RE: What is topping from the bottom?

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RE: What is topping from the bottom? - 1/28/2012 1:40:30 PM

NyxPontia

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I always considered topping from the bottom to just be a sexual thing, like the sub taking control in a scene, or attempting to anyway. Usually ending in failure and punishment.

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RE: What is topping from the bottom? - 1/28/2012 1:43:07 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

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Topping from the bottom? I would say being manipulative is attempting to "TFTB." But, if he tries to manipulate me, I nip it in the bud and don't let it happen. Therefore it's not an issue. Being manipulative will get him NOWHERE, and he knows that.

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RE: What is topping from the bottom? - 1/28/2012 5:41:58 PM

SimplyMichael

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Anyone who accuses you of that just tell them this...

That means YOU are bottoming from the top...

Tends to shut them up right quick.

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RE: What is topping from the bottom? - 1/28/2012 7:02:55 PM

DesFIP

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He frequently says please, and there's nothing funny about it. Just good manners.

And there really isn't any such thing as topping from the bottom. I can demand he does something, or stops doing something. I can beg and plead. But whether or not he decides to cater to me is his decision. I can't force him to do something he doesn't want to do. All I can do is give him information. His choice what to do with it.

The dominants who claim a sub is tftb are ones who are too insecure to hear the sub say anything. Who think that a power dynamic means they don't need to acquire relationship skills. And they're proved wrong when the sub finally gets fed up and chooses to find someone else with whom she will get her needs met.

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RE: What is topping from the bottom? - 1/28/2012 7:08:18 PM

njlauren

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance

Again I ask, how is a doms failure the submissives fault

In your example "Would mistress like to spank me" Its not topping from the bottom Its the doms job to say No, i would not stop asking, if they dont ... its not the subs fault.

A Doms lacking is often pushed on the submissive for what ever stupid reason they can think of topping from the bottom is only saying the dominants lacking, they are a failure, they have the issues

They have not created a dynamic in which its clear whos in control and whos not... not the submissive...They have not created a clear dynamic in which asking for something is frowned upon, its their fault... they havent made it clear that things are done only their way, that again isnt the subs fault...

I am not blaming anyone, I am talking about a behavior, not whose fault it is. The underlying issue, to me, is a sub/bottom, who rather then leaving it to the top to determine the course of action in play to mutually meet their needs, is in effect directing the top to do "what turns me on" [the bottom]. In a sense, when you do a pro domme session it is topping from the bottom a lot of the time, because the clients generally come in, give them a laundry list of what they like to do, and expect to get it (it varies, obviously, depending on the client/domme and the nature of how they work).

If it does go on, it is the fault of both, it is a sub/bottom who isn't seeing what is going on as 'us', with the top controlling what goes, but rather 'the top' 'doing him/her', and it is the top's fault for allowing it. Topping from the bottom to me is a sub trying to get what they want and in effect using the top, rather then creating something the both get off on, YMMV.

BTW, for this conversation I am using bottom/sub the same way even though they generally mean different things.

< Message edited by njlauren -- 1/28/2012 7:10:20 PM >

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RE: What is topping from the bottom? - 1/29/2012 12:36:01 AM

SpiritedRadiance

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quote:

ORIGINAL: njlauren
If it does go on, it is the fault of both, it is a sub/bottom who isn't seeing what is going on as 'us', with the top controlling what goes, but rather 'the top' 'doing him/her', and it is the top's fault for allowing it. Topping from the bottom to me is a sub trying to get what they want and in effect using the top, rather then creating something the both get off on, YMMV.

BTW, for this conversation I am using bottom/sub the same way even though they generally mean different things.

The bolded part is what im getting at, its not the subs job to make it something that they both get off on..

The doms in control.. End of story. If they arent getting off on something thats their issue and only their issue, its their job to make it something they both get off on or that only the dom gets off on. Not the sub... its the subs job to obey...
Its the doms job to make the orders, to set up the scenes to do as they wish within the negotiated boundaries. Being a Dom is really fucking hard work... Hell, Im a service top in fire play, its a lot of fucking hard work to make it all go right...it sucks that its hard work, but hey, you said Im the dom... So Im the one that gets to make the decisions, with that ability means the responsibility along with it...

I can ask Max (the Dom of the house i belong to) to flog me... over and over and over and over and over again, its HIS choice to do it, and how its done and when its done and how long, my asking doesnt automatically make it so...Hes the one in control and im the one that agreed to it.... If hes not in control then thats on him as well...

My saying Master, spank me, doesnt mean he will, it means he will consider if he has the time and make the decision Thats what being the Dom means....

For me hearing Topping from the Bottom is a HUGE red flag of someone i dont want to be around, because they prefer to blame their failures on the submissive instead of admitting their faults.

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RE: What is topping from the bottom? - 1/29/2012 10:37:20 AM

VaguelyCurious

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FR

There's another kind of topping from the bottom (which I think is where the term might originally come from. Someone with a better working knowledge of leather history than me might like to comment on that.)

Let's say you have an experienced bottom (or submissive, this isn't really about a power exchange) with a lot of knowledge about a particular skill or area of kink. And you have a top with little knowledge about said skill or area. What's the quickest way for the top to learn said skill?

Topping from the bottom.

'You need to be hitting a little further down - you're getting close to my tailbone'.

'If you hit me with the very tip you'll get a lot more sting.'

'That was about a six or a seven out of ten, pain-wise.'

'The needle needs to go in at a shallower angle.'

'My hands are getting a little cold, and that knot is digging in. You might want to [oh, I don't know, I don't do rope] to fix that.'

This is topping from the bottom. With the right people it's a fantastic learning tool, and a lot of fun. It can be a feature of a play relationship rather than a bug.

---

Also, I totally top from the bottom. I made a friend hit me over and over at a club night on Friday. It was fun! I don't think there was any question of who was in control, but I wasn't being manipulative or sneaky or pretending to be submissive. I just wanted her to hit me, so she hit me. Again, a feature of our friendship, not a bug.

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