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Over and over again - 10/24/2004 1:46:33 PM

Morghan

Posts: 99
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Heres something that keeps happening and I just don't get it. Maybe the subs and slaves here can enlighten me.

I've started correspondence with a couple men from this site. We seem to get along, they express great interest, and even agree to start keeping a journal for me daily. They do it for a few days or a week, then disappear. They start hiding on messenger, ignore or block me on the site, and take out any consideration banner I've had them add to their profile.

Now mind you, I didn't change my pattern. I send them a note asking what happened. I drop an IM or two asking whats going on. I get nothing back. Zero, nada. When I first talk to a sub I always emphasize communication, and that if they don't like whats happening, talk is the first step to fixing it. But it seems theres something seriously wrong here that this pattern is emerging. Why do a disappearing act? Alll you have to do is tell me you've changed your mind, don't like my style, etc.

I am VERY frustrated. Mind you, there are still some good reliable ones I"m talking to. I just don't understand how a guy goes from being keenly interested and excited to zero contact overnight. Any thoughts?

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RE: Over and over again - 10/24/2004 2:22:17 PM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline

I'm guessing that they just hit 'the wall' where they realize that sustaining this kind of relationship requires just as much (if not more) effort as a regular relationship. When they don't get to play immediately, and realize that it takes some serious dedication to make things work, they get discouraged and run away. It's easier (and requires less painful introspection) to just cut off contact than it is to explain that they were looking for a quick route to playtime and didn't want to pay their dues first.

~stef

< Message edited by sfgrrl -- 10/24/2004 6:03:43 PM >

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RE: Over and over again - 10/24/2004 3:45:04 PM

LadyBeckett

Posts: 865
Joined: 2/4/2004
From: Scotland/Tennessee
Status: offline

I am going to agree with everything that stef said. I do the same thing, have them start a journal. Some are mine, and some I mentor, but they all have to have a journal, and that requires a commitment. Aside from the benefits of the journal/journaling, that's the point. I've had a few vanish prior to journal creation, and a few vanish at various points after. I don't go after them. I dedicate my time and energy to those who are sticking with it and making a sincere effort.

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"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

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RE: Over and over again - 10/24/2004 8:01:41 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

Here is a similar thread that might interest you:

running scared

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

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RE: Over and over again - 10/24/2004 8:10:33 PM

Morghan

Posts: 99
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Thank you SO much proudsub for this link! It has reaffirmed my experiences and even some of the ideas I had about what might be happening. I too have been told I scare subs (as mentioned in that thread). I don't consider myself to be a scary person, if anything I've often felt subs want more control or more micromanagement than I tend to give. Of course knowing that they flake out and why doesn't fix the pain that goes with the process of being ditched. It just helps me comprehend it and keep up the search without throwing my hands in the air in utter frustration.

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RE: Over and over again - 10/24/2004 9:13:29 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

quote:

Thank you SO much proudsub for this link! It has reaffirmed my experiences and even some of the ideas I had about what might be happening.

You're welcome. It also shows you aren't alone.

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"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

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