RE: 17 shades of fucked up

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TheFireWithinMe -> RE: 17 shades of fucked up (1/13/2012 8:08:53 AM)
NV, I do acknowledge that it was unprofessional and inappropriate. No I don't think he was stalking her, if he were he hardly would have left a note specifically asking her out would he. But he did. He didn't even ring her doorbell, he left a note on her windshield. Stalking is dependent on the person being stalked not knowing about it. Now if he had followed her around and/or continue to ask her out yeah that would be stalking.

NuevaVida -> RE: 17 shades of fucked up (1/13/2012 8:22:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheFireWithinMe NV, I do acknowledge that it was unprofessional and inappropriate. No I don't think he was stalking her, if he were he hardly would have left a note specifically asking her out would he. But he did. He didn't even ring her doorbell, he left a note on her windshield. Stalking is dependent on the person being stalked not knowing about it. Now if he had followed her around and/or continue to ask her out yeah that would be stalking. You haven't been stalked before, I take it. It really messes with your head, to feel that unsafe and uncertain. However, I didn't say he was stalking her. I said this resembled stalking behavior. I'll tell ya something, from someone who has been stalked. When you are stressed and highly uncomfortable and concerned about the unsolicited and unwanted attention someone is giving you, you are well within your right to feel that way. Others minimizing it is difficult to receive, because then you feel like you have to justify why you feel so internally unsafe (that was my experience, anyway). It's rather unsettling. I guess because of my own experience, I understand what that "unsafe" feeling is like. It's really rattling, especially when it's so unpredictable. So I understand that the woman in the story may have felt similarly. I mean, if the cop is going to abuse his position to get her information, what else might he abuse his position for? I'm just trying to explain from someone who's been there, to a certain degree. What if you got a note on your car outside your home from some dude on CollarMe that you didn't know?

Hillwilliam -> RE: 17 shades of fucked up (1/13/2012 8:22:53 AM)
I'm gonna say that stalking requires repetitive acts. If I ask a woman out and she says "no" and I walk away. That's NOT stalking. I'd have to repeat my act for it to meet that definition. I can, however, see how this woman would be squicked with the fact that a guy who carries a gun and has certain 'priveleges' that civilians don't would be infatuated with her to the point where he would break training.

BoxwineForBrunch -> RE: 17 shades of fucked up (1/13/2012 8:26:40 AM)
at a protest a few years ago, one of the cops who punched me in the gut and then vaguely threatened to electrocute me said something to the effect of "and just so you little faggots know i could always track you down sometime when i'm not in this uniform." i thought of something clever to say about how NOBODY wanted to see him out of his uniform (don't they have fitness requirements for cops anymore?) but i'm going to be honest, i'm willing to be brutalized by fascists for causes i believe in but i wasn't eager to be tazed (non-recreationally) (by a fat dude) so i shut up. anyway stories like this are a reminder that a cop totally could do that.

kalikshama -> RE: 17 shades of fucked up (1/13/2012 8:29:25 AM)
quote: There is a strong case for invasion of privacy and his "overuse" of powers ya

tj444 -> RE: 17 shades of fucked up (1/13/2012 8:29:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kana Just called a friend who is a cop, ran this scenario by him. He said that in the post Patriot Act world, as long as the agencies involved are playing nicely and sharing according to Hoyle, a cop should be able to circumvent this and track someones real address pretty quickly...unless the person is really taking effort to live underground, no property in their name or registered to fake addys, no vehicles, taxes filed to false addresses etc... lets see... property lists address as po box (I dont live there).. vehicles in LLC name and again, not my address.. taxes and all personal mail goes to po box..

