|
lizi -> RE: seeking my intelligent whore (1/6/2012 8:02:30 AM)
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: CeePee
Let me understand. Not looking for an argument. Really.
Thanks for the relevant addition, no arguments are forthcoming, but I'll try to explain more of why I posted what I did earlier on this thread.
quote:
You say this guy has been here before and that he wrote in the same style then and that it's a style that's discouraged here.
It's not so much that CM is a little fiefdom where people strenuously uphold some code of ethics or internal protocol. What is at the heart of things here with this poster and millions of other dick wavers, is that CM is just another small pocket of society at large. The same society you encounter at work, in your neighborhood, shopping, taking the kids to school, going to church, taking in a movie, etc. Yes...CM is an adult, kinky, web site, but it is composed of human beings. We didn't magically become more or less than human by joining this site. This is a microcosm of society, therefore the usual social niceties should still be in place. Being kinky shouldn't mean that people throw out the manners that their parents painstakingly taught them.
quote:
OK.
I just happen to like that style. Not because it attracts me to him. Because it tells me who he is. If he were encouraged to see the matter as you do (Guy, look, people are people; you've gotta at least consider if your approach is working for you), I can see him maybe gleaning a really useful nugget. (I can also see him learning to lie a little more skillfully and start pretending he wants stuff he doesn't want just to lure p***y.)
I gotta say, I agree with you here. On one hand, it's nice to weed out people according to what they allow to be known of themselves; in other words, you can see who would work for you and who wouldn't at a glance. Good stuff. Except, this section of the site is not for matchmaking per se, it's for social discourse and interaction. It's for discussion. So the guy and others like him who come to place their 'ad' are being redundant, they already have a place to base their search- their profile. It might not be clear from the start that this side of the site is different from the other side, but would it take all that much to look around and figure it out? People don't get overtly nasty when it happens that people continue to place their ads here, they might be told in some way that this area is for something different. The OP of this thread already knows it, how many times does he need to be told? If people were a bit more in his face this time around then so be it.
Plus, I think that the position of letting people slide by on their continual lack of respect because it'll tell the others who they are and what they're about, to be rather disconcerting to the rest of the population here. It's kind of like saying it's ok to be a shithead because then the rest of the world will know you are indeed a shithead. It means the rest of the world should just take the shit being flung their way and accept the resulting bad feelings that we get from that in order to categorize people. We teach our kids from a young age to say hello, shake hands, write thank you notes, and be polite because they need to respect the other people in their world. Why then would we allow certain members of this society to disrespect our basic humanity here by treating us like sexual objects so we can use that as a tool to filter them out? The damage is done then by the continual caveman atmosphere. Yes, I see what you're saying that sugarcoating a basic disrespect gets you nowhere but perhaps fooled for a little bit - however, in the lack of sugarcoating you encounter devastatingly real indignities and contempt- which have an effect on the rest of us.
Don't you also think CeePee that people become more of what they do? Humans are thinking animals and can change. In other words, if you are taught to be civil and respectful then it becomes part of your character. It might be really shortchanging the guy to pat him on the head and let him go on his way without giving him the chance to become better. This is why people make the effort here to explain, so that others might learn. If you think this gargantuan effort on my part, your part, and on the part of all the others who replied is only for this particular poster you are wrong. There are many others who will read the words that were written and think about them.
quote:
When I read the whole thread I felt that, had I been him reading it, I'd have felt (who knows?) defensive, embarrassed, pissed off and humiliated, at least.
Now, it sound like people here feel that would be proportionate to his lack of finesse. We'll have to differ on that.
I just saw what looked TO ME like a clumsy 24-year-old get piled on by a whole slew of people offering ADVICE by way of not talking TO him but ABOUT him. I don't know if anybody here has ever received advice (the odds seem good but I'll speak just for me): it can be hard to take. It doesn't go down easy when it's forced down. It can be deeply embarrassing. I have to love and trust the person before I can take it. Either that or have some very strong self-interest invested in picking up the clue they're trying to give me.
Still, I don't have the history with him that other people here do. From here on out, I'll defer to you because if there's anything I'm sick of, it's internet tempests in internet teacups.
Yes, you're right, we are offering advice and that can be hard to take. It can also be a powerful motivator for change in someone. It's up to the individual. We all know how going about life being butthurt can shortchange us in the growing department, it's really up to him now. I think it's a mistake NOT to offer the vehicle for change because, oops, it might offend. I tend to respect people enough to think they'll be strong enough to hear the advice instead of assuming they want to be clueless assholes forever. I give them the chance and let them sort out how it goes in the end. That being said, I do try to offer it in as nice a way as I can, then it's up to the individual. Plus, shoot, I could be wrong or off base or whatever.
You are absolutely right....he is being talked about, not being talked to. You'll notice he's not been back. At any point he was free to come back and chose not to. That's on him. People are persisting at this point because it's not about him anymore. It's about the others who read this and can and will learn from it. If more people come to offer the same point it's not so much piling up on top of the OP, it's more of saying the consensus is that many hold the same view point- isn't that valuable information? Why limit the amount of replies that are in the same vein? Isn't is actually a valuable piece of information on it's own to know how widely held a consensus is? 2 people or 10 people think that something holds merit, what would sway you more? I personally think that the number of people offering the same view is a respected piece of information.
Great line with the internet tempests in internet teacups....I might use that somewhere and will of course give you credit. It stopped being strictly about the OP long ago and therefore it's not quite the teacup thing so hopefully you can relax on that part. [:)]
I'll just say one more thing...I'm really heartsick at being treated as less. It's not "just" a meaningless social nicety to be polite. Social gestures are all we have to offer over the internet aren't they? If they aren't offered then it means that I am less than human, I am a menu item. It becomes dreary, monotonous, and soul-deadening to be treated as less than human. Maybe it's my crusade of the week, I don't know, but i am heartily sick of it. Ask any disabled person how they feel about having their disability define them, it kills their individuality and humanity. It deadens the spark inside of them. Just because I am on a kinky web site does not mean that now I am a thing and my definition as a person begins and ends at kink and sex. I am worthy of being treated like any other woman in the world that you will meet anywhere, my orientation and sex may give us some common ground to begin talking about life in general, but it does not give you the right to treat me as less than any other. If this is banner waving then I'm waving the damned banner, I'm tired of encountering this basic disrespect over and over and it behooved me to speak of it.
Carry on.
I have no hope that my efforts here will change anything in a noticeable way, I do however feel somewhat relieved to get it off my chest. I guess that's enough.
|
|
|
|
