RE: Non-Sexual D/s

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RE: Non-Sexual D/s - 12/29/2011 10:38:07 PM

SexyThoughts

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Fornica
So would he be more of a "CEO" type figure in your life? Managing you type of thing?
I think it's possible, sure. There are so many different dynamics, whatever works for you guys!

It's what the vanilla business world calls "Interning"
wikipedia.org/wiki/Internship
because Legal think the phrase "self inflicted slavery to a large corporation, that could afford to pay them out of their coffee budget alone" has so many negative connotations.

But the theory is, some Uni student who doesn't know their arse from their elbow, goes to work for free at an established company that has their shit together.
The company gets a spare pair of hands. The student learns the real world tricks that they don't put in books.
Both benefit.

So in the kink world, some sub offers their hands and/or other body parts to a Dom to use as "service". The Dom can provide education, the wisdom of experience, circles of influence, a higher plane of perspective, contacts. [disclaimer: some Dom's may vary]
The Sub provides labour.

Hopefully some synergy comes out of it, and the subbie comes out more awesome than before

< Message edited by SexyThoughts -- 12/29/2011 10:57:47 PM >

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RE: Non-Sexual D/s - 12/29/2011 11:39:11 PM

SixMore2Go

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What a load of bollocks!

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RE: Non-Sexual D/s - 12/30/2011 1:34:33 AM

SexyThoughts

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It's either that platonic stuff or you're getting me a coffee and a blowjob sweetheart

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RE: Non-Sexual D/s - 12/30/2011 2:04:33 AM

LillyoftheVally

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

~FR~ *tacklehugs my colourful Lilly*

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RE: Non-Sexual D/s - 12/30/2011 12:07:31 PM

xXLithiumXx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyThoughts

It's either that platonic stuff or you're getting me a coffee and a blowjob sweetheart

I don't think he drinks coffee, and Ive given him a blow job.

Its not about service, though. Its about I need direction, and I need someone who has their shit together to get my shit together with me. If someone can give me the drive that I lack to go in the right direction...and do it in a way that I can relate and understand...then I got this.

I dont want a collar. I dont want to live in. I dont want a ring. I dont want his name, his kids, his house or anything else. Just his guidance.

The blow job Ill do for fun. Thats kinda my thing.

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RE: Non-Sexual D/s - 12/30/2011 3:29:49 PM

SexyThoughts

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xXLithiumXx

quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyThoughts
It's either that platonic stuff or you're getting me a coffee and a blowjob sweetheart

I don't think he drinks coffee, and Ive given him a blow job.

Actually xXLithiumXx, I replying to SixMore2Go, but I like the way your mind works.

You've got the right idea. State-of-minds, and ways-at-looking-at-life, are contagious so surround yourself with the kind of people you want to be like, and avoid those who are trouble.

It worked for me

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RE: Non-Sexual D/s - 12/30/2011 4:15:43 PM

tolovetolaugh

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My best friend dominates me sometimes, with no sex involved. We hang out during the day, have fun and laughter- and then when the mood strikes I end up tied up, bruised, and on happy occasions a bit scared and choked out. I get the fix I need, he gets his, and I have a ton of bruises after he can poke at when we hang out.
He is always the perfect gentleman, and never tries anything I am not ok with, or sexual.

It sounds like you are looking for less of a tied up bit then someone telling you what to do, and motivating you to be the best you possible. It sounds perfectly feasible to me, and from what you say you have nice open communication that should make it easier for you figure out how to work it through some trial and error. The amount of time you spend together, and talk to achieve this is completely up to you, him and his wife, and so long as all three of you are happy no amount of attention and time is too little or too much.

Wish you luck!

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RE: Non-Sexual D/s - 12/30/2011 5:11:36 PM

angelikaJ

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So, as I understand it you have some disorganisational tendencies that you want to reign in and you believe that it might be helpful to have a leader in charge who will hold you to some type of accountability?

To complicate matters while there is someone available that you have had a sexual relationship with, you don't feel entirely comfortable with the sexual part (because you don't want to hurt your friend, his wife) and you are wondering if you can transition this relationship into a non-sexual D/s one?

My caution would be that since he wants to sleep with you more than you presently want to sleep with him that he might try to use his position of authority as a way to manipulate boundary crossings.

I do recommend you take a look at The Flylady and see if any of that might be helpful.

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RE: Non-Sexual D/s - 12/30/2011 5:48:17 PM

Higuysitsme

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Steven - you do know some amazing things, oh Fount of All Wisdom! I really like that link.