NuevaVida -> RE: 17 shades of fucked up (1/13/2012 8:32:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam I'm gonna say that stalking requires repetitive acts. For the most part, yes. Stalking-like behavior (behavior that resembles something a stalker might do) would be using privileged and private information to find out where someone lives and then showing up at that person's residence. Particularly when you're in a position of power, and have used that power to get your information about her.

tj444 -> RE: 17 shades of fucked up (1/13/2012 8:36:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheFireWithinMe NV, I do acknowledge that it was unprofessional and inappropriate. No I don't think he was stalking her, if he were he hardly would have left a note specifically asking her out would he. But he did. He didn't even ring her doorbell, he left a note on her windshield. Stalking is dependent on the person being stalked not knowing about it. Now if he had followed her around and/or continue to ask her out yeah that would be stalking. It still took more of an effort for him to do that.. and that does squick me out.. he physically drove to where she lived.. he drove around until he found her vehicle.. both those things are more aggressive than most guys just asking you out on a date do.. If I was her, i would likely quickly move.. just sayin..

TheFireWithinMe -> RE: 17 shades of fucked up (1/13/2012 8:37:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida quote: ORIGINAL: TheFireWithinMe NV, I do acknowledge that it was unprofessional and inappropriate. No I don't think he was stalking her, if he were he hardly would have left a note specifically asking her out would he. But he did. He didn't even ring her doorbell, he left a note on her windshield. Stalking is dependent on the person being stalked not knowing about it. Now if he had followed her around and/or continue to ask her out yeah that would be stalking. You haven't been stalked before, I take it. It really messes with your head, to feel that unsafe and uncertain. However, I didn't say he was stalking her. I said this resembled stalking behavior. I'll tell ya something, from someone who has been stalked. When you are stressed and highly uncomfortable and concerned about the unsolicited and unwanted attention someone is giving you, you are well within your right to feel that way. Others minimizing it is difficult to receive, because then you feel like you have to justify why you feel so internally unsafe (that was my experience, anyway). It's rather unsettling. I guess because of my own experience, I understand what that "unsafe" feeling is like. It's really rattling, especially when it's so unpredictable. So I understand that the woman in the story may have felt similarly. I mean, if the cop is going to abuse his position to get her information, what else might he abuse his position for? I'm just trying to explain from someone who's been there, to a certain degree. What if you got a note on your car outside your home from some dude on CollarMe that you didn't know? And once again, there was only one incident that of his leaving a note on her windshield. Stalking is repetitive actions. Had she said no and he continued to ask or followed her around that would be creepy. He didn't. All he did was leave the note. Coming as you are from the view of someone who has been stalked, is it possible that you are just reading too much into his action? To my view if it had been discovered that he was watching her from a distance rather than contacting her or had rung her bell I could understand your viewpoint, but he didn't, he just left a note which she could feel free to ignore. If he then got pissed at her for ignoring it, I would be concerned but there is nothing in the article that says he did anything other than leaving the note. It never got beyond that point. As for your question, I would have a WTF moment yes but I would also be curious and chances are the curiosity would win, lol. I would check out that person's profile and then decide what to do. The difference in my view is that they had met albeit briefly before he left the note, whereas I would not have had any contact at all from the person on CM.

TheFireWithinMe -> RE: 17 shades of fucked up (1/13/2012 8:40:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tj444 quote: ORIGINAL: TheFireWithinMe NV, I do acknowledge that it was unprofessional and inappropriate. No I don't think he was stalking her, if he were he hardly would have left a note specifically asking her out would he. But he did. He didn't even ring her doorbell, he left a note on her windshield. Stalking is dependent on the person being stalked not knowing about it. Now if he had followed her around and/or continue to ask her out yeah that would be stalking. It still took more of an effort for him to do that.. and that does squick me out.. he physically drove to where she lived.. he drove around until he found her vehicle.. both those things are more aggressive than most guys just asking you out on a date do.. If I was her, i would likely quickly move.. just sayin.. That effort could also be seen as making an effort to track her down to ask her out which is actually flattering. You would actually move? Really? If the behaviour were to accelerate to threatening I would contact the police but MOVE? That seems excessive and an overreaction to me.

NuevaVida -> RE: 17 shades of fucked up (1/13/2012 8:40:31 AM)
We obviously see things very differently. In any case, each of us has a right to feel what we do, without others minimizing it. I respect your opinion, and ask that you respect those who would feel unsafe in such a situation.

