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What would you do - 1/5/2012 2:24:11 PM   
edgeplyer


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/24/2011
Status: offline 		First thing is I'm hesitant to post this dew to the nature of some who visit these sights.

Secondly Ignore my profile because when all this started I wanted to have a anonymous profile so that my friends on Fetlife wouldn't find out that I have cancer. I'm keeping it from most of my friends for now so that I'm not inundated with email not to mention it's difficult to think about more than 20% of the time.

I guess I should start with a brief description of what my issue is w/o going into a long drawn out diatribe.

1. The cancer started as skin cancer then mouth cancer
now it's turned into stage 2 lymphoma.

2. The prognosis is poor

3. I have a positive outlook and have chosen to fight with all of my strength.

I am saying all this because the answers from my close friends don't feel right and I've been on the other end of this and had to explain the lifestyle to a grieving family.
(Not Fun)

I have accumulated a substantial amount of whips floggers, paddles, bondage gear e.t.c. My family wouldn't understand my lifestyle and it would probably make grieving harder for them.

I am not looking for attention. I'm just struggling with what to do with all my gear.

I feel so conflicted about selling it because some of it is custom made and should I regain my health it would be very difficult to replace. It feels like I'd be giving into the cancer if I sold it.

So I'm sure some will understand my conflict. If I were to write all of the notions running through my head this post would be way to long. I am looking for objective opinions on this issue so I can complete my pro's and con's list and make a decision either way.

Thanks, Edge Player
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: What would you do - 1/5/2012 2:32:09 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Do you have a close friend in the lifestyle? The obvious thing (I would think) would be to have your friend take your toys (when you're ready to part with them) so that there is nothing kinky in your home to find. It's easy for me to type it of course, and much more difficult, I'm sure, to do.
Best to you and yours. 

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to edgeplyer)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: What would you do - 1/5/2012 2:35:28 PM   
hlen5


Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline 		I hope you recover fully, and I agree with what Blushes said. Have a friend help you de-kink your place. Best Wishes

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: What would you do - 1/5/2012 2:41:33 PM   
edgeplyer


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/24/2011
Status: offline 		Thanks I neglected to mention all of my gear is still in use at least 2x a week. It has become more of a source of comfort for obvious reasons.

(in reply to hlen5)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: What would you do - 1/5/2012 2:49:52 PM   
Duskypearls


Posts: 3561
Joined: 8/21/2011
Status: offline 		Edge, it is my great hope you will not only survive your malady, but prosper ever greater afterwards

Perhaps you can make arrangements with your friend to intervene and remove them, in the event of your demise.

(in reply to edgeplyer)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: What would you do - 1/5/2012 2:56:25 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Duskypearls


Perhaps you can make arrangements with your friend to intervene and remove them, in the event of your demise.


I was going to say something along these lines: Lock these items up in something like a foot locker or a shed, etc when not in use. Give the padlock key to a friend. Tape a note to the front saying the container belongs to <insert name>. Make sure you're clear in your paperwork that the container is to go to your friend.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Duskypearls)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: What would you do - 1/5/2012 3:23:04 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Since it bothers you that your family will find out then whoever it is that you play with 2x a week, tell that person to take care of it.

What about the fetlife and this account or any other bdsm/sex sites you subscribe to? I'm sure your family and/or friends will probably go through your computer to tie up loose ends and such.




_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: What would you do - 1/5/2012 3:36:35 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Ignoring the issue of how to get there for the moment, the question then becomes, what do you want to do with it?  Do you want it sold and the money added to your estate, or do you want it given to select lifestylers?

I'd make up a kinkwill in which you either tell someone to sell it and add the proceeds to your estate, or else bequeath each piece to someone specific.  If you choose the latter, then make photos of each piece and designate who gets what (or, more likely, ask a friend to do it for you because it'll be tough to do).

Then choose a kinky friend to be an "executor" to get it and disposition it in the event of your death, prior to your family coming by.  Make sure you keep all your kinkstuff in a designated room/closet/place.

Sorry about your situation.  Good luck.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: What would you do - 1/5/2012 5:22:33 PM   
edgeplyer


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/24/2011
Status: offline 		Re Little wonder thats a great idea for the time being. As for my family none of them are computer savvy enough so I set my history to one day and I clear my cookies every time I come here or fetlife. As morbid as it feels It would make me turn in my grave to think my totally vanilla sister seeing touching and wondering WTF is this used for (A evil stick) or why does he have a speculum. Just the though of her freaking out has made me think of just about everything.
Thanks and kink On!

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: What would you do - 1/5/2012 7:46:42 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		well don't have anything saved in your favorites or save any emails or save pics or vids. I mean depending on just how much you're into this they're gonna find out something eventually. I mean I've been doing this all my adult life and then some. I'm 40 years old shortly. The likelihood of my family never knowing anything (most know something already anyway) is extremely small.

So yeah if you're that terrified make sure that you have your playfriend clean your house out ahead of time before your family gets a chance to.

I also know that having worked with estates before that many times after someone dies the only people that will be allowed on the property is family so I hope that your playfriend can either sneak in with a key you've given them ahead of time or he/she befriends your family and they don't mind. Unless you have a last will and testament and then it all will depend on who you've named as your executor.



