RE: mono vs poly (Full Version)

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xXLithiumXx -> RE: mono vs poly (1/19/2012 7:12:54 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MyHazelLabyrinth

Hi everyone

Just so that you all know i'll be posting this in all threads
Ask a Master
Ask a Mistress
Ask a Switch
Ask a Submissive/Slave
Just incase you're wondering :)

Now i posted a short audio journal about this but figured i would get more feedback if i posted something here :)

What I'm asking is in "The Lifestyle" what is your preference? Poly or mono?
What works for you?

Other interesting questions would be if you were mono and now became poly, why? And vise versa

Also, say if you are poly, why is it that you aren't mono? What is one thing that you dislike about being mono? And vise versa if you are mono.

I know i'm asking alot here, but i would really appreciate any and all feedback. Now ofcourse is this thread has already been done, would  someone be able to redirect me?

Thanks for reading, take care :)




I would rather have one Dom and one sub, myself being one of the two in the situation. I think that poly tends to get too emotionally sticky. This is a recent discovery I have made.



LadyPact -> RE: mono vs poly (1/19/2012 7:43:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I'm not sure.  Right now, I have a full monogamous relationship with my sub.  But I have an ex-sub who is more like a daughter to me, and she's sorta like a sister to my sub in some ways and a daughter in others.  And my sub and I play casually (spankings, etc., no sex) with others at parties.I don;t know if that would be considered poly or not.

We may be going full poly in the future, but my sub is wired for monogamy, so I'll be going VERY slowly, if it even happens.


Just a thought, Steven, but somebody else asked Me that very question recently.  If you were so inclined, it might make an interesting discussion on the poly board.



Iamsemisweet -> RE: mono vs poly (1/19/2012 11:15:20 PM)

I have always been mono, mainly because my ex was a very traditional guy, as is my love now. I have long felt, though, that poly is a dynamic that would work for me, however, because I am fairly prominent in a very conservative community and because I would like to run for office some day, I don't see a poly relationship in my future



NyxPontia -> RE: mono vs poly (1/20/2012 1:55:49 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

And my sub and I play casually (spankings, etc., no sex) with others at parties.I don;t know if that would be considered poly or not.



I was discussing this with a Master earlier who does non-sexual scenes with friends. I don't consider it to be poly because there is no sex involved. I see it kind of like harmless flirting. I wouldn't mind it if my Master did such a thing, because His love and His sex would be given to me and no other. I would even lend a hand or watch a scene, just to see how He treats others compared to me, if He ever allowed it.

I am strongly one on one. I tried poly, and it ended horribly. I could never do it again.



Aileen1968 -> RE: mono vs poly (1/20/2012 3:57:52 AM)

Mono is the only acceptable type of relationship for me. And him.
If he ever decides he wants a third then I would end the relationship even though I'm in love with him.



AnimusRex -> RE: mono vs poly (1/20/2012 9:12:33 PM)

We are poly, actively seeking.

Kim really enjoys the sisterhood aspect of having another girl to share her life with. It also makes practical sense to us, in having a household where three contribute to the daily task of life.



ElanSubdued -> RE: mono vs poly (1/20/2012 11:28:10 PM)

MyHazelLabyrinth,

quote:

What I'm asking is in "The Lifestyle" what is your preference?  Poly or mono?


While the logic of poly makes lots of sense to me, the logistics do not.  I am monogamous and have no desire to share myself or my partner with others.  Playing and learning with others?  Yes, okay.  That can be a lot of fun.  Romantic and sexual intimacy?  That's sacred and unique energy I share only with my partner in a private, monogamous way.  I'm the opposite of those who tried monogamy and hated it.  I've had small tastes of poly and it doesn't work for me at all.





sheisreeds -> RE: mono vs poly (1/21/2012 6:51:50 AM)

I was monogamous for years, and thought poly was slightly insane. Then after my divorce I had a change of heart and was actively poly for about a year. I didn't have any "primary" relationships so it was fairly drama free, I could just do whatever I wanted to do. It was a lot of fun, and I had a lot of good experiences, and had some awesome partners. However, I discovered it was extremely lonely. I'm just one of those people who does best with a mate.

I met my current partner and we instantly became infatuated with one another, we both had a history of poly so we decided to try poly in our relationship. It was a 6 month experiment that took us about a year to recover from.

