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CeePee -> Seattleite (1/3/2012 12:47:39 PM)
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I've just joined this site because I had a wake-up call last week. A dominant man who responded to an ad I placed on Craig's List wrote something to me that shone light on a problem I've had ever since I realized I was kinky.
All my life I have craved sexual abuse and humiliation. For years, I mistook that for submissiveness. I have been self-centered in the extreme, all my life. I've known it for a few years now and am making some progress with it: I work harder to be a good member of my extended family, I'm trying to complain less at work. Stuff like that.
I believe learning sexual submission may be a way for me to become a more complete, and better, person. I need to understand that when I put someone else before me, my needs get met, too. I don't have to be single-mindedly focused on what I'm getting out of every deal I enter into. If it's a wise deal, my needs will be met anyway. I do have a responsibility to myself not to be a fool. I can't just throw myself at anybody who calls himself a top or a dom and call it "trust" and submission. It's self-abandonment and neediness. It's truly giving submission, that I'm here to learn.
I already know it won't be easy. But I want to learn and I think I'm ready. Readier than I've ever been before, anyway.
Please wish me luck. I'm glad this site is here.
I should probably say: I'm 58, live in Seattle, seeking a skilled and mature dominant man.
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