Learning Experiences

Learning Experiences (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive

Message

juliaoceania -> Learning Experiences (5/30/2006 7:17:26 PM)
We all talk about growth in the lifestyle, how we learn from it in deep and meaningful ways. I was wondering what fellow submissives feel they have learned from the lifestyle, how it has helped you grow. What has taught you more, your dominants, or the experiences you have had with them? If you have had failed relationships with past dominants, what did you learn from these experiences that you took with you to the next relationship? If there are dominants reading this that want to respond about what they have learned, that would be quite a treat too...

cuddleheart50 -> RE: Learning Experiences (5/30/2006 7:23:40 PM)
I have learned valuable lessons, not to be so niave. From each relationship I've learned to be a stronger person and learn from the mistakes I made. Every relationship is like a stepping stone, it brings you one step closer to be the best person you can be.

genvieve -> RE: Learning Experiences (5/30/2006 7:27:18 PM)
i am constantly growing as a person in this lifestyle. i've learned that not all force is bad. i've learned how to communicate my thoughts and desires (yes, i've had troubles with it before). And i'm currently learing when not to communicate my thoughts. -laughs-

BitaTruble -> RE: Learning Experiences (5/30/2006 7:35:34 PM)
I found my inner strength and discovered the spiritual being within me through S/m. I learned to accept myself and my true nature by embracing M/s. I found love, life and happiness by allowing myself to be loved, live life and be happy in BDSM. I'm comfortable in my own skin, I like the person who looks back at me in the mirror.. two things that I didn't really have before the discovery of BDSM. I've been fortunate to meet a lot of people who shared their knowledge on a lot of different activities.. so all the hours spent practicing knots, experimenting with wax, exploring needle play and things like that are a direct result of living the life I do. I've learned how to serve with grace or get down and dirty and make mud pies to entertain Himself and make him laugh.. and ended up laughing an awful lot myself. I didn't laugh alot before BDSM. Too stressed on getting ahead and forgetting that the inner child can come out and play without losing the gains I've made as an adult. So much.. so much more that I couldn't list everything. I've now been involved with BDSM longer than I wasn't.. so it's hard to separate what growth has come about simply by living.. and what has come about by living within a BDSM M/s framework. In any event, I wouldn't change a second of it. :) Celeste

proudsub -> RE: Learning Experiences (5/30/2006 8:51:14 PM)
The most important thing i've learned is the importance of good communication with the one you love. Other things i have learned include: how pleasurable pain can be, that this lifestyle is much more widepread than i ever imagined, that even at our age (59/63) we can continue to learn and experiment, and to be more comfortable and confident in discussing sexual matters.

Daddysredhead -> RE: Learning Experiences (5/30/2006 11:08:01 PM)
This is my first BDSM relationship which blossomed out of a vanilla friendship. As I learned about the lifestyle and all the different dimensions, I found a niche that felt comfortable to me. Master seemed very happy to teach me about it and took things nice and slow, even slower than I wanted at times. In the end though, He knew best and it has made for a very happy and exciting life for U/us. I have learned to trust beyond what I ever thought I could. I have also become much more secure in who I am and have learned to value myself as a person, a woman, a mother, a lover, and a friend. I feel blessed to have a relationship that flourishes in the exchange, not only of power and control, but the exchange of love and respect - not only for my Master, but for me as well.

missturbation -> RE: Learning Experiences (5/31/2006 2:47:56 AM)
I have learnt more from peoples posts and advice in here than i have from my ex Dom's. Perhaps this is only because i have made bad choices in dom's but whatever the reason i have fond hearing varied opinions has made me think on things i thought i was certain on and reevaluate them as well as myself.

eruditegirl1 -> RE: Learning Experiences (5/31/2006 6:04:37 AM)
Although , I have yet to have a complete D/s relationship....I did become somewhat close to a Dom some distances from me....even though at the time I thought it was negative....I look back now and realize...how fortunate I was to learn from the situation.....for some naive reason....I came into this lifestyle all wide eyed and eager....I just assumed that Doms were similar in the honesty...loyalty...and knowledge....wow...imagine... I figured out they are human too.... Even though the closets thing I have had wasn't the best experience....I am glad it happened....I learned to be more cautious....ask more specific questions....and in hind sight.....I did learn a little more about the lifestyle...even some positive things from him too... I have always believed that there is no regrets/mistakes as long as you learn from them....it's all in your perspective....and if you choose to see it in anger or light....kind of turns it into a life lesson so to speak....

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Learning Experiences (5/31/2006 6:33:08 AM)
Other than learning how to crawl without skinning my knees and how to carry things in my mouth well, I really haven't learned anything specifically within M/s that anyone couldn't learn in the vanilla world. I have learned about myself, I have learned how to help others, I have learned how to ask the right questions, I have learned how to work a healthy poly relationship (which now that I've said this will self-destruct in a week), I have learned that I have more strength than I realize, I have learned that there will always be SOMEONE who isn't happy with my choices, but as long as that person isn't me, I'm ok. We're all just living life.

