RE: Kink with Kids * NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!*

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RE: Kink with Kids * NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!* - 3/9/2012 5:58:57 PM

poise

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You mean, you want to position me between a wok and a hard place?

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RE: Kink with Kids * NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!* - 3/9/2012 7:00:35 PM

MalcolmNathaniel

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quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

You mean, you want to position me between a wok and a hard place?

Only temporarily. The hard place would need some attending to shortly thereafter.

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Post #: 22

RE: Kink with Kids * NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!* - 3/9/2012 7:27:47 PM

hereyesruponyou

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My first real talk about sex was when my daughter was 7 and her godparents let her see the video for their c-section. Yeah, that led to "I'm never having kids" which i took as an opportunity to give the, then you better never have sex talk. Leading into the "it's all teen boys want" etc. Rather than making her sex paranoid, like so many kids are, it started a real discussion, that went into middle and high school, when her friends were having sex. I talked to her, my scouts and her friends about all kinds of topics as they came up including being open minded, how to have safe anal, protection, protection, protection. She was 19 when she finally was ready. I had been giving her condoms for birthdays and christmas for the whole year before, so when she was ready, it was no big deal to tell me and have me go to the dr with her and make some serious decisions. It was different for her because of a heart condition she would endanger her health of she got pregnant. SO i took her and her bf to the cardiologist and had him reiterate the safe sex part. It then led to her coming to me the night "IT" finally happened and her crying and saying it hurt. SO i went to our supply and gave her some lube, and things went much better from there. Later when she was frustrated that the bf wasn't adventurous enough for her, he and i went to lunch and talked about it. Awkward? alittle, but i wasn't into discussing details of either of our sex lives, just reminded him it's ok to try new things.

Even with our open discussion, when she was a teen we kept most of the bdsm parts hidden. But she she asked by Mom always had "sticks" (canes) around, i just smiled and did the "I'll tell you when you're older". Now that we are into things others find "extreme", we are just more comfortable doing those things when she is not home. We've learned to always make the most of those nights she's going to be out late and those rare occasions when she's gone overnight. The thing i have the most trouble with is actually asking her how long she will be gone. I feel it borders between making her feel less welcome in her own home. Hopefully when she finishes college next year she'll move out again... Until then, we grab what we can, when we can and have a fantastic time when we do :) Just like vanilla couples, everyone needs some "adult only" time

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RE: Kink with Kids * NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!* - 3/9/2012 7:41:46 PM

LookieNoNookie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: theidaeof

Hi, I'd like to hear from people about how they have managed to keep BDSM in their lives when they have kids in the picture. either before they came along or after.

That's an excellent question theidaeof. I've actually never taken pictures of my children, so I'm probably not the best person to ask.

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RE: Kink with Kids * NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!* - 3/10/2012 12:07:20 AM

avena

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I have a 15 year old daughter. Although BDSM didn't come into my life in a very serious way until nearly 2 years ago, I had taught her from the beginning that an open mind is a good thing.

Now, living with D, all she really sees is that he and I have a very traditional relationship...much like what littlewonder said in her post. D is the head of the household. He makes the majority of the decisions, although he's always willing to hear opinions. She understands that I do things just because I know that D likes them...whether that be making his favourite raisin bread every few weeks, or wearing skirts 99% of the time. And she understands that I do them because I like to do them to make him happy. Just like I like to go out with her for our regular 'coffee dates' and mom/daughter chats along with making sure that she makes it on time to the things that are important to her, and so on.

We do things for the people we love, and as long as it doesn't affect who we fundamentally are, then it's a good thing. And for D and I, it's the attitudes and behaviours that are the core of our D/s relationship, not the spankings and kinky sex.

Of course, kinky sex and such is great, and we definitely still indulge. But like others have said, we tend to wait to really indulge for those times when she's not around. Thankfully she's a very busy girl, so we have evenings and even weekends to ourselves often enough that we don't get quite rusty...

