RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that aris (Full Version)

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Ceyx -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that aris (6/1/2006 7:35:48 AM)

Halcyone and I have talked this to death, I think, but here's the short form from my experience.

Long-distance relationships require dedication, creativity, imagination and honesty. These are good qualities in any relationship, but they're more in demand when one is trying to maintain a bond-- especially a D/s bond-- over a distance.

Dedication-- both parties must be willing to devote time and energy to one another, regularly and consistently, even when their schedules are different and there isn't the positive reinforcement of physical presence. Setting aside the question of play, it is, I think, more mentally taxing to spend an evening on IM or on the phone than it would be curled up on the couch with your partner watching television.

Creativity-- in terms of maintaining the D/s dynamic, your options will be limited if you can't be together very often. Regular meetings are wonderful, but between times, you'll want to find ways to relate as Dominant and submissive, whether that's through some sort of online or phone play, through assigned tasks, activities or services that can be shared and rendered over a distance, etc. A submissive can't kneel in his or her Dominant's presence, but he or she can spend an hour on her knees and then write about the thoughts that arose during that time. A submissive can't make his or her Dominant a cup of coffee, but he or she can sample different coffees and then suggest a few that his or her Dominant might find especially tasty. Find ways to work around the distance.

Imagination-- when you're physically apart much of the time, you'll have to maintain your relationship mentally, and this requires that you exercise your imagination. It seems straightforward enough, but it's something that can be practiced. If you're playing on the phone or online, you'll need to visualize, and here it helps tremendously if your partner is good with words and with the use of his or her voice. Practice. If my slave is kneeling for me at an appointed time, in an appointed fashion, then my pleasure comes both from the knowledge of the act and from holding her in mind as clearly as I can-- using my imagination to live that moment with her. If you can't 'live in your head' part of the time, then I think that a long-distance relationship becomes very difficult indeed.

Honesty-- again, important in every relationship, but moreso when one is long-distance. If you say that you're going to do something, do it. If you can't, admit it. If you didn't, own up to it. It's very easy to handwave the little things when your partner isn't physically present, and little things can become big things. If everything above is going to work-- the dedication, the creativity, the imagination-- then you both have to trust that when the other person describes their part of your shared world, they're giving you the truth within reason. If there isn't honesty, and consequently trust, between you, then doubt will wreak havok on your bond when you're apart.

Long-distance can work, but it has its own special challenges, and the pleasures it provides aren't for everyone.



BD123 -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that arise? (9/23/2006 5:16:05 PM)

I’m ever the optimist; if two people are interested in it working, and have actually met and know there is a chemistry there, then…with a goal of actually getting together at some point in the not too distant future…I believe they could work.  The second key is to keep in touch by phone, letters and email. Punshiments can be accumulated for future use. the more accumulate the more severve.



eyesopened -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that aris (9/24/2006 1:06:30 AM)

My first Dom lived a good 4 hour drive away.  The way we made it work is we spent every other weekend together, alternating who made the drive.  This worked for well over 9 months until one day He announced that He wanted more time with me and demanded i move to His town.  However, He did not want me to live under His roof, had no suggestions as to where to find work, etc.  The demand was unreasonable and the relationship ended.

More recently i was in another 3+ hour distance relationship where again we got together every other weekend.  That relationship ended not because of the physical distance.

i am extremely skeptical about a LDR that is greater than a few hours' drive.  However, that doesn't mean it can't work if both parties are dedicated. 

That being said, i also think there are some who choose LDR because physical distance is a good excuse for maintaining emotional distance.  i know that's not the case in this OP's post, just a personal observation.



Areflectionofyou -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that arise? (9/24/2006 3:19:22 AM)

Hello all,
Ihardly post anymore , but here it goes( i was formerly sweetpettjenny on here). Long Doistance relationships are very hard in the sense of lack of touch and sight of the person you are with. Ive been involved in a LDR in the past and it did work, but it took so much added work. I found it more difficult than he did , simply due to the fact i was used to 24/7 for 13 years previous to that. All im saying is you really need to lay alot of trust in your partner in a LDR, not that you wouldn't for other relationships. My other point is ...have a end goal, ie. in a year i will be moving to ...to be with you. Make there be a goal for the two of you to reach.
jennifer



OrionStorm -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that arise? (10/7/2006 9:16:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Areflectionofyou

Hello all,
Ihardly post anymore , but here it goes( i was formerly sweetpettjenny on here). Long Doistance relationships are very hard in the sense of lack of touch and sight of the person you are with. Ive been involved in a LDR in the past and it did work, but it took so much added work. I found it more difficult than he did , simply due to the fact i was used to 24/7 for 13 years previous to that. All im saying is you really need to lay alot of trust in your partner in a LDR, not that you wouldn't for other relationships. My other point is ...have a end goal, ie. in a year i will be moving to ...to be with you. Make there be a goal for the two of you to reach.
jennifer


jennifer is correct. LDR's are quite challenging. The key is to have a goal at the end of the tunnel and to maintain focus on that goal. I was mentored for nearly two years by a couple that had come from the vanilla swinging lifestyle, and transitioned to a Gorean based, Master/slave relationhip since the late 70s. One thing that they told me is this ... "Happiness is where you find it. When you meet someone in this lifestyle that clicks with you, go after it, and pursue it with all energy. Life is too short, and lasting relationships are hard to come by."
 
