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Is there another name for this? - 10/24/2004 12:42:15 AM   
millimon


Posts: 15
Joined: 10/22/2004
Status: offline

I'm a Dom. Whatever else your opinion of me may be, that's who I am. I've been dominant, leading, training, and teaching others since I was about ten years old.

To start, I want to wonder why so many people believe that the D/s relationship MUST be both monogamous and marriage based. Amazingly, I see a LOT of personal ads stating this very demand in various flavors. I'm not looking for another wife. Sorry, I let the last one go 9 years ago and I've been happy ever since. ;)

I've started to wonder if the D/s thing is misnamed, or if the thing I like is actually known by a different title.

Who says a Dom can't be a Gentleman? I'm a Paladin, somewhat cavalier about things but all the same, I am. I take rules seriously. I have responsibilities. I have an estate. I have children. Why the hell do I get so much flack from both Dom/mes and subs, the 'you're not a Dom/me if' complaint, wherein because I wasn't basically an asshole, I must not be Dom.

I walk with a hat and cane, carry an umbrella, hold doors for women and old folks, children, and dogs. I say please and thank you. But, if you think I'm going to let anyone tell me how to live, eat, think, or run a scene, better think again. I ask for input when I want it, and take appropriately worded and timed suggestions when I wish to.

There are many different flavors of domination, from slight to severe. I'm somewhat moderate, but I know how to be either slight or even severe when the role calls for it. I naturally gravitate to what I see as 'center.'

I have said it other places and I'll say it here, I'm interested in writing a book on D/s lifestyle and welcome input from Dom/mes and subs with at least five years experience. No writing ability necessary. I want to cover both sides of the fence, include switch, lifestyle, scene-ing, and other subsets.

I'm also amazed at how simple self-identifying statements, such as this one, can be taken as attacks. I see a disproportionate amount of flaming and disagreement in BDSM forums compared to say, slashdot. And yes, in case you don't know, slashdot is flamer heaven.

Never post in a forum without your asbestos keyboard. ^_^

bipoly.org for more about moi. Or email. whatever works.

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Is there another name for this? - 10/24/2004 8:03:02 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline 		millimon,

I think you'll find a lot of people on this board will agree with you on the idea that dominants don't have to be jerks. In fact, most regular male dominants that hang out in these parts are gentlemen.

I think you'll find a lot of people on this board will agree with you on the idea that poly is totally acceptable even if it isn't for them. We have many threads on this. You might want to search the board history (by clicking the top right button that says search).

I see this is your second post on collarme.com. Please don't make assumptions about our level of openness. You might have encountered close minded people in the past, and there probably are a few around here, but you'll come to realise that the majority of the regular participants to this message board (not the fly by flamers), even though they have differing opinions, respect one another.

So now let me open the door for you (just because I like gender role reversals that way). Welcome to the boards. Hang your hat, place your umbrella in your umbrella stand and stay a while, get to know us.

Please and thank you,

- Lady Angelika

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 10/24/2004 9:35:17 AM >

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to millimon)
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RE: Is there another name for this? - 10/24/2004 8:03:48 AM   
ShadeDiva


Posts: 1005
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		I never quite understood why folks get hung up such things either.

Then again I don't see a difference between D/s and S/m and BDSM either.

I don't fit in *anyone's* box, and that seems to piss folks off or make them uncomfortable - well at least the close minded ones anyway.

I sorta settled on that I'm BDSM poly and sexually mongamous (so far anyway lol). I fonally created a lbael that somehwhat suits me at this point and time in my life ... I'm a:

sadistic sensual dominant heavy-masochistic switch bottom with occasional submissive tendancies that is BDSM poly and sexually monogamous

Say THAT one five times fast! LOL!

So yanno I guess I'm sitting on ALL freaking fences to some degree or another! rofl!

~ShadeDiva

_____________________________

~ShadeDiva
My projects of love:
theFetishForums
HumanFauna
Kinked
DommeWorld

(in reply to millimon)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Is there another name for this? - 10/24/2004 10:50:36 AM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I'm not quite sure why you are complaining. I haven't seen much support for Doms being asses at all. On the contrary, most seem to believe that being a Dom and a gentleman are not mutually exclusive. And most here don't seem to have a problem with anyone being poly. Maybe it's the umbrella?

