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My second time giving up.. - 1/8/2012 10:31:47 PM

Jaquin

Posts: 156
Joined: 12/12/2011
Status: offline

So after my second 'real' bdsm session, in where I'm tied up in various ways without doing it myself - or instructing others how to do a knot

- and I'm finding that, even though I've always identified as a submissive, that I have to fight with myself to not start blabbing about "this or that" that I'd like changed.

I'm so used to doing photos and bondage all my own way, and I can be sure that I'll at least be somewhat satisfied with the way things turn out. But today, sitting there all helpless and blind knowing pictures were being taken it was difficult to just give in and sit there (hopefully) looking sexy.

I also tend to be OCD some, I like symmetry in things and it bugged me that the crotch strap for the straightjacet slid to the side - and that my mentioning it kinda bugged me only made him resolve to leave it there *pouts*. Darn you Doms!

I get this vision in my head about what I'd want a picture to come out looking like and it just bugs me when I can't check it and adjust as needed per shot I just have to hope they do it the way I want.

It's so easy to sit there and let him take my arms and hold them tight in place while he cuffs me, but so hard to let go of how I end up looking.

Of all the issues you could think of for giving up control I never thought I'd struggle with how my pictures look. Is it to picky of me to want pictures a certain way?

< Message edited by Jaquin -- 1/8/2012 10:35:33 PM >

_____________________________

"The feeling of freedom, and freedom denied."

Post #: 1

RE: My second time giving up.. - 1/8/2012 10:49:20 PM

Duskypearls

Posts: 3561
Joined: 8/21/2011
Status: offline

I do not think you picky, Jaquin. Personally, I tend a wee bit towards vanity at times, as well as being self-conscious, and particular about how something might appear in the end, especially in regards to photographs.

(in reply to Jaquin)

Post #: 2

RE: My second time giving up.. - 1/8/2012 11:06:09 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

Are pictures a necessary part of your scene? Would you be able to relax and enjoy yourself more if you weren't distracted by being photographed?

(in reply to Jaquin)

Post #: 3

RE: My second time giving up.. - 1/8/2012 11:22:23 PM

smartsub10

Posts: 865
Joined: 4/23/2010
Status: offline

As someone who enjoys photography I totally can relate to your "OCD" regarding the composition of a photo. I know that doesn't help you with your dilemma but I found myself saying "yes, I know exactly what you mean". lol

_____________________________

Beauty fades...stupid is forever
~ Judge Judith Scheindlin
____________________________________________

“Be that self which one truly is" ~Soren Kierkegaard

(in reply to Jaquin)

Post #: 4

RE: My second time giving up.. - 1/8/2012 11:50:14 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

to me is sounds that you're more of a bondage fetishist than a sub or bottom. There's nothing wrong with that and if that is what you are then don't worry about it and just find someone who is compatible with you.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to smartsub10)

Post #: 5

RE: My second time giving up.. - 1/9/2012 12:01:36 AM

slaverachel2Him

Posts: 147
Joined: 11/19/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jaquin

So after my second 'real' bdsm session, in where I'm tied up in various ways without doing it myself - or instructing others how to do a knot - and I'm finding that, even though I've always identified as a submissive, that I have to fight with myself to not start blabbing about "this or that" that I'd like changed.

I'm so used to doing photos and bondage all my own way, and I can be sure that I'll at least be somewhat satisfied with the way things turn out. But today, sitting there all helpless and blind knowing pictures were being taken it was difficult to just give in and sit there (hopefully) looking sexy.

I also tend to be OCD some, I like symmetry in things and it bugged me that the crotch strap for the straightjacet slid to the side - and that my mentioning it kinda bugged me only made him resolve to leave it there *pouts*. Darn you Doms!

I get this vision in my head about what I'd want a picture to come out looking like and it just bugs me when I can't check it and adjust as needed per shot I just have to hope they do it the way I want.

It's so easy to sit there and let him take my arms and hold them tight in place while he cuffs me, but so hard to let go of how I end up looking.

Of all the issues you could think of for giving up control I never thought I'd struggle with how my pictures look. Is it to picky of me to want pictures a certain way?

