"Good" "deserving" profiles (Full Version)

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Epytropos -> "Good" "deserving" profiles (1/14/2012 9:15:49 AM)

I've seen this in several threads lately that I didn't want to derail with it, so I thought I'd make my own. I'm noticing a lot of people who come to post about not being able to find someone (Yes, I know, it's annoying when they do that, but that's not my point) are treated as if their having written a shitty profile is indicative of some personal failing and that they don't deserve to be picked "over all the other options" as a result.

I don't like the fact that this is made out like a sales and marketing gig. I'm not saying it isn't in some sense, necessarily, it's just that the way it's approached is as if we should all be copy writers and if you can't write good copy you shouldn't be chosen is a little repugnant to me. Can we not at least maintain the pretense that it's about getting to know each other and all that huggly-wuggly emotional shit?

The implication seems to be that if someone doesn't include X in their profile, they must not have X at all. If they don't mention their hobbies, they must not have any; if they don't mention loving their mother, they probably ate her; if they talk too much about their kink, that must be all that they have in their lives. If they fail to address the full range of human experience, they must just be so narrow-minded that all they care about is their cock and the wetting thereof. Some people are just shitty writers. Most people. Almost all people, if this site is any indication. That doesn't make them bad people, nor does it mean that they have no personality just because their writing has no personality, it just means they aren't great at writing.

We are literally asking a human being to write a pitch for themselves as a individual and then brutally critiquing it if it lacks the components we think it should, and moreover implying that they don't deserve love or happiness if their blurb isn't punchy enough, and that is just about the saddest thing I've seen all week.



SinFix -> RE: "Good" "deserving" profiles (1/14/2012 9:22:45 AM)

I will agree with you on that...

what has me interested in someone isn't how their profile is written, just what they did have to say in it that caught my attention. I think as individuals their profile should be however they want it to be, even if you do take the suggestions offered there is still no guarantee that it will garner more attention.



LaTigresse -> RE: "Good" "deserving" profiles (1/14/2012 9:27:04 AM)

I understand what you are saying.

The mistake people make is in assuming that the way we behave and speak in person, is going to translate as successfully in writing. It doesn't always work that way. I can tell you this with absolute conviction. I read somewhere that over 75% of what we write online via email and chat is misunderstood in some way. I believe it. Happens to me all the time.

IF a person is going to try and create successful relationships online, that will translate into real time, they do need to write well. Not necessarily as they speak and behave in person but in a way that can be less easily misunderstood. In a way that conveys the real essence of a person in totality and what they really do want for their life and their relationship goals. Not only is it a learned skill, but it also takes a significant amount of give a damn and dedication to effort.

Some have all of the above and manage to be successful. Others of us suck at it. A few of us lost our give a damn and keep the bulk of our efforts for the people we spend face time with.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: "Good" "deserving" profiles (1/14/2012 9:34:18 AM)

Men often fail at profile writing.

This is a kink site yadda yadda. I have to know just a teeeny bit about a person before I meet them these days. Not their life history, just enough that chat over. So if all he has to offer is "I am very oral", that's not doing it.




Ninebelowzero -> RE: "Good" "deserving" profiles (1/14/2012 9:37:46 AM)

Going out on a limb here, but as I find writing very difficult & expended a fair amount of effort I fail to see why others can't. At the end it's an investment. The ones that don't invariably end up on here bitxhing about how everyone is a fake cos they get ignored or rebutted.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: "Good" "deserving" profiles (1/14/2012 9:39:32 AM)

Niney's profile: dead romantic. Certainly top ten of any I've read.



Azonier -> RE: "Good" "deserving" profiles (1/14/2012 9:41:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Epytropos


if they don't mention loving their mother, they probably ate her;


OMG! Earthlings eat their maternal beings? Dude...that's just sick.
Seriously though.



Epytropos -> RE: "Good" "deserving" profiles (1/14/2012 9:44:55 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Niney's profile: dead romantic. Certainly top ten of any I've read.


That is a good profile... protip: The perfect mixer for gin is blackcurrant juice. The real stuff, not the hyper-sweetened artificial version. In my top 5 greatest mixed drinks ever.



Ninebelowzero -> RE: "Good" "deserving" profiles (1/14/2012 9:48:38 AM)

I prefer Ice, lime & a whiff of bitter lemon. But hey ho.

Thanks Hibby.



Clickofheels -> RE: "Good" "deserving" profiles (1/14/2012 9:53:18 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Epytropos


...as if we should all be copy writers and if you can't write good copy you shouldn't be chosen is a little repugnant to me.

...The implication seems to be that if someone doesn't include X in their profile, they must not have X at all...

We are literally asking a human being to write a pitch for themselves as a individual and then brutally critiquing it if it lacks the components we think it should, and moreover implying that they don't deserve love or happiness if their blurb isn't punchy enough, and that is just about the saddest thing I've seen all week.



It is just one more way that allows people to criticize one another...hopefully, being a valid opportunity.

It's rather like the person who, at the end of the day, would rather commiserate on what went wrong, rather than thank their lucky stars for what didn't, eh? There's a thought! (smiles)

Respectfully,
Ms Click




kalikshama -> RE: "Good" "deserving" profiles (1/14/2012 10:53:14 AM)

A lot of men looking for women don't seem to realize that what attracts men does not necessarily translate into something that attracts women.

quote:

their having written a shitty profile is indicative of some personal failing and that they don't deserve to be picked "over all the other options" as a result.


Actually, we tend to be really helpful in making recommendations.



kalikshama -> RE: "Good" "deserving" profiles (1/14/2012 10:55:22 AM)

quote:

It is just one more way that allows people to criticize one another...hopefully, being a valid opportunity.


Yanno, if you want to see less criticism, you might want to model that instead of gleefully criticizing the critics.