TheFireWithinMe -> RE: 17 shades of fucked up (1/13/2012 8:42:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida We obviously see things very differently. In any case, each of us has a right to feel what we do, without others minimizing it. I respect your opinion, and ask that you respect those who would feel unsafe in such a situation. Oy vey I never said you don't have the right to feel as you do, I simply asked whether it's POSSIBLE you could be wrong.

tj444 -> RE: 17 shades of fucked up (1/13/2012 8:51:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheFireWithinMe quote: ORIGINAL: tj444 quote: ORIGINAL: TheFireWithinMe NV, I do acknowledge that it was unprofessional and inappropriate. No I don't think he was stalking her, if he were he hardly would have left a note specifically asking her out would he. But he did. He didn't even ring her doorbell, he left a note on her windshield. Stalking is dependent on the person being stalked not knowing about it. Now if he had followed her around and/or continue to ask her out yeah that would be stalking. It still took more of an effort for him to do that.. and that does squick me out.. he physically drove to where she lived.. he drove around until he found her vehicle.. both those things are more aggressive than most guys just asking you out on a date do.. If I was her, i would likely quickly move.. just sayin.. That effort could also be seen as making an effort to track her down to ask her out which is actually flattering. You would actually move? Really? If the behaviour were to accelerate to threatening I would contact the police but MOVE? That seems excessive and an overreaction to me. yeah, i probably would.. I would consider that it could accelerate into much more.. and many cases by then its too late.. I have read that cops have the same psychological profile as criminals.. if that is true.. yeah,.. another reason.. and having peace of mind would be worth the effort of moving, imo.. Sure, file a complaint with the police dept but do that after you have moved, imo.. Like i said tho, i use a po box so that really wouldnt happen to me.. a guy would actually have to follow me all the way to where ever i was staying to find that out...

TheFireWithinMe -> RE: 17 shades of fucked up (1/13/2012 8:55:55 AM)
quote: yeah, i probably would.. I would consider that it could accelerate into much more.. and many cases by then its too late.. I have read that cops have the same psychological profile as criminals.. if that is true.. yeah,.. another reason.. and having peace of mind would be worth the effort of moving, imo.. Sure, file a complaint with the police dept but do that after you have moved, imo.. Like i said tho, i use a po box so that really wouldnt happen to me.. a guy would actually have to follow me all the way to where ever i was staying to find that out... So you would move every time there is a possible threat to your safety? Then again why am I surprised, you once posted that you were leaving a thread because another poster gave you the creeps and you didn't feel safe.

NuevaVida -> RE: 17 shades of fucked up (1/13/2012 8:57:43 AM)
quote: I simply asked whether it's POSSIBLE you could be wrong. Wrong about what? Feeling that what he did was wrong and created a feeling of being unsafe in the woman? Those are my feelings and opinions. I'm not wrong about what my feelings and opinions are. I didn't said he stalked her. I said this resembled stalking behavior. In other words, it is behavior that a stalker might do. Maybe he's a stalker, maybe he isn't. I'm guessing he isn't. What I am saying, is it made the woman extremely uncomfortable, and, based on the information we have, I believe she had a right to feel uncomfortable. I said in my first post that it may have just been a sweet notion on his part, but it was my opinion that his actions were out of line. You said, however, "He didn't do it for the purposes of stalking her, he did it simply to ask her out." Do you know this? Could you be wrong? Are you willing to accept and respect that someone who received this kind of attention might feel unsafe? In my subsequent posts, I was trying to share the viewpoint from the "other side" - from someone who has been stalked before, with the hope of shedding light on someone (like the woman in the story) who may have felt internally unsafe and unsettled. I shared my own experience solely as an example. You then asked me if I'm reading too much into his actions. I'm not reading anything into his actions, other than he broke protocol to gather his information. I was simply trying to explain why the woman might have felt unsafe. I'm not trying to be argumentative here, I swear.