That time was full of drama, and was incredibly unfair to prospective partners as we shared a really unique bond. What my partner and I realized was that there was just no room for anyone else in our relationship. Also, that sharing was incredibly painful due to the intense feelings we have for one another.

So we've been monogamous for the past 2 years, and it feels fantastic. I also feel that we are able to share extremely intense BDSM exchanges because of the high level of trust.

We do at times play with others, and it's common for us to hit and be hit by our friends. Though this is really different than poly. This is sharing an experience with people we care about but are not intimate with, who we aren't in love with. It's more like a really violent handshake.

Also, as our relationship has grown we've noticed an oddity that many people develop "crushes" on us, instead of one of us individually. This has begun to re-open our ability to play with other people. We had an amazing three way switch battle in December with a guy who just loves US. He doesn't like one of us more than the other. It was nice to have that scene with him, and let him in since while we'll never expand our relationship we still care about him a lot.



SpiritedRadiance -> RE: mono vs poly (1/21/2012 10:12:51 AM)

Im both...

Im a Poly person when it comes to love, and casual non sexual play...

Im monogamous when it comes to sexual relationships and fluid bonding/sharing.



Wolf2Bear -> RE: mono vs poly (1/21/2012 11:50:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MyHazelLabyrinth

Hi everyone

Just so that you all know i'll be posting this in all threads
Ask a Master
Ask a Mistress
Ask a Switch
Ask a Submissive/Slave
Just incase you're wondering :)

Now i posted a short audio journal about this but figured i would get more feedback if i posted something here :)

What I'm asking is in "The Lifestyle" what is your preference? Poly or mono?
What works for you?

Other interesting questions would be if you were mono and now became poly, why? And vise versa

Also, say if you are poly, why is it that you aren't mono? What is one thing that you dislike about being mono? And vise versa if you are mono.

I know i'm asking alot here, but i would really appreciate any and all feedback. Now ofcourse is this thread has already been done, would  someone be able to redirect me?

Thanks for reading, take care :)



Solely poly here. Was strictly monogamous for many years until I realized that I am not able to continue down that route. Took a long time to understand that I am not able to fulfill all the needs of the one I was involved with and they were unable to do the same. Like Steven, I have a sub who is mostly monogamous yet he is curious about the whole poly dynamic. Here I have to tread slow and careful so that he is fully aware that his is the core to our dynamic/relationship and anyone we do bring in will be based on what assets they will bring to us both.



peppermint -> RE: mono vs poly (1/21/2012 12:03:48 PM)

quote:

Also, say if you are poly, why is it that you aren't mono? What is one thing that you dislike about being mono? And vise versa if you are mono.


I'm monogamous.  The only reason I can come up for it is that I am not sexually attracted to more than one person at one time. 



Buzzzz -> RE: mono vs poly (1/21/2012 5:33:39 PM)

Poly here. I also like my partners to be poly ( not so much into the " poly one way")

Did the mono thing for years (married and all the vanilla stuff) and discovered poly when I got in the lifestyle about 5 years ago I believe it is all about how each relationship works



KnightofMists -> RE: mono vs poly (1/21/2012 7:25:03 PM)

First I was single... Then I became apart of a couple... Then has time went forward the couple I was a part of grew to become a triad..... Who knows what the future will bring.

But, I do know that with each step my life was enhanced.. I never really focused on being monogamist or poly. But with each step I did question why I wanted to take the next step. It took me some time to understand why I wanted to be apart of a couple. It took even more time to consider why I would want to be part of a triad. I needed reasons that would endure the tough times. I needed reasons that would enrich my life and the person or persons that came into my life. I build my life and my relationships one person at a time. The first relationship was the most important... It was the relationship with myself.




Aynne88 -> RE: mono vs poly (1/21/2012 9:33:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

Mono is the only acceptable type of relationship for me. And him.
If he ever decides he wants a third then I would end the relationship even though I'm in love with him.


Again, shockingly, I agree with Aileen. [;)] If I can't be all he needs then it's not the right fit for me. I'm jealous, I'm possessive and he's mine. I highly doubt he would want to be poly either he feels that you can't have the kind of emotional connection that a monogamous relationship has with others. I'd walk in a hot minute if he wanted a third.



