RE: How do you know if

RE: How do you know if (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress

Message

ShadowHwk -> RE: How do you know if (2/11/2004 5:14:12 PM)
Stephan, Well said as usual. Ask questions, lots of them. Pay attention to the answers. Wait a day or two, ask the same question again. Compare the answers. Ask about previous relationships if a relationship is where you want to be. Ask about safesex. Specifically ask then when was the last time they had UNprotected sex. Ask specific questions, demand specific answers. If the answers change every few days, then you can bet they are NOT being honest. Peace and Light Terry

dizzylizzy -> RE: How do you know if (2/15/2004 12:35:01 PM)
A few points. It is really hard to assess all of the nuances of a given situation in just an email but I think you did great. Anyone who brings up having toys at the first meet is not looking for any type of relationship, in my opinion. There are those who like to start out super-fast and there is nothing wrong with that but you may want to take a page from Miz Suz's book and nip that in the bud since it does not seem to be to your liking. Men interested in you will accept it gracefully (if disappointedly) and kinky, casual sex-seekers will get belligerant or disappear. I think many of us (especially when we are newer to the lifestyle) are so excited to find someone we connect with online or on the phone, that we then build up a fantasy picture in our heads and we ignore some of the pesky, smaller red flags. You had a few but gave this guy the benefit of the doubt. Also, there is another thread on here asking how to find a mistress. It sounds like you are a super-rare commodity so you should have lots of opportunities to get your way. Good luck, liz

MistressAnnie -> RE: How do you know if (2/24/2004 9:42:59 PM)
Thank you for all the good advise. And yes there are many who search for a Mistress but few who understand the value of a Mistress and who understand she is not there sex toy! It is overwhelming to deal with! I have often already considered giving up the search as it is so time consuming! Gives one little time for r/t work and relaxation. Boy what negitive complaint.. LOL

PetOwner -> RE: How do you know if (2/25/2004 7:35:46 AM)
Annie your question is one that most, if not all of us, have faced at one time or another. My simple answer is, I always assume that they are all "guy{s} hopeing to get laid with some wild kinky sex" and that it is inherent on them proving otherwise. Having said that, my best advice is to meet in a neutral n'illa place (e.g., coffee shop). I wouldn't have let him know where you were staying. Also, I wouldn't have expected him to pay for anything and would have told him so up front. In that way, he can't feel that you "owe" him something. If things go well and he volunteers, then accept him paying for dinner, but only after all expectations are known and understood. You are right "<i>first meeting are for finding out if you are interested in beginning a relationship not having sex and demostrating your 'skills' </i>", therefore make it plain to him that all that will happen is a discussion. NO PLAY! Any potential submissive I talk to, I make it perfectly clear that "play is a reward" for good service. In saying that it, helps to open up the conversation on what I expect and how they may fit in. I also, ask what their non D/s, non BDSM interests are to see if we are compatable in that respect too. Only after they have convinced me that they are worth my time, then will I respond to their questions. The guy you describe seems to be a "bottom" not a sub. Big difference between a bottom and a sub, bottoms are just into play. That would explain his behaviour and attitude. Here is a link that might help you and the articles there say things better then I can. http://www.leathernroses.com/generalbdsm/generalbdsm.htm It has been a long time since I have been in your area, but there use to be 2 lifestyle groups in Tulsa. I am not sure what the status is now, but I still keep in touch with one of the male doms, I met at a munch there. If you would like, I could pass along your email addy and ask him to let you know what is going on in the Tulsa area. Also, feel free to ask me, off list, any questions that you might have. I help run 2 yahoo groups that might interest you too. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BoundbyLeatherandChains/ [email protected] http://groups.yahoo.com/group/submissive_network/ [email protected] PetOwner aka MM

