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RE: Coping with regular separation in ltr... - 1/10/2012 9:46:27 AM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline 		My pet and I have been LTR and LDR for well it will be 14 years in april. For various reasons. on both sides. For the first three we were online only, then we met in october 2011.
He is in the US, Im in Canada. We are both married to different people.
His wife is into the kink and I adore her. My hubby isnt into the kink and I love him and have done for almost 27 years.
We see each other every three months or so for roughly 4 days to 2 weeks depending on schedules, finances, and situations
I speak to him via skype, gtalk, phone 360 days out of a year.
We share emails and Ims at other times.
Most people couldnt handle it, (and why should they) and over the years its been frustrating, painful and far from easy.
I have no easy answers, It has to have been a combination of communication, reality, compromise and perspective, lots of frustration, lots of NRE when we meet, tears, anger and lotsa fun.
IN a perfect world, well it isnt, so we do what we can. Ive gone thru almost every emotion concerning "the relationship" in the past few years, Right now I feel blessed to have the relationships I do with all three people.
I dont talk about "IT" much on here because he and his wife are private people. But I would be happy to share more on the other side



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(in reply to bighappygoth39)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Coping with regular separation in ltr... - 1/10/2012 9:57:07 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

My main problem seems to be with the separation, and not having him here under my control. I feel that some things are more play than training, as proper training for certain things can only be done on a daily basis.

I do miss him a great deal, and he does do tasks for me when he's not here, but it seems like we've come to a brick wall with his training on a lot of levels and that frustrates me a lot.


When I was in a long distance relationship he exerted control mostly non-sexually - structuring my day, meals, how I spent money. He made me stop drinking with my FB (and having sex with them) and sent me to the gym. IIRC, I lost 15# and was noticeably more toned.

I've also performed a lot of personal assistant type tasks.


(in reply to bighappygoth39)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Coping with regular separation in ltr... - 1/10/2012 10:14:47 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		What Kalikshama said. I really am not interested in telling someone what to eat if they don't have food issues, but doing stuff for me (look this up, find this book, that sort of thing) and calling or writing at specific times, things that remind him of me.

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RE: Coping with regular separation in ltr... - 1/10/2012 11:01:26 AM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bighappygoth39

To MistressDarkArt:

I'm extremely pleased with the positive replies I've had from all on this, so I've been able to have a better think about things, and realise that I am lucky to have found him and I would be extremely silly to end it just because I can't see him all of the time.


Amen, sister. Considering what's out there, you got it way, way good! Enjoy the time you can together, and when you're apart remember to cultivate your own evolution and growth.

(in reply to bighappygoth39)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Coping with regular separation in ltr... - 1/10/2012 1:36:56 PM   
bighappygoth39


Posts: 633
Joined: 10/7/2009
Status: offline 		Lucy: I am eager to hear about as many different experiences from the ladies on here. Mainly to give myself some sort of comfort, I guess, so I will be sending a message to you. Thanks.

kalikshama & LadyHib: I regularly give him tasks to do when he's not here. Not all of them work, but we're in the process of trying new ones to see which ones are more practical, so it's an ongoing thing.

MistressDarkArt: I have had time to realise that I tend to get a bit more emotional when I haven't been as busy as I sometimes do get, so that's something I'll be working on, and I'll definitely be enjoying the time I do get with him even more now, thanks to the help of you lovely ladies on here.

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RE: Coping with regular separation in ltr... - 1/10/2012 8:33:38 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bighappygoth39

Firstly, I'm mainly posting this to see others opinions and if anyone else has either experienced, or is experiencing the same frustrations. I don't expect any solutions, I just mainly want to see how others have coped with regular separation from their partner/sub/slave.
I've been in a relationship with my partner for two years now, and because of a combination of things(mainly to do with children and distance) we only get to see each other every other weekend. We do get to spend longer times together when I don't have my children around for longer times, of course, but that's not a regular thing.
He does get on great with the children, so that is not an issue. We just feel that we should get to know each other well enough without having the children around for now.
We are both happy not to live together just yet, but we both know that will happen eventually.
My main problem seems to be with the separation, and not having him here under my control. I feel that some things are more play than training, as proper training for certain things can only be done on a daily basis.
I do miss him a great deal, and he does do tasks for me when he's not here, but it seems like we've come to a brick wall with his training on a lot of levels and that frustrates me a lot.
I'm hoping the lovely ladies on here can give me a bit of insight into this.
Am I the only one to get these frustrations, or is it a common thing?

