Competitive Tops?

Competitive Tops? (Full Version)

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heartfeltsub -> Competitive Tops? (5/30/2006 1:02:53 PM)
Just came back from an BDSM event, and a situation occurred that has me pondering. After a scene that left me a bit bruised, one Top friend of mine went out of his way to inflict more pain, and kept asking me things like "Are you saying I am not as mean as he is?" That situation and others (like a Top friend of mine looking at pictures of past scenes that i have had saying things like "I play harder than that" and things that i have seen while at public play events makes me wonder if there is a competitive streak in Tops? or maybe it is just in people in general? heartfelt

Mercnbeth -> RE: Competitive Tops? (5/30/2006 1:17:25 PM)
quote: That situation and others (like a Top friend of mine looking at pictures of past scenes that i have had saying things like "I play harder than that" and things that i have seen while at public play events makes me wonder if there is a competitive streak in Tops? heartfelt, Only with those who's confidence level is contingent upon their latest scene "reviews". But these service tops serve a function. Without that mindset how else can they be manipulated to serve their dominant, demanding, sensation seeking, subs?

heartfeltsub -> RE: Competitive Tops? (5/30/2006 1:20:49 PM)
ah i see, and i hope you are not including me in the latter group that you mentioned?

Mercnbeth -> RE: Competitive Tops? (5/30/2006 1:35:33 PM)
NEVER! If you were in the group you wouldn't need to ask the question!

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Competitive Tops? (5/30/2006 1:36:53 PM)
I do that for FUN all the time- it's a game and everyone knows it. Unfortunately, many tops and doms are insecure and love to one-up eachother in a serious way for their own ego.

heartfeltsub -> RE: Competitive Tops? (5/30/2006 1:40:00 PM)
(smiling) Thank you.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Competitive Tops? (5/30/2006 1:43:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth But these service tops serve a function. Without that mindset how else can they be manipulated to serve their dominant, demanding, sensation seeking, subs? Which is to say that not all services tops enter into these sorts of relationships.

BitaTruble -> RE: Competitive Tops? (5/30/2006 1:59:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub Just came back from an BDSM event, and a situation occurred that has me pondering. After a scene that left me a bit bruised, one Top friend of mine went out of his way to inflict more pain, and kept asking me things like "Are you saying I am not as mean as he is?" That situation and others (like a Top friend of mine looking at pictures of past scenes that i have had saying things like "I play harder than that" and things that i have seen while at public play events makes me wonder if there is a competitive streak in Tops? or maybe it is just in people in general? heartfelt There probably is a bit of competition. Personally, I don't much care what other tops are doing ... it's the heavy masochists that I'm more interested in. If someone comes up to me and asks me if I'm 'really' a sadist, that's all the better for me because I do like to play and yes, I really am ... and better still are masochists who challenge me to hurt them which I'm more than happy to do ... by saying 'no'. :) Celeste

ADomDoc -> RE: Competitive Tops? (5/30/2006 2:07:23 PM)
heartfelt, Too many Dom/mes are too preoccupied w/ how THEY look in a public scene ... not how well they are playing their sub/slave. If you see a Dom/me looking around at the crowd ... and maybe trying some fancy techniques ... you can almost bet that the sub/slave isn't having a good time. AND ... when the final critiques are in ... folks will tend to agree that, despite some interesting tricks, the scene wasn't that impressive. It's VERY easy to get distracted by the crowd ... heck, none of us wants to look like a putz. But in the end, the real measure of a good scene is whether the sub had a good time, and everyone is happy & healthy afterwards. And the best public scenes are those where the Dom/me focuses the whole scene on the sub/slave & pays attention to his/her body language, etc. It isn't easy to tune out all the distractions ... and avoid hitting someone behind you w/ a whip, etc ... but if you do, both you and your partner will have a great scene AND it'll be recognized as such by everyone else as well. The audience can tell if the sub is having a good scene. And, heavier ain't always better! Though I tend to play on the heavy side (if I have a sub/slave who can play at my top end), ALL of my previous subs/slaves LOVED being played by the notorious "Kenny" in Austin. Years ago he was notorious for his superlatively sensuous scenes. So I'd request he also play my subs once in a while ... but then again, every sub in the room was lined up for him :-) Kenny started to play the heavy end, that last I saw him ... sure hope he hasn't lost that light side in the process. The silliest excuses for public scenes are the phoney staged ones. One Tx switch (he likes folks to think he's a Dom) who shows up in the fanciest leathers, and does elaborate scenes ... w/ the sub writhing & shreaking as he uses his singletail. He impresses the wannabes. But when she gets down off the stage after a 30 min bullwhip session, she hasn't got a single mark on her! It's just been choreographed for her to squeal & wiggle at the right times. I've heard some folks say this makes a good example of 'safe play' ... BULLSHIT! It forms a visual of a fantasy that beginners will try at home ... and they won't have actually seen responsible whip techniques. This only makes the wankers more dangerous. Mercnbeth ... hadn't heard the word 'service Dom' before :-) Years ago I would refer to 'sub servers' ... presume we are talking about the same thing.

