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mono vs poly - 1/18/2012 6:42:29 PM

MyHazelLabyrinth

Posts: 112
Joined: 8/12/2011
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Hi everyone

Just so that you all know i'll be posting this in all threads
Ask a Master
Ask a Mistress
Ask a Switch
Ask a Submissive/Slave
Just incase you're wondering :)

Now i posted a short audio journal about this but figured i would get more feedback if i posted something here :)

What I'm asking is in "The Lifestyle" what is your preference? Poly or mono?
What works for you?

Other interesting questions would be if you were mono and now became poly, why? And vise versa

Also, say if you are poly, why is it that you aren't mono? What is one thing that you dislike about being mono? And vise versa if you are mono.

I know i'm asking alot here, but i would really appreciate any and all feedback. Now ofcourse is this thread has already been done, would someone be able to redirect me?

Thanks for reading, take care :)

Post #: 1

RE: mono vs poly - 1/18/2012 6:45:51 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Tried poly once...absolutely hated everything about it.

I've always been mono, always will be. I'm traditional, believe in traditional relationships and I'm greedy and want a man to myself. I don't share well.

Oh and you can't post in all the forums. You have to only post in one. The rest will be pulled.
So pick one place you want to put it.

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Post #: 2

RE: mono vs poly - 1/18/2012 6:47:16 PM

ModTwentyOne

Posts: 2504
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MyHazelLabyrinth

Just so that you all know i'll be posting this in all threads
Ask a Master
Ask a Mistress
Ask a Switch
Ask a Submissive/Slave
Just incase you're wondering :)

We don't allow crossposting.

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If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.

(in reply to MyHazelLabyrinth)

Post #: 3

RE: mono vs poly - 1/18/2012 6:50:05 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

Poly.
I consider monogamy an abnormal social construct, but if it works for others, great. More power to them. For me, it's hideously oppressive. I was never more miserable than when I was trying to force myself to be monogamous.

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Post #: 4

RE: mono vs poly - 1/18/2012 7:00:58 PM

MyHazelLabyrinth

Posts: 112
Joined: 8/12/2011
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thanks everyone for your replies, and thanks for letting me know about the crossposting, i'll just leave it here i think :)

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 5

RE: mono vs poly - 1/18/2012 7:22:18 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MyHazelLabyrinth

What I'm asking is in "The Lifestyle" what is your preference? Poly or mono?

Both.....

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Post #: 6

RE: mono vs poly - 1/18/2012 7:26:04 PM

MyHazelLabyrinth

Posts: 112
Joined: 8/12/2011
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what do you mean by both?

would you be able to elaborate on that? :)

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 7

RE: mono vs poly - 1/18/2012 7:54:55 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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We're happily monogamous, but if the right person comes along that fits into our dynamic, we'll happily be poly.

We're not actively pursuing a third. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't happen I get to spend the rest of my life married to a fantastic guy.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 1/18/2012 7:55:19 PM >

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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Post #: 8

RE: mono vs poly - 1/18/2012 8:41:47 PM

RaspberryLemon

Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline

I am monogamous, as is my Master. I can't say I have a "preference" for it, because it's not simply a preference. It's an absolute necessity.

My Master does not share and neither do I. I devote myself--my entire self--to one person and one person only. I need to be able to devote all my romantic/sexual/partnership energy and attentions to one person, because I love them entirely and completely and that is how I feel and express love--intensely and above all, exclusively. And I need to be with someone who is the same way. I cannot change that, it's just the way I am. I never have any desire for any other people because he fulfills my every need--and I, his. I need and want him and only him, and he feels the same about me.

I also could never be happy or even content in a polygamous arrangement not only because of the fundamental reasons I listed above, but because I am an insanely jealous person. My Master is also rather possessive and thus all polygamy would accomplish for us is a whole lot of hurt, discomfort, resentment and heartbreak for the both of us.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 9

RE: mono vs poly - 1/18/2012 9:30:26 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MyHazelLabyrinth
what is your preference? Poly or mono?
What works for you?

Poly. Right now, I'm happy with my partner, but we're still looking for sub(s). See, we had both been in poly relationships before, but were single when we met and I was a sub. Now I'm a Domme & we're in a D/D relationship. We will either each eventually have a sub of his/her own, or we will have one sub to be our third. But we're still happy together with each other right now too.

Most of my life I tried to be monogamous but then I realized I was trying to be mono to satify society's expectations and idea of what "normal" is, whatever the hell that is. Now I do what's normal for me not for "society." It's normal for me to have multiple close, loving relationships in my life. I don't expect one person to be everything for me and also, if I can't be everything for him, I love him enough and feel secure enough in his love to feel safe when he finds what he needs by including another person.

NBMG

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Post #: 10

RE: mono vs poly - 1/19/2012 3:16:02 AM

BikerDomRealTime

Posts: 86
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

For me it has to be monogamous. I am old fashioned in that regards and do not share well.

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 11

RE: mono vs poly - 1/19/2012 8:21:08 AM

kalikshama

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Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

It's normal for me to have multiple close, loving relationships in my life. I don't expect one person to be everything for me and also, if I can't be everything for him, I love him enough and feel secure enough in his love to feel safe when he finds what he needs by including another person.

