|
slaverachel2Him -> RE: The Natural Dominant ? (1/7/2012 10:07:53 AM)
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: MariaB
I think too many people believe that leadership is the same as being dominant. I will go as far as to say, I don’t believe you can be a leader if all you can give is dominance. Dominance is play time within this lifestyle, leadership is constant. we so often here about dominant submissives. I believe any submissive has the potential to become dominant if she isn't lead.
A baby can be dominant. Any of us who have had the good fortune to have children know all about the ‘highchair tyrant, the tin pot dictator'!
I keep hearing the words, 'natural dominance' and I can't help but think of my sons when they demanded they be fed or played with NOW!! They were natural dominants. What they both had to learn was, the key decisions were not theirs, because they were not the leader.
Your thoughts please
All infants with rare exception act dominant for survival. Once they know they WILL be fed and they can communicate by other means they do. We guide them to learn HOW to communicate in a non alienating way and when it is reasonable vs spoiled.
Are they dominant? No they just want to eat and they have no other way of getting it- though for all intents and purposes they act that way. But the don't evolve that way over time.
A submissive adult is usually very capable of managing their own lives quite well and maybe even have road rage. But in a one on one relationship (or poly if they are) they (i) are submissive and willing to consent to TPE and and make no decisions, and ask permission for things most children need not do unless it is to the convenience of the Master.
As a child grows a parent (IMO now that i have raised some) is better if they can recognize how their child is NATURALLY inclined. To dominance or submissiveness and teach them life skills to ensure capability for independence without trying to turn them into a submissive or dominant. A child who's natural tendencies are supported and shown how they CAN be successful as they are will have a much better life and feel good at what happens with it rather than constantly feeling like "if only" and dissatisfied, and perplexed at the feeling of falseness or fear. Feeling unreal or something is missing. (it is)
Often parents have agendas and feel their child (i think this is most common) HAS to dominate to be a "winner" (being a winner is being yourself and loving it and succeeding in what fits you) So many kids a are pushed into a dominance they are not comfortable with and become bullies, or people who almost reach the "top" and blow it each time, abusive (i believe MANY cases of DV is caused by submissive men who believe they should be dominant.) and just simply not living up to their potential. A submissive can't live up to their potential acting a dominant because they mess it up somewhere even if they "arrive" at the position. i have an interesting story about a CEO that illustrates this well. PM if interested. Basically submissiveness was trained into the background as "bad". i was raised that way and have been able to drop it and continuing to evolve to the person i AM not what i "should" be.
The other side is the idea that ALL people should be passive and overly polite, be quiet, let others lead (religions often push this with their members) or lead yourself but really following what others are doing first. Don't make waves. don't embarrass the family etc. This leads to extremely frustrated dominants who have difficulty with conflicting feelings. They NEED to dominant- yet feel guilty and perhaps sinful, acting submissive as they haven't been taught to lead, or feel okay in their dominant skin. Master is like that but He has been gradually getting more comfortable being Himself. These are dominants who could have been the CEOS but didn't because the tools were missing, the acceptance, confidence in their dominance needed to go there. It was trained into the background as "bad". How many of us submissives have Masters or Doms that they wish were more Dominant? Not sadistic (that is different) but dominating more consistently. They do, then fall back, maybe say something indicating their unsureness, or being a total asshat thinking that THAT is domination rather than being a true leader.
Either can grow up to be bullies as they flail around not knowing how to be who they are since they weren't guided so acting a role or fighting a role. And both will not live up to their potential because they are hamstrung by their misplaced core directives.
|
|
|
|