ResidentSadist -> RE: mono vs poly (1/22/2012 12:13:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

Poly.
I consider monogamy an abnormal social construct, but if it works for others, great. More power to them. For me, it's hideously oppressive. I was never more miserable than when I was trying to force myself to be monogamous.

ditto



Madame4a -> RE: mono vs poly (1/23/2012 12:44:25 PM)

I am currently monogamous, committed to poly in theory but not practicing it right now. I have done it -- in many different iterations. I do not find it works for me right now. In fact, the further away I get from that time in my life the more I realize it didn't work well for me. I had several different types of poly at several different times -- in fact about 12 years... not for me right now.

The quick explanation is that I woke up one morning and realized I had a lot of people in my life and very few of my needs, on all different levels, were being met. I found that very sad -- it might be a reflection on my choices more than on poly in general. I also found that I was aquiring partners to fill needs and that probably wasn't good either.

At the moment, I'm in a relationship were the bulk of my needs are met by one person. I am lucky... and crazy in love... and well served.. well f*cked... and my sadist is well fed



DaddySatyr -> RE: mono vs poly (1/23/2012 1:14:58 PM)

I could just never manage being monogamous.

I tried and tried but, I would always fall short, eventually. So, in effect, I was a liar and I can't stand liars so ...

I decided (at some point, I won't go into the whole, long, story here) that I needed to just flat-out tell ladies what they can expect from me and let the chips fall where they may.



Peace and comfort,



Michael



wittynamehere -> RE: mono vs poly (1/23/2012 1:22:22 PM)

Fast Reply: Currently in a poly relationship with 2 young female subs. One lives with me, the other lives nearby. Going on a year now since we met the second. Before that we had 2 years together as "poly but not practicing", and before that we were involved with another girl (who was my first girl) for about a year. I enjoy it, find that I'm able to manage it fairly well, and look forward to more experiences.

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
I don't share well.

This is something usually only seen by the newest of newbs. I can't believe you just said that. Poly has little to nothing to do with sharing and it pisses me off when I see people perpetuating that garbage. Generally you see it in profiles of brand new sub females, but apparently it also appears in discussion threads, said by supposedly educated members of the community.

If you don't like polyamory, just say so. You don't need to give a reason, especially not a made-up one like "I don't share well". If polyamory was about sharing, it would simply be called "sharing". It's not.



wittynamehere -> RE: mono vs poly (1/23/2012 1:27:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NyxPontia
I am strongly one on one. I tried poly, and it ended horribly. I could never do it again.

I'm strongly poly. I tried mono and it ended horribly. I could never do it again.



RaspberryLemon -> RE: mono vs poly (1/23/2012 3:19:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: wittynamehere
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
I don't share well.

This is something usually only seen by the newest of newbs. I can't believe you just said that. Poly has little to nothing to do with sharing and it pisses me off when I see people perpetuating that garbage. Generally you see it in profiles of brand new sub females, but apparently it also appears in discussion threads, said by supposedly educated members of the community.

If you don't like polyamory, just say so. You don't need to give a reason, especially not a made-up one like "I don't share well". If polyamory was about sharing, it would simply be called "sharing". It's not.

Holy crap dude. "If you don't like polyamory, just say so. You don't need a reason," seriously? The OP specifically ASKED people for their reasons! That's the entire point of this thread. I also don't feel that you have the right to tell someone her reason is "made-up." It's not. YOU don't think that polygamy is sharing, but YOUR view is not the only correct one. To her, it feels like sharing, so that's what it is. To her. And she said she doesn't share well. That's her reason (answering the OP) for not liking polygamy. Again, you don't really have a place telling people that their opinion is "garbage" just because it's different from yours. I personally thought this thread was going well--people sharing their incredibly differing opinions and no one getting anal-retentive about it--until just now. Realize that your view on something isn't everyone's view and that doesn't make them--or you--"wrong."

As for my opinion, I think polygamy inherently includes sharing. If I have multiple partners, each of my partners is by definition sharing my intimacy with other partners. Likewise, if my partner has multiple partners, I am sharing his intimacy with those other partners. I don't want an arrangement like that, I don't desire multiple partners and it just wouldn't work for me if my partner did either. How is this reason invalid or "made-up?" It's just an opinion. Calm yourself.



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