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Fear - 2/2/2012 9:55:34 AM

captiveboi

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Joined: 11/13/2011
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I know that i am a slave and i have very little experance, but i am still afraid of what i am. Does that fear ever go away? How can i over come it?

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RE: Fear - 2/2/2012 9:56:27 AM

xxblushesxx

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From: Kentucky
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When you embrace and love who you are and what you are, it goes away. Being a slave doesn't make you "less" it just makes you different.

ETA: Interacting with other kinky people in your community (or even in other communities) and coming to the realization that they're all real people just like you, with foibles and faults will help you overcome your fear.
Playing with people who know what they are doing, and who treat you like a person will help you overcome your fear.

< Message edited by xxblushesxx -- 2/2/2012 9:58:22 AM >

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RE: Fear - 2/2/2012 9:57:35 AM

searching4mysir

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For me, the fear went away when I met the man who now owns me. I knew that I had nothing to fear from him, and if I did start to fear some aspect of my slavery I could discuss it with him until those fears dissipated.

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RE: Fear - 2/2/2012 2:58:40 PM

DesFIP

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It's fear of the unknown. Once you know what to expect, it won't be so frightening. Find somebody you can trust to explore with.

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RE: Fear - 2/2/2012 4:30:51 PM

RaspberryLemon

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I've never had that fear, so I'm not sure I can give any advice, OP.

Honestly it's probably as the others have stated--fear of the unknown and a bit of discomfort in who you are. Be content with who and what you are, for it does not make you lesser or not as valuable--simply different.

(in reply to captiveboi)

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RE: Fear - 2/2/2012 4:51:23 PM

shylilbear

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When I first started exploring I was so nervous I was afraid of my own shadow sometimes. As I got more experience though, talked to more people, and got more comfortable in this new me, I relaxed a whole lot more. When I first started out though I was a sub, then later I was a slave. (NOT getting into definitions though)

You said that you know you're a slave, but that you have little experience. May I ask how you came to the conclusion that you're a slave? A lot of people like the idea of being a slave, but when it really comes down to it, it's really not for them. Maybe part of the fear you're feeling is your mind trying to tell you slavery isn't right for you? It's definately not a bad thing if it's not, but if you're not suited to being a slave, and you keep trying to be, you'll wind up hurting yourself and being absolutely miserable.

I'm not trying to be a killjoy here, but maybe try to examine what it is about being a slave that scares you. Is it the activities that are/will be expected of you? Is it the idea that you're actually capable of totally turning yourself over to another person so completely? That you actually want someone to be in so much control over you? If this really is who you are, then it will be a fantastically awesomely beautiful thing when you realize you're really and truly living as you feel you were meant to. Just make sure that it really truly is who you are.

_____________________________

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One who gains strength by overcoming obstacles possesses the only strength which can overcome adversity.
To err is human, to really fuck things up takes a computer.

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RE: Fear - 2/2/2012 7:15:20 PM

LillyBoPeep

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Great post, shylilbear.
OP, whenn I first started out, I was nervous, too - nervous about what might happen, all sorts of ranndom stuff. For me, it WAS the fear of the unknown. Then, when I felt myself wanting to give in, when I really began to feel like property, I was afraid because I thought I was crazy. :p hahaha
Feelig comfortable with the person I was with at the time was how I got over it.

Have you been in a M/s situation? You said you have little experience - are you mostly just relatinng to/fanntacizing about being a slave? There's nothing wrong with having an idea of where you want to go, but also, so much of it is dependennt on the other person, the M - so it's hard to deal with your fears on your own, unntil you have the experiece under your belt to tell you "this is okay" - oooor you learn that it really isn't for you after all.

So don't freak out, and don't obsess over your fantasies too much. Keeping a journal might be a good way to process some feelings, but try not to get too wrapped up in dreaming up "perfect scenarios."
Connect with others you can talk to and bounce ideas off of, get out and meet people.

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"Obey your Master." Metallica

(in reply to shylilbear)

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RE: Fear - 2/2/2012 10:26:10 PM

captiveboi

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To start off i want to thank all of y'all for posting on here. i think that my main fear is completely giving myself over to a Man. That lose of control that i crave. Many Masters tell me that what i am afraid of is truly letting myself be happy and that by holding back. i know that i need to serve, and in that hold happiness for me as well as satifaction and fulliment. But all i know is that there is a part of me that keeps trying to hold back from what i am. As if some part of my mind is trying to ignore the plain and simple truth against me. i was raised to think that i was eqaul to everyone and learning as i grew older that i wasnt has been hard. And RasberryLemon i truly envy your confedence and your knowolodge and trusst in yourself.

