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RE: A wood for the trees moment - 1/8/2012 8:40:39 AM

Ninebelowzero

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Good question Liz I want the settled down thing well need it is probably the more honest answer. It's that in the past I could play the field until I found who I wanted to settle down with & now I can't.

Must be getting old.

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RE: A wood for the trees moment - 1/8/2012 8:51:33 AM

slaverachel2Him

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ninebelowzero

Not sure how to get my head round this or whether I should. I get into chat with a D type lady who then explains the poly nature of her lifestyle (if her profile mentioned poly I wouldn't have got in touch) & I can't help but go cold on the whole deal. The question is (I think) have I got a bug up my ass about nothing? Once upon a time in a galaxy far far away I was a right promiscuous slapper but I just don't want this at all.

Then don't start. She is not going to be happy. YOU are not going to be happy. She is the Domme so SHE can do all the poly she wants, she owes you no obedience. Are you at all into cuckhold? If not- that is what will happen anyway. It is unlikely she is going to change Her life for a sub/slave She barely knows.

You know your don't want this, then put yourself in check. What if She orders to to do poly say, at a play party, or cuckholds you? At a party? That would be VERY difficult. Poly is one of the HUGE issues that have to be agreed upon preferably prior because it is rarely tolerated for long if both parties are not into it. Rarely can someone "adjust" happily, key word, happily if they are not into it themselves.

IF you are into some humiliation, it is an op for that, but on the other hand, if you want an LTR then it is important, CRITICALLY important that is resolved before you try to commit, OR keep it casual, don't get too involved and recognize it will never go further than that.

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RE: A wood for the trees moment - 1/8/2012 8:51:37 AM

bighappygoth39

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It's already been said, but I'll mirror it, anyway. If you only feel you will be fully comfortable with a one on one relationship, why the hell should you feel bad about wanting that?
You shouldn't feel bad about knowing what you want from life and from a relationship. That, in my opinion, makes for a better person. At least you're not going to go changing your mind six months down the line, which can't be a bad thing. Stand your ground Nine, and stick with what you truly want.

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RE: A wood for the trees moment - 1/8/2012 8:59:45 AM

BootyBoy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ninebelowzero

I'm sure you'll laugh but this has been driving me up the wall & I know it's me. There's that side that's saying get out there & get your jollies & the other saying nope it's not for me.

Sounds like the classic big head/little head doing the thinking dilemma.

My advice, go with the head that's filled with brains, rather than nerve endings.

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RE: A wood for the trees moment - 1/8/2012 9:01:34 AM

slaverachel2Him

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BootyBoy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ninebelowzero

I'm sure you'll laugh but this has been driving me up the wall & I know it's me. There's that side that's saying get out there & get your jollies & the other saying nope it's not for me.

Sounds like the classic big head/little head doing the thinking dilemma.

My advice, go with the head that's filled with brains, rather than nerve endings.

LOL that's petty good

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RE: A wood for the trees moment - 1/8/2012 9:03:37 AM

Ninebelowzero

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaverachel2Him

quote:

ORIGINAL: BootyBoy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ninebelowzero

I'm sure you'll laugh but this has been driving me up the wall & I know it's me. There's that side that's saying get out there & get your jollies & the other saying nope it's not for me.

Sounds like the classic big head/little head doing the thinking dilemma.

My advice, go with the head that's filled with brains, rather than nerve endings.

LOL that's petty good

[/quote

Fuck me is that it? Inn rafts of laughter here. I'd forgot that dilemma.

Thanks.

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RE: A wood for the trees moment - 1/8/2012 9:49:32 AM

littlewonder

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When I was single I had men who called me a prude because I'm not poly. I just shrugged my shoulders and knew they weren't for me. I'm fine with people thinking me a prude or thinking I have a bug up my ass. I'm ok with that.

If you're not poly, you're not poly. Move on and find someone that is monogamous and wants the same things you want. Ignore the rest. So what if they think or say rude comments to you.

It's what you want and think that counts.

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RE: A wood for the trees moment - 1/8/2012 10:58:19 AM

lizi

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Two things: You keep coming back to the idea of her because there's something about her that appeals to you so it's hard to just give it all up. Maybe long ago that would've been enough for you to just go get your rocks off. Now you want more. Which leads to the second thing....people change. What we wanted once changes/diffuses/mutates into what we want now. Some things never change, some do, hard to say which will happen till you get there and look back. Getting your rocks off was good once upon a time, you've changed, it's not bad or good to not be like that anymore...it's just you

Poly isn't usually something you can dabble in or just accept for someone else. It's a challenge, and it's one of those things that usually qualifies as a deal breaker one way or the other. Stop wondering if losing this woman was right...it was. It wasn't honest of her to bring it up later, what else would she feel justified in keeping from you?

