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Welcoming some clarity - 1/8/2012 8:46:15 PM

theidaeof

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Ok, so here is a hypothetical. Let's say you have a "bottom". And you instruct them not to masturbate for a week. It all goes well till next you see them. You ask them " did you do as I instructed?". They reply " sorry mistress I was bad and I masturbate once this week". Now you know he likes pain, you know he enjoys bondage and other masochistic facets. What woild be the suitable punishment?

Where I am confused is, if he enjoys the masochism then is it really punishment? Do you deny them a session entirely?

Bringing it to me personally, the denial of a session would cause theist effect from me. The idea of a session of punishment is arousing. After all isn't that why I submit? Or am I missing somethin crucial here in the way I think?

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RE: Welcoming some clarity - 1/8/2012 9:06:33 PM

DarkSteven

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1. A bottom is only a bottom for a play session. I believe that you are asking about a submissive not doing as told.
2. The nature of the relationship itself is critical. If it's a standard Domme/sub relationship, then her saying that is acceptable. If it's less than that, then it's not.
3. Assuming that this is a D/s relationship, and that she has the authority to discipline, then it is irrelevant what was done. A rule was broken, plain and simple.
4. Your question is, what would be a suitable punishment? That depends on the people involved. It could be forcing the sub to do something disagreeable, or withholding something pleasurable. In extreme cases, breaking off contact for a period of time or permanently. Under no circumstances should it be something the sub would like unless the whole thing is a "funishment" kind of roleplay and not an actual infraction.

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RE: Welcoming some clarity - 1/9/2012 3:35:58 AM

theidaeof

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Cool thanks for the clarification. It depends on the context of the relationship.

I think I'll go and do more research on bdsm type relationship to get a deeper understanding of the types of relationships in this scene.

Much appreciated.

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RE: Welcoming some clarity - 1/9/2012 6:52:12 AM

SadisticMs2

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So for me, a standard SM "scene" where you start with a warm up and progress deeper and deeper, which allows both the top and the bottom to adjust to the intensity levels, ramp up, and "fly" together....awesome experience with the right person. This is not a punishment - ever - but rather a mutually satisfying experience not unlike the act of sexual intimacy. With the right person, it may even include sexual intimacy. There may or may not include a lot of cuddling and mutual comforting as you "come down" from it, again, depending on the relationship.

Contrast that to getting 10 hard whacks with a heavy strap and no warm up and sent off. Much more painful and no intimacy.

Real punishment isn't generally a pleasant experience for either - it's not fun for the Dominant because she's been disobeyed or otherwise disappointed in the submissive and has to correct unwanted behavior and it's not fun for the submissive because if it is, it's no punishment and no deterrent to not repeat said unwanted behavior.

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RE: Welcoming some clarity - 1/9/2012 7:33:00 AM

Madame4a

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I don't punish... as a general rule I don't care for the reward/punishment system that sets up; it also feels parental to me and I don't care for that dynamic. I have relationships with hopefully adults -- if they don't wish to submit then they don'e and we can both move on.

I'd suggest that if you misbehave in order to receive pain as punishment you should be a bottom and not a submissive. My guess is the pain is likely the important thing for you.. so go out and play and get your pain in a better context -- as a general rule, acting out in order to get punished is game playing -- wouldn't work for me, might for others.

and.. OT.. you're cute

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RE: Welcoming some clarity - 1/9/2012 8:47:33 AM

Rochsub2009

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quote:

ORIGINAL: theidaeof

Let's say you have a "bottom". And you instruct them not to masturbate for a week. It all goes well till next you see them. You ask them " did you do as I instructed?". They reply " sorry mistress I was bad and I masturbate once this week".

I'll take a crack at this one.

First of all, you called the person a "bottom". So that means that he is just in it for the short-term play, and isn't a full-time sub or slave. If he was a sub or slave, and was actually in a D/s relationship, then the behavior that you mentioned would be frowned upon.

Dommes who are in relationships with their sub/slave expect to be obeyed. Disobeying in order to receive punishment is generally frowned upon. The basis of the relationship is her leadership and your submission. So if you constantly violate her orders, there are going to be consequences, and they probably won't be the ones that you expect. Most of the Dommes that I've been in relationships would already know what I liked and disliked, and they would NEVER give me what I wanted as a form of punishment (as DarkSteven mentioned, that is called "funishment", not "punishment"). Thus, there would be no incentive to disobey. But if I did continue to disobey, the punishment would likely be permanent banishment, which is the worst punishment of all.

