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seeking advice for sub with anxiety/ocd - 1/23/2012 3:05:44 PM

SubCrimsonnRose

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I am in the start of a new relationship with my Dom.
I am seeking advice concerning being a submissive,
who tends to be a bit high strung- and has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and General Anxiety Disorder,
how do i deal with this in serving my Dom?
he does not make or cause me to feel this way- it is an ongoing issue i have dealt with for most of my life. i sometimes find myself restless and unfocused and i want to tame this so i can be the best sub i can be for my Dom. Anyone else deal with this?
Any advice is much appreciated.

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RE: seeking advice for sub with anxiety/ocd - 1/23/2012 3:24:38 PM

Madame4a

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From: Washington, DC area
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Have you been diagnosed by a Doctor? If not, get yourself to one to be sure.. and then follow some medical advice on your condition... for YOU... YOUR life... you should deal with this, not for a relationship...

the 'sub' part of this is immaterial... as a person.. its probably best to get it under control prior to entering into a relationship... and have you told this potential partner?

you should take care of this for you.. be the best for you first, then you'll have the ability to be the best for someone else

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RE: seeking advice for sub with anxiety/ocd - 1/23/2012 3:26:09 PM

RexDarcy

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From: Arizona
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I haven't had relations with a sub that had anxiety disorder, but a few thoughts come to mind.

Good communication. If you feel your anxiety starting to come on, let your dom know. He should be of a mind set to not do anything more on his end to make the anxiety worse. Communicate ways that help you relax so he can help with that process.

Another thing I can suggest is if you aren't involved with you local scene, get invollved. If your anxiety starts to rise from some physical acts your dom wants to do, going to a local dungeon / play party so you can see some of those scenes with others participating in them might help ease you abit.

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RE: seeking advice for sub with anxiety/ocd - 1/23/2012 3:31:40 PM

kalikshama

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quote:

i sometimes find myself restless and unfocused and i want to tame this

Yoga and meditation, but minimally make sure you get plenty of cardiovascular exercise.

How much do you currently exercise?

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RE: seeking advice for sub with anxiety/ocd - 1/23/2012 3:33:47 PM

SubCrimsonnRose

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Yes i have been diagnosed by a doctor and i am on two different medications currently. Yes my Dom knows and is trying to understand. it was His suggestion to me to find others who mirror me and can relate. i appreciate what you said.

(in reply to Madame4a)

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RE: seeking advice for sub with anxiety/ocd - 1/23/2012 7:41:36 PM

ProlificNeeds

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To the OP: Dealing with OCD and anxiety is something that may be a permanent and life-long process, some partners are prepared to adjust, some aren't. My best advice? Always make sure any partner is aware that these are needs, not things you can just 'turn off' or ignore if you're 'devoted enough'.

Have your OCD assessed regularly, and make sure your partner is aware which routines you need to make you feel most comfortable, and work those into your day to day, as seamlessly as you can. When you take proper care of the OCD it lessens the impact of the anxiety. It would be wise as well for your partner to learn with you which exercises to do when your anxiety is heightened, to help bring you down. Being aware of, and educated about the problems is the bigger half of the battle. It does mean finding someone willing to take these needs into account might be a bit harder, but don't ever try to cram yourself into a specific preset image anyone has about BDSM, find what works for you and your partner, and move at a pace, and in a direction you feel comfortable with.

If your partner is understanding and willing to try, then that is one challange already passed.

I wish you the best of luck!

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RE: seeking advice for sub with anxiety/ocd - 1/23/2012 11:50:25 PM

RaspberryLemon

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I used to have anxiety issues when I was younger, and they impacted my life and prevented me from functioning well in certain situations. I've since gotten over these problems, but I can try to give you my experiences with it and possibly it could be helpful.

My Master knew about this when he got involved with me. To be honest, therapy and medication did next to nothing for me over the course of my life--it was always a drag and sometimes did more harm than good. But having an understanding and supportive partner made all the difference in the world for me. Being with him made me calm, comfortable. He stood by me and empathized and understood, he made me feel safe. The trust I have in him was the most helpful "treatment" I'd ever received. My Master, simply by being kind and patient, helped me become better, more confident. Over time my anxiety issues disappeared (although occasionally I will have a small spike of anxiety or nervousness in certain situations, I can work through with it just fine with a simple look or touch from him--a nudge in the right direction.)

