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Different Levels of Experience - 1/17/2012 6:46:33 PM

MyChoiceNotYours

Posts: 3
Joined: 8/7/2011
Status: offline

I, generally, have typically been the one in a relationship where I have the kinkier side and more experience in the darker areas of sex.

I have been involved with a sub recently who had the opportunity to and explored many more things than myself (all of which I like but haven't done yet), but my initial reaction to finding out everything she's done leaves me feeling a bit odd. It's hard to explain, but it's like one of my turn-ons is pushing someone's limits and when there isn't much to push, it's like losing a possible dynamic I have enjoyed with others.

As a sub, I can see the turn on when the Dom can lead you down the road into many things, but what about the other way around.

I don't know if this makes sense but I'd like to hear about others experience with this and how you worked through it or how you dealt with your feelings if the sub had much more experience than yourself.

Post #: 1

RE: Different Levels of Experience - 1/17/2012 7:18:34 PM

Hillwilliam

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline

Learning is fun and no matter how experienced you are, there is always more you can learn.

That said. Your profile says you are male. You will do a lot better by not having a woman's pic as your primary. Ladies don't like competition.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to MyChoiceNotYours)

Post #: 2

RE: Different Levels of Experience - 1/17/2012 8:16:26 PM

hausboy

Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline

Hi MCNY...

My longterm relationship (14 year marriage) to the woman who was also my Domme--started with her being a complete novice. I was very experienced. I initially was her Dom, but as the relationship progressed, she found that she preferred to be the Domme, and I far preferred to be her boy. I was a bit reticent at first--I did have that concern that she would never be able to take me to that place--push me to my limits like so many of my other Dommes did. (none of them were serious relationships--we were all good friends).

I was wrong. As our relationship deepened, my trust grew. She was able to take me places I never imagined-- we played in ways I never imagined myself playing, and it was some of the hottest, most intense stuff ever. We had a rule between the two of us--no kink was so taboo that we couldn't ask to explore it--if one of us was brave enough to ask for it, the other would be brave enough to explore it.

Don't worry about difference levels--if both of you are open, willing and trusting...you'll be amazed where you'll go.

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

Post #: 3

RE: Different Levels of Experience - 1/17/2012 9:53:59 PM

MyChoiceNotYours

Posts: 3
Joined: 8/7/2011
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thanks hausboy. I appreciate the comments.

(in reply to hausboy)

Post #: 4

RE: Different Levels of Experience - 1/17/2012 11:25:35 PM

SpiritedRadiance

Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline

Compatibility isnt always based on who knows what...

Im what some would call "experienced" I prefer some more extreme sides of edgier play.

I have no problems teaching a partner of mine what i enjoy if he likes.

For me every time i do something is a brand new experience. Its special in its own right and even if ive done it 3 million times before its still fresh, new and exciting ^_^

_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to MyChoiceNotYours)

Post #: 5

RE: Different Levels of Experience - 1/18/2012 2:39:10 AM

areallivehuman

Posts: 277
Joined: 1/16/2010
Status: offline

I'm a newbie, and I'm in a relationship with a girl with much more experience than me. I don't pretend I know more than I do. I don't do things I'm uncomfortable with. When I'm trying something new, I try to research it some. I do discuss details; how was this? , what did you feel then?, how did this work for you?; (discuss after, not during). Nobody knows everything, and everybody can always learn something new.

At the end of the day, I am the dominant, free to do as I wish. If I am not ready to go for some of the heavier, edgier activities yet, I have brought her new experiences. Communication is key. I am confident that she is well satisfied, and happy to proceed at my pace. I know because I asked.

Keep in mind that every relationship is different, and in every new relationship there is a learning curve, as the parties involved grow together.

(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)

Post #: 6

RE: Different Levels of Experience - 1/18/2012 2:52:40 AM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
Status: offline

quote:

Keep in mind that every relationship is different, and in every new relationship there is a learning curve, as the parties involved grow together

What you said so very well.