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RE: Kink with Kids * NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!* - 3/10/2012 9:33:02 AM

Asherscorp1

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My son is almost 4yrs old and I have been with my Master for over two years. So my son has been "exposed" to our dynamic for most of his life. The only things about our relationship that differ from a vanilla one (in public or infront of my son) aren't extreme enough to cause any concern about my son seeing them. As an example, if I am getting a tone in my voice that M doesn't like or speaking when I shouldn't, M will put his hand over my mouth and take charge of the conversation. Does that happen all the time in other relationships? Probably not. But does it hurt my son to see it? I don't think so. I think he'll grow up noticing how we may be a little different than other couples but that just gives us the opportunity to explain that everyone loves differently, everyone's household is run differently and what makes those families happy is what's best for them. On a humorous note, I try not to call my husband Master infront of my son but the other day my son handed him something and said, "Here, Master." Guess I let that slip one too many times. Lol! However, even that I decided to just incorporate into our lives and make it simple and understandable. I told my son, "Michael is the Master of the house and the head of the family, that's why we follow his rules and why momma sometimes calls him Master." I think as he gets older he'll just think we are a little eccentric if he bothers to think of it at all.

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RE: Kink with Kids * NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!* - 3/10/2012 9:58:37 AM

MasterSlaveLA

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quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

You mean, you want to position me between a wok and a hard place?

LOL!!!

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RE: Kink with Kids * NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!* - 3/10/2012 8:07:23 PM

LunaM

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FR

My excursions in the bedroom with Master stay that way. We have a lock on the door for that purpose. I have a 2 and 4 year old from a previous relationship and while they are with their father every other week they are with me most of the time so I have to make sure they don't see anything because they are too young yet to understand.
However, I believe in being honest with my children so when they get to an age I deem appropriate I will tell them in short-hand what I'm into and that they don't have to be but they asked.
I do not hide that I'm into BDSM. I wear a collar 24/7 for cripe's sake. I think if I hide it, that I'm ashamed of it and it is not something I'm ashamed of nor something I want to expose to my children before they are ready to see it or understand it.
I also have 3 dogs that get locked out of the room so in total I have 5 children that don't need to know about it yet I do not hide it.

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RE: Kink with Kids * NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!* - 3/10/2012 8:21:22 PM

BloodRed

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From: Western Canada
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I think the key with children is the same when they fall... Don't react.
If they "walk in" and you FREAK, they think its bad or scary etc.

If they 'just happen' to walk into a scene (depending on their age) laugh and laugh loud. Make it seem innocent while swiftly guiding them out of the room.
Young minds and all that...

-BR

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RE: Kink with Kids * NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!* - 3/11/2012 8:37:36 PM

DennisNajee

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My daughter has known for years that I lead a different life than her mother (we arent together obviously). She has known that I had simultaneous relationships since she was about 14. Now that she is almost 18 she is aware of the BDSM in a general sense but not the particulars. I talked to her about the lifestyle in terms of domination/submission as a viable way to structure a relationship. I believe it is good to expose our children to the alternatives that exist other than the traditional.

Of course, sexual or BDSM activity occurs behind closed doors. I only surmise that she is like most children, the thought of a parent having sex is revolting.

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RE: Kink with Kids * NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!* - 3/12/2012 1:58:30 AM

crazyml

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quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

You mean, you want to position me between a wok and a hard place?

<blurts out> I love you Poise

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RE: Kink with Kids * NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!* - 3/12/2012 3:45:29 AM

Toppingfrmbottom

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Same here, except that they didn't slam doors or nothing but when they disappeared into the bedroom and closed the door, ya had to be pretty dumb to not know they were going to have sex.

quote:

ORIGINAL: xssve

Shit when I was a kid, nobody gave a shit, we were invisible, they'd just slam the door and keep on smoochin'.

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RE: Kink with Kids * NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!* - 3/12/2012 3:56:23 AM

Boudica

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From: Jacksonville, Florida
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Lordy, I'm dealing with this now. I'm visiting with a kinkster couple with whom I've been friends and play partners with for nearly 20 years. They have a 2 year old who loves to run into the bedroom at THE most inconvenient times. We wound up either having quickie play sessions that could be easily stopped while the kidlet napped or having a neighbor babysit him for a few hours so we could have a nice long session without fear of interruption.
I'll tell you what I've told others and seen friends do - lock up your toys like you'd lock up your guns. Hiding places in the bottom of chest of drawers under the drawers themselves work well too.
You don't get to play as much when you have kids, but you learn to take advantage of visits with grandparents and sleepovers. It works.

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