Moving on (Full Version)

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unclaimedheart -> Moving on (1/26/2012 4:30:09 PM)

I was not officially released by my previous master. It was such that either of us could end the relationship when we wanted and he first suggested that we "probably" and "maybe" should stop seeing eachother. He has kept any communication to a minimum, but I have not been able to heal without the closure. He maybe waiting for some time unkown to me that he feels is best to wait to resume a relationship, or something else entirely. I joined this site to see if I could love another as quickly and as completely as I did with him. My question is after months of asking to be taken back, when, if at all, would it be appropriate to tell him I belong to someone else?



searching4mysir -> RE: Moving on (1/26/2012 4:42:29 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: unclaimedheart

My question is after months of asking to be taken back, when, if at all, would it be appropriate to tell him I belong to someone else?



Somehow, from what you've said here, I don't think he will even care enough to ask. He has already checked out emotionally. Time for you to do the same. Chasing him just makes you the crazy stalker chick.



Aileen1968 -> RE: Moving on (1/26/2012 4:46:00 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: unclaimedheart


My question is after months of asking to be taken back, when, if at all, would it be appropriate to tell him I belong to someone else?


Why bother and why shit on the one you're with now?



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Moving on (1/26/2012 4:53:39 PM)

I am getting the impression that you are just looking now?

Over is over. There are many times when we don't get "closure" and have to invent our own.



LillyBoPeep -> RE: Moving on (1/26/2012 5:29:17 PM)

You're just going to have to move on and forget him. He's not likely to care that you're with someone else (well, unless he's still not with someone else :p) and it's unfair to the person you're with if you're just with him as revennge to the first guy.

Burning things is sometimes a great way to move forward. Write his name on a paper and burn it. Symbolically release yourself, if you absolutely MUST have closure.



Fornica -> RE: Moving on (1/26/2012 5:35:42 PM)

He dumped you.
There's your "release". He doesn't get to know about your life now.
:)



unclaimedheart -> RE: Moving on (1/26/2012 5:45:41 PM)

I am just looking now. I have been emotionally closed off to casual friends, but do believe I can move on with a new master. I think a new love will be completely different. I think I will try the symbolic burning. Even if there is a reunion at some future point it would have to be all new, we couldn't just pick up where we left off.



SilentSlade -> RE: Moving on (1/27/2012 12:38:26 AM)

It sounds to me like you had something you hold as really special together.  It is very difficult to let that kind of connection go, especially when it has become a part of your life for many years. 

Open communication is an option.

Sometimes I have found that a well written heartfelt letter (yes envelope, stamp, and all) with everything you have on your mind written out and laid bare can help you move on.  You learn a lot about yourself when you write.
If you feel that would be to much, or inappropriate, you can choose to burn that too.
Don't like writing?, get audacity for the computer, record yourself talking into the mic.  Say whats on your mind, what you feel.  Let it all out, and then save, and play it all back. Listen to yourself, and what you really feel and why.  Ask yourself what is holding you back and keeping you from moving on.  Then act on what you learn.

Other solutions are to date new people, vanilla or otherwise, just to become accustomed to the idea of someone new.  Of new experiences and perspectives.  Try making a bucket list.  Start knocking some items off of it.  The feeling of
doing something amazing and new may help you look forward to whats next, and who is next.

In the end there is no wrong choice.

I've rambled on for too long.. In any case, good luck.







NyxPontia -> RE: Moving on (1/27/2012 1:54:46 AM)

Burning has ALWAYS helped me, so props to those that suggested it.

I also find music can help. Usually, during a breakup, I will turn on whatever break up song fits the way it ended and while it plays, use the lyrics like a conversation. Talking out loud to myself as if that person was there can open up the heart and help wounds heal. Writing, as stated, can also help. But when I do that, I look back and get mad at myself for making mistakes. I kick myself for my feelings. So writing can backfire. Especially if you keep the journal/letter.

But you could burn it, as was suggested earlier.

And his house. You could burn that down. [sm=trident.gif]



kalikshama -> RE: Moving on (1/27/2012 4:18:00 AM)

quote:

I have not been able to heal without the closure.

I find that women sabotage themselves in their search for closure. Trying the burning thing, get a new man, join a gym, do volunteer work, anything but seek it through your ex.

quote:

I joined this site to see if I could love another as quickly and as completely as I did with him.

Sometimes these insta connections blow out as quickly as they blow in.

quote:

when, if at all, would it be appropriate to tell him I belong to someone else?

I'm leaning towards Never, but minimally, if and only if he initiates a conversation.



Fornica -> RE: Moving on (1/27/2012 6:03:40 AM)

^^ has teh wise.



OsideGirl -> RE: Moving on (1/27/2012 7:37:00 AM)

You need to let go and move on. Stop all contact with him and stop asking to be taken back. You need to find your dignity and self respect.



tameeks -> RE: Moving on (1/27/2012 8:08:53 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: unclaimedheart

I am just looking now. I have been emotionally closed off to casual friends, but do believe I can move on with a new master. I think a new love will be completely different. I think I will try the symbolic burning. Even if there is a reunion at some future point it would have to be all new, we couldn't just pick up where we left off.


I don't think you're quite ready to move on yet.   It wouldn't be fair to start something with someone new with the thought of maybe your old one will come back to you. You're starting it off with one foot out the door already.



LillyBoPeep -> RE: Moving on (1/27/2012 8:46:18 AM)

Tameeks is right - you still seem to hope that you'll meet him again. If you do the burning thinng, remember that that is only a step in the process. When my last Person died, it was a sudden accidental death, and there was no closure. I can relate to feeling like you nneed that personn to "release" you before moving on, but when that isn't possible - well, even if it is, you have to understand that one action isnn't going to make you "over it" instantly.

You may need to give yourself more time. Don't jump into a new relationship just because you miss beig in one. Do it because you're healthy annd looking to really move forward with life.



xXLithiumXx -> RE: Moving on (1/27/2012 9:27:49 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Fornica

He dumped you.
There's your "release". He doesn't get to know about your life now.
:)



^^ This exactly.



fucktoyprincess -> RE: Moving on (1/27/2012 10:39:32 AM)

Sorry that you miss having him in your life.

But I agree with all of the other posters who say you need to move on. Do what you need to do to create your own closure for yourself - the closure will not come from him. And consider it completely over. I would not entertain thoughts of getting back together again in the future. This will make it even harder for you to move on. I would also not contact him anymore. Remove his contact information from your phone. If he reaches out to you, that is one thing. But in my life, generally a woman reaching out to a man in a situation like this is never a good idea.

And do what you can to get out and meet new people. You might not replace your Dominant any time soon, but sitting at home and feeling sad is not a helpful thing to be doing either.

The pain from a break-up is really bereavement. So understand that it is going to take time to get to the other side. There is no way to speed up the healing/recovery process. One day, you will wake up and not be thinking about him. None of us can tell you how long that might take for you.



NyxPontia -> RE: Moving on (1/27/2012 10:49:10 AM)

[sm=trident.gif] Am I the only one gunning for arson?



SilentSlade -> RE: Moving on (1/27/2012 10:58:04 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NyxPontia

[sm=trident.gif] Am I the only one gunning for arson?


You secretly have my vote.



Ninebelowzero -> RE: Moving on (1/27/2012 10:58:26 AM)

I vote pyromania too. That or explosives.
quote:

ORIGINAL: NyxPontia

[sm=trident.gif] Am I the only one gunning for arson?




NyxPontia -> RE: Moving on (1/27/2012 11:00:21 AM)

Well thank Y/you, fellas [:D]



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