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to areallivehuman)

Post #: 7

RE: Different Levels of Experience - 1/18/2012 2:54:37 AM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

I understand what your saying what I dont get is what does experience lvl have to do with anything esp in a relationship. I would look at it as a opportunity learn from others.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to areallivehuman)

Post #: 8

RE: Different Levels of Experience - 1/18/2012 5:35:40 AM

Hillwilliam

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
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To the OP. Much better job on the pic. From what the ladies have told me, a well groomed guy wearing a suit generally attracts a LOT of attention.

Welcome to the boards.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 9

RE: Different Levels of Experience - 1/18/2012 5:44:13 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MyChoiceNotYours

I, generally, have typically been the one in a relationship where I have the kinkier side and more experience in the darker areas of sex.

I have been involved with a sub recently who had the opportunity to and explored many more things than myself (all of which I like but haven't done yet), but my initial reaction to finding out everything she's done leaves me feeling a bit odd. It's hard to explain, but it's like one of my turn-ons is pushing someone's limits and when there isn't much to push, it's like losing a possible dynamic I have enjoyed with others.

As a sub, I can see the turn on when the Dom can lead you down the road into many things, but what about the other way around.

I don't know if this makes sense but I'd like to hear about others experience with this and how you worked through it or how you dealt with your feelings if the sub had much more experience than yourself.

I gots no problems with this. We all learn from someone.
My first slave was a gal 7 years older than me who had been a 24/7/365 lesbian slave in a previous relationship.
I was an 18 year old guy with lots of fantasies,, no experience, and less than zero idea about WTF I was doing.
She taught me everything (Chortles-the ropes, so to speak), but the most important thing she taught me was to humanize the relationship, to get in her head and heart because that's where the real service lies.
As for that strange feeling you're talking about, I give you the immortal words of Marsellus Wallace:
"You may feel a slight sting. That's pride fucking with you. Fuck pride. Pride only hurts. It never helps. You fight through that shit."

Edited to add that the wise man learns from all sources

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to MyChoiceNotYours)

Post #: 10

RE: Different Levels of Experience - 1/18/2012 5:46:48 AM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

It has to be said it depends what you want, I am in a relationship with a man who has done less 'stuff' than me. It works because the relationship is about us together rather than how many BDSM activities we can cram into an evening, my drive for 'stuff' is lower so he gets to pick the 'stuff' he actually wants to do and I do not feel disatified with it.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

Post #: 11

RE: Different Levels of Experience - 1/18/2012 5:49:44 AM

fucktoyprincess

Posts: 2337
Status: offline

It doesn't matter how many times I've done something with others - every new relationship is new for me. And I still feel a thrill with a new Dominant even as we go down the path of exploring (re-exploring?) ground that I've covered before with someone else. For example, a spanking always feels different with someone new. For me, it is sort of similar to sex. Sex with a new person always still feels like a new experience, a new discovery, even though certainly at my age, sex is not new to me (lol). In the same way a D/s relationship (whether it involves sex or not) always feels new and fresh to me when it starts - regardless of both my level of experience, or my Dominant's.

If you can have great sex with someone who isn't a virgin, trust me you can embark on a very successful D/s relationship with an experienced submissive, and both of you can still find the journey with each other a fresh and enjoyable thing. My perspective - although I do know some Dominants who are addicted to newbies - but to me that always reflects a kind of insecurity on the part of the Dominant. Just my thoughts.

_____________________________

~ ftp

(in reply to MyChoiceNotYours)

Post #: 12

RE: Different Levels of Experience - 1/18/2012 6:26:59 AM

xssve

Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline

I'll let you know, my sub and I are both into extremes, but different extremes - we'll have to find a way to meet in the middle.

The temptation is to convert her to my way of thinking, but paraphilia are not always entirely modifiable, what turns you on is what turns you on, so I'll have to step up my game in some respects, and push my own comfort zones.

(in reply to fucktoyprincess)

Post #: 13

RE: Different Levels of Experience - 1/18/2012 9:37:30 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

The problem OP with needing to push someone's limits is that it sets up all relationships with a pre-established end date. You will eventually run out of limits even with the person who hadn't done anything before. Then what? Do you kick them to the curb to find someone else new and inexperienced?

