A question/questions to sub/slave females (Full Version)

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Kevinlee775 -> A question/questions to sub/slave females (12/30/2011 12:35:29 PM)

So I am new to this lifestyle and to this site. What I want to know is there anything I can do to get more attention from the subs/slaves out there. I am open to suggestions and criticism. Also I want to know what do you think is the best way to approach a sub/slave on this site to try and get to know them? (so far I am not having very good luck). I am looking for something long term by the way. (if that at all matters)



OsideGirl -> RE: A question/questions to sub/slave females (12/30/2011 1:05:12 PM)

Honestly, the best advice is the simplest approach. Be yourself. Be a whole human being. Approach the women and get to know them just like you would a vanilla woman in real life.

Second is: Just because you've labeled yourself a D doesn't give you free rein to be rude, be a bully or expect immediate acts of submission. Emails that start with "Hi Slut, what are your limits?" will most likely be deleted unless she's really desperate.

Lastly, there are a lost of old posts here that can give you insight into how sub females think. You'll find wide varying styles, needs and wants...but it will give you an idea of what's out there.



LillyoftheVally -> RE: A question/questions to sub/slave females (12/30/2011 2:11:34 PM)

Yeah, be yourself, be interesting and be interested in them, remember everyone is a person first. There is no one way to be submissive or dominant. Get out and active in your local scene that will help you get to know different people. Mostly though, just be a human being. 



DarkSteven -> RE: A question/questions to sub/slave females (12/30/2011 2:41:08 PM)

I agree with the above posters, but  have found that it's easier to meet people, including subs and slaves, at parties and munches than online.



Autokarismat -> RE: A question/questions to sub/slave females (12/30/2011 3:12:27 PM)

I'm also quite new here and the above responses are very much based in wisdom.

To reiterate good advice I received: Be honest. Be kind. Above all, be patient.

I've only been here a short time and I've already met some incredible people. Just as in meatspace, you will encounter people you get along with and some you don't. Regardless, respect each and every person you meet here and I guarantee you will soon find some truly wonderful people.

I wish you all the best here.

Regards,
Lucy



tolovetolaugh -> RE: A question/questions to sub/slave females (12/30/2011 3:20:47 PM)

Fr
Good way to start is with your profile. If you don't mind some constructive criticism, I have no problem making the attempt. =)
1. Check it for grammar, punctuation and spelling. Looking at yours I see a few easy to fix mistakes in that area. A few missed periods can distract from the message you are trying to send across. It's been proven in a study. o.o
2. Negativity in any form can turn girls off, whether it is a rant about fakes, an ex-gf, or people not reading your profile.
3. You are looking for long term on your profile. Which means the vanilla side of things too- try adding a bit about your hobbies and what you do for fun. Common interests can often grab a girls attention more then the BDSM bits, as she will already know you are a kinky Dom from you being dark blue on this site.



kalikshama -> RE: A question/questions to sub/slave females (12/30/2011 3:53:41 PM)

quote:

Also I want to know what do you think is the best way to approach a sub/slave on this site to try and get to know them?


Comment on something vanilla in her profile. If you send me a sample of your typical first email, I will be happy to critique it.



DesFIP -> RE: A question/questions to sub/slave females (12/30/2011 9:04:51 PM)

You're only an hour and a half from Reno. I'm betting there are munches there.

Online, males outnumber females more than 10 to 1. It's rare for any guy to get a response. In real life, things are better.

Beyond that, date women. If you click with someone, then ask them about their preferred relationship dynamics. Do they want to be involved in making every decision, do they prefer to be in control, do they find it relaxing to hand over control. Nothing in that sentence is x rated or will get you tarred and feathered. When you find someone who prefers to hand over control to a man who is safe to do that with, and you have chemistry with her, that's when you ask about what turns her on. Has she ever tied someone's wrists to the bedpost or had it done to her? Would she be interested or not? Again, a nice easy question that won't be looked at strange.



slaverachel2Him -> RE: A question/questions to sub/slave females (12/31/2011 12:22:00 AM)

A well written profile. Follow posts and comment. See who you agree with sub wise. You might take the time to compliment a good post. IF they are single, and you have bantered a bit and had some agreeable posts on important topics- you might mention your apparent compatibly and see if it can go on from there. It is good to learn from reading talking and getting a mentor if you can.