While it is true that you should do everything in your power to help yourself--not simply be reliant or dependent on others--having people who love you, understand, and are willing to be patient and support you is a very helpful thing. From what you have said it seems like your partner is more than willing to do everything necessary to try and help you. This is good. Talk with him about your problems, explain to him in detail and at great length how and when these issues affect you, and brainstorm with him ways or things that help you calm down or relax. Simply being able to talk about it can be helpful, and having someone have your back is a comforting thought as well. As your dominant, if he feels responsible for your well-being he should be very accommodating to your condition. He should be someone you can confide in and lean on when you need it, and if he is ok with this then all that is necessary is good communication between you two.

As long as he is understanding, your anxiety problems/OCD will not be something that negatively impacts your service to him. As long as he understands that part of having you/taking care of you is accommodating your issues, you need not worry. As I said, just be open with him, make sure that he is someone you can talk to and rely on. If he's a good guy he'll understand and love you no less for your condition. Good luck, and best wishes. :)

(in reply to ProlificNeeds)

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RE: seeking advice for sub with anxiety/ocd - 1/24/2012 4:28:26 AM

DesFIP

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I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. But certain things will set it off while others won't. I shared with him what those things are. Since this is a health issue, I hard limit those things that will trigger an attack. As far as general life problems, he tends to take over as much of the triggers as he can.

Beyond that, I don't know how much caffeine you take in but I strongly suggest reducing it to as close to zero as is possible.
Have you done any Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?

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RE: seeking advice for sub with anxiety/ocd - 1/24/2012 5:53:05 AM

Fornica

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I think the biggest thing is being able to communicate how you're feeling to your Master. I have mucho experience with both of those, if you'd like to talk in depth, feel free to message me on the other side :)

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RE: seeking advice for sub with anxiety/ocd - 1/24/2012 7:45:28 AM

fucktoyprincess

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I am glad your Dom knows that you face these issues, and I'm glad you have framed your limits keeping your issues in mind. In addition, I think both of you just need to keep lines of communication open, even during play, so that if something is not working for you, you can adjust as you go. As long as you have a Dom who is flexible, I do not see any impediment to being able to pursue a D/s relationship. It just might mean it takes you a little longer as a couple to determine the appropriate boundaries and the appropriate patterns. His Dominance should not work at cross purposes with your issues, or everyone will soon be unhappy. Some things are likely never going to be good tasks for you. And as long as you and he can manage around that, it shouldn't be a problem.

I would not worry that the OCD or anxiety will prevent you from being able to thrive in a D/s relationship. Boundaries and patterns are all unique to each relationship. You just need to determine what works within the context of his and your wants. Best of luck.

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RE: seeking advice for sub with anxiety/ocd - 1/24/2012 8:20:02 AM

angelikaJ

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I think counseling can be of tremendous benefit: particularly with a therapist who practices Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

You say you are on 2 different medications: how do they seem to be working: communicating with your prescriber about what works and what doesn't; keeping a journal is important.

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RE: seeking advice for sub with anxiety/ocd - 1/24/2012 8:55:35 AM

littlewonder

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I have anxiety and depression. We deal with it together as a couple and also I take meds and go to therapy. He deals with it by making sure I'm doing things to help live a decent life, asking me questions, knowing me well enough to know when there's a problem and I communicate with him and let him know what's going on with me.

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RE: seeking advice for sub with anxiety/ocd - 1/25/2012 9:58:06 PM

Asherscorp1

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I have found that when I am obsessively stressed and nose-diving for an emotional break-down just reminding myself to trust my Master is very helpful. Trust that he will help with any problem I bring him, trust that if I express a need it will be met, trust that he desires my happiness and that he does in fact know many times better than I do what will nourish my mind and heart. I trust that as soon as I sit at his feet I will feel better even if what was causing my emotional turmoil still has to be dealt with. Of course building this took a lot of time and any relationship is always a work in progress. I suggest a lot of communication with your Dom about what you need to calm and focus yourself, what makes these episodes better, what makes them worse, but in the end as a submissive my greatest piece of mind comes from knowing that whatever is going on I can bring it to Master and he will guide me to the best action or solution. Even if that is simply five minutes of deep breathing before I go and tackle whatever I was freaking out about.

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