iwillserveu -> RE: How do you know if (2/26/2004 4:35:22 AM)
I'm on the wrong board to be answering, but a male perspective may be wanted. As a guy I *always* want kinky sex. My first thought in *any* situation will be about sex. (If I've been belted it is even worse as the possibility of erections without pain are added to the mix.[:D]) When you first talk to a guy he will be thinking of kinky sex. If he says he isn't, he's a liar who is just telling you (a female) what she wants to hear.[:)] To find out if he is real about submission and not just looking for kinky sex, ask him. (Wow! communication in BDSM?! maybe D/s is a *relationship* type![:D]) Note there is a difference between "and" and "only". Many want "only" kinky sex. Some want actual submission 'and" kinky sex. A male's first thought will always be "sex". The only way to get another train on that one track mind is derail the first one.[:)] I can't spell check right now. Soorrrry for the typoes[:)]

enchantedflow -> RE: How do you know if (2/28/2004 7:38:48 AM)
Hi MIstress Annie, I don't think there are any hard fast rules with being submissive/dominant. Everyone is going to have varying interests in the lifestyle. That lifestyle might not go any further than the bedroom for some. Finding someone who suits your needs is not going to be easy. Good things in life never come about easy. There are telling signs though. I'll probably get kicked out of the village and be hunted down by my Masonic affiliations but....[;)] You can tell if a guy is submissive by how willing he is to jump at your every word. You call his name and he gets whip lash so as not to delay his response. This can be tricky online because so many things are not what they seem. I think the key is a balance between kink and real life communications and human interaction. Ultimately the scale should tip in the direction of he being submissive to your personality not your new latex catsuit and flogger. You still need to consider some of the submissive's desires only you will introduce him to delayed gratification. In order for the submissive to even come close to having his kink realized he will have to wait. By waiting I mean he will have to do something 10 fold to his wants. If he was dilusionally angry it might have had something to do with chastity of someone not used to the realm. I'm guessing this was not the case. The thing is when he was nice to you and talked about the future and how he would be your slave he was turned on. If he had not had an orgasm for even a few days he would be more submissive. The thing is he masturbated I'm sure of this. After he released those fluids so did he release the spell. It really is a spell to. Some dommes here or elsewhere would try to paint a picture of they're sooooo dominating slaves just submit to them at will. Take a look at their slaves and pretend it's "antique's roadshow". See anything truely valuable? Submission is a sacrifice. It's a 2 way relationship not a one way as some would have you believe. As I said a submissive definately wants kinky sex. The key for you to get what you want is to delay the process. enchanted

sensualdomme -> RE: How do you know if (8/11/2005 4:00:03 PM)
oops

sensualdomme -> RE: How do you know if (8/11/2005 4:02:16 PM)
long time, same story.. lol

Bluff -> RE: How do you know if (8/13/2005 12:33:05 AM)
Hello miss Annie, Observe the animals! how they approach a new thing! delicately and with care! there is curiosity in the beginning, and curiosity is tender! the guy jumped into the water as if he knew that water! you were simply flesh for him that he was going to eat! no personality! you were an object! well some do want that! me for example! i would endure being used like that by a mistress and i could like it too. used as an object! thats what you want partly too! because you stayed! there is a split! used as an object or acknowledged as a person! my ratio is 95/5 Object versus person! yours must be 85/15 find your ratio! your mistress side is your doggy side with biting teeth! you bite for your master! the dogs who have the sharpest teeth are the most submissive and loyal! are they? There is demand for such guys you say they are jerks! you got to know what you want and you got to seize what he is! thats not experiance! you got what you wanted! and that experiance i believe is a nice spot in your life! it will be a firm grounding for your future events! when you get closer to your self and stay balanced. and have the power! but the need for freedom is the need for suprizes! thats why you should leave the power! the sub leaves the power to the dominant because of that! because of freedom! the animal is free! the judge is in jail! the domme puts the slave into the cage to believe that he is free! the slave wants to submit! why? maybe he wants power? he wants the safety of power! the safety of jail! its all more complicated i,m approaching this phenomena in a philosophical way but still couldnt find an audiance who is interested. everybody is interested in praxis but not in theory! maybe because theory is death! and they want to live? people have two legs! theory and praxis! or two couples of hands and legs, again theory and praxis! some must have lost one leg! lost their child within! look at children how they jump and run! they have two legs! İ would like to explore the depths of Bdsm and find out the reason of my toilet fantasies. but there is no audiance and no one who does discuss those philosophical aspects! maybe there will be some here in collar.me

