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RE: Dom disapeared - 1/17/2012 1:57:19 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetcreamsub

We didn't meet face to face because he lives in another state, but told me that he was moving here in the summer. He was actually very interested in getting to know me as a person...

I really am sorry this happened to you, and I'm not going to talk like you're a twit. Many things could have happened. He could have had family visiting, a family emergency, he could be in the hospital, he could be married, he could have decided he's just not that into you as hard as that is to hear, maybe he's just taking time to think.

I remember when I was a sub, things like that had happened to me before.

1. Someone I was IMing with almost daily, one day he completely fell off my radar for months. Then he came back on one day and said he'd gotten stationed in Afghanistan for six months and now he was back. He never said he was going so I thought he'd dumped me and, after a couple months, I moved on.

2. Another Dom I was IMing with three or four times a week said he had no ties where he was living and that he was looking for a house in my area. We'd IMed for the better part of a year and then he just stopped answering my IMs for a few months. After a few months, I started seeing someone else. Then one day he came back on and told me finally that he was MARRIED. I told him to buzz off.

There are a lot of weirdos out there and I'm so glad I'm not single anymore. Also, I hope the best for you.

NBMG

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I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to sweetcreamsub)

Post #: 21

RE: Dom disapeared - 1/17/2012 2:00:20 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I have always been impressed with the ones that disappear, then reappear months later,still proclaiming undying love.

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(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 22

RE: Dom disapeared - 1/17/2012 2:15:51 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I have always been impressed with the ones that disappear, then reappear months later,still proclaiming undying love.

Yeah, I know. They are SO full of B.S. And, that's just one more reason I don't do long-term online crap anymore.

Back when I was sub, I learned my lesson.

NBMG

_____________________________

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Post #: 23

RE: Dom disapeared - 1/17/2012 2:54:05 PM

sweetcreamsub

Posts: 16
Joined: 12/10/2011
Status: offline

I think you are all awesome, and appreciate everyone's input. Lesson learned.

Kalikshama- I considered his profile very well rounded, and intelligent. I have never asked anyone where all they post....maybe I should? Actually, I happened upon it by accident and liked it, thought he was handsome....dropped him a note saying basically that and didn't think anything of it. He messaged me back saying hi and that he was moving to Dallas this summer. From there it went to him calling me every day, and me texting him.

Yes, it hurts....and it sucks that people are so inconsiderate. I'm a big girl....I would totally prefer I've found someone else, or not interested anymore.....something. Maybe it's just me, but a disapearing act seems really un-Dom like.

Closing the door on this chapter. Thanks everyone

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 24

RE: Dom disapeared - 1/17/2012 3:15:03 PM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

2. Another Dom I was IMing with three or four times a week said he had no ties where he was living and that he was looking for a house in my area. We'd IMed for the better part of a year and then he just stopped answering my IMs for a few months. After a few months, I started seeing someone else. Then one day he came back on and told me finally that he was MARRIED. I told him to buzz off.

I flew out to meet someone, and after spending 3 hrs together he tells me he doesn't feel the relationship spark and wants to remain friends. I was OK with that and we chatted off and on for about a month over IM before his wife (which I didn't know about) started chatting me up pretending to be him. It didn't sound like him so I started asking questions and she confessed to being his third wife looking for dirt because she knew he had been cheating (I certainly didn't give her any details). Within a month he hid his profile and moved to his mother's in another state and has unhidden his profile here, though he doesn't log on all that much.

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 25

RE: Dom disapeared - 1/17/2012 3:52:53 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

Kalikshama- I considered his profile very well rounded, and intelligent. I have never asked anyone where all they post....maybe I should?

Well, if someone has an all kink profile here but a nice vanilla profile on OKCupid, I'll still consider him well rounded. But if he's all kink here and has no other presence then that's a minus for him as Relationship Guy.

M's OKC profile is very different from his Fet profile - it was nice to see that side of him too.

