Advise from all needed

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Advise from all needed

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> Advise from all needed

Page: [1]

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Advise from all needed - 12/30/2011 3:37:11 PM

OuchIsntASafewrd

Posts: 9
Joined: 12/28/2011
From: middle TN
Status: offline

Not sure of the rules or if this will get yanked. My question has to do with my son who is 18, an adult now. He is living at home still while looking for work, like many others are. He is very discouraged and kind of getting lazy about the whole thing. He had a pretty good job working at a Die Casting factory for Staffing Solutions. He got hurt after only being there a short time and had to be off a couple days, then he tried to go back in and they had ended his contract. Which temp services can do, without notice, which is why I hate working for them. My question is how can I motivate and encourage him to keep on looking without sounding like a controlling, harping mom?

_____________________________

People may not remember what you did
People may not remember what you said
But they will always remember how you made them feel

Post #: 1

RE: Advise from all needed - 12/30/2011 3:46:13 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

Explain to him that his job now, that he doesn't have one, is to look for a job.

Don't buy him the extra things he likes and if he smokes don't buy those either.
Don't give him gas money unless it is job related.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to OuchIsntASafewrd)

Post #: 2

RE: Advise from all needed - 12/30/2011 4:17:00 PM

Snort

Posts: 132
Joined: 5/15/2008
Status: offline

post on his Facebook wall asking him if he is really looking for a job or just watching porn. Peer pressure will do the rest...

_____________________________

Not a GT sock. Really.

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 3

RE: Advise from all needed - 12/30/2011 4:50:18 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Angelika had some good advice. I just wanted to say I like your nic!

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to Snort)

Post #: 4

RE: Advise from all needed - 12/30/2011 4:55:14 PM

outlier

Posts: 1111
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Snort

post on his Facebook wall asking him if he is really looking for a job or just watching porn. Peer pressure will do the rest...

For a mother to publicly humiliate her 18 year old son would be a bad move.

To do it on an internet resource that potential employers are known to check
to access character is a moronic recommendation.

Demonstrating that she is clueless about this and that she thinks her son needs to
have his mother publicly pushing him to get anything done would be to publicly
label him as a loser who was raised by a loser.

Whether she chooses to use the carrot or the stick or some combination she
needs to keep the personal separate from business. Especially business in public.

_____________________________

Avatar from xkcd.com

"A happy sex life may take years to achieve, but it’s worth it in the long run.
Worth the time, the thought - or rather, the thoughtfulness - and, often,
the waiting." Pete Seeger

(in reply to Snort)

Post #: 5

RE: Advise from all needed - 12/30/2011 4:55:47 PM

stellauk

Posts: 1360
Status: offline

Encourage him to seek occupation rather than telling him to find a job.

Looking for work is soul-destroying at best but it's also only one available option. There's other ways of occupying yourself and deriving an income. There must be something he's good at doing, and there must be people he knows. What are his interests? What does he spend much of his time doing?

Unless you're ill or in some way unemployable being unemployed and not doing anything is a cop out. I personally believe we all have something to offer people, we all are able to do something, everybody is somebody.

_____________________________

Usually when you have all the answers for something nobody is interested in listening.

(in reply to OuchIsntASafewrd)

Post #: 6

RE: Advise from all needed - 12/30/2011 5:15:40 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

Also, while he isn't working and living at home you can insist that he be productive with his time: i.e find a volunteer position and keep his commitment to it.

Ex. He look for work or an occupation for 4-6 hours a day and volunteer the other ones remaining out of 8.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to OuchIsntASafewrd)

Post #: 7

RE: Advise from all needed - 12/30/2011 5:19:47 PM

lazarus1983

Posts: 828
Joined: 2/25/2006
Status: offline

Give him a deadline. Kick him out if he fails to find a job at that time.

_____________________________

The smallest minority on earth is the individual. Those who deny individual rights cannot claim to be defenders of minorities.

- Ayn Rand

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 8

RE: Advise from all needed - 12/30/2011 5:49:19 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Be a harping mom.

Sorry that's my solution. I have a 20 year old daughter who now is extremely responsible but when she was young she was the laziest person on the planet.

I harped and harped and still harp until she's sick of hearing it from me and knows the only way I'm going to stop is for her to do what I keep harping on about.

