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MistressDREAD -> RE: What is a submissive? (10/31/2004 7:01:52 PM)
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I will post here sum definitions of a submissive however know that alltho I agree with most of the post I have My opinions that differ slightly as most Dominants Im sure. This is however a good jumping board into understanding better the differing submissive positions and how they relate differently to being a slave.
quote:
Nine Levels of Submission
By Mistress Diane Vera 1984
"Within the S/M subculture, different people use the words
'submissive' and 'slave' to mean many different things. When
submissives say 'I want to be your slave,' sometimes they mean
only that they want to be tied up and whipped. Many professional
dominants routinely refer to their (usually not very genuinely
submissive clients) as 'slaves.' At the other extreme, there
are people who want to be full-time personal servants, and who
truly want to exist solely for their Doms use, pleasure and
convenience. And there are many shades in between these two
extremes."
1-THE OUTRIGHT NON-SUBMISSIVE MASOCHIST or KINKY SENSUALIST. Not
into servitude, humiliation or giving up control; just pain and/or
spiced-up sensuality, on the masochist's own terms and for the
masochist's own direct pleasure (i.e. turned on solely/mainly by
one's own bodily sensations rather than by being "used" to gratify
one's partner's sadism).
2-PSEUDO-SUBMISSIVE NON-SLAVE. Not into even playing "slave," but
into other "submissive" role-playing, e.g. schoolteacher scenes,
infantilism, "forced" transvestism. Usually into humiliation, but
NOT into servitude, even in play. Dictates the scene to a large
degree.
3-PSEUDO-SUBMISSIVE PLAY SLAVE. Likes to play at being a slave; likes
to feel subservient; may in some cases like to feel one is being
"used" to gratify partner's sadism; may even really serve the
dominant in some ways, but only on the "sub/slave's" own terms. Dictates
the scene to a large degree; often fetishistic (e.g. foot worshipers).
4-TRUE SUBMISSIVE NON-SLAVE. Really gives up control
(only temporarily and within agreed upon limits), but gets
her/his main satisfaction from aspects of submission other
than serving or being used by the dominant. Usually turned
on by suspense, vulnerability, and/or giving up responsibility.
Doesn't dictate the scene except in very general terms, but still
seek mainly her/his own direct pleasure (rather than getting one's
pleasure mainly from pleasing the dominant).
5-TRUE SUBMISSIVE PLAY SLAVE. Really gives up control
(though only temporarily; only during brief "scenes" and within limits)
and gets main satisfaction from serving/being used by dominant, but
only for FUN purposes, usually erotic. May not be into pain. If so,
is turned on by pain indirectly, i.e. enjoys being the object of one's
partner's sadism, on which the submissive places very few requirements
or restrictions.
6-UNCOMMITTED SHORT-TERM BUT MORE THAN PLAY SEMI-SLAVE. Really gives
up control (usually within limits); wants to serve and be used by the
dominant; wants to provide practical/non erotic as well as fun/erotic
services; but only when the "slave" is in the mood. May even act as a
full-time slave for, say, several days at a time, but is free to quit
at any time (or at the end of the agreed upon several days). May or may
not have long-term relationship with one's Mistress, but, either way,
the "slave" has the final say over when she will serve.
7-PART-TIME CONSENSUAL-BUT REAL SLAVE. Has an ongoing commitment to an
owner/slave relationship and regards oneself as the dominants property
at all times. Wants to obey and please dom in all aspects of life-practical/non
erotic and fun/erotic. Devotes most of time to other commitments (e.g. job)
but Dom has first pick of the slave's free time.
8-FULL-TIME LIVE IN CONSENSUAL SLAVE. Within no more than a few broad
limits/requirements, the slave regards herself/himself as existing solely
for the Dom's pleasure/well being. Slave in turn expects to be regarded as
a prized possession. Not much different from the situation of the traditional
housewife, except that within the S/M world the slave's position is more likely
to be fully consensual, especially if the slave is male. Within the S/M world,
a full time "slave" arrangement is entered into with an explicit awareness of
the magnitude carefully, with more awareness of the magnitude of power that is
being given up, and hence is usually entered into much more carefully, with more
awareness of the possible dangers, and with much clearer and more specific
agreements than usually precede the traditional marriage.
9-CONSENSUAL TOTAL SLAVE WITH NO LIMITS. . A few S/M purists will insist that
you aren't really a slave unless you're willing to do absolutely anything for
your Dom(me), with no limits at all. I've met a few people who claimed to be
no-limit slaves.
The above list isn't intended as a rigid classification. Most submissives don't
fall neatly into one of these categories; there are still further shades in between.
(For example, a live-in slave with an outside paying job would be category 7 1/2.
Also the same submissive may attain different degrees of submission with different
Doms. The list is intended simply to show the wide range of different possible
meanings of the words "submissive" and "slave."
In the S/M subculture, the majority of "submissives" seek scenes in categories 1-3,
whereas most of the Dom(mes) I know (including myself) seek slaves in categories 6-7.
If you're a submissive in categories 1-3, you are probably best off seeking a
relationship not with a Dom(me) but with a fellow "sub," or with a switchable person
into both roles. The two can take turns acting out each other's "submissive" or
masochistic fantasies.