< Message edited by Estring -- 10/24/2004 10:51:42 AM >

(in reply to millimon)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Is there another name for this? - 10/24/2004 11:21:25 AM   
LadyBeckett


Posts: 865
Joined: 2/4/2004
From: Scotland/Tennessee
Status: offline 		Hello millimon, and welcome to the collarme message boards. Your post was interesting. No doubt you'll enjoy your stay here. You carry a lot of stuff, hmmm...if it isn't raining I'd leave the umbrella at home.

_____________________________

Lady Beckett

_______________________________________________

"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

(in reply to millimon)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Is there another name for this? - 10/24/2004 12:58:24 PM   
IservBlkKingPaPa


Posts: 84
Joined: 8/17/2004
From: Long Island NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: millimon



To start, I want to wonder why so many people believe that the D/s relationship MUST be both monogamous and marriage based. Amazingly, I see a LOT of personal ads stating this very demand in various flavors. I'm not looking for another wife. Sorry, I let the last one go 9 years ago and I've been happy ever since. ;)

I've started to wonder if the D/s thing is misnamed, or if the thing I like is actually known by a different title.

Who says a Dom can't be a Gentleman? I'm a Paladin, somewhat cavalier about things but all the same, I am. I take rules seriously. I have responsibilities. I have an estate. I have children. Why the hell do I get so much flack from both Dom/mes and subs, the 'you're not a Dom/me if' complaint, wherein because I wasn't basically an asshole, I must not be Dom.





This slave thinks that many people in the lifestyle get legally married for legal reasons. Last name, estate benificiary reasons...etc. Other than that she feels marriage doesn't really have a place in our world. Marriage was something made up by our ancestors years ago, which this slave is sure they were vanilla. lol.

This slave feels if you are going to live the life than stick by your principles as well and take yourself out of the vanilla world altogether, its teachings, its customs and its hypocrisy. This slave has been owned by her Master for almost 8 years, she is not married to Him and has no desire to be. she trusts in Him to make sure she is taken care of in any unfortunate event. This slave thinks that if a sub/slaves requires her master to marry her and will not accept anything else, is only topping from the bottom. you either are or your not.

This slave has thought that maybe SOME subs/slaves want a mono master and WANT to get married because thier mindset is not truly that of a sub/slave and have not truly left behind the vanilla ways that they were taught. This slave found in her training that it was much harder to unlearn these things than it was to learn anything new.

As far as people seeing doms as assholes, then all this slave can say is that she does not think that they have met any "real" doms or masters. Most doms/masters that this slave has met are real gentlemen. True to the life. This slave feels that if a man who claims to be a dom or a master is rude or an asshole, then he is not truly either. JTSHO.


@}PaPa's}slave}--
Every Rose has her Thorns...

(in reply to millimon)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Is there another name for this? - 10/24/2004 1:30:45 PM   
srahfox


Posts: 261
Joined: 10/17/2004
Status: offline 		It seems recently I have read a few posts form people who complaining that they were having a hard time finding anyone who were married and not poly. I am married but we are poly. And I love a gentleman Dom, please open my door for me. I love it.

(in reply to IservBlkKingPaPa)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Is there another name for this? - 10/24/2004 1:43:43 PM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IservBlkKingPaPa

This slave thinks that many people in the lifestyle get legally married for legal reasons. Last name, estate benificiary reasons...etc. Other than that she feels marriage doesn't really have a place in our world.

Both of those things can be easily achieved without having to enter into marriage. I think that most people in the "lifestyle" get married because they love each other (or at least think they do) and want to. But that's just my opinion.

~stef


_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to IservBlkKingPaPa)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Is there another name for this? - 10/24/2004 2:54:18 PM   
Laura


Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		Everyone has different standards and fetishes. I prefer gentlemen subs and Doms. Others prefer Gorean sort of styles, etc. Everyone into BDSM is going to have someone telling them what a real Dom/ sub is at some point. Just nod, smile and go back to ignoring them.

I like what you wrote about being in the centre. I also feel that way about myself. I am a Switch but most of the time I'm just somewhere in the middle, me. Switch is just one role I choose, it's not who I am.