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

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RE: Fear - 2/3/2012 7:09:19 AM

Asherscorp1

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My problem has always been shame more than fear but it puts me in the same place you are. I don't want to let go, I hold onto control, even if it's just in my head. I feel like a freak, like there's something wrong with me when I give in and that every "normal" person in my life would be horrified and ashamed of me. It gets a lot better with time and experience. The more you give in, the more you are fufilled by what you are doing the less doubts you have, the less you even think about how afraid or ashamed you were to begin with. Keep gaining experience, keep talking to other people who can encourage you. The longer you do this the easier it gets, the less fear there is.

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RE: Fear - 2/4/2012 10:46:50 PM

shylilbear

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Here's something that might confuse the hell out of you, but it's worth thinking about.

You don't have to be a slave to completely give yourself over to someone. I finally got it through my thick skull that labels aren't nearly as important as the relationship. Once I did that, I didn't worry so much about what or who I am. Although I am in a total power exchange dynamic (which is usually associated with Master/slave dynamics), I am not a slave. I am my Daddy's submissive lady. Thoroughly confused yet?

You also said this. "i was raised to think that i was eqaul to everyone and learning as i grew older that i wasnt has been hard." Why is it that you now feel you're not equal to everyone? What was it that taught you that?

Here's another little idea that tends to confuse a lot of people, and I'm wondering if this is part of why you're having such a hard time accepting who you are.

Submissive does NOT equal inferior!! Dominants have a higher rank, they are not superior. My Daddy holds the authority in our relationship. He leads and guides me, and when he decides on something, his decisions are final. I follow him, and support him in the decisions he makes. I do what I can to please him and make his life easier. How do you place a value on either side of the coin? We have different roles, but we are equal in our value to each other.

If you'd like, please feel free to message me if you want further clarification on any of this. Figuring out who we are can be a daunting process, even for some of us that's been around for a bit.

< Message edited by shylilbear -- 2/4/2012 10:54:58 PM >

_____________________________

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
One who gains strength by overcoming obstacles possesses the only strength which can overcome adversity.
To err is human, to really fuck things up takes a computer.

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RE: Fear - 2/5/2012 1:58:38 AM

Focus50

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From: Newcastle, Australia
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Since my reply got nuked by the Mods in your attempt to cross-post, here's the gist of my original.

You overcome such fear by being your own man instead of a product of contemporary social engineering. As long as it's within the law, what consenting adults do in the privacy of their home is no-one else's business etc.

If you act like you're doing something wrong, you won't get anywhere...!

Focus.

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RE: Fear - 2/8/2012 12:12:05 PM

sub4hire

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quote:

ORIGINAL: captiveboi

I know that i am a slave and i have very little experance, but i am still afraid of what i am. Does that fear ever go away? How can i over come it?

I knew who I was as a child. I had much older siblings we were all pretty much the same. They married abusers and ruined their lives. So yeah you could say fear guided me for quite a few years. I feebly attempted to change who I was.

I came to the conclusion that you cannot change who you are. All you can do is embrace it and make wise decisions. When you find the right person for you, just go in eyes wide with your brain. You'll do fine. Allow the trust to grow and the fear will subside.

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RE: Fear - 2/9/2012 3:20:02 AM

FrostedFlake

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From: Centralia, Washington
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Experience. And the intellectual appreciation that fear deprives you of what you want. Read this again.

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RE: Fear - 2/9/2012 8:31:21 AM

slave4lifenwnj

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Joined: 1/22/2011
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This slave embraces the "fear," which is actually a healthy thing - yes slave loves, respects, and adores its Master, but the slight edge of fear is spiritually stimulating - the slave pushes thru the fear, and in so doing submits and grows closer to its Master.

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RE: Fear - 2/9/2012 10:10:14 AM

JanahX

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First off .. what are you afraid of? You dont even say.

I'm a bottom, and Im afraid of spiders. And in order to deal with it, I kill them as fast as possible.

Subject matter please?

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