RE: When is it ok to be needy?

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RE: When is it ok to be needy? - 1/23/2012 10:16:52 AM

DesFIP

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I wouldn't go around putting myself down by saying I'm too needy, which is how the op is looking at it.

I strongly suggest reframing this into a more factual manner. That she has now discovered that she needs more, and regular contact in a relationship to be happy. That in future, if the other person cannot commit to two emails a day, one morning, one evening, and a regular 20 minute block of time to talk on the phone, that she's not interested.

I needed a lot of contact back when we were ldr. So did he. We both operate better when we felt free about picking up the phone and sharing funny things and sad things. If it went to voice mail, fine, we knew the other person would have had time to listen before we chatted that evening.

At the same time, there was a woman on another site who spoke to her dominant once a week for five minutes on Thursday evening just to see if they were getting together that weekend. I'm sure that her dominant would have considered me needy, but The Man would have thought of her as a cold fish. Neither one is true. The only thing that is true is that I'm not compatible with a man like that and that The Man isn't compatible with a woman like that.

Needy has a negative connotation. Remove it and substitute contact which is neutral. And find someone who requires the same level of contact as you do.

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RE: When is it ok to be needy? - 1/23/2012 3:23:54 PM

RaspberryLemon

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Great post, DesFIP. Well said. It's about compatibility, not whether or not the amount of contact you need is "wrong." :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Needy has a negative connotation. Remove it and substitute contact which is neutral. And find someone who requires the same level of contact as you do.

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RE: When is it ok to be needy? - 1/23/2012 5:06:50 PM

SailingBum

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Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tinimoo

Very new to this, in my first BDSM relationship in fact. Just wondering about when it's ok to be needy and emotional towards my sir? I know that he's busy alot of the time and we do talk an awful lot but right now I'm feeling quite lost and insecure about my role. We're in a long distance relationship and haven't spent much time together yet so how do I know when it's ok or if it's ever ok to just be vinillia? I know that every master wants different things and no two relationships are the same but some advice would really be appriciated.

Thank you

Seems pretty simple to me find someone closer to you. After all your in London 7.5 million ppl there. Perhaps someone closer to you can fill your needs.

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RE: When is it ok to be needy? - 1/23/2012 8:05:40 PM

LadyPact

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OP, I'm glad to see that you recognize that this question has to be directed to the person that you are involved with. That's really the only person who can give you the correct answer. All everybody else can do is tell you the way that they do things.

For example, I'm different than most of the answers that you received here. I don't make any bones about it. In My dynamic, I'm in it for the power imbalance first. It's not for love, it's not for a vanilla relationship with some kink mixed in. It's to own another human being and control that person.

In such, when something comes up like feeling needy (rather vague, but I'm working with it) there's still a certain way that I want that brought to Me. Demands honestly don't work with Me. Respectful requests I will consider, but it's no guarantee that it will be granted. How the subject is approached is going to make a world of difference on how the whole thing is going to go.

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RE: When is it ok to be needy? - 1/25/2012 8:16:23 AM

SomeCdnGuy

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Never!
It is never OK to be needy with your Sir. Needy is the Sir's department, giving and supportive is your department. He needs, you give, see its a yin/yang sort of arrangement.

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RE: When is it ok to be needy? - 1/25/2012 8:37:53 AM

LillyoftheVally

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As many have said here, it is a relationship thing. I am high maintainance needy and emotional sometimes other times I 'vant to be alone' (accent and all here) in my relationships I have tried to pick people who got that about me, not all did and the relationships didn't work. As has been said its about compatability and find the person you match up with. Wish you luck having this conversation and I hope it resolves things.

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