to Ilikepie)
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RE: books about submission - 12/28/2011 4:36:27 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

uuummm...how does she deal in life with other things she doesn't like to do but you have to? You know...cooking, cleaning, going to work, paying bills....yeah I hate doing those things too but they have to be done because that's life and the payoff is better...clean dishes, good food, electricity, heat.....

Same thing for submitting. I don't like everything I do but I do it because the payoff is better than what I had to do.

No book needed for that conclusion.


Which is just common sense, but apparently some people need to see it in black and white.....


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to littlewonder)
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RE: books about submission - 12/28/2011 5:15:53 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

uuummm...how does she deal in life with other things she doesn't like to do but you have to? You know...cooking, cleaning, going to work, paying bills....yeah I hate doing those things too but they have to be done because that's life and the payoff is better...clean dishes, good food, electricity, heat.....

Same thing for submitting. I don't like everything I do but I do it because the payoff is better than what I had to do.

No book needed for that conclusion.








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It's only kinky the first time!!!

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RE: books about submission - 12/28/2011 5:50:52 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		The flip side of course is that if the job is horrible, she will find another one instead. Same with submission. If the dominant doesn't make smart decisions consistently, then she will not be able to submit to him. Nor should she.

So OP, the question is whether you have a track record of making good decisions that she will be better of by submitting to than otherwise? Demanding she do anything you say, when those things will get her in major trouble isn't something she should submit to.

So if she's monogamous, but you're being an ass by demanding she gets her best friend and her little sister to have sex with you, she shouldn't submit to matter what. Same if you're demanding she fuck all your friends so you can get brownie points with them. Or demanding she do anything in public that will get her arrested as a sex offender. Or lose her job, or fail school, et cetera.

What do you want her to submit to that she won't, and why don't you accept her right to set limits to protect herself? Because if you aren't protecting her, and she has to disobey you in order to do the job a good dominant would already have done, then you don't deserve submission. In exactly the same way a boss who doesn't pay overtime despite being mandated by law to do so isn't a good boss and doesn't deserve to have his employees give him loyalty. It's a two way street.


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RE: books about submission - 1/2/2012 3:21:36 PM   
Ilikepie


Posts: 10
Joined: 4/4/2008
Status: offline 		I feel like I've been unfairly attacked here. I am a good master and I take very good care of her. I make sure she puts school first and I help her financially. There is no one thing I want her to sub,it to that she won't. She generally does submit, she just has some issues at times with anger and her attitude.

I introduced her to this lifestyle and she grows every day. She is generally a very good submission, I just would like to find a book from a submissives point of view on what submission is, why submission is good (for them, my girl knows why it's good for her,) and how to grow that submission. At times my girlfriend feels like an outsider to this lifestyle because I introduced her to it and she didn't find it herself, I want to show her that isn't true.

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: books about submission - 1/2/2012 3:29:52 PM   
Heckate


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/22/2007
Status: offline 		Try Other lifestyle websites too.

(in reply to Ilikepie)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: books about submission - 1/2/2012 8:37:45 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I didn't attack you. I asked questions and pointed out reasons why people don't submit.

You're also very young. So I'm curious as to how you can have so much life experience to give you the knowledge of what she should do. You don't say if she's in school, living with her parents, being supported by them or for that matter if any of that is true for you. In addition, at 20 years old, she should be trying things out on her own and making her own decisions and her own mistakes. Until just a year or two ago, she was obeying her parents, now you want her to obey you instead. When should she have the opportunity to find out for herself if this is what she wants for her life or if in fact, she is capable of making her own decisions?

Beyond all that however is that it takes time to earn full obedience. Not weeks, not months, but years. Years of you demonstrating time after time that you are trustworthy and that you make good decisions that she can safely obey. I don't get the feeling you're willing to invest that time to earn that kind of bone deep trust. Unfortunately, there really is no shortcut.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Heckate)
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RE: books about submission - 1/3/2012 12:05:17 AM   
renav


Posts: 2
Joined: 1/2/2012
Status: offline 		There are some brand new ones that just came out on Amazon. Ielle and Ovia. I really liked them. They had a gorean feel, but they're not gor or fanfic and they're all about total submission, accepting instead of fighting against it. They're also about the responsiblity of the master involved and the weight of that responsibility. Plus, they're hot! lol!

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: books about submission - 1/3/2012 9:07:39 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		You really think Realm of Janos fiction is the best choice for this?

(in reply to renav)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: books about submission - 1/3/2012 3:12:18 PM   
Ilikepie


Posts: 10
Joined: 4/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I didn't attack you. I asked questions and pointed out reasons why people don't submit.