_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to edgeplyer)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: What would you do - 1/6/2012 3:36:38 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		FR

OP, if you sincerely do not want your family to know, and if you play regularly with the same person, how about keeping all the stuff at their place?

I am sorry to read of the rough patch you are going through and HURRAY!!!! for the positive recovery mindset. Also a big hurray for being responsible and caring enough to provide for the possibilities. For loving your family and friends and thinking of them.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: What would you do - 1/6/2012 3:58:19 AM   
dananddawn


Posts: 56
Joined: 9/12/2007
Status: offline 		Bunch of great ideas (keeping it at others place or charging that person who you are using it on to take care of it).

Another idea is if you are involved in your community, have someone there pick it up and then they can auction off your toys for a cancer charity.

I know that would work in my real time community, and I bet it could work in yours. Most real time communities do have an aspect of people who are there for the community itself. Let me know if I can help getting you connected to the right people if you are not now.

Warm regards,
Dan


_____________________________

Co-host of the Erotic Awakening podcast http://www.eroticawakening.com and authors of Living M/s http://goo.gl/cxXmh

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: What would you do - 1/6/2012 7:51:20 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
What about the fetlife and this account or any other bdsm/sex sites you subscribe to? I'm sure your family and/or friends will probably go through your computer to tie up loose ends and such.


Grins-My brothers wife firmly believes that the modern mark of a true friend is someone who takes a minute to wipe all your computers clean before calling the cops when they discover your body


_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: What would you do - 1/6/2012 10:11:40 AM   
edgeplyer


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/24/2011
Status: offline 		First thanks to all who responded. I have taken a piece from everyone. I realize that I really don't feel safe to play anymore dew to my mental confusion and inability to concentrate. God this fuckin sucks. So I've decided to leave the custom floggers to my friend who will keep them safe and return them should I recover. If I pass the rest will be auctioned off to support a cancer fund and N.E.L.A. I'm still not giving up and hopefully I will return to my local community at least the fetish flea. Thanks again for all the solid advice.
Kink On! Edge

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: What would you do - 1/6/2012 4:26:13 PM   
hausboy


Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline 		Good luck Edge Player!

If you have some pieces you regularly play with....if it is with a specific person, you can always leave them at his/her place, with the understanding that it's temporary.  If you decide or need to keep them with you, put them in a locked truck or box.  You keep one key...give the other key to a trusted friend.  Put a clearly marked sign on the outside of the trunk:  This trunk is property of: XXXXX with a phone number and email--please return to him/her.  Hopefully your wishes will be respected--the items in the box/trunk go to your friend with the key, and your family won't suspect or snoop.



(in reply to edgeplyer)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: What would you do - 1/6/2012 6:22:02 PM   
Alida


Posts: 45
Joined: 4/7/2005
Status: offline 		SO sorry to hear this. I hope you beat the odds. Someone has to, right?

(in reply to hausboy)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: What would you do - 1/6/2012 7:59:22 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: edgeplyer

Thanks I neglected to mention all of my gear is still in use at least 2x a week. It has become more of a source of comfort for obvious reasons.

If it isn't collecting dust, I'd keep it. 
If it gives you comfort, I'd keep it.


_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to edgeplyer)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: What would you do - 1/6/2012 10:21:35 PM   
kitkat105


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/29/2011
From: Eating dutch crunch in the Silicon Valley
Status: offline 		Since I'm unsure of the size of your collection, I know that a friend of mine had an older style, lockable chest to put her toys in. This way at least all the items are container in one area, but still accessible for when you want to play 

I would not sell the items, because like you said they are highly sentimental and it will be very symbolic of giving in. Having a positive attitude with cancer is so important, no matter what your prognosis is. It's probably very important for you & your doctor to discuss how much you want to know (about your prognosis) as your treatment goes on. Ultimately it's up to you how much you do and don't want to know.

I think it is a very good idea to get someone, a kinky executor, if you will to know your wishes regarding your possessions and what you want done with them if you health deteriorates suddenly. That way, this person could then for example only have to remove the chest of toys rather than searching the whole house for items.

Facing ones own mortality would be very scary, but please remember to keep thinking positive and thinking about your "stuff" is in no way going to jinx you. Wishing you all the best with your treatment xoxo


_____________________________

"WARNING! This girl exceeds the MAXIMUM SAFE standards established by the FDA for BRATTINESS!"

Odeen's spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine go down

Charter member: Lance's Fag Hags

Secretary - ProSubs"R"Us

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: What would you do - 1/9/2012 11:06:12 AM   
ScatteredRose


Posts: 171
Joined: 3/9/2010
From: New Orleans
Status: offline 		I've had similar thoughts if I were ever to get sick what I'd do about my books and figurines...
Hopefully you get better and all goes well.
Anya guide you.


_____________________________

"Realizing I had a name-- Bec. It means "Little One". It's what Goll called me when he first found me. I was proud of the name. It was the only thing I owned, something nobody could ever take from me." The Demonata: vol 4 Bec.

(in reply to kitkat105)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: What would you do - 1/9/2012 9:01:23 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		I wish you strength and happiness. I would have a party before I got to sick to enjoi it

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to ScatteredRose)
Profile   Post #: 20
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