7 Pleasing Characteristics of a Submissive
1. Honesty. This is very important to me. Without honesty, there can be no trust.
Without trust D/s is nothing. On a safety note, be truthful in your desires,
experience, fears and limits. I have seen many submissives tell "little" lies
thinking it will make them more desirable. It usually ends up getting them hurt.
If you have questions about what your Dom desires or expects, be honest and speak
up. There is nothing wrong with asking questions respectfully, and is much preferable
to looking ignorant. Remember, all Doms are different. Don't assume because one wants
you to wear stockings that another will enjoy them. Ask what he expects you to wear,
how he expects you to act, what he prefers to be called, etc.
2. Submissiveness. I prefer my subs to submit. I want them to surrender their will
to me. I like them to be polite, compliant, and to show me the respect I have earned.
There is nothing that turns me off faster than a submissive trying to top from the
bottom, or manipulate the scene. A polite, respectful "Master, if it pleases you,
I would enjoy being spanked." is going to make that happen much sooner than intentional
misbehavior.
3. Intelligence. Make intelligent choices about who you submit to, and how deep your
submission goes. If it is a relationship situation, get to know the person as a friend
before you consider submitting. If it is scene-play, get references and follow safety
rules, watch them Top others, or play in the presence of people who can watch out for
you. Out of role, intelligence goes a long way. Think, and share those thoughts with
your Dom. Take time to find out what he is interested in, and get to know more on the
subject. Keep up on current events and trends and be able to discuss them. Perhaps
take up some of the same hobbies as your Dom. These are good relationship skills...be
it vanilla or D/s.
4. Service. Find out what makes your Dom happy, and do your best to provide. It is your
job to make your Dominant happy. If you will be serving him food, find out what he likes
to eat, and how he likes it served. Find out what his turn-on and turn-offs are. If
it is your responsibility to set things up for the scene, find out what he requires,
and have everything handy. Don't be sloppy in your service, and don't make your TDom
have to tell you a preference more than once. If I have to tell a sub two times that
I like my coffee black, it gives me the impression that she is not thinking, or just
doesn't care. This is not at all pleasing. Put some thought and creativity into your
service. Listen when he tells you his fantasies and dreams, and try to fulfill his
desires. Be observant. If you have the chance, study his surroundings for clues on the
type of things he enjoys. Does he have candles sitting out? Make sure you have some at
your place, too. What kind of toiletries does he use? Buy them and have them ready for
him when he visits. What does he like to drink? Make sure you keep it on hand.
5. Communication. Contrary to what some believe, Dominants are not psychics. It is
frustrating to have to try and figure out everything that pushes your sub's buttons.
I would much rather have my sub tell me her fantasies so I can store the info to use
when I choose, than have to guess. I don't like to play with subs that constantly say
"Whatever pleases you, If she is not enjoying it, chances are I won't be enjoying it,
either. Admittedly, I am occasionally selfish, and enjoy only what I want, but not 100%
of the time.
6. Self Respect. Value yourself. There is no thrill in dominating a doormat, or someone
that thinks so little of themselves they will submit to anyone at anytime.
7. Patience. patience is the mark of a good submissive. I do know that the best things
are worth waiting for, and pushy, demanding submissives are really not submissives at
all.
Here is a poem that was written for Me many moons ago by one of My posessions of the past.
What is a submissive?
There comes a time when you truly know that you are
finally at the stage of being a submissive. It isn’t
something that comes to you all at once, but there
you are one day, kneeling at the feet of your mistress
and suddenly this wave of heat comes over you, and
you realize for the first time ever that you can’t
imagine ever wanting to be anywhere else. Your mistress
could be saying something to you, possibly something
very important, but for that instant, for that moment,
nothing seems to matter because you’re buried in this
rush of energy that consumes you like nothing has ever
done before.
You find that your mind is no longer your own. You can
still think, but the thoughts seem almost out of your
control. You see things in a totally different light,
and that light is good. (Uh, any second now this is going
to start sounding like scripture: "And then there was
light, and it was good.")
When you finally reach this point, you find yourself
wondering what more you can do to please your mistress,
what would make her happier, what little thing can make
her day that much more pleasant. Sometimes you succeed,
and you feel wonderful. Sometimes you don’t, and you feel
terrible, but you keep trying because there’s no greater
feeling than knowing that you’ve succeeded in making your
mistress happy for just that one brief moment.
You no longer find yourself interested in fulfilling your
own fantasies, rather than those that she might have. She
might never even tell you what her personal fantasies are,
but you’ll feel such joy when you find yourself becoming a
part of them that you’ll wonder why you ever had fantasies
of your own to begin with. And when she does cater to your
fantasies, as much as you’ll be overjoyed at experiencing
such bliss, you know you’re at that stage when you actually
feel guilty that she spent her time taking care of something
you wanted instead of you taking care of everything that
she might want.
That’s when submission becomes real. It’s no more a “what
can I get out of this relationship” type of thing. It means
something more, much more.
And once there, you’ll never experience another feeling
like it again. It’s kind of like a drug that you want more
and more. And once addicted, you may never be the same again.
slave duane , written while the owned and collared slave
of Mistress Dread
First published June 23, 1976
quote:
There are very few 'born' slaves, those that are born to total
slavery, the absolute and complete subjugation of the will of
one human being to another, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
These are special creatures destined to be owned without
reservation by another human being. The slave's only concern
and his only responsibility and his only right is to openly
concensually give the slaves belly in servitude totally and obey.
MistressDREAD™®©2004
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