The Dom I have been talking to is ignoring me (Full Version)

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OuchIsntASafewrd -> The Dom I have been talking to is ignoring me (1/1/2012 9:25:08 PM)

He says it is because of his family visiting for the holidays, but I am getting weird vibes that it is more than that. Not sure how to handle it, I am feeling ignored, hurt and frustrated. I told him so and he got angry and told me to relax, and that I was being overly selfish. Advice please?



hlen5 -> RE: The Dom I have been talking to is ignoring me (1/1/2012 9:26:40 PM)

What does your gut tell you?




littlewonder -> RE: The Dom I have been talking to is ignoring me (1/1/2012 9:27:07 PM)

go about your life and if he contacts you again then take it slowly. Don't get yourself wrapped up in someone you don't know.





NuevaVida -> RE: The Dom I have been talking to is ignoring me (1/1/2012 9:31:04 PM)

I tend to lose interest in someone who doesn't seem to be interested in me, and move on.  I want someone's time and attention, without feeling like I need to ask for it.  If he's into me, I'll know it.  If he's not into me, then I don't want to be with him.

I'd rather be with someone who's into me. [;)]



OuchIsntASafewrd -> RE: The Dom I have been talking to is ignoring me (1/1/2012 9:31:51 PM)

My gut is telling there is a wifey or girlfriend that I don't know about and most likely never will. But I want to believe him.



hlen5 -> RE: The Dom I have been talking to is ignoring me (1/1/2012 9:35:55 PM)

Have you been to his place?

ETA: If you don't go with your gut feelings and choose to believe what he tells you instead, you are going to regret not listening to yourself in the first place.

I'm not saying he is lying to you, but let him come to you.



OuchIsntASafewrd -> RE: The Dom I have been talking to is ignoring me (1/1/2012 9:38:03 PM)

No not yet. He says he lives with an "aunt" to help her out. He does have a job I know that but not a lot more.



MsLadySue -> RE: The Dom I have been talking to is ignoring me (1/1/2012 9:38:24 PM)

How long have you been talking with him?



Lockit -> RE: The Dom I have been talking to is ignoring me (1/1/2012 9:39:08 PM)

If you have a history of jealousy, neediness or feeling like this... then he may be combating something within you. If not... then listen to your gut... it doesn't lie if you are in-tune with yourself and life. The holidays can be rough... but to get angry with you if you were being reasonable... suggests what? Think about it.



hlen5 -> RE: The Dom I have been talking to is ignoring me (1/1/2012 9:39:17 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OuchIsntASafewrd

No not yet. He says he lives with an "aunt" to help her out. He does have a job I know that but not a lot more.


That might be true. Tell him you'd like to meet his Aunt!



risktaker9 -> RE: The Dom I have been talking to is ignoring me (1/1/2012 9:49:56 PM)

This is a generalization, but in my own experience whenever a guy gets upset because I wonder about something, it's because he's hiding something. If he's not hiding something then he's been open to explaining more, or giving me a chance to find out whatever I need to know to put me at ease. Someone getting upset with you is always an excellent smokescreen, it puts you on the defense instead of them.

I think your gut suspicion is probably right that he's involved, of course you want to believe him....we always do and that is the biggest reason why we ignore things when we should pay attention to them. Time to step back and disengage some and see how things play out. He's probably not the guy you thought he was, and that happens.



xxblushesxx -> RE: The Dom I have been talking to is ignoring me (1/1/2012 10:08:53 PM)

Yep, if he was that into you (and available) you would have been invited over for the holidays to spend at least a few hours or so with his family. I expect you'll find his aunt is his wife, and his family are his kids. There are SO MANY available men here, I'd blow him off right quick like.



Lockit -> RE: The Dom I have been talking to is ignoring me (1/1/2012 10:16:32 PM)

You never answered how long you have been talking to him. This current profile has only been active for a few days. I wouldn't consider inviting you to join family if you are just talking to him, haven't met him, haven't been to one another's homes and are just starting out. If that is the case... you are way too involved. He might have a point about you needing to relax and calm down. Personally if I just met someone and they went off like that... they would be history.

So... what's the deal? You needed advice... you needed attention, where most would simply deal with it... so, I am picking up on some red flags here. Care to elaborate?



Lockit -> RE: The Dom I have been talking to is ignoring me (1/1/2012 10:27:43 PM)

Oh well, I guess it isn't all that important to follow up on after all eh? Seriously lady... how can you expect for anyone to take you seriously, in your confusion or crisis... if you aren't answering?

I'm calling bull shit and I hope the poor guy loses your number... You have friends on your profile.. it isn't like people won't wonder which guy that is. You are doing a disservice to a man and started this. Now finish it.... or bull shit.



sheridan1956 -> RE: The Dom I have been talking to is ignoring me (1/1/2012 10:33:05 PM)

My rationale is simple, he's either into you or he isn't.

Are you "topping from the bottom", are you obsessing and driving him away?