But even if you're only in a Top/bottom relationship, why intentionally disobey? IMO, that means that you're not a true submissive. What you really seek is the pain, and not the submission. So why bring submission into the equation at all? Why not simply develop a relationship with a sadist? Then you can get the pain that you crave, and she can inflict the pain that she enjoys inflicting. It's a perfect combination. No need for acting like a disobedient brat and intentionally violating orders.

quote:

The idea of a session of punishment is arousing. After all isn't that why I submit? Or am I missing somethin crucial here in the way I think?

Yes, you're definitely missing something. Re-read my comment above. You seem to be confusing D/s (Domination/submission) with S&M (sadism and masochism). If the reason that you submit is in order to receive punishment, then you are NOT submitting. Moreover, you have no desire to submit. You are NOT a sub/slave. You are a masochist. You enjoy pain, not submission.

It's possible to include sub-type behavior in your "play". This is particularly true if you are seeking "sessions" rather than a true D/s relationship. However, you must recognize what it is that you truly desire. The first step in getting what you want is UNDERSTANDING what you want.

If you meet a pro-Domme for a session, she will be better able to give you what you want if you articulate it properly. If she really thinks you want to submit, she may give you something completely different than what you desire, and you will both end up unsatisfied.

Hope that helps.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 1/9/2012 8:51:45 AM >

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RE: Welcoming some clarity - 1/9/2012 3:19:23 PM

theidaeof

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wow, excellent, thanks for making things a little clearer.

yes I have felt for some time that I was a bit confused with the relationship dymanics. From the input of others here I'm developing a deeper understanding of how it operates and how I fit in it.

@Rochsub2009, thats a really good post, much appreciated.

wow. this has really made me think. All the way through my life i don't thikn i have /really/ submitted to anyone. In the scene or out. Thinking of memories, people have treid to discipline me or dominate me but I have resisted all this time. Even when i thought I wasn't resisting. I wasnt't. Its all starting to make a little more sense now.

Thank you again for the input everyone.

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RE: Welcoming some clarity - 1/10/2012 7:50:58 AM

Rochsub2009

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You're very welcome.

If you haven't done so, I strongly suggest that you see if there is a local BDSM group in your area. If so, make plans to attend a munch. You'll meet lots of like-minded people, and may even find a woman who is looking for a man of her own to tie up and spank/whip/flog.

If you attend a play party, you're likely to see lots of people tied up and being flogged, or whipped, or paddled. Based on what you've written, I think you'll find yourself getting aroused by these scenes.

You could also pay a pro-Domme for sessions. But my opinion has always been "why pay for what you can get for free?"

With a pro-Domme, you'll get short-term sessions that may leave you very satisfied. But if you find a compatible sadist at a munch or play party, she may eventually become your sadistic wife who will be happy to punish you for the rest of your life. Moreover, she won't see anything strange about your desire to be tied up and flogged. In fact, she'll LOVE that aspect of your personality. IMO, that's a much better solution than paying a pro-Domme.

Good luck in your search.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 1/10/2012 7:52:17 AM >

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RE: Welcoming some clarity - 1/10/2012 8:39:44 PM

LookieNoNookie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: theidaeof

Ok, so here is a hypothetical. Let's say you have a "bottom". (Yes, let's say that) And you instruct them not to masturbate for a week. It all goes well till next you see them. You ask them " did you do as I instructed?". They reply " sorry mistress I was bad and I masturbate once this week". (SON OF A FUCKING BITCH!!!!!! WHO THE HELL DOES HE THINK HE IS??????....Fucking pud whacker) Now you know he likes pain, you know he enjoys bondage and other masochistic facets. What would be the suitable punishment? Now I know it just may be me on this one but....I'd pay the upfront and force him to spend the entire weekend with Pamela Anderson. I know it's cruel but.....I'm a bit of a hard ass.

Where I am confused is, if he enjoys the masochism then is it really punishment? Do you deny them a session entirely? (See above reference to Pamela Anderson....that'll fucking show him who's boss!)

Bringing it to me personally, the denial of a session would cause theist effect from me. The idea of a session of punishment is arousing. After all isn't that why I submit? Or am I missing somethin crucial here in the way I think?

Not at all...you're simply not expansive enough. I realize it's hard sometimes to think "outside the box".

This is just another fine example of why I'm here, moreover, why I care.