This.

Also, I'm bisexual and enjoy having a relationship with a woman as well as a man. I've been friends with my first female lover for 29 years. We've survived the other's men, lol.

OP - the important thing for you is what you want. If you have no interest in poly, by all means hold out for monogamy. Just as I would not force my bisexuality on anyone, don't let poly be forced on you.

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 12

RE: mono vs poly - 1/19/2012 9:16:51 AM

myotherself

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Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

mono for me too.

No particular reason, except that I'm wired to want/need that. I held out for a man who wanted the same, and glad I did so.

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Post #: 13

RE: mono vs poly - 1/19/2012 11:01:36 AM

RexCorvus

Posts: 84
Joined: 11/27/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MyHazelLabyrinth
What I'm asking is in "The Lifestyle" what is your preference? Poly or mono?

I'll answer from my perspective, but realize that for me BDSM isn't really a lifestyle - it's just some fun stuff I do in the bedroom (among other places). I don't have anything like a 24/7 dynamic going on in my life (and wouldn't want one). Not sure if that matters to you or not.

quote:

What works for you?

Both. My wife and I have spent more years being mono than poly (we're currently the latter). For us there's not a need to be poly, it's just that we're open to it if the relationship dynamic is right. When it's been just the two of us we never felt something was missing, and when our relationship structure has been more complicated we don't feel like we've given up anything (except possibly time).

quote:

Other interesting questions would be if you were mono and now became poly, why? And vise versa

We originally tried out poly after being married just a few years. It was largely a sex thing, as in "Hey, let's have a threesome - boy that was fun, let's keep having her over from time to time!" Took a big break where we were exclusive with one another, and at this point our being poly less about sex (but that definitely plays into things). We both enjoy the excitement of flirting and pursuing new relationships, while at the same time we treasure our marriage and family. Being poly allows us to have both.

quote:

Also, say if you are poly, why is it that you aren't mono?

We're wired in such a way that being poly works. We're not mono because, right now, there are outside relationship options that fit our life. If there weren't any we'd be mono.

quote:

What is one thing that you dislike about being mono? And vise versa if you are mono.

There's really nothing I dislike about being mono. Occasionally we miss the simplicity, in fact, especially when there's poly relationship drama. Oh, and the scheduling was sooooo much easier when it was just the two of us. But we've found for us the rewards of being poly are worth the complications.

(in reply to MyHazelLabyrinth)

Post #: 14

RE: mono vs poly - 1/19/2012 12:42:03 PM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

Hmm I don't really define myself as either, I have been in poly relationships and thats how I use the term, to define the relationships. As someone else said I think its all socially constructed, its not natural to me nor inherent or whatever so I don't like to describe myself as it.

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Post #: 15

RE: mono vs poly - 1/19/2012 2:51:47 PM

Epytropos

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Joined: 7/23/2011
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I like the idea of poly, so I'd be open to it, but I've never tried it and can't be sure I wouldn't get jealous and upset. I think the idea of having multiple slaves who had feelings both for each other and for me sounds rather idyllic, but without having personal experience with it I can't say which I "am" really.

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Post #: 16

RE: mono vs poly - 1/19/2012 5:14:14 PM

HisPet21

Posts: 395
Status: offline

quote:

I devote myself--my entire self--to one person and one person only. I need to be able to devote all my romantic/sexual/partnership energy and attentions to one person, because I love them entirely and completely and that is how I feel and express love--intensely and above all, exclusively. And I need to be with someone who is the same way. I cannot change that, it's just the way I am. I never have any desire for any other people because he fulfills my every need--and I, his.

^^^^This!!!!

I'm the kind of person who wants to devote my entire self to a single person. I want to be able to tell someone, "Hey, You'll always come first, no matter what. You are my everything. I am yours." I want my partner to know that he is my number one priority, always.

(in reply to Epytropos)

Post #: 17

RE: mono vs poly - 1/19/2012 5:16:14 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

We're poly. We have been monogamous in the past. I wrote an original last year that may be of interest to you. http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2992857&key=monogamy It's long, but it's got a section on going from one relationship style to the other and why we did that.

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Post #: 18

RE: mono vs poly - 1/19/2012 7:00:36 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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We are both monogamous. Just as someone else said she considers monogamy to be a terrible and unnatural thing, that's how we feel about poly.

Hell, I don't even register other men as sexually attractive when I'm in a happy and healthy relationship. Aesthetically, sure, but they don't do anything for me other than admiring a piece of art.

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Post #: 19

RE: mono vs poly - 1/19/2012 7:02:38 PM

DarkSteven

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I'm not sure. Right now, I have a full monogamous relationship with my sub. But I have an ex-sub who is more like a daughter to me, and she's sorta like a sister to my sub in some ways and a daughter in others. And my sub and I play casually (spankings, etc., no sex) with others at parties.I don;t know if that would be considered poly or not.

We may be going full poly in the future, but my sub is wired for monogamy, so I'll be going VERY slowly, if it even happens.

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Post #: 20

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