If you're a submissive and you haven't met, you haven't played and you have very little history, you should most definitely continue your life and/or your search (assuming you're not collared). Move on, if he wants you he'll find you. If he lied to you there's always karma, that's a subbie's best friend. In the meantime, don't you think you deserve an honest, open relationship where the two of you can share and care for and with one another? There are a lot more Doms and Dommes than submissives in this world - find one that fits! Good luck to you and take care of yourself and your own needs, that's a lot more attractive than you imagine.



hausboy -> RE: The Dom I have been talking to is ignoring me (1/1/2012 10:33:25 PM)

OP:
you also didn't mention the nature of your relationship.  I serve a Household--and the rule is: when their relatives are in town, I can't/don't visit.  So it means I have to coordinate my visits around their schedule, to avoid being there when their families are there.  So just a different angle--it doesn't sound incredibly unreasonable at first glance. 



tj444 -> RE: The Dom I have been talking to is ignoring me (1/1/2012 11:20:28 PM)

I have learned not to get too serious about someone until it can be made real and in person.. when you are chatting with someone online or even on the phone, they can feed you a lot of shite thats not true and tell you what they think you want to hear.. so i only go so far with someone, when i feel like he is drawing me in too far (emotionally, etc) then i pull myself back and remind myself of the various lies guys have told me before, that has the effect on me like a bucket of ice water. lol

I try to verify things guys tell me to get an idea of if they lie, cuz if there is one lie, there are usually a lot more other lies too.. For instance, one guy told me he was a model when he was in college.. he sent me a pic of him supposedly from that time.. i tineyed it and it was actually the pic of a greek singer.. not only that, his profile says he is 5'7" and that is just too short to do that kind of work.. and yes.. many other lies also.. sooooo...



stellauk -> RE: The Dom I have been talking to is ignoring me (1/1/2012 11:22:28 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OuchIsntASafewrd

I am feeling ignored, hurt and frustrated. I told him so and he got angry and told me to relax



This.

This is where it stops being about personal integrity and quite frankly it doesn't matter whether he's being honest or dishonest, because on the basis of this - irrespective of how this situation came about - I'd drop him.

I write this because personally I'm not into these 'flick of a switch' types of relationships because the bottom line is simple - you're either in a developing relationship or you're not. And if you are, then every emotion and feeling that someone experiences and shares in that relationship is valid.

Isn't this the entire purpose of a relationship? To deal with stuff together?

I know that some people don't see it this way, and see it in a way where they get to pick and choose what feelings and emotions they deal with and what they reject - which is why accusations of being needy, clingy, passive aggressive and insecure are such a cop out. The thing is when this happens it never leads to building a solid basis for the relationship.

If someone can get angry at you for the way you are feeling in a developing relationship then they're not being responsible. The way I see it it isn't all honey and roses in any sort of relationship, you do have deal with stuff like insecurity, misunderstandings, fears, and all other sorts of feelings whether they are founded or not. It's almost like you're expected to think and feel a certain way.

You know the amount of thought and energy he spent in getting angry probably wouldn't have been any less than asking you why you feel insecure and ignored and making an effort to reassure you.

At this point whether he's being honest or not, and what sort of relationship you're developing with him it's all moot. He's rejected feelings and emotions which are valid in the context of that stage of a relationship, and in your situation I would take this for what it is, a red flag, and I would move on to someone who is more responsible and emotionally mature.



Lockit -> RE: The Dom I have been talking to is ignoring me (1/1/2012 11:38:56 PM)

The problem is... the title of the thread says its a guy she has been talking to. She states she doesn't know much about him. Her profile is new and has friends on it. She isn't answering any questions about how long she has known him and she was online and on the thread for a long while after these things were asked. She isn't clearing anything up whatsoever.

This doesn't sound like a relationship. It sounds like they have been talking and don't know much about one another and whether he is being honest or not... or she is over reacting or not... she is pointing a finger at some guy that could be identified. All over a short term chat situation?

She needs to clear this up.

Its another matter if they have been together for a long while or have commitments... but she isn't talking. So coming down on the guy at this point, just seems a bit unfair.



Casteele -> RE: The Dom I have been talking to is ignoring me (1/1/2012 11:40:57 PM)

Uhmm.. Just read the OP's profile, and my spidey sense is tingling..

New profile only a few days old.. claims she's among the "let's take it slow and get to really know each other" crowd.. and she's upset the dom she's talking to currently is ignoring her and making her feel shitty..

If she met the dom here after profile creation, she's way too much in to this than makes sense, especially with her "let's take it slow and build trust and respect" attitude. If I were the dom in this situation, I'd be putting her on my block list and telling her she's psycho and needs to stay the fsck away from me.

If she knew him longer, then she knew him before she created this profile, so why did she create a profile which is clearly seeking another dom? Sure, she could be deciding this guy is not worth it and getting back on with her search, but then why come here to post the drama? Why not just say g'bye to the guy and start meeting new ones?

Oh, and I need to go pee, guess that wasn't my spidey sense after all :-X




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