Remind yourself you're mom, not her friend.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to lazarus1983)

Post #: 9

RE: Advise from all needed - 12/30/2011 7:00:54 PM

servantforuse

Posts: 6363
Joined: 3/8/2006
Status: offline

If he isn't working this would be the perfect time to take some classes. He will be better prepared to get employed when this job market does eventually turn around. Whatever you do don't let him sit at home and do nothing.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 10

RE: Advise from all needed - 12/30/2011 7:44:04 PM

AcademyForSlaves

Posts: 712
Joined: 2/24/2006
Status: offline

Hi.

How about placing cataloges and flyers around the house that sells stuff he likes and wants? When he starts wanting and needing items that cost money (like a car) then he might get more motivated to get a job. Girlfriends and dating cost money too.

Hope this helps!!

_____________________________

Academy Mistresses
http://www.academyforslaves.com/home.html

(in reply to OuchIsntASafewrd)

Post #: 11

RE: Advise from all needed - 12/30/2011 8:01:30 PM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

Make sure he checks back repeatedly with every place he turns in an application until he is told the position(s) is/are filled. He should be calling them trying to schedule interviews. Persistence is important. Years ago, someone told me a story about a man who wanted a job at a union aircraft plant. Every morning he showed up and sat there for hours waiting to be put to work. After a couple of weeks, someone approached him and said "follow me." I've always remembered how important persistence is and I think that's one reason why I'm never unemployed for very long. My problem is, I can't physically handle many of the good paying jobs so I end up with the crappy paying ones. Good luck with your son.

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to OuchIsntASafewrd)

Post #: 12

RE: Advise from all needed - 12/30/2011 10:40:22 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Many places have online applications and those are sneaky. They ask the same questions is multiple ways, written so that you will misunderstand the question. Anytime your answer is not consistent, and not what they are looking for, you get kicked out of the system and can't reapply for six months.

Most 18 year olds can't follow these questionnaires. Can you sit there with him while he fills it out and guide him through?

Beyond that, he should have a resume printed up with his name and number. It should say that he can do physically demanding jobs. He also needs to call all his friends and see if any of them know of anything.

My son got a job when a friend left off stocking shelves in a minimart in the evening to go deliver pizza. My son was right there asking for the stockboy job which was part time. Once he had that, he then could get another part time stockboy job because he was experienced. After a couple of months, a counter position opened up and he got promoted to sandwich maker. But the two part time jobs were all he could get at first.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 13

RE: Advise from all needed - 12/31/2011 12:01:47 AM

FrostedFlake

Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline

Hello, Mr. So-n-so.

I am writing to remind you of my interest in the Such-n-such position you advertised last Monday. Below is another copy of my resume' for your reference. If you have any questions regarding my suitability for the position, please give me a call at Cell Phone Number.

Thank you sincerely,
Future Employee.
future.employee(a)email.com

P.S. Resume'.

Lather, rinse, repeat. It is called applying for the job, twice.

Also, keeping a log of employment applications automatically tells a fellow when he is slacking off.

_____________________________

Frosted Flake
simul justus et peccator
Einen Liebhaber, und halten Sie die Schraube

"... evil (and hilarious) !!" Hlen5

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 14

RE: Advise from all needed - 12/31/2011 3:00:30 AM

Ninebelowzero

Posts: 3134
Joined: 8/5/2011
Status: offline

I hope this doesn't get pulled.
It's a real bummer temping that's for sure, doing it myself. I would try getting him to understand that he has an obligation to work. I also explained many years ago to my sister who is 16 years younger than me that being a teenager is no where near as good as your 20's which are a continuation of being a teen but with added MONEY & with money comes the FREEDOM to do STUFF. to drive that point home I would tell her which group/film was playing that night locally & say that she could of gone if she had a JOB & a pay packet.

She got the message.

_____________________________

More come backs than Frank Sinatra

(in reply to FrostedFlake)

Post #: 15

RE: Advise from all needed - 12/31/2011 5:07:47 AM

erieangel

Posts: 2237
Joined: 6/19/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lazarus1983

Give him a deadline. Kick him out if he fails to find a job at that time.

In this economy where there are something like 8-10 applicants for every available job?