(in reply to sweetcreamsub)

Post #: 26

RE: Dom disapeared - 1/17/2012 4:13:56 PM

fragilepieces

Posts: 416
Joined: 7/6/2008
Status: offline

My partner did not answer his phone for several days because the screen died on his phone and he had to replace it---of course he used an alternate method to contact me and give me a heads up---however if this Dom you are talking to is in a similar situation....I know shortly after I started speaking to my partner, I had a problem paying my internet/phone bill and it was a couple weeks before I was able to restore them----I gave him a heads up that it could happen but those things do happen.

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Me to Daddy: Now you'll think I'm a weirdo
Him: I love you BECAUSE you ARE a weirdo.

(in reply to sweetcreamsub)

Post #: 27

RE: Dom disapeared - 1/17/2012 4:14:49 PM

Fornica

Posts: 2986
Status: offline

OP- google is your friend. A lot of men use the same username everywhere, and are easily tracked down ;)

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Post #: 28

RE: Dom disapeared - 1/17/2012 4:54:45 PM

AttitudyJudy

Posts: 85
Joined: 1/6/2012
Status: offline

Based on things I've read in here, and in another forum on a vanilla dating site that I like to go to, people do some really really, unbelievably crazy things online....and in real life. Nothing that I read suprises me anymore.

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Post #: 29

RE: Dom disapeared - 1/17/2012 9:54:38 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: searching4mysir
we chatted off and on for about a month over IM before his wife (which I didn't know about) started chatting me up pretending to be him. It didn't sound like him so I started asking questions and she confessed to being his third wife looking for dirt because she knew he had been cheating (I certainly didn't give her any details).

I remember years ago I used to IM chat with this one guy and one day I realized I hadn't heard from him in a few days. Then, all of a sudden, his chat window comes up but it says "Hey, I'm his wife. Stay away from him." I IMed back that I was profusely sorry and that I had NO clue he was married because I really had NO clue he was. Then she said "It's okay. I don't blame you. I found out he has over twenty gals on the string he's IMing with." Some loser!! Boy did I feel stupid. There's a lot of losers out there.

NBMG

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Post #: 30

RE: Dom disapeared - 1/17/2012 10:06:54 PM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
Status: offline

I like to be positive. Besides, men do think differently and I know we as single guys sometimes need to '"head out" and we just go on a "walkabout" or even a hunting or fishing trip or weekend jaunt somewhere because, well, because it's important to us and our balance. We are single and single guys just can be that way and we compartmentalize the fact that the girl we left behind might be wondering where we are. Be patient for a few more days.

P.S. Now that I think about it, there are locations I'm in while hiking or camping where there simply is no cell service.

< Message edited by Arturas -- 1/17/2012 10:13:58 PM >

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Post #: 31

RE: Dom disapeared - 1/18/2012 2:01:02 AM

fragilepieces

Posts: 416
Joined: 7/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

I IMed back that I was profusely sorry and that I had NO clue he was married because I really had NO clue he was.

He should have been profusely sorry---LOL I would have said---"damn lady your husband is a loser don't worry I am tossing his cheating ass right back in your lap."

_____________________________

Me to Daddy: Now you'll think I'm a weirdo
Him: I love you BECAUSE you ARE a weirdo.

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 32

RE: Dom disapeared - 1/18/2012 3:14:17 AM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetcreamsub

We didn't meet face to face because he lives in another state, but told me that he was moving here in the summer. He was actually very interested in getting to know me as a person...

I was actually very worried at first that something had happened to him. The hospital bed scenario did cross my mind....but I saw on another site that he had been logged in the past few days....so it is more a matter of he moved on and now I need to as well.

Just wish people would show common courtesy.

If I had talked to you or anyone for a month I have nothing invested emotionally or otherwise. So we stopped talking big deal. So I dont get your CC remark. "Oh i just called to tell you I wont talk to you anymore" WTF over!

BadOne

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(in reply to sweetcreamsub)

Post #: 33

RE: Dom disapeared - 1/18/2012 5:43:19 AM

SinFix

Posts: 866
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline

I will agree with Aturas and SB on this one...

