quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

While I didn't "save" myself for the Dream Dom, I have never been one for casual anything because for me personally it just kinda cheapens the whole relationship thing for me and feels completely empty and I went 8 years before getting involved with Master. Was I saving myself? Not necessarily. I just simply didn't have any interest in playing with others.

quote:

I attended my first play party this past saturday, and I had a blast!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ishtarr

~FR~

I think that whether or not you should save yourself for your dream Dom depends on what you expect from your dream Dom.
And actually, the same thing should apply to the Dom.

If you would prefer an inexperiences Dom, who haven't tried a lot of things with somebody else, because he wanted his first experiences with something to be with somebody special, you should save yourself for him.

If you would prefer and experienced Dom, who knows the ropes because he practiced at play parties before and had mentors, then you should feel free to practice and experiment at will as well.

What you should NOT ever settle for is a man who thinks it's okay that HE has experience (in BDSM or otherwise) but the women he is with do not have experiences.
This is because this sort of man proves to you that he has no moral fibre, and lacks ethical conduct from the start. After all, if he expects his women do be without experience, then EVERY woman he has used to gain his own experience is now "tainted" and no longer desirable in his own eyes.
He ruined them on purpose, to his own standards. He used them, made them (in his eyes) less desirable to other men, and then callously tossed them aside.
Even if he didn't do that on purpose, even if he thought he was in love every single time, that still leaves the fact that apparently he can't learn from his mistakes. He can't learn that people sometimes fall in love with the wrong person, gain experience, and that's okay. After all, ever though he's done it several times now, he STILL won't allow his future women to have the same standard.
Would you really want to settle for a man that is scum enough to be a player who expects "virgins" to then, when they've lost their "value" move on the the next one?

So I don't agree with the general opinion on this thread that "saving yourself" is necessarily a bad idea. It's only a bad idea if you don't expect him to "save himself" for you as well.
Apply the standards you expect the guys you date to have to yourself, and you have your answer as to what's the right kind of conduct for you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko
Should I be judged for that by a prospective dominant partner? Well, I don't think that's so out of bounds. We allow for so many other things to judge someone on, why not this as well? It's personal preference, and if someone doesn't approve of my sexual history for whatever reason, that's their right.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi
No one can tell you what the right thing is for you. Pay attention to what floats  your boat and how you want to conduct yourself and listen to that, not what someone else thinks is right.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

.......Women were not given any freedom. They worked damn hard for it. Have some lost their way or confused things? Yes, I think so... but there are still women fighting hard for those freedoms and we will share our experiences and help them see... you can be who you are, be free to be who you are and don't have to play to the tune of some gamer man's game. We will get there... well most of us anyway.

quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

If your dream dom is going to be insulted that you had experiences prior to
him entering your life, then he negates his qualifier as a dream dom.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

While I didn't "save" myself for the Dream Dom, I have never been one for casual anything because for me personally it just kinda cheapens the whole relationship thing for me and feels completely empty and I went 8 years before getting involved with Master. Was I saving myself? Not necessarily. I just simply didn't have any interest in playing with others.

Weren't you taking a break after a bad marriage?

quote:

ORIGINAL: lthrpup

Without some experience, how will you recognize the Dream Dom?
/quote]


This and who in their right mind would want a 47 year old virgin?
I am too old to want to teach a woman everything, experience
defines a person makes them who they are.

(in reply to lthrpup)