Lithium, it does really sound to me as if what you really want is a dom of your own? This guy sounds like a good friend and someone who can perhaps offer some coaching and guidance, and help you to get some of the structure you want in your life. But it doesn't sound as if he can be your dom? Obviously, if that's the case, you can take it for what it offers you for the time being, and move on when you feel ready; as long as in the process no one else is getting specially hurt through thinking there was a different relationship here. Although I'm not sure if that would limit you from actively looking for a dom of your own - if I may call it that! - meanwhile? Or maybe at present you're not in the right place to be actually looking for that? Whatever, I hope this thread provides some help to you. Best wishes

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RE: Non-Sexual D/s - 12/30/2011 9:10:09 PM

xXLithiumXx

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To Reply to each one in a kind of all in one

Sexythoughts- That's kind of my line of thinking. People have always said you are who you hang out with. If that is the case, then...I plan to change who I expose myself to. This person is strong, organized, and level headed. I tend to be absent minded, disorganized and quick to temper. I think he will help.

ToLove- Exactly. We have something very similar, but the physical aspect of things has not been crossed as yet. I am not a masochist, so, I do not think that is a concern. It is more about the guidance.

anjelika- I have TheFlyLady saved as a favorite, and have been looking over it. I don't see him ever manipulating me because he understand that I am somewhat fragile at the moment, and really am more focused on making me better than I have been before now.

Higuys- Yeah, Eventually, I think I would like to feel like I am a decent enough sub to have a Dom, but right now, I am still working out a few things that I have been ignoring for a while. He could be my Dom, if I were interested in eventually going into a poly home, but to be honest, I know myself well enough to know that I want something that is just mine. I guess I am kind of looking at this as a baby step training type thing, or maybe a refresher course. Of course he is not limiting in my search for what I want, he is actually trying to help me find someone that will fit the needs that I have...Im kind of shocked by that. But then, I am also not used to the Poly way of thinking....

This thread is kind of helping, in that it is starting to clear up the picture of what I really want, but it still begs the question...what types of things can we implement that would be consequences for infractions of rules. I know there used to be a site that you could log on and write for your Dom, and it would be preset with times and things, but I can not think of what it is called...

I do not intend to mess up, but...I know myself well enough to know I might...and part of the negotiation is coming up with realistic things that can be done in the event that I do.

=)
But, the untangling of my mind, and the ability to verbalize it in a way that I feel safe and understood is...an amazing feeling.

I really do thank you all for being as helpful as you have been.

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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement

You have to believe in yourself. -Tsun Tzu-

Resident Malkavian.

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RE: Non-Sexual D/s - 12/30/2011 11:38:28 PM

slaverachel2Him

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i know a Domme who is totally asexual. She has trained several slaves and subs which is Her preference. i know of a male sub that has a lesbian Mistress. They both punish. It might be something like standing in a corner and counting to 1000. It may be another job or an unexpected slap, kick in the ass literally, or having to be humiliated at a party or when visitors (non vanilla) are present, not being allowed to sit on furniture with company etc.

Since most models ARE sexually related it is hard to find non-sexual role models and ideas.

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RE: Non-Sexual D/s - 12/31/2011 9:38:44 AM

Rochsub2009

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As I mentioned earlier, there is definitely a possibility for non-sexual D/s. I've had similar arrangements several times. They're not that common, but they definitely can happen.

You've made it clear that you are a bit disorganized, and you want someone to provide more discipline/guidance in your life. But Doms/Dommes tend to be a somewhat selfish bunch. They usually want to gain something from the relationship. If you don't want to be their servant, and you don't want to be their sexual toy, and you're not a sadist and therefore don't want them to beat you, and you don't want to join a poly family, then what are you offering in return for their discipline and guidance?

This is a very important element for you to consider. A relationship has to benefit both parties. But thus far, I've only heard how YOU hope to benefit. This could be seen by some Doms as topping from the bottom.

For example, one way that a Dom might instill discipline is by having you clean his home to very stringent specifications. He might have you do it on a very specific timeline. This would instill discipline, but you said you don't want to be a servant, so you might balk at this type of arrangement. However, as the Dom, he might view this as the perfect way to give you the discipline that you need (as well as providing himself with much needed housekeeping).

So once again, I ask "What's in it for the Dom?"

You don't have to answer the question here. But it's important that you have an answer when you actually meet the Dom of your dreams. Good luck in your search.

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RE: Non-Sexual D/s - 12/31/2011 9:49:57 AM

Miserlou