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Trusting the Domme or Domm? - 10/23/2004 5:32:48 PM

knees2you

Posts: 2336
Joined: 3/15/2004
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Would You consider the hardest thing that a Sub
would have to go thru when it comes to trusting a
Domme or Domm, Master, Mistress, Would be the
First time a Sub is Blind folded??
I know my first time i was ever blind folded
I was really scared! But after my first time, I was more excited then ever~

Sincerely, eyesofAslave~

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RE: Trusting the Domme or Domm? - 10/23/2004 5:37:47 PM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

For me, it was the first time I was taken into a situation I knew nothing about. I have big anxiety issues, and it took SO much trust to simply be taken somewhere, to do something and know that my partner would never, ever, in a million years do anything that would hurt me.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to knees2you)

Post #: 2

RE: Trusting the Domme or Domm? - 10/23/2004 6:30:42 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
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I think it is different for each sub. For some, taking the first step to actually meet a Dominant is the hardest. For a modest person, the first time being told to strip is pretty hard. One I'm told is hard for subs, time and again, is the first time a new Dominant binds them. They may desire it greatly, but it is a situation where the person is truly helpless if tied right. I had a sub who had major trust issues around being gagged for the first time. We're all unique.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to knees2you)

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RE: Trusting the Domme or Domm? - 10/23/2004 11:40:46 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

quote:

One I'm told is hard for subs, time and again, is the first time a new Dominant binds them.

That was it for me, especially since i didn't know my first dom very well at the time, but i wanted to fulfill that fantasy so badly.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to BeachMystress)

Post #: 4

RE: Trusting the Domme or Domm? - 10/23/2004 11:59:34 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
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spreader bars, blindfold...now for a little CBT. ooops!
Did I say I am not sadistic? Well, only the CBT part, then.

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 10/24/2004 12:00:34 AM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to knees2you)

Post #: 5

RE: Trusting the Domme or Domm? - 10/24/2004 10:05:25 AM

karmaslave

Posts: 57
Joined: 10/4/2004
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Being trussed up like a Thanksgiving turkey (and then being stuffed and mounted).

(in reply to knees2you)

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RE: Trusting the Domme or Domm? - 10/24/2004 12:08:37 PM

saruman

Posts: 2
Joined: 10/23/2004
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My own fears when being dominated center around breathing and to some extent claustrophobia. Breath Play or Mummification would require major trust in my Mistress at the time.
i
Beside that, I don't think I've had any big trust issue since I've started submitting to dominants.

(in reply to karmaslave)

Post #: 7

RE: Trusting the Domme or Domm? - 10/24/2004 12:37:41 PM

IservBlkKingPaPa

Posts: 84
Joined: 8/17/2004
From: Long Island NY
Status: offline

Being blindfolded didn't really bother this slave, she found it exciting. However, mummification is a big issue with her. Lucky for her Master has never shown any interest in it. This slave did just show Him a picture of a slave sleeping in total bondage with a breathing tube gag,the other day and told Him this slave would need Him to constantly talk to her and hold her hand and then MAYBE she could get through it, but just the thought of it scares the hell outta her. This slave doesn't even like MRI's LOL

@}PaPa's}slave}--
Every Rose has her Thorns...

(in reply to saruman)

Post #: 8

RE: Trusting the Domme or Domm? - 10/24/2004 5:54:37 PM

Suleiman

Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
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I would presume that each person has their own trust and fear issues. For me, sensory deprivation does not trigger any trust issues, compared to being tied up - if I'm willing to allow the one, I'll allow the other as well. For me, honestly, it's a question of entering the scene with a new person. Strangers freak me out, especially if I'm putting myself in a place where I can not defend myself from them. Once I know somebody and have decided I'm willing to bottom for them, things like blindfolds aren't an issue. For my wife, it's public displays of any kind. Even wearing a collar in public makes her hyperventilate. She has no problem talking about being in the lifestyle, but she becomes incredibly self-conscious whenever I insist the gear stays on while we go out for dinner. We all have our buttons, and part of the joy of playing is to hit one of those buttons and push past it. Gawd what a rush! You can get addicted to that kind of thing.

'scuse me... I need to go find the leash...