NuevaVida -> RE: 17 shades of fucked up (1/13/2012 9:06:50 AM)
I think my communication has been crappy and unclear here. I'm going to try to simplify what I mean. I think the situation in the story would raise HUGE red flags for me, and would remind me of something a stalker might do. I would have felt very uncomfortable, somewhat alarmed, and would have most definitely wages a complaint to the police department about using the DMV database to obtain my address for the purpose of showing up at my residence. I doubt I would sue. If the woman in the story felt more intensely about it than I did, she has that right. If she didn't care one way or other, she has that right. Personal safety is a personal feeling, and we all have our lines in the sand. I hope that makes better sense!

TheFireWithinMe -> RE: 17 shades of fucked up (1/13/2012 9:15:55 AM)
quote: Wrong about what? Feeling that what he did was wrong and created a feeling of being unsafe in the woman? Those are my feelings and opinions. I'm not wrong about what my feelings and opinions are. Nope, your feelings are yours and I respect that. I should have been clearer, I was asking whether it's possible you were wrong about his intentions, sorry about that. If it were me, I wouldn't have assumed his intentions were honorable but I wouldn't have filed a complaint either. I would have contacted him and asked a few questions. If satisfied I would have met him in a public place, having told people I was going to do that, putting in place some equivalent of a safe call. Because yeah I would be curious to see what he's like and yeah I'm a romantic. Yes I could be wrong but I would also want to take steps to find out whether I am. As I wrote above I would find out more before deciding either way. Otherwise none of us here would ever meet as we send the equivalent of that note to each other every day. No we don't look up each others' addresses before initiating first contact but it's not unheard of to do it before meeting.

tj444 -> RE: 17 shades of fucked up (1/13/2012 9:17:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheFireWithinMe quote: yeah, i probably would.. I would consider that it could accelerate into much more.. and many cases by then its too late.. I have read that cops have the same psychological profile as criminals.. if that is true.. yeah,.. another reason.. and having peace of mind would be worth the effort of moving, imo.. Sure, file a complaint with the police dept but do that after you have moved, imo.. Like i said tho, i use a po box so that really wouldnt happen to me.. a guy would actually have to follow me all the way to where ever i was staying to find that out... So you would move every time there is a possible threat to your safety? Then again why am I surprised, you once posted that you were leaving a thread because another poster gave you the creeps and you didn't feel safe. his attitude was demoralizing to me simply cuz he is not alone in his views... I really dont like to think about how few guys there are that are actually decent.. A big part of it is not knowing what is going thru that persons mind and what he is capable of.. Why would i want to live someplace where i would be wondering if he was out there watching me.. or waiting for me.. or every time some noise woke me up in the middle of the night.. where i have to have 6 super duper locks on the door, bars on the windows (which is quite common in many areas in CA).. cameras around the property and at the front door.. vehicle alarm.. It is easier to move.. but then i dont really have any place i consider home base right now so it is quite easy for me, I dont have much to move.. half a day is all it takes.. That said, I dont give off a victim's vib so its less likely to happen to me..

NuevaVida -> RE: 17 shades of fucked up (1/13/2012 9:18:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheFireWithinMe quote: Wrong about what? Feeling that what he did was wrong and created a feeling of being unsafe in the woman? Those are my feelings and opinions. I'm not wrong about what my feelings and opinions are. Nope, your feelings are yours and I respect that. I should have been clearer, I was asking whether it's possible you were wrong about his intentions, sorry about that. It's all good, thanks [:)] I wasn't communicating clearly. I have no idea what the dude's intentions were. I just didn't like how he went about things.

TheFireWithinMe -> RE: 17 shades of fucked up (1/13/2012 9:22:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida quote: ORIGINAL: TheFireWithinMe quote: Wrong about what? Feeling that what he did was wrong and created a feeling of being unsafe in the woman? Those are my feelings and opinions. I'm not wrong about what my feelings and opinions are. Nope, your feelings are yours and I respect that. I should have been clearer, I was asking whether it's possible you were wrong about his intentions, sorry about that. It's all good, thanks [:)] I wasn't communicating clearly. I have no idea what the dude's intentions were. I just didn't like how he went about things. I don't thing either of us was clear lol. I actually do like how he went about it, it was from a safe distance. I would be more concerned had he rung her doorbell. I would see that as confrontational and far less safe.

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