Welcome to the boards. I hope you will contribute to more discussions.

_____________________________

Bait & Switch - Adult column

(in reply to stef)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Is there another name for this? - 10/24/2004 6:09:26 PM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		Welcome to the boards, Millimon. You will find that here, most of the folk who post are of a mind to debate, discuss, and to share of themselves, rather than to indulge in inflammatory rhetoric. I have noted the same problems in other boards that you have commented upon, but so far, nothing of the sort occurs here.

I, too, am of the mindset that a top should be chivalrous (as I have stated in another post today). Alas, I do not believe that there is a specific term for this behavior (although I would happily take to calling myself such were a few concerned individuals to gather together under such a banner). BDSM is a very broad blanket, sir, and it contains within it a multitude. You will find what you are looking for, as will nearly everybody else, so long as you and they are dilligent in their search.

You will find that there are many who believe that a submissive should be a certian way, or that a dominant should behave after a particular fashion. For each who agrees with those statements, there will be several more who disagree. Somehow, however, we still manage to communicate and socialize in an admirable fashion. Take your time, get settled in, and I'm sure our admirable collective shall provide you with suitable entertainment. So long as you do not bring your blowtorch, I think you will find little use for your asbestos keyboard.

~S

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to millimon)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Is there another name for this? - 10/24/2004 6:18:13 PM   
IservBlkKingPaPa


Posts: 84
Joined: 8/17/2004
From: Long Island NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sfgrrl

quote:

ORIGINAL: IservBlkKingPaPa

This slave thinks that many people in the lifestyle get legally married for legal reasons. Last name, estate benificiary reasons...etc. Other than that she feels marriage doesn't really have a place in our world.



Both of those things can be easily achieved without having to enter into marriage. I think that most people in the "lifestyle" get married because they love each other (or at least think they do) and want to. But that's just my opinion.

~stef



Yes that is true. This slave should have used more accurate reasons, such as pensions, social security retirement. For those, one must be married to an individual for a certain length of time in order to recieve those benefits if that person should pass on. If by chance that person was married to another previously, for a longer period of time, that first spouse will recieve those benefits instead. One does not need a vanilla piece of paper to validate ones love.

@}PaPa's}slave}--
Every Rose has her Thorns...

(in reply to stef)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Is there another name for this? - 10/24/2004 7:55:53 PM   
MistressDREAD


Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Im like You Diva and I dont fit into anyones box hence I am hated and dispised and ridaculed and told that I am of no value or sumone whom cannot be loved or adored because the way I look at such things differs from the norm because of My choosen lifestyle and beliefs. I will admit that I am a Hard Nose Extream Sadistic Alpha Dominant Poly Bitch who adores Men stronger then My self and this seems to Piss submissiv Men off and Scare suplicant woman away who seem to see Me as a threat when they havent the concept that I am the Assett to the Whole........ I like Me and havent a clue why They dont.........~wink~ well yea I do know why but Ill just ignore it..........HAHAHAH!

(in reply to IservBlkKingPaPa)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Is there another name for this? - 10/24/2004 8:39:03 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

To start, I want to wonder why so many people believe that the D/s relationship MUST be both monogamous and marriage based.


From these forums i have learned that there is so much diversity in this lifestyle that i disagree that many believe a D/s relationship must be both monogamous and involve marriage. You might enjoy searching through the threads and reading the ones about poly relationships, and about marriage.

quote:

Who says a Dom can't be a Gentleman?


There were two recent threads on this:

sensual domination

is romance dead

quote:

I have said it other places and I'll say it here, I'm interested in writing a book on D/s lifestyle and welcome input from Dom/mes and subs with at least five years experience. No writing ability necessary. I want to cover both sides of the fence, include switch, lifestyle, scene-ing, and other subsets.


Not everyone here has 5 yrs of experience, but if you read old threads here you may pick up a lot of informatin for your book. If you set the days at the top of the forum to 365 you can see all the old posts.

quote:

I see a disproportionate amount of flaming and disagreement in BDSM forums


I have seen very little flaming on these boards. When it does happen the moderators do a great job of stopping it.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to millimon)
Profile   Post #: 13
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