Honestly you seem more like a "bondage slut" (i am that too) and a bottom than a sub. In fact most of your stuff is bondage that i have seen you talk about- so i am not sure about the bottom either. Are you a masochist at all? Perhaps you are REALLY into the bondage whixh is just fine- we what we are!

_____________________________

Master Richard's slave rachel

(in reply to Jaquin)

Post #: 6

RE: My second time giving up.. - 1/9/2012 12:01:37 AM

Jaquin

Posts: 156
Joined: 12/12/2011
Status: offline

Oh I'm pretty sure I'm a sub, just this guy is just a friend and we only play around with bondage.

Pictures arn't mandetory but I tend to like haveing them to better relive, and to share with those friends who are into the lifestyle to. Especially the one who I hope will be my Master when rellocating is an option.

_____________________________

"The feeling of freedom, and freedom denied."

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 7

RE: My second time giving up.. - 1/9/2012 12:03:52 AM

slaverachel2Him

Posts: 147
Joined: 11/19/2011
Status: offline

i answered your other question in ask a sub/slave too. it might be useful-

_____________________________

Master Richard's slave rachel

(in reply to Jaquin)

Post #: 8

RE: My second time giving up.. - 1/9/2012 12:13:33 AM

Jaquin

Posts: 156
Joined: 12/12/2011
Status: offline

Well thanks for that, I'll look more at it later, on a mobile device atm so reading is easy but typing sucks.

I really do love bondage, a lot! But to the right man, I also think I'd submit as well.

_____________________________

"The feeling of freedom, and freedom denied."

(in reply to slaverachel2Him)

Post #: 9

RE: My second time giving up.. - 1/9/2012 12:22:36 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

Hey Jaquin,

I'm sure you can be both - a bondage slut (with very specific ideas on how it should roll) and a submissive (with very clear ideas about how you submit).

I'm also sure that there's a dom out there who'll work on both counts - it might take some time and patience though!

There's also the possibility that you'll meet a man, to whom your desire to submit is so strong that suddenly your ideas about how bondage should go melt away in favour of his..

(Note I said "possibility" !)

Keep exploring and experiencing and you'll do alright.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to Jaquin)

Post #: 10

RE: My second time giving up.. - 1/9/2012 1:32:15 AM

FrostedFlake

Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline

Sounds to me as if you are trying to do too many things at once. It is tough to be in the picture and take it too. I suggest it might work better for you if you focus on what you are doing and let the photographer take the pictures.

Sorry if that sounds snotty. Not intended that way, but seems to read like it.

Here is how to split the difference. Take hundreds of photos. Bytes are plentiful and reusable. Then go through the set and cut, cut, cut. What is left when you are done should look the way you want. Bonus, best way to learn, or teach, how to take great photos is to take bad ones and throw them away.

_____________________________

Frosted Flake
simul justus et peccator
Einen Liebhaber, und halten Sie die Schraube

"... evil (and hilarious) !!" Hlen5

(in reply to crazyml)

Post #: 11

RE: My second time giving up.. - 1/9/2012 4:14:13 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

And then, there is always Photoshop!

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to FrostedFlake)

Post #: 12

RE: My second time giving up.. - 1/9/2012 4:45:43 AM

sheisreeds

Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
Status: offline

Couple of options:
- you might be a better rigger
- you might be a better photographer
- that friend may not spark submission in you
- or both

Bondage is one of those things that can be a part of submission or it's own art form. If you're particular about it get really good at being tied, and go find the experts in your area.

I try not to ever have photos in the plan. Because then it turns into a photoshoot rather than a scene.

If something really cool is going on we pick up the camera.

I'm the same way with photos, any shot you see of me I likely took myself. Including the fire shots on my profile (gotta love my 30 second delay, 10 shot round custom timer). I have my own head space, and know how I want things to turn out.

So when I model I model (and I rarely do anymore), and when I play I play (this I do almost enough!)

_____________________________

~ s.

Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in

You need a spankin' baby!

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 13

RE: My second time giving up.. - 1/9/2012 8:42:58 AM

Killerangel

Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline

I think Sheisreeds brought up a good point in that it should be one or the other, a scene or a photoshoot. The energy is different. It can be confusing to your partner if he expected one and got another as well as being confusing to you. I'd say have it be perfectly clear what you're doing in the session, one or the other.