Having had guys as my best friends... yeah we can go for weeks talking everyday, to not hearing from them for a week or two.. doesn't mean they don't like me or anything, just life came up and they are doing their thing...

and Yeah if some guy that I barely knew and had only been chatting with sent me a... sorry not going to talk to you anymore, {insert for whatever reason}.. I'd be like HUH? WTF.. just disappear already...

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 34

RE: Dom disapeared - 1/18/2012 12:22:58 PM

GotSteel

Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline

e-cold feet isn't just a phenomenon peculiar to BDSM it happens in online dating in general: http://www.canada.com/Online+dating+give+some+guys+cold+feet/5673228/story.html

I kind of wonder if it's more frequent in kinky online dating because of the in the closet nature of a lot of the participants and some of misconceptions inexperienced kinksters might be suffering from but who knows

At the end of the day hopefully you can pick up on some of the patterns of the people who aren't likely to meet you in the flesh and find what you're looking for.

(in reply to sweetcreamsub)

Post #: 35

RE: Dom disapeared - 1/18/2012 3:38:31 PM

JanahX

Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline

They dip out because their first name is GUTLESS middle name COWARD and last name is PUSSY.

Bitch and Cunt come to mind ---> (and these arnt names I call women either.)

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Post #: 36

RE: Dom disapeared - 1/18/2012 6:36:56 PM

BabieGothika

Posts: 41
Joined: 5/10/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetcreamsub

I have been talking to a guy I met online for over a month now, on phone and by email. Everything was going great I thought, but suddenly friday night he disapeared and I can't figure out why.

He won't return any text message, email....didn't answer the phone when I called.

I guess it is time to move on, but I'd appreciate any insight.

I think than you must move on and find somebody else and next time meet the guy in person and real life, honey, good luck! and have fun

(in reply to sweetcreamsub)

Post #: 37

RE: Dom disapeared - 3/2/2012 7:50:34 PM

texan4real

Posts: 4
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline

I confess to having "disappeared" on a sub online fairly recently, but it was for none of the reasons that have been offered here by others. In My case, I was prepared to go to pick her up at her home in another state as W/we had agreed upon. I mean all the details had been worked out, the rules and limits established, etc. But then I discovered that despite a lengthy discussion that had been held on My number 1 rule, she confessed that she couldn't live with it. I had told her that not abiding by that rule would be cause for release. So, on the theory that a Master's absence is often the worst punishment that can be endured, I removed Myself from her. I can't say that I handled it very well, and I've had doubts, but I made a decision and it's time to move on.

(in reply to sweetcreamsub)

Post #: 38

RE: Dom disapeared - 3/2/2012 8:17:37 PM

SoftBonds

Posts: 862
Joined: 2/10/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

quote:

ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess

You know, anytime that I think someone has not contacted me because an emergency situation has arisen, it has NEVER been the case. Probabilistically speaking, it is very unlikely....

You know, I just have to requote this for posterity....it has literally never happened to me or anyone I know personally, or anyone i've ever even heard of, where someone that drops out of sight had an emergency. Never. The emergency thing seems like a good possible explanation, but in real life it's a total washout.

In a real emergency, you tend to want to call/contact your friends and family for sympathy. We think we grow up, but when we get an owie, we still want someone to kiss it better, or at least express sympathy and listen to the horror stories...

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Post #: 39

RE: Dom disapeared - 3/2/2012 8:24:01 PM

SoftBonds

Posts: 862
Joined: 2/10/2012
Status: offline

You know, thinking about it, there probably was one time I "disappeared," on an online thing. She and I had been exchanging messages about daily, maybe more often. I wasn't sure if she was really into me, or just being polite, so I just didn't answer one of her messages. I figured if she liked me, she'd send at least one more message. She never did.
I've gone through life figuring that she wasn't into me, but now I wonder if I "abandoned," her?

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Ignored: ThompsonX, RealOne (so folks know why I don't reply)

The last poster is often not the "winner," of the thread, just the one who was most annoying.

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Post #: 40

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