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RE: A wood for the trees moment - 1/8/2012 11:50:13 AM

Whiplashsmile4

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Ninebelowzero,
I've gone cold on a few girls myself for various reasons. Trying to rationalize yourself into a situation or relationship with somebody that's not feeling right, is probally the worse thing to do. Once upon a time we all lived in Galaxy far away from where we're at today. All those light speed miles are worth something.

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RE: A wood for the trees moment - 1/8/2012 12:06:17 PM

Whiplashsmile4

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ninebelowzero

Good question Liz I want the settled down thing well need it is probably the more honest answer. It's that in the past I could play the field until I found who I wanted to settle down with & now I can't.

Must be getting old.

Mentally, life can be an awkward bitch the older you get. To be honest even if I was 20 years younger, I'd not be chasing after a great number of the women on this site. It sucks to become more aware that the pool of women that might chase after me is shrinking. Even though, I might not bite.

At the moment, I've been embracing my single state of life. Rather enjoying the me, myself and I time.

I'd love to find somebody that's a great amazing fit for my needs, wants and desires. Just don't see it happening any time soon.

I'll play the field, and have my little flings in the mean time. Enjoy myself and enjoying life.

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RE: A wood for the trees moment - 1/8/2012 4:50:47 PM

Clickofheels

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Hello, Nine! (Smiles)

Something I've learned in my (not so antiquated) life, is that there is a HUGE difference between "needing" and "wanting" something or someone.
Of the two, "wanting" is the more definite, the more solid, the more mindful of the two.

Another thing I've learned is that when I can't make a decision for left nor right, I choose to make no decision and let things ride for a bit longer (if at all possible.)
It then seems that life points me in not only the best, but the more beneficial direction.

I sincerely hope your decision becomes the most beneficial for you, and life will treat you kindly.

Ms Click

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RE: A wood for the trees moment - 1/8/2012 5:57:11 PM

agirl

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Once sex was great no matter what,...promiscuous, you name it. Now you'd rather like that naughtiness within something a bit more meaningful.

You want a realtionship Niney... was that so hard?........lol

agirl

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RE: A wood for the trees moment - 1/8/2012 8:18:53 PM

fucktoyprincess

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I think each of us can only do what we ultimately feel comfortable with. And, of course, what we are comfortable with can change over time. I'm a huge believer in trusting one's instincts - if you feel you don't want this at all, then you don't want it. Unless there are compelling reasons to ignore your instincts (and I'm not even sure I can articulate what a compelling reason would be), I wouldn't feel in the least bit guilty about not going there.

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RE: A wood for the trees moment - 1/8/2012 8:56:07 PM

Casteele

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ninebelowzero

Not sure how to get my head round this or whether I should. I get into chat with a D type lady who then explains the poly nature of her lifestyle (if her profile mentioned poly I wouldn't have got in touch) & I can't help but go cold on the whole deal. The question is (I think) have I got a bug up my ass about nothing? Once upon a time in a galaxy far far away I was a right promiscuous slapper but I just don't want this at all.

Not sure what it is you have a "bug up your butt" about here.. Is it that she's poly? Or that she didn't put it in her profile so you only find out after engaging her in chat? Either way, not everyone puts every last detail in the profile, and I do not know anyone who can tell you everything about themselves in one sentence on first contact. The whole point of conversation is to learn about each other, which takes time.

However, I don't think it's right saying you have a bug up your butt either--as long as it's not a judgment against her and her lifestyle, motives, reasons; It's just something you are not comfortable with and bothers you. There's nothing wrong with that, either. Just realize that you're not compatible, and move on.

ETA: Regarding whether she was "honest" or not by not putting it up in a brightly lit marquee and putting out searchlights and such.. I think that kind of attitude is short sighted. We all have things we do not announce up front, and some of them are pretty major, real deal breakers. How many here don't put on a show of their sex lives and kink in front of their children, for example? Is it dishonest of you to not show them who you really are? Hardly, you have a very good reason for doing so, it's just that most people can more easily understand and agree with that reason.

Maybe she has a good reason for waiting until she starts to talk to and have an interest in someone before telling them some things. We simply don't know. Even on a site like CM, or something as major as being poly.

The only time I would call foul and claim deceit is if she put on her profile that she was fully monogamous trying to mislead others in to thinking she was.

< Message edited by Casteele -- 1/8/2012 9:08:48 PM >

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