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to knees2you)

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RE: Trusting the Domme or Domm? - 10/24/2004 8:01:04 PM

MistressDREAD

Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
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I would have to say actually trusting the Dominant enough to meet them
would be the hardest thing. Just thinking of how many slaves I met over
the years that were utterly shaking from hand to foot when they met Me and I commanded them to submit the first time. Giving up that first trust of submission I would think would be the hardest thing I see suplicants go thru as that is the defining moment when many for the first time admit and give in to their reality of submission and that in its self can be a very scarrry thing for many .

(in reply to Suleiman)

Post #: 10

RE: Trusting the Domme or Domm? - 10/24/2004 8:15:25 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

quote:

Just thinking of how many slaves I met over
the years that were utterly shaking from hand to foot when they met Me

LOL, i think your name alone could do that.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

Post #: 11

RE: Trusting the Domme or Domm? - 10/24/2004 9:14:16 PM

realophelia

Posts: 168
Status: offline

quote:

Would You consider the hardest thing that a Sub would have to go thru when it comes to trusting a Domme or Domm, Master, Mistress, Would be the First time a Sub is Blind folded??

The first time my Master blindfolded and bound me while playing (in public), I had this unreasonable fear that he would leave me alone mid-scene. Fortunately, I was able to communicate what I was feeling -- in my teeny tiny 'I'm not okay' voice. Master didn't make a big deal out of it but there was something about the tone of his voice (concerned and warm and a little surprised) that snapped me right back to trusting.

I could think of all sorts of other things which could be difficult in terms of trust. I tend to have a high level of trust in relation to new or intimidating pain play but get anxious regarding humiliation (even though Master is very careful with my emotions). That might have something to do with the fact that I'm a masochist. But I think it has more to do with old buttons.

Take care :)
Ophelia

< Message edited by realophelia -- 10/25/2004 6:11:30 AM >

(in reply to knees2you)

Post #: 12

RE: Trusting the Domme or Domm? - 10/25/2004 7:55:56 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
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For me it was quite different. When Doug and I first met and were getting to know one another. The biggest hurdle of trust I had to make it through was spending the first night with him.
Bondage is NOT a factor for me when getting to know a person. I had to know we could make a vanilla relationship work first. If not, then our lifestyle relationship was doomed before we started. I had no desire to start any relationship that I could not end up living happily ever after.
So, it was that first night. My birthday 5 years ago. Several months after we had met. Yet, still things were moving so very fast for me. It was a make it or break it day.

By the time I did consent to BDSM play there were no trust issues anymore. I knew I was in good hands. In the hands of someone who loved me and would not allow anything to happen to me.
Just my opinion of course.

(in reply to knees2you)

Post #: 13

RE: Trusting the Domme or Domm? - 10/25/2004 9:58:55 AM

Destinysskeins

Posts: 267
Joined: 7/1/2004
Status: offline

Greetings,

Usually the trust factor is not a problem for me - whether there's bondage, blindfolding, etc involved. However, i recently experienced a bit of trepidation in conjunction with being blindfolded and bound. A few days prior i'd discussed and explained fireplay to my Master, who is a new Dominant - we'd both agreed that we found some interest in it and would like to try it at a later date. So, then , a couple of days later while i was blindfolded and bound to the bed, Master started squirting some unknown liquid on me (which sounded upsettingly similar to lighter fluid being squirted) i did have some misgivings about being blind and helpless. *grins* i must have hid my tension pretty well because Master was quite surprised when, after being released, i first asked what it was that had been applied to my body and then explained what i had feared during the scene. *laughs* Turns out it was only flavored lubricant and we had quite a chuckle envisioning what my reaction would have been should Master have decided to lit a cigarette in the middle of our play!

Well wishes

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 14

RE: Trusting the Domme or Domm? - 10/25/2004 1:55:43 PM

IsmyKinkyourkink

Posts: 4
Joined: 10/22/2004
Status: offline

Listen to your inner voice. If the trust level is there great. if not then see if the other person is willing to go with smaller steps. Or it maybe that the trust level may never be there.

(in reply to Destinysskeins)

Post #: 15

RE: Trusting the Domme or Domm? - 10/25/2004 4:27:41 PM

topcat

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline

Midear Destiny-

Thats great! That is so much the core of this stuff for me. You were scared, you trusted, and it was all OK- in fact, it's better!