I have found too, that in a LDR communication can be developed greatly as can the fun of getting to know the other person mentally and emotionally. Then when the two of you meet, a lot has already been discovered and discussed so there are not as much first meeting jitters.
 
OrionStorm



niceshyquietone -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that arise? (10/16/2006 6:26:49 AM)

1.W/we have xanga (aka blogs) one for me to journal and one for Him for me to report to.
2. W/we both have jobs where W/we are able to have msn running during the day just to have a connection to each O/other.
3. W/we text each O/other when W/we are not near a computer or unable to call.
4. W/we talk almost every day for an extended period of time.
5. W/we e-mail each other things that aren't releated to bdsm but to O/our lives, hopes, dreams, future, frustrations, etc.
6. W/we plan visits that may or may not come to pass since i am not able to leave for a year, but W/we plan my living situation when i do move to where He is.
i hope some of this is helpful.  Have a great day!



charismagirrl -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that aris (10/16/2006 10:37:32 AM)

Well my LDR is getting ready to no longer be LD anymore (in less than a month-* doing the happy dance*)... We've been long distance for over a year now and i'm glad that it's coming to a close.

The way we've made it work is having a joint telephone service so we can talk and talk and talk (we joke about our cell provider not considering us when giving the unlimited calling plan lol) We just about literally live on the phone with eachother (ppl in our lives know this and work around it for us)....We also travel to eachother alot and my Daddy comes to his place in Fl (where i live) and spends time (sometimes a month at a time.)...It doesn't hurt that i also work for my Daddy. We've actually managed to have a 24/7 relationship long distance (i know that  may sound odd to some but it's true)

It hasn't been easy but my Daddy allowed me to have this adjustment period and now that period will be over next month.

Sooo LDR can be worked out.



Dollbecky -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that aris (10/16/2006 2:36:15 PM)

GoogleTalk and Skype for free pc to pc calling are what has kept my LDR of  4 years going.
We had a year together first..which helps ..lets see things that help..
*online browsing together for outfits your partner might like/fetishize...sending urls back and forth ..its like going for a stroll in the mall and asking "you want to see me in that?"
*a colour worn every day as a sign, a reminder of him/her ; it can be a barette, panties  socks  whatever  get sneaky and creative
*arrange dates ....you both rent the same dvd  and  watch it at the same time ..then chat about it online or by txt
*Blogging!
*Both parties need to be be reasonable and fexible
*Write long scented erotic letters on nice paper





sapphirepleasure -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that aris (10/16/2006 2:57:41 PM)

I am in a new LDR with a Master who lives thousands of miles away, in Europe, actually.  And currently he's on an extended trip to Singapore, New Zealand, Australia and Japan.  We became friends through CM and extended it to yahoo IM, emails and occasional phone calls over the six months that we were getting to know each other before he was able to come here to meet me.  Our intent is to take things in stages.  We first got to know each other before meeting in person (and ideally, it would have been nice to meet sooner, but that was the soonest he could arrange to come for a visit), then spent three days together and decided to take the 'next step'--an extended visit (several weeks or months, to be determined) in a month or two.  If that goes well, he plans to move here in the Spring, so there's an end in sight.

I am not into LDR's unless that is a temporary thing moving towards a life together.

sp



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that arise? (10/16/2006 3:08:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: impishlilhellcat

I was just wondering how many of you are in long distance relationships and how you make them work? How do you deal with the obsticles that arise from being apart from your significant other and how do you make that bond stronger even though you are oh say 800 miles apart?


Angel and I are in a long distance relationship. I have posted a few times, becasue ours is complicated more by his current living situation on campus, becasue he has next to no privacy.  He goes to a Christian University and has to be extremely careful about the rules of his school, becasue infractions can get him kicked out.