You're also very young. So I'm curious as to how you can have so much life experience to give you the knowledge of what she should do. You don't say if she's in school, living with her parents, being supported by them or for that matter if any of that is true for you. In addition, at 20 years old, she should be trying things out on her own and making her own decisions and her own mistakes. Until just a year or two ago, she was obeying her parents, now you want her to obey you instead. When should she have the opportunity to find out for herself if this is what she wants for her life or if in fact, she is capable of making her own decisions?

Beyond all that however is that it takes time to earn full obedience. Not weeks, not months, but years. Years of you demonstrating time after time that you are trustworthy and that you make good decisions that she can safely obey. I don't get the feeling you're willing to invest that time to earn that kind of bone deep trust. Unfortunately, there really is no shortcut.



I find this a little funny actually. I am 24, I have a full time job and she lives with me. She is nearly 25. We have been together three years and have been in this lifestyle for two. I help support her and give her money when she needs it, she is still in school so she doesn't have the best job, but I graduated last year and I work for a company in Louisville. We moved here together about seven months ago and I make enough money to be completely self sufficient, help her out, and have money left over.

It's funny as well that you say you don't get the feeling that I'm in it for the long haul because as I mentioned we aren't new to the lifestyle and we have been with each other for a decent amount of time. She submits just fine, she just has a bit of an issue with her temper. She has a blog as well if you would like to check it out and see just how things are between us. Hisdesires.wordpress.com. The book is just for her to use as a tool in her learning and growth as a submissive. She enjoys reading the thoughts of others and seeing if she can apply anything to our life. She realizes she has a lot to learn still, and so do I for that matter.



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RE: books about submission - 1/6/2012 7:59:56 AM   
graceadieu


Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ilikepie

I feel like I've been unfairly attacked here. I am a good master and I take very good care of her. I make sure she puts school first and I help her financially. There is no one thing I want her to sub,it to that she won't. She generally does submit, she just has some issues at times with anger and her attitude.

I introduced her to this lifestyle and she grows every day. She is generally a very good submission, I just would like to find a book from a submissives point of view on what submission is, why submission is good (for them, my girl knows why it's good for her,) and how to grow that submission. At times my girlfriend feels like an outsider to this lifestyle because I introduced her to it and she didn't find it herself, I want to show her that isn't true.


Well, if you want her to not feel like an outsider to the lifestyle, you guys could go to some munches and events together and meet people.

As far as the anger and attitude issue goes.... I don't know what level of that you're talking about. Is she getting cranky with you sometimes and having a hard time wanting to submit to stuff she doesn't like (but getting through it), or is she having screaming fights and temper tantrums?

The former is, I think, normal. We're all human, and sometimes submitting to a particular thing/decision isn't really what you want to do and might make her a little resentful, and sometimes we all get stressed out or moody and take it out a bit on our partners. I don't think a book is going to help her with that. Meditating might, and talking with her to see what's really the problem and/or reminding her of the nature of your relationship probably will. I find a hug/cuddle goes a long way, and sometimes a spanking to remind my subconcious mind who's the boss. :)

If it's the latter.... well, you've got bigger problems and a lifestyle book isn't going to help with that either. A kink-friendly couple's counselor might be more use.

Frankly, I haven't learned anything realistically useful about submission (as opposed to S&M and bondage techniques) from a book about BDSM. Everything I've known that's been helpful has come from experience and people I've met (another reason to go to munches) and generally learning about life.

< Message edited by graceadieu -- 1/6/2012 8:01:39 AM >

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RE: books about submission - 1/6/2012 9:11:42 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ilikepie
She submits just fine, she just has a bit of an issue with her temper.
A book isn't going to teach her to control her temper. She's going to need to figure out a method that works for her.

When I get to a point where I'm angry about something I've been told to do, I just remind myself that this is the role I agreed to play.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Ilikepie)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: books about submission - 1/6/2012 10:07:07 AM   
DoesAsIAmTold


Posts: 24
Joined: 7/24/2011
Status: offline 		Does she have an account on here? If so, then she should post any questions she may have. Might be good for her to read a lot of the threads. There is a fantastic search function that may help her. I struggled with my submission a few years ago. It helped me a lot.


This is not something you can do for her. It is her submission. It is different things for different subs. She needs to work out what submission means to her. It sounds as if she may be struggling to accept herself for who she is. If she is, she needs to find her own acceptance.


Another thought. Is she definitely submissive or is it something she does to keep you? If she feels like she has no choice, if she wants too keep you. That will cause resentment.

(in reply to Ilikepie)
Profile   Post #: 15
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