I run into this problem at work all the time. How to motivate these guys to look for work? I tell them that looking for a job is a full time job. I explain to them that this economy is making it harder for everybody to find employment and that they are now competing with older adults who have proven their competence and their reliability to former employers, which is making it that much more difficult for any young person to land that first job. But they simply have to keep plugging away at it. When they do submit applications, either online or in person, I encourage them to phone the company(s) within a day or two and then to call at least twice a week after that. Their response to that advice, because they think they are so much smarter than I, is to say they don't want to be perceived as a bother to the hiring managers. But I know managers who won't even look at online applications unless they get a follow up call from the applicant and are specifically asked to print out the application. Other managers won't even consider an application unless they get 3-5 follow up calls within two weeks of the date of application.

And volunteering even a few hours a week is a great way to learn new skills as well as serving to keep a resume current, with no gaps in "employment". The job I am on now, came after more than 15 years of being disabled. But I showed steady recovery for 10 of those years through various volunteering. And two of those volunteer positions were on boards for the county. One board met only monthly, the other twice a month, but I was doing something.

< Message edited by erieangel -- 12/31/2011 5:30:31 AM >

(in reply to lazarus1983)

Post #: 16

RE: Advise from all needed - 12/31/2011 10:36:29 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

Also, while he isn't working and living at home you can insist that he be productive with his time: i.e find a volunteer position and keep his commitment to it.

Keep in mind that sometimes volunteering can teach you skills that can help. Master and I volunteer regularly at Habitat for Humanity. I've learned how to frame walls, install PEX plumbing, lay tile, wire outlets, etc. You can also volunteer to work in their offices and learn some office skills.

There are typically volunteer opportunities at animal shelters, nursing homes, hospitals and libraries. Lots of good places.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 17

RE: Advise from all needed - 12/31/2011 10:52:19 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OuchIsntASafewrd

Not sure of the rules or if this will get yanked. My question has to do with my son who is 18, an adult now. He is living at home still while looking for work, like many others are. He is very discouraged and kind of getting lazy about the whole thing. He had a pretty good job working at a Die Casting factory for Staffing Solutions. He got hurt after only being there a short time and had to be off a couple days, then he tried to go back in and they had ended his contract. Which temp services can do, without notice, which is why I hate working for them. My question is how can I motivate and encourage him to keep on looking without sounding like a controlling, harping mom?

As an employer I cannot stress strong enough, don't discourage him on working with the temp service. Many of us use them to weed through the masses. It's a great way to get a person into a position and see how they are going to work out before hiring them.

I know quite a few people that have great jobs that began with a temp service. The company liked them and offered them a full time position.

If it was my kid, they would not be allowed to be sitting at home at ALL on any work day. They would have to be out job hunting every single day. They wouldn't be sitting at home, watching television or playing games. And they would be doing alot of housework etc when they were home, to compensate for their housing.

Needless to say, either of my adult children would rather take a crap job than be living with me....

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 12/31/2011 10:53:06 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to OuchIsntASafewrd)

Post #: 18

RE: Advise from all needed - 12/31/2011 10:57:01 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

hahaha.....that was my daughter too. She moved out because she hated living with me.

When I sold our house and moved, I asked her if there was any chance of her wanting to move back home so I knew whether to rent a one bedroom or two bedroom.

Her answer...."No offense mom, but I'd live on the streets before I moved back in with you" lol

Well ok then!

I'm guessing you're babying your son at home so of course he has no motivation or reason to want a job. Stop doing that!

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 19

RE: Advise from all needed - 12/31/2011 2:02:23 PM

kitkat105

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/29/2011
From: Eating dutch crunch in the Silicon Valley
Status: offline

I second/third/fourth the idea of trying to find volunteer work in the interim. Never underestimate how good it looks on a resume to see you've committed to something you didn't have to do. And the bonus is, he may actually enjoy it, he'll meet new people and learn new skills.

I'd also suggest maybe sitting down and having a D&M with him. Try and gauge his feelings, is he acting the way he is because he's become so disconcerted with job seeking? Or is there something else going on. Or is it just teenaged laziness.

I think the suggestion of sitting down with him yo do some online applications with him is a good one too.. to make sure he's actually doing them, and doing them right.

_____________________________

"WARNING! This girl exceeds the MAXIMUM SAFE standards established by the FDA for BRATTINESS!"

Odeen's spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine go down

Charter member: Lance's Fag Hags

Secretary - ProSubs"R"Us

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 20

Page: [1]

All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> Advise from all needed

Page: [1]

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.188