KnightofMists -> RE: Competitive Tops? (5/30/2006 3:12:59 PM)
I don't understand the mentality of the competition between Tops and really I don't care. All that matters to me... Was it Fun... Did I have fun?... Did my bottom have fun? My goal is to have a Yes from both of us.

LadyHugs -> RE: Competitive Tops? (5/30/2006 3:15:12 PM)
Dear heartfelt, ADomDoc, Ladies and Gentlemen; With the exception of ADomDoc's paragraph about a man named "Kenny," no truer words can be spoken and well spoken indeed. On this side of the coast, we have had similar sorts, to whom crack whips to impress but, can't whip themselves out of a wet paper bag. There are a few dominants, men and women that are "look at me" types, eyes looking out on other scenes as their whip misses their submissive tied on furniture unable to escape. They keep on, yawning like bored and ho hum. They find the best scene and try topping it. The submissive limps off bruised, miss hits...upset, unfed and worse of all-- feel like they were nothing less than rubbish or some roadkill to beat up on as to show off to others this Top hits harder, longer, etc. Any excuses. It seems that these "competition" Tops are just trying to out posture each other. It is not to be confused as a Co-Top scene in which there is harmony between two or more Tops on one or more slave/submissive/bottom. I personally feel awful for the submissive that puts up with this behavior. Dominants should be focused on the submissive--not the audience. Not the scenes around them, etc. I have also witnessed the "Choreographed " whip work on submissives and such. Giggles and squirms on cue, as they were able to see in the mirror the cues. I have to agree with ADomDoc, that this really is beautiful to watch but, is dangerous for those who are inspired to try it at home. I was with a well know whip cracker. We knew each other. To our mutual horror, an individual with a severe need to show off, nearly wiped out innocent bystanders and was reckless with his whip. The place was too crowded for cracking whips, and the whip was ripped out of the person's hand. I was told, that this person wanted to 'impress' this known whip cracker. Unfortunately, this chap continued on this behavior and whips were snatched and kept until after the event. In summary, the dominant should be focused on the submissive(s) they are playing with. Some of the most beautiful scenes have been with hands, voice and mind. This I will totally agree with and, would never wish to see submissives used unknowingly, they are just a means to 'show off' to others, as they have been subjected to a form of being ignored. Respectfully submitted, Lady Hugs

dominmd -> RE: Competitive Tops? (5/30/2006 3:22:28 PM)
If I had fun, and my sub had fun, then the scene is a success and I could care less about what others think.

heartfeltsub -> RE: Competitive Tops? (5/30/2006 5:04:17 PM)
Thank you O/one and A/all for answering my question. A bit of competition for fun may be one thing, competition for the sake of ego entirely different and potentially harmful. Thank you again.

Lashra -> RE: Competitive Tops? (5/30/2006 5:30:02 PM)
A friend of mine who attends a club and munches in the area told me that it is very competitive. Between who has the best toys, most elaborate fetish wear and who's sub can take the most pain. I told her I'd forgo the club scene as I'm not looking to enter into a Dom/me contest. ~Lashra

PlayfulOne -> RE: Competitive Tops? (5/30/2006 5:51:17 PM)
I am just me, I'm not concerned with what others are thinking or doing. I like to watch for the purpose of collecting ideas, but never in the context of , "Oh I can do better than that". The last time we played in public , once we got going, in my mind we were the only people in the room. I was so locked in on my girl and our scene I had no idea of who, what, where, anyplace else in the dungeon. We had people comment on how attentive I was to her and how wonderfully in tune we appeared to be. I had no idea anybody was actually watching us and couldn't figure out why they would have wanted to, lol. K

MrrPete -> RE: Competitive Tops? (5/30/2006 5:57:42 PM)
Personally, I've never witnessed this behavior and I hope I never do I learned early on that I can't be like other Doms and stopped trying. I have developed my own style that I'm comfortable with and I could care less what other Doms think about my scenes. Mr. Pete available n looking

CrappyDom -> RE: Competitive Tops? (5/30/2006 6:22:24 PM)
And thus is born the reason there isn't a single flogger or whip or anything else similar in my very tiny implement case...

Sensualips -> RE: Competitive Tops? (5/30/2006 6:36:36 PM)
Submissives do it too, showing off marks or a weird competitiveness to scene harder. Sometimes it is a joke or playful fun like Tross said. For some people, it is not. It is pretty easy to tell the difference. As a bottom and an exhibitionist I have noticed I occassionally tend to "take more" than I might in private. I think it is just the adrenaline of public scening, but one partner insists I am just a show off. As Playful stated, that generally goes away as I get focused on my own scene. As a top, the opposite is true. I hold back more than I would in private.

MsMacComb -> RE: Competitive Tops? (5/30/2006 11:19:58 PM)
I (of course) disagree and think it sucked. From what you have stated the reason had nothing to do with you but more like a pissing contest between two lame tops. I would find someone else to play with. [:)]

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