Kevinlee775 -> RE: A question/questions to sub/slave females (1/1/2012 3:05:31 PM)

Thanks for all the advice. looks like the biggest thing I need to do is redo my profile.  I have a lot of good ideas so I should have it redone soon , and ill go from there.



peppermint -> RE: A question/questions to sub/slave females (1/1/2012 3:55:31 PM)

I don't talk about my kinky side to anyone unless I know them. This includes male dominants. Asking about kink without getting to know me first is a big turn off.

As others have said, be yourself. Don't try to play the role of a dominant. Be the dominant some lovely lady might want to get to know better.



angelikaJ -> RE: A question/questions to sub/slave females (1/1/2012 6:48:11 PM)

1) Patience! You haven't been here very long.

2) Yes, work on your profile, which includes correct grammar (something your current version lacks).

Focus on your vanilla interests when you describe yourself; they describe who you are- your kink does not.

Be honest.


You are quite new, do you even know what lifestyle BDSM is?
(That is a question, not a criticism.)

My Master is very Dominant in a good leader kind of way.
Some people are off-put by a man being controlling or possessive.
You may have to come to terms with the fact that most submissive women will only yield to a man who has earned their submission; my submission has a specificity to it: I am submissive to Him.
So again: Patience!







Kevinlee775 -> RE: A question/questions to sub/slave females (1/2/2012 12:41:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

1) Patience! You haven't been here very long.

2) Yes, work on your profile, which includes correct grammar (something your current version lacks).

Focus on your vanilla interests when you describe yourself; they describe who you are- your kink does not.

Be honest.


You are quite new, do you even know what lifestyle BDSM is?
(That is a question, not a criticism.)

My Master is very Dominant in a good leader kind of way.
Some people are off-put by a man being controlling or possessive.
You may have to come to terms with the fact that most submissive women will only yield to a man who has earned their submission; my submission has a specificity to it: I am submissive to Him.
So again: Patience!







1.I know I have not been here long but it never hurts to ask for advice and/or help. (isn't that how we learn?)

2. I will be working on my profile a lot. (It is the one thing that I know needs the most work)

3. I know there are many aspects to the BDSM lifestyle. I could give you a definition for it but I feel that would be pointless. I have learned a lot from the reading I have done, and also from the relationships I have had in the past. I also know that what I am looking for is considered BDSM by most. The prof of this is more then half of the profiles of submissive/slave women on this site show at least two or more of the main traits I am looking for in a women. I also know that I am quite new to the lifestyle  as some would put it, but isn't everyone new at one point or another?



kitkat105 -> RE: A question/questions to sub/slave females (1/2/2012 12:55:24 AM)

I'll echo the others. Be yourself! Be respectful and interested in them as a woman primarily, as a submissive secondary. It'd be extra good if you have similar interests because it won't always be D/s games... better yet you might even become friends and friends need conversation pieces to talk about or things to do together!

Good luck [:)]



givemyall -> RE: A question/questions to sub/slave females (1/2/2012 4:11:02 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

I don't talk about my kinky side to anyone unless I know them. This includes male dominants. Asking about kink without getting to know me first is a big turn off.

As others have said, be yourself. Don't try to play the role of a dominant. Be the dominant some lovely lady might want to get to know better.



This is the best advice I have read in a long time......follow this and you wont go far wrong.



hellionsLight -> RE: A question/questions to sub/slave females (2/14/2012 7:00:03 AM)

Just be active - it goes with everyone. You have to put yourself out there to get attention ^_^



LillyBoPeep -> RE: A question/questions to sub/slave females (2/14/2012 7:19:47 AM)

If you're approaching here online, then by all means, read the profile. Profiles are interesting because they give you a really good window in, something that you DON'T get when you're looking offline. I mean, I guess you could say that what a person is wearing, and where you meet them is a bit of a profile, but profiles give you quite a bit of info upfront, sometimes, so use them.