Ninebelowzero -> RE: "Good" "deserving" profiles (1/14/2012 11:08:45 AM)

KK I've been chatting or trying to chat women up for nigh on 40 years & I still don't have a fucking clue how that one works.
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

A lot of men looking for women don't seem to realize that what attracts men does not necessarily translate into something that attracts women.

quote:

their having written a shitty profile is indicative of some personal failing and that they don't deserve to be picked "over all the other options" as a result.


Actually, we tend to be really helpful in making recommendations.




ashjor911 -> RE: "Good" "deserving" profiles (1/14/2012 11:11:11 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

Actually, we tend to be really helpful in making recommendations.


how`s we?

can you tell me what`s wrong with my profile?



FirmhandKY -> RE: "Good" "deserving" profiles (1/14/2012 11:22:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

A lot of men looking for women don't seem to realize that what attracts men does not necessarily translate into something that attracts women.

quote:

their having written a shitty profile is indicative of some personal failing and that they don't deserve to be picked "over all the other options" as a result.


Actually, we tend to be really helpful in making recommendations.

An interesting observation I made a long time ago is that people aren't really looking for a profile of someone or something they want: they read a profile in order to find something to eliminate that person.

If and only when they find a profile that isn't "eliminated" do they start to seriously consider the person.

Kinda of counter-intuitive, but it seems to generally hold true.

Firm



littlewonder -> RE: "Good" "deserving" profiles (1/14/2012 11:27:41 AM)

Sorry but how and what you write in a profile reflects on you as a person in real life.

Otherwise you may as well just pick any ole profile and get to know them. When I was single I didn't want to talk to any ole profile. I wanted to talk to one that reflected to me what I was searching in a man...well written meaning educated, meticulous, careful, telling me about him as a person, not just a kink.

Your words reflect on you.





searching4mysir -> RE: "Good" "deserving" profiles (1/14/2012 11:47:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FirmhandKY

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

A lot of men looking for women don't seem to realize that what attracts men does not necessarily translate into something that attracts women.

quote:

their having written a shitty profile is indicative of some personal failing and that they don't deserve to be picked "over all the other options" as a result.


Actually, we tend to be really helpful in making recommendations.

An interesting observation I made a long time ago is that people aren't really looking for a profile of someone or something they want: they read a profile in order to find something to eliminate that person.

If and only when they find a profile that isn't "eliminated" do they start to seriously consider the person.

Kinda of counter-intuitive, but it seems to generally hold true.

Firm



I would have to say yes and no. It really depends on what you are looking for.

When I was searching, as I read a profile I looked at their "loves", "likes" and "hates" lists (to look for commonalities). If, however, a disproportionate amount of their "loves" were my "hates" then I know that we wouldn't be able to make each other happy in the long run. One of us would always feel resentful that we couldn't get the majority of our important kinks satisfied by the other on a regular basis. If the guy is poly and searching for poly and I'm not, then there is no point in taking it any further than friendship. I will never be poly, and if he is then he won't be happy/satisfied with monogamy.

Then I would read the text of the profile and think "Is this someone I would be willing to grab a cup of coffee and 30 minutes to get to know a little better?". Not marry. Not fuck. Not play. Get to know better. I'm a fat chick (my Master prefers voluptuous). A guy who says "No BBWs" isn't likely to change his mind simply because of my sparkling personality.

Could this be seen as looking to eliminate others? Perhaps, but if I'm looking at potentially spending the rest of my life with someone, elimination is just part of the search process. It's ultimately about compatibility. I have no problem with people having preferences that are for someone other than me.





FrostedFlake -> RE: "Good" "deserving" profiles (1/14/2012 1:55:11 PM)

The last guy I spoke to about his profile posted :

quote:

i am a professional web designer, and web artist.i also love photography and much more


His profile made it very clear that none of that was true. I told him he "CAN DO A HELL OF A LOT BETTER than that". I invited him to consider his profile from the point of view of the person he wanted to read it. And I gave him the standard introductory package, which happens to still be open on my desktop. Here you go.

http://www.askmen.com/money/successful/41_success.html
http://www.askmen.com/money/successful_60/66b_success.html
http://www.askmen.com/money/successful_100/117_success.html
http://www.collarchat.com/m_1717756/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#1717756
http://www.collarchat.com/m_3057095/tm.htm
http://www.collarchat.com/m_3057123/tm.htm
http://the1585.com/performativemasculinity.htm
http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/8325689/the-meeting?page=1
http://gayglobeus.powweb.com/barbarella.html

I finished by asking why posting "FU Haters, with a smiley", was a good idea.

I was not at all nice. Instead I told him what he did not want to hear. And did not do it in the introduction section.

Now. Am I the guy you are talking about when you say :

quote:

We are literally asking a human being to write a pitch for themselves as a individual and then brutally critiquing it if it lacks the components we think it should, and moreover implying that they don't deserve love or happiness if their blurb isn't punchy enough, and that is just about the saddest thing I've seen all week.


Or did I help that guy out?

Edit to add an "L"



Snort -> RE: "Good" "deserving" profiles (1/14/2012 1:56:03 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Men often fail at profile writing.



And wimmins often rock at profiles: "I'm a hot coed. Reach me at hotmail.com" - apparently perfect to attract guys. Short and to the point, lol.

Actually, I used to have a real profile, but it didn't work well. Too much about me and too little about beating a woman. Now I just have random Dom crap and use cmail to make an impression. Odd, but that HNG thingy isn't just for guys anymore...



seekerofslut -> RE: "Good" "deserving" profiles (1/14/2012 2:00:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ninebelowzero

KK I've been chatting or trying to chat women up for nigh on 40 years & I still don't have a fucking clue how that one works.



What male does?



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