If so, I hope you tell people this upfront because most people here are looking for relationships, not a short term kink playmate.

Oh and Hilly's right about not showing pictures of an ex. Not because we are afraid of competition but because it's unbearably rude to do so without her agreement. It also makes us believe that you would post pictures of us all over the net whether we wanted you to or not. And since most of us don't want to be outed any more than you do, which is why you don't have a pic of yourself, it makes us believe you aren't someone safe to be with.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 1/18/2012 9:43:17 AM >

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to xssve)

Post #: 14

RE: Different Levels of Experience - 1/18/2012 11:00:16 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

If you can have great sex with someone who isn't a virgin, trust me you can embark on a very successful D/s relationship with an experienced submissive, and both of you can still find the journey with each other a fresh and enjoyable thing. My perspective - although I do know some Dominants who are addicted to newbies - but to me that always reflects a kind of insecurity on the part of the Dominant. Just my thoughts.

(in reply to fucktoyprincess)

Post #: 15

RE: Different Levels of Experience - 1/18/2012 1:41:56 PM

MyChoiceNotYours

Posts: 3
Joined: 8/7/2011
Status: offline

@Desfip

Never posted a picture of an ex.. I attempted to remove a photo and post others but when I checked my profile, the same old picture I was trying to remove kept coming back up. But thanks for being quick to judge. ;)

Good point on the pushing limits, however, I don't think that it means it's perpetual.. I was referring more to the bond of going down a road together, and guiding someone there, not so much that once it's all "been there, done that" I'm through.

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 16

RE: Different Levels of Experience - 1/18/2012 1:46:25 PM

Hillwilliam

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
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As of right now, MyChoice, there is no photo on your profile.
Just thought you might want to know that your delete worked. Sometimes it takes a while for photo changes to take effect.
By the way, I didn't realize I was talking to a fellow Tennesseean.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to MyChoiceNotYours)

Post #: 17

RE: Different Levels of Experience - 1/18/2012 5:28:36 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MyChoiceNotYours

@Desfip

Never posted a picture of an ex.. I attempted to remove a photo and post others but when I checked my profile, the same old picture I was trying to remove kept coming back up. But thanks for being quick to judge. ;)

Good point on the pushing limits, however, I don't think that it means it's perpetual.. I was referring more to the bond of going down a road together, and guiding someone there, not so much that once it's all "been there, done that" I'm through.

You would be surprised how 9 times out of 10 the pics posted are of exes. We go by experience. Yes that animal on the side of the road that's black with a white stripe down the back could be an oddly colored cat, but I'll go be experience and believe it's a skunk.

As far as pushing limits goes. If you're okay not having any to push after three years, why aren't you okay starting out that way? Besides what she loved with her ex she may hate with you and vice versa. It's about the people and the chemistry between them, not just stuff on a list.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to MyChoiceNotYours)

Post #: 18

RE: Different Levels of Experience - 1/20/2012 5:30:42 PM

AcademyForSlaves

Posts: 712
Joined: 2/24/2006
Status: offline

Hi.

I remember when I was new to being a Mistress and I had to learn from other Mistresses and from subs. I didn't mind it because I got to learn new things from each person. It's always a good idea to keep an open mind and learn something new. Learning from a sub is okay if they're not trying to top from the bottom but are only trying to help.

Hope this helps.

_____________________________

Academy Mistresses
http://www.academyforslaves.com/home.html

(in reply to MyChoiceNotYours)

Post #: 19

RE: Different Levels of Experience - 1/20/2012 5:37:45 PM

stellauk

Posts: 1360
Status: offline

I hold the view that in a relationship the most important experience is that what you are experiencing now, how you are responding to it, what it gives you, and the connection you share.

Past experience is useful for knowledge, awareness and happy memories, but to me, going into the unknown? That's what makes life worth living.

_____________________________

Usually when you have all the answers for something nobody is interested in listening.

(in reply to MyChoiceNotYours)

Post #: 20

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