If you reach out to contact someone who you probably aren't a good fit with, approach it in a friendly way, not a "I'm so special, I'll make you forget you hate X" way -- there's really a difference. Sometimes people DO open up to things that were previous on their "no go" list, because they met a person, who approached them as a person, and they fell for that person. But if you come in as the second option, it's usually pretty obvious, and you'll never get anywhere.

Also, don't just expect that any message you send out will get a response. Some people respond to everything they get, others don't. Don't send out obvious form letters (they really are very obvious) -- and you don't have to write a 10 page term paper either. I've seen posts of this nature where guys complained that there was no point in writing a really well thought out message because chicks delete them anyway -- NOT true. All of us DON'T delete everything we get, for one, and for two, a well thought-out message doesn't have to be long. All it needs is to be a couple of complete, friendly sentences, and a little mention of something you read in the profile that caught your eye. No big deal.

If you're meeting people in person, use your common sense. Don't approach /s-folk as "big bad Domly Dom," because, in general, it's considered quite rude. Be yourself, for sure -- that's the most important part, really. If you aren't being yourself, how will you find someone who fits with the real you?
Determine who you are, what your brand is, and own that -- you don't HAVE to be a bad ass to attract a good girl. In fact, sometimes the bad asses are boring. =p Things can fall together much better when you're self-aware, self-assured, and looking for a great fit, rather than trying to force one.



PolyDommesgirl -> RE: A question/questions to sub/slave females (2/14/2012 7:56:56 AM)

is there anything [Kevinlee775] can do to get more attention from the subs/slaves out there.

i like to use bullets, i hope You dont mind.

* Stay legal.
* W/we are humans first and B.D.s.M. labels second,
* do not assume your label entitles you to anything, at least at this time,
* be respectful and friendly,
* read the potential subs entire profile,
* i strongly discourage the use of form letters,
* i strongly discourage starting a conversation with anything related to sex,

other noteworthy information:

Collar Me is one tool of many to find what you seek. As such, do not be disheartened and belligerent when life does not progress as fast as you would like.

To the best of my knowledge, Collar me has be on line for more than 6 years, so have many of its members. They can be Your best resources or well, lets just say, play nice.

Your profile is one of the biggest keys to success. Think about when you go shopping. Do you buy bruised bananas?

Many people use the message boards, it is an amazing way to learn about personalities.

Use the message boards, it is likely if You have a question, some else had it too.

Much like the real world, Collar Me has members who have numerous different personalities, vastly different cultures, and polarized belief systems.

Be safe sane and consensual.

i wish You all the best.

dee aka PDg





littleone35 -> RE: A question/questions to sub/slave females (2/14/2012 8:04:33 AM)

I would say read the profile first make sure she is not taken and is looking for the same thing you are.  Talk to her as a person she is a person first and a sub/slave second.  Your profile is ok but it needs a bit more info. I see you are working on it.  Just be yourself  be honest and don't  play gamesi  think most people do not like game players.

Goos luck in your search.

Matt's littleone



jennileigh8182 -> RE: A question/questions to sub/slave females (2/14/2012 10:56:18 AM)

Especially given that you're looking for a LTR, remember that we are women and people, not just fuck toys. As someone above said, coming at us with "Hi, Slut, what are your limits?" is the fast track to delete/block. I've been on this site for a number of years and dismissed the large majority of the messages I received very quickly...until recently. What caught my eye in a few messages within the last year is that they treated me first like a woman they wanted to get to know. They messaged politely, they told me something about themselves, they told me what they liked about my profile, and they attached a picture. There was nothing overbearing or kinky in the first message, or even in the second. They were gentlemen. They made clear what they were looking for and how it fit with what I was looking for.



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