I am so tickled to see things going so well for you and your new M. Please do extend my warmest regards to him.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to Destinysskeins)

Post #: 16

RE: Trusting the Domme or Domm? - 10/25/2004 5:31:02 PM

slavewithnoname

Posts: 24
Joined: 8/24/2004
Status: offline

Blindfolds have never been "hard" for me... they let me relax. But when I am asked what is the "hardest" thing for me... I have to say it depends on the Dom/Domme, the relationship with them etc. If it is a scening partner, there are certian aspects that are discussed. If I trust them enough to scene with, typically, there are very few if any hard things I can think of. If it is a potential Dom/Domme that may one day own me, the things that are hard vary greatly with their personality, likes, wants and desires. The most common, however, would be bloodletting, needles, and certian humility things. I take each Dom/Domme as an individual, with their likes etc.... what may be hard to do for one Dom/Domme, may not even be an issue for me with another Dom/Domme. Overall, the one single "hard" thing I find universal with all Dom/Dommes no matter the relationship I have with them..... is to place trust in the first place. That takes a lot of open, honest communication and time.
Please do be well and safe!
~slavegirl~

_____________________________

~I do not submit as a slave because I feel weak or insecure... I do it because I am strong enough to be that free.~

(in reply to knees2you)

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RE: Trusting the Domme or Domm? - 10/25/2004 6:15:46 PM

ChrisGreen

Posts: 103
Joined: 10/9/2004
Status: offline

When I am blindfolded I just fall asleep, I find it very relaxing and I just stop being in scene.

Regards

_____________________________

Chris Green

Matron, sister or nurse wanted,
to administer discipline to unruly patient.

(in reply to knees2you)

Post #: 18

RE: Trusting the Domme or Domm? - 10/26/2004 9:21:52 AM

Destinysskeins

Posts: 267
Joined: 7/1/2004
Status: offline

*grins widely* Thanks Topcat! i shall do just that!

(in reply to ChrisGreen)

Post #: 19

RE: Trusting the Domme or Domm? - 10/26/2004 9:58:44 PM

susannah

Posts: 79
Joined: 10/19/2004
Status: offline

I like a blindfold or a scarf, when being spanked. I agree with Proudsub and knees2u- it wasn't hard for me because I wanted it so badly w/my hubby (and had just finished reading "the story of O" recommended to me by an on-line mentor. Yes, I identified w/what Real Ophelia said - I really appreciated the reassurance of hearing his voice when I said "what are you going to do to me"? in a very soft, "I'm not okay" voice. I loved hearing his calm, reassuring, "it's okay baby, Im going to...you know you want this, and I am giving it to you." That was romantic to me. And he held me for an hour afterward, and we just snuggled and I thanked him, and fell asleep in eachother's arms.

I loves it when he feeds me strawberries one by one, and plan try to incorporate that into our next private scenario, either before or after. For some reason, I always a bit hungry afterward.

I don't think I have many sensory deprivation issues, and am sort of wondering what that would be like (on a short-term basis, like a few hours), although saran wrap and the mummification idea don't do much for me, I am wondering what other ways I could deprive my senses, and how.

I really wonder what pony play would be like - I do not think we will get around to this very soon, but am very curious about it, and seem to fantasize about it a lot (and am going to discuss it w/my Dom).

I was pretty excited about trying blindfolding and spanking. I cannot wait to try more rope bondage with him. Up to this point I've just had my wrists tied together and blinfolded and led to a bed for "discipline" (this has happened against a wall, too. It just makes me tingly.

I do trust my hubby, and we've been married for 13 years, but just these past 4 months have started incorporating this into our lives. I think some of this is still hard for him, and he is unsure "how far to go" - I am sure this is a question for many Doms, but he listens for cues, just sometimes stops before I want to. That's okay (I am just going to keep up my journal, which he reads, in which I mention what I want to do more of and want to go further with and how I am feeling about incorporating that aspect of bdsm into our lives. I know it would be harder for me to trust someone I knew less well (possibly more exciting for some folks with someone they knew a lot less well, of course, but whom they knew well enough to trust on "gut instinct.

I know I would have a really hard time pushing myself toward knife-play(it just plain scares me; I hate knives. I can see how some would feel this is a real exchange of trust and romantic, but I think it will be awhile for me, for that.

- susannah

< Message edited by susannah -- 10/26/2004 10:23:58 PM >

_____________________________

" I had been my whole life a bell - and never knew it until at that moment I was lifted and struck".

- Annie Dillard (1945 - )

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 20

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