Just to add, it's the first D/s relationship either of us have had.

Thank you for your comments/advice in advance.



I'm not entirely clear on all the particulars but....I've heard there are state agencies that, for a fee, will remove the children from the dwelling.

(in reply to bighappygoth39)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Coping with regular separation in ltr... - 1/10/2012 9:46:02 PM   
Arturas


Posts: 3245
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bighappygoth39

To LadyHib:

I have had to teach myself to be more patient over the past years, which has not been the easiest thing to do, believe me, so I can definitely identify with you there.

To MistressDarkArt:

I'm extremely pleased with the positive replies I've had from all on this, so I've been able to have a better think about things, and realise that I am lucky to have found him and I would be extremely silly to end it just because I can't see him all of the time.


One can be impressed with how positive your attitude is in the face of that very real frustration and even disapointment in not seeing the other when inevitable circumstances dictate canceling or postponing that long awaited weekly or monthly or even quarterly time together. I suppose most relatiionships, those started here on CM, begain as long distance relaltionships even if only one with travel times of just a couple of hours keeping you from seeing the other very often, at least until you make the decision to join households, and what a challenge that can be but that's another thread I suppose. So, since most relationships tend to be long distance then many of us (I think) relate to your postings and remember when it was we doing this long distance and "whenever we can" relationship thing and we remember the very special times those actually were, so perhaps you would consider and be right in cherishing these times even though they are frustrating. I wish you well and suggest "this too shall pass" and will not be the case forever even though it might seem that way!

Well wishes,
- Artura

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Coping with regular separation in ltr... - 1/11/2012 8:18:22 AM   
bighappygoth39


Posts: 633
Joined: 10/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas



One can be impressed with how positive your attitude is in the face of that very real frustration and even disapointment in not seeing the other when inevitable circumstances dictate canceling or postponing that long awaited weekly or monthly or even quarterly time together. I suppose most relatiionships, those started here on CM, begain as long distance relaltionships even if only one with travel times of just a couple of hours keeping you from seeing the other very often, at least until you make the decision to join households, and what a challenge that can be but that's another thread I suppose. So, since most relationships tend to be long distance then many of us (I think) relate to your postings and remember when it was we doing this long distance and "whenever we can" relationship thing and we remember the very special times those actually were, so perhaps you would consider and be right in cherishing these times even though they are frustrating. I wish you well and suggest "this too shall pass" and will not be the case forever even though it might seem that way!

Well wishes,
- Artura


Thank you for that. It's nice to have a male perspective of it.
I intend to cherish every bit of our time together until there doesn't have to be a break. We've already talked about long term, so we both know that it won't always be like this, so I know I just have to keep that foremost in my head when I get all emotional...

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I just lurrves me chesticles, I do. :)

Don't judge a book by its cover, it could well be worth a good sniff or two...

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Coping with regular separation in ltr... - 1/11/2012 9:31:13 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		We were long distance for many many years until last year. We only got to see each other a few times a month so to deal with it we made sure to call and email each other constantly, every single day and we talked about everything and anything and let each other know we were there for one another.

I moved last year to be near him though and now we see each other every day almost but even still there are times when I miss him. I just tell him and let him know and then usually he goes out of his way to spend more time with me.

Basically you both have to keep communication open...lots.




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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Coping with regular separation in ltr... - 1/11/2012 9:54:01 AM   
bighappygoth39


Posts: 633
Joined: 10/7/2009
Status: offline 		It's been more difficult dealing with the fact that I'm the D in our D/s relationship, so I've had to wrestle with the whole feeling it's a weakness thing. I know it isn't, it's just a human thing, but it has taken some dealing with to get that straight in my head.

We are in contact every day, and we already know that we are both always here for each other, so I don't feel there's anything lacking in communication, but I fully agree that the communication has to be very good, or it wouldn't work.

We started out as friends which has turned into best friends now, so it's all great.

I think I just have to stop picking up more on the people who post who've moved in together more or less right away. That doesn't help the matter, so it's great to see others have had to deal with the same things we are.

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I just lurrves me chesticles, I do. :)

Don't judge a book by its cover, it could well be worth a good sniff or two...

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 30
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