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when to talk about M/s & BDSM to new contacts - 5/31/2006 1:14:34 PM

lisa1978

Posts: 224
Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Kansas City
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I got this thought in my head after reading a posting from juliaoceania in another thread where she mentioned she communicated with a man for a few weeks before she found out they were not compatible in the BDSM area. I also had a similar situation recently where I had been talking to a couple for a while and finally got around to talking about sex and found out things that made us not a fit.

I was wondering as slaves and subs how much, when or if you bring up the sexual and BDSM topics when you are communicating with someone. I tend never to bring it up myself because I do not want to come across as a fake or making it look like my wants and likes are the most important things to me. Of course, we also do not want someone who communicates with us to only talk about these subjects as it makes them look like fakes or they do not care about us as normal people.

I appreciate dominant people who contact me and want to know me as a person and to see if we are compatible in the vanilla areas before moving to the M/s and BDSM areas, but at the same time, for me at least, I do not separate myself like that. All these aspects interact in my being and I think all of them are very important and critical.

I guess what I am asking is as slaves or submissive’s when you feel it is appropriate to discuss the M/s, BDSM and sexual topics in some detail when talking to someone? Right away, as long as vanilla things are also being discussed or after significant regular stuff has been established or something in between. Also, do you have a problem being the one to bring it up?

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RE: when to talk about M/s & BDSM to new contacts - 5/31/2006 1:22:37 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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When it's appropriate for you.

My co workers will never know. Someone I meet at a goth club might know in a few hours.

Coming out is a personal choice and very dependent on context. I will say that I do NOT date anyone who is not fully aware of my poly or kink aspects. But I have casual friends who I don't discuss it with simply because it's not the nature of our relationship and it never comes up in conversations together.

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RE: when to talk about M/s & BDSM to new contacts - 5/31/2006 2:38:09 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
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I think its totally ok to bring up bdsm and our likes and dislikes within it, from the get-go,considering the environment we have chosen to communicate in. If your meeting someone through collarme, it is a D/s site, so I think it would be kinda dumb situation, to feel you could talk about anything but D/s to prove yourself not superficial or a fake, agree with you, talking about D/s is relevant, even critical to be part of initial conversations. Heck....I was just imagining talking to Master about anything but D/s then down the line I find out he wants to treat me like a baby...or had never done anything other than spank someone.

When I talk on a health board or interact in that way, I feel pretty free to talk about health there too.

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RE: when to talk about M/s & BDSM to new contacts - 5/31/2006 8:37:13 PM

mellian

Posts: 211
Joined: 9/6/2004
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I always about discussing bdsm things among others, especially online where we cannot see other, hear each other and so on, the main cues that help improve communication, no what is okay or not okay to say and do.

-mellian

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RE: when to talk about M/s & BDSM to new contacts - 5/31/2006 9:55:45 PM

Anewworldcallsme

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Joined: 5/26/2006
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I like to talk about it soon after meeting someone. It is very helpful to know if we are both compatable in interests or am i getting in over my head? The talk is not all about our lifestyle but enough that i am comfortable to continue or knowledgeable to say this is not for me.

(in reply to mellian)

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