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BaradBeleg -> RE: What should I tell my girlfriend (1/2/2012 10:22:54 AM)
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I'm in the "talk about it" camp. It certainly would not (and does not) work if you are a Dom with unmet needs in a vanilla relationship--and there's no reason to believe it will work as a sub. Wanting something you will not get is going to chafe after a while. However, after 20+ years with a woman who is as vanilla as they come, I have found that talking about it is the talcum powder to that chafing. If this were an issue along the lines of "do these pants make my butt look fat" variety, then by all means lie, dissemble, and prevaricate. Here, however, you're talking about something at the core of your being. If this is truly a long term relationship, and she's truly a good partner for you, then telling her you are a sub, and talking about it with her, won't hurt. It may not mean that she ever gives you what you would like to have on that side of the coin, but you and she will understand it as part of the rubric of your relationship. If she freaks and can't accept that part of you under any circumstances, then as painful as it may be, she's not the one.
Although we're on opposite sides of the D/s coin, I am speaking from very personal experience...and in my case, the vanilla girl I fell in love with was the right one. I don't get everything I want, she puts up with more than she'd like, but we're lovers and partners who know each other fully.
That's a basis for a relationship like this, IMHO. Of course, my advice and $4.50 will get you a venti latte down at Star$. ;-)
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