saret -> RE: How do you know if (8/13/2005 2:26:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: passionateslave You did what ONLY A GOOD SUB WOULD DO. You waited because you got GREAT PLEASURE from being put down Oh for christs sake. The poor girl said she was a novice. It sounds A LOT more like she got dicked around by an asshole who was intentionally misleading, and not having been in that situation before, she did not know how to handle it. This attitude ranks right up there with the idea that dommes totter around on 6" heels 24/7, and are personally aggressive all the time in everyday life, even barking orders at grocery clerks. You are pushing the blame on HER for a stranger's actions: "Because YOU didn't use your magick domme-ly powers on him, its YOUR fault HE acted rudely and irresponsibly." Next you're going to say she was asking for it, that little tramp, wearing such a short skirt and all. -S-

saret -> RE: How do you know if (8/13/2005 2:46:45 AM)
You know, this attitude from subs is really irritating. "Well, she put up with some guy being a jerk, therefore she's not a TRUE DOMME (tm)!!" I'll tell you the same thing I told some other guy: It sounds A LOT more like she got dicked around by an asshole who was intentionally misleading. Not having been in that situation before, she did not know how to handle it! You are pushing the blame on HER for a stranger's actions: "Because YOU didn't use your magick domme-ly powers on him, its YOUR fault HE acted rudely and irresponsibly." True, its a learning lesson, and maybe it could have been avoided with some serious forethought. But you can't anticipate EVERY lousy action from EVERY person you meet. In real life or in BDSM, sometimes you get fucked over not in the fun way. Dommes are human, and sometimes they screwed over by subs. Sometimes subs get taken for a ride by tops. You learn from it (well. hopefully.) and go on with life. Whatever we call ourselves, or whatever role we choose to play in life, we're still all ultimately human. With all the virtues and failings that come with being human. -S-

tarnishedhalo777 -> RE: How do you know if (8/14/2005 10:59:11 AM)
yup its so true.however in my newness I had made the same mistakes.[:'(]

sensualdomme -> RE: How do you know if (10/8/2005 12:45:17 AM)
That was so long ago... I have much better stories of the wanna be's I have meet or almost meet.. LOL smiles Miss Ann But I have loved reading the posts about my post.. For a naturally dominant female I actually am a very nice person.. but that is until you get to know me <weg> Now why are all the interesting s/s's in another state???

lonewolf05 -> RE: How do you know if (10/8/2005 8:55:16 AM)
Ms Annie... questions ANY Domme EVER asked ME was.."what can you do for Me, non s/m?" "what do you have to offer as a sub/slave outside of the lifestyle?" that is one direct way of swinging the topic in Your favor! woofie

theRose4U -> RE: How do you know if (10/8/2005 11:06:44 AM)
quote: How do you know if a sub is actually a sub and not just a guy hopeing to get laid with some wild kinky sex??the first thing he wanted to know if I wanted him to bring his bag of toys!! Then he wanted to talk about the sexy things we could do. our first meeting he not only was late but was over an hour late when he finally called and said he had been tied up at work, then he needed another hour to shower and meet me.. Then he got rude and dominating to me because I was unhappy, especially since I was out of town on a business trip and left waiting in my hotel for 2 hours without being feed. Then had the nerve to say he felt like he was being used for a free meal!!! Ok I can tell from my message I am answering my own question but how do you learn these things before wasting your time?? Thanks I think you did answer all your own questions. To start with I would have gone with my gut after he said he was running TWO HOURS late & not waisted my time waiting. This shows disrespect for you & frankly your time. As for being rude...he gave you the opportunity to get out & take yourself for a good stiff drink. As for should he bring his toys comment you clearly answered it yourself. Here's some perspective...no self respecting woman or sub would tolerate this why are you? If you are this unsure of yourself then I'd HIGHLY suggest going to your local munch & pairing with a Domme for guidence/training.

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125