CrappyDom -> RE: Learning Experiences (5/31/2006 6:52:24 AM)
I have learned that things aren't always about me, that I am not the center of the world, that anger isn't always the perfect response, that I am not always right, and despite the beautiful melodic sound of my voice, others have things of value to say as well.

TNstepsout -> RE: Learning Experiences (5/31/2006 7:21:56 AM)
Oh my goodness. I'm a vastly different person than I was a year ago. Then again, a year ago I was grossly out of whack in many ways. That's one reason I decided to wander into this world. I knew it was something I needed to do to become a more whole person. My views of sex and sexuality were pretty skewed. I had a lot of inhibitions and embarassment about sexual issues. I have a much more healthy view of my sexuality, feminitiy and a better understanding of the power of both. My body image is greatly improved and I have a vastly different perspective of what it is to be sexy and seductive. My entire perspective has changed on an intrinsic level. There were times before that I knew logically that my thinking wasn't right, but I couldn't seem to change my emotional response. For the most part I'm much healthier in that regard. I'm vastly stronger and more assertive. I no longer have to literally force myself to stand up for myself, it comes naturally now. I care a lot less about hurting someone's feelings or making them angry if it means protecting my own needs. I'm much less afraid to try new things, to be in new social situations. I'm much less concerned about what others will think of me doing or trying something new. I am much more comfortable socially, less shy and awkward. I'm a lot more confident over all. I've found I like to feel spoiled and pampered and made to feel special. All that and more in less than a year and for the most part it didn't come from any active D/s relationship. It came from hanging out here, chatting, talking, emailing, meetings and friendships. It's been great. I've tried to learn from everything that's happened. The good, the bad and the in between. That's why I've never pissed and moaned about the players, HNG's or jerks. All have played their part in getting me to a place in my life where I'm much healthier and stronger than I've ever been. So good, bad or ugly they have all played a part and I'm gratetful.

lisa1978 -> RE: Learning Experiences (5/31/2006 7:38:13 AM)
Life is one big classroom. What I have learned from being a slave... Focus, self discipline, not to judge people, how to communicate is a positive and productive way, that there are levels of happiness to be obtained by giving another pleasure in various ways and not to care when people try to judge me or feel guilty when I do not behave to society's norms. What I have learned from my dominants is that I am not a blank slate and knowing yourself and what needs are important is critical to a healthy relationship.

babysburnin -> RE: Learning Experiences (5/31/2006 6:24:25 PM)
What I have learned, so far, is that the D/s dynamic cuts out much of the BS that vanilla relationships have. There is not the daily or the topic-related struggle for power. (Who is going to debate better and therefore have the upper-hand?) HE has the upper-hand, and I feel for his responsibility - I just get to love...So refreshing....

babysburnin -> RE: Learning Experiences (5/31/2006 6:40:59 PM)
Then there is the sexual part....[:)] Finally, a Man who takes what he wants, tells me what he wants...no guessing. The other's had misplaced "respect" for me. I wanted someone to TAKE me...Now I have that with proper placement of respect.

slavejali -> RE: Learning Experiences (5/31/2006 7:18:55 PM)
I've learned that living to uphold a certain reputation at the expense of your personal life and well-being isnt worth it. I've learned to not allow my working life to impinge on my personal relationships.

bandit25 -> RE: Learning Experiences (6/1/2006 2:36:52 AM)
I've also learned how and still learning when to communicate my thoughts. I am still learning to accept myself and how I am wired. Like Celeste, I've learned to be more comfortable with myself and with others. I think we do learn something from every relationship (vanilla or D/s) and bring it to a new one. Hopefully, most of what we bring is positive.

agirl -> RE: Learning Experiences (6/1/2006 3:16:42 AM)
I've learned deep and meaningful things in every relationship I've had...they've all taught me things about myself and life...I wouldn't say that I've found the lifestyle has taught me any more, or that it caused me to grow in ways any more meaningful, than other experiences. For me, learning is person related not lifestyle related. agirl

Sirandlittle1 -> RE: Learning Experiences (6/1/2006 6:51:56 PM)
Ive learned to 'let go' of the reigns. I achieving this with a lot of evidence on his part, that he can be trusted. That if i let go, the world doesnt fall apart, i am still safe as are those that are mine. Im amazed at the level of depth 'taking care of me' takes. Never has anyone done so much, so willingly and more importantly, so consistantly. Because im free to let go, and lean on another for the first time in my life, im now free to learn another side of myself. The vulnerable side. The weaker side. A side of me that has obviously always been there, just way down deep. Only he, whom i trust more than any other, can free me to be submissive. The sexual side of submission is easy. Ive always been kinky and able to express what i like in a vanilla world. The level of honesty required to make our D/s relationship work is something ive learned. White lies to save anothers feelings is a hard habbit ive had to drop. Honesty from him, that has been what id of previously thought of as brutal, is something ive learned to value and return. Although its hard to do, its just soooo much easier in the achieving a better outcome for us both. little1

mellian -> RE: Learning Experiences (6/2/2006 7:16:11 PM)
I learnt online play and relationship are boring and fake, at times feel stupid. Also learn that the internet crappiest place to meet people for the first time. -mellian

Page: [1]

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

3.076172E-02