We manage.  It isnt easy.  Lots of phone time, vanilla conversations as wel as not so vanilla. When we can catch a few minutes or hours of alonetime on the phone, we can play.  I have complete control of certain aspectsof his life, even over the distance, and there are things we can discus one sided, and he can just listen.  While he cant necessarily perform tasks I would like, he can write me about the things he thinks about for our future. He reports his grades to me, and any achievements he has at work I also hear about.  He was just employee of the month, and I was the first phonecall he made, out on hsi break, to let me know. 
I am in a good situation, though, because I am goingto be relocating to him in a few months.  However, we only recently decided on that.
Communication is all important. AS long as you can keep that open and going, you should be fine.

DV



andreaC -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that aris (10/16/2006 4:14:19 PM)

A long distance relationship CAN work if the two people involved are willing to make it work.  I am in a long distance relationship (for almost 6 yrs).  It is hard i wont deny that, but we are able to survived the hard times.We do meet though..........what i had discovered is that being long distance, i am having more communication with someone who is overseas than i had with my ex-hubby.

We do plan on making it permanent once i am done with school.  We had connected from the beginning and built on what we had in common.  Anyway, this is my opinion [:)].........and for sure it wont work for everyone.

andreaC



meatcleaver -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that arise? (10/16/2006 4:55:55 PM)

You will never know someone until you meet them, no matter how much you think you know them, a lot could just be projection and fantasy.

I've been there once and wouldn't do it again. I'd rather have red hot needles stuck in my eyes.



akisha -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that arise? (10/16/2006 9:46:39 PM)

Main thng with LDR's is communication and trust. If you don't hear from them for a day or two don't automatically think the worst. For one you drive your self nuts and for another you are telling the other person that you don't believe in your relationship with them. (lesson learned [&:])

I've always been against LDR's but sometimes it really is worth the extra effort and time it takes because the time you do get together is wonderful and worth the weeks alone with nothing but phone or internet communication.

They certainly are not easy and the time inbetween face to face visits can really suck, but it's all about how much you want to make things work. If you want something enough you're willing to work for it.

Any relationship has risks and long distance ones have even more, but taking the risk is definately worth it.



Dnomyar -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that arise? (10/17/2006 4:31:23 AM)

Hello Imp. As you know short distance or long distance relationships can fail. The trouble with most people is that they don't want to put in the time to make a relationship work. I know several long distance relationships that have worked out very well. Patience is the key. Hang in there babe things will work out for you. 



slavegirl1969 -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that arise? (10/17/2006 4:50:06 AM)

What if you start a relationship up close and personal (I'm an up close and personal kinda girl) and then the long distance thing comes into play?  I'm about to test the long distance relationship problem personally.  Will it work?  Who knows.  I know that we both want it to very much but our jobs may be the deal breaker - working opposite shifts so it becomes a rare treat that we are both off work at the same time.  Hope springs eternal and our love is strong but reality I'm thinking is going to be a kick in the backside with a size 12 hobnailed boot.  Hoping to be wrong.



Celeste43 -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that arise? (10/17/2006 6:25:26 AM)

We were about 150 miles apart, between 3 and 5 hours drive depending on traffic. We saw each other about every six weeks. I went down there a couple of times, we met halfway a couple of times, usually though he was the one doing the driving. We chatted every night, talked on the phone every day, wrote emails twice a day.

He moved here after two years, we've been together now for over a year. Still going strong.



SquirtMistress -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that arise? (3/27/2007 9:03:48 AM)

My subbie and I have been together for 4 months now.  He is 110 miles from me, and I think even if he was closer, we'd still see each other the same.  Our homelives always come first.  During the week, we chat, and text, and send each other to other sites for stories and info to make our relationship stronger.  I get a chance to come up with ideas, and make them work in the down time, so when he is here, we can play to the fullest.  Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and surley makes me want him even more.  I think the distance helps because we always have something to look forward to.



LaTigresse -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that aris (3/27/2007 9:14:57 AM)

By refusing to have one. I want to be able to reach out and "touch" someone.



moki1984 -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that arise? (3/27/2007 9:24:07 AM)

my husband has been in korea since july 15th.....i will not see h im again till this july 15th...some days are terrible and depressive and make me doubt...others are good. its not easy..you have to put so much trust in them...u have to do lil things like randomly send thinking of u cards or pics...or a care package w/ a pair of panties lol....u have to do things to make the other smile and hope they are returned



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that aris (3/27/2007 9:56:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: impishlilhellcat

I was just wondering how many of you are in long distance relationships and how you make them work? How do you deal with the obsticles that arise from being apart from your significant other and how do you make that bond stronger even though you are oh say 800 miles apart?


daily communication

Daddy and i begin and end each day with Yahoo IMming.  if He has time to spare between patients, He'll call me to see how my day is going. we haven't had many obstacles because we have outside interests and activities (Daddy with his tennis and me with my concert reviewing as an example) to keep us busy however we do set aside time to be with each other.



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