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WolfinShadow -> RE: Master's guilt (6/4/2006 2:07:10 PM)
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Having read through the other posts I thought I would have something to add on the guilt question ...
yes I am a sadist , I have Known that all my life , from being a baby and biting people to the days when I was a bouncer and collector for various nefarious business's I have always like to urt people , for and occupation and for my own pleasure . But I would notbe who I am If I didn't question WHY. All My life I have born Guilt for this and I can say there is a part of me that still does even in the realms of consesual BDSM .
I ask Myself why I feel I have the right to inflict pain on people and bend them to my will . Keep in Mind pysical pain is not the end here , there is also psycological and emotional pain , Usually caused by being selfish . Part of how I deal with it is an Ideal that gets me in a lot of " discussions" and that is simple " I cause pain in the serives of others, I hurt people because they want me too. Vastly different from breaking someones arm so they will pay their bookie. And it helps to set aside some of the guilt I felt when I didnt really care how I was affecting others.
These days I am At times cruel but within the confines of Consent ::smile:: well usually , an incident comes to mind that once I stopped laughing I felt a bit Guilty about , It involves the morning after a particulary harsh Singletail scene and My "First girl " Robin . She ame in that morning complaining that her bottom Hurt from the scene , It did look like hamburger because it was a long and intence scene . She asked me if I thought it was a good Idea to run Icy Hot on it to alleviate the Soreness and without thinking about my reply I said yes.
She spent the next two hours in the bathtub Cursing my name , We laugh about it now but thinking back it was a quite cruel thing to do.
As for Dom drop I will say that its not something I have experienced personally But then since I am rarely " out of scene" In otherwords since this is my life and not a persona I put on and take off to go to my Vanilla Job I think I may veiw it differently. What I experience is the pressure of always being " On" and once and awhile I just need to get off on my own for awhile. Not easy to do with an extended " Pack" and a School to run . But I find when i can get off alone and meditate those creeping feelings of presure and Guilt tend to float off in the ether.
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