I do find it rather OCD to be worrying about each specific photo, you can take a million of em with a digital camera which is what most of us use these days. Personally it's not my thing to stress over detail, but that is certainly just me as plenty of others have said they do look at every element.

(in reply to sheisreeds)

Post #: 14

RE: My second time giving up.. - 1/9/2012 8:50:12 AM

Asherscorp1

Posts: 143
Joined: 3/6/2011
Status: offline

Lol. My Master told me recently he wants to do some bondage pics with me and I very respectfully replied, "Will you please look into some photography classes then? Because I am the only person I know who can take a decent picture." He agreed. I know when we finally do get around to do this it will drive me crazy until he develops the talent to really shine.

_____________________________

"The path to slavery is so narrow that two cannot walk upon it at the same time, hence why the slave must crawl behind." -- Unknown

(in reply to Killerangel)

Post #: 15

RE: My second time giving up.. - 1/9/2012 9:21:32 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

it should be one or the other, a scene or a photoshoot. The energy is different. It can be confusing to your partner if he expected one and got another as well as being confusing to you. I'd say have it be perfectly clear what you're doing in the session, one or the other.

(in reply to Killerangel)

Post #: 16

RE: My second time giving up.. - 1/9/2012 9:30:42 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Personally if you're going to submit to someone then you need to stop trying to control the situation and let go. Maybe get some therapy for your ocd.

But if you're in a situation where the person is just a friend and all you're doing is playing around then control all you want as long as they are ok with it.

It sounds like you're confusing bottoming with submission....not even close to the same thing. Just be honest about which situation you're in with the person you're with and adjust your attitude for that situation.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 17

RE: My second time giving up.. - 1/9/2012 9:43:41 AM

Whiplashsmile4

Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline

Sounds to me....that you are very focused upon getting the perfect pictures to make the best impression you can. After all, your future Master will end up seeing these.

So it's in the goal of perfection or being damn close to it, which is making you tick inside. This is the vibe I'm getting off your posts so far.

Have you considered finding somebody that's Skilled at Artistic rope bondage and somebody that's a skilled photographer? I was talking with a girl on this site for awhile, who had a professional kink friendly photographer take pictures of her being tied up... and most amazing pictures of the imprints the rope left in her skin. Extremely beautiful and Erotic stuff. (just a thought).

_____________________________

Жизнь ума ебет.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

(in reply to Jaquin)

Post #: 18

RE: My second time giving up.. - 1/9/2012 10:41:47 AM

hangemhigh1953

Posts: 245
Joined: 7/8/2011
Status: offline

It sounds like you identify as a bottom rather than a sub. I've heard of people being dominant bottoms, nothing wrong with it really. Just accepting that you're not submissive will probably help find someone who is compatible.

_____________________________

"Chains of love got a hold on me,
when passion's a prison you can't break free"

(in reply to Whiplashsmile4)

Post #: 19

RE: My second time giving up.. - 1/9/2012 7:34:29 PM

slaverachel2Him

Posts: 147
Joined: 11/19/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds

Couple of options:
- you might be a better rigger
- you might be a better photographer
- that friend may not spark submission in you
- or both

Bondage is one of those things that can be a part of submission or it's own art form. If you're particular about it get really good at being tied, and go find the experts in your area.

I try not to ever have photos in the plan. Because then it turns into a photoshoot rather than a scene.

If something really cool is going on we pick up the camera.

I'm the same way with photos, any shot you see of me I likely took myself. Including the fire shots on my profile (gotta love my 30 second delay, 10 shot round custom timer). I have my own head space, and know how I want things to turn out.

So when I model I model (and I rarely do anymore), and when I play I play (this I do almost enough!)

This is really true. We have taken pics but only after and as an after thought. Maybe a video set up and just let it roll and edit later- THEN if you hate it, figure out where to put it next time. But trying to be so involved in the pics is going to mess up the scene. Can someone (s) else (3rd or 4th person) take the pics? With digital they can take a LOT and throw out the bad ones.

_____________________________

Master Richard's slave rachel

(in reply to sheisreeds)

Post #: 20

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