RE: The thin line between trust and disobediance (Full Version)

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angelikaJ -> RE: The thin line between trust and disobediance (2/9/2012 5:39:45 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: BoxwineForBrunch

you can't tell if a dude is a "remarkable man" in two weeks of long distance interaction. the fact that you say things like this is probably a red flag about your readiness to be emotionally entangled with anyone. this guy's behavior, as you describe it, is also full of danger signs. you may have just the right combination of personal dysfunctions to lead to an oldschool Internet Relationship Trainwreck. don't get me wrong, you two probably can't amp the passive aggression and the narcissism up all the way into one of those truly amazing Lifetime-is-calling-for-the-movie-rights deals, but it could definitely be respectably sized emotional disaster for both of you.

alternately, you two may manage to scratch out some kind of mutually fulfilling relationship. this is unlikely, but it becomes a total impossibility if you do things like convince yourself after a few days that you have found a Remarkable Man with whom you have a Deep and True Connection that Nobody Else Understands. if you keep thinking and acting like that, it is going to get messy and a few months from now you're going to be boring all your friends with stories about how much you hate the man who Wronged You on the Internet.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LilNewThing

Hi Fellow Subs/slaves,

I am quiet new to the BDSM scene and Dom/s relationships. I have met my first Dom and trust and like him so much it scares me a little. We live far apart but we speak on the phone, skype, chat, txt constantly and we have made, what i feel, is a rather unique connection. In fact it has been a soul touching experiance for me and he reiterates these same feelings.  
He has never made me doubt his care for me. In fact I find him to be such a remarkable man i nearly dont believe he is who he says he is!!??  
I've broached this with him and he says he is exactly who he says he is. He has asked me to trust him completely, which has always been difficult for me for personal reasons. He says everything he tells me is true and he has never given me a reason to doubt this, however i kind of want to tell him to 'prove it' but this would offend him deeply, maybe undermine him as a Dom and possibly risk the relationship, which i dont want. So, has anyone exoerianced this on online connections?? How do I trust him over my own personal (possibly irrational) insecurities...?  Or, do i trust that instinct and ask him to share more with me?
thanks LNT




Listen, a guy might seem remarkable, or it might seem as though you have amazing chemistry.

You don't know if you trust him or not?
Of course you don't, it is only 2 weeks.
He doesn't know if he trusts you?
Of course he doesn't, it has only been 2 weeks.

You don't know if he is really who he says he is?
Of course you don't; you haven't met him yet.

The truth is you just don't know; you haven't met, haven't spent that much time together in the virtual sense and none at all up close and personal where it really counts.

Slow down!

You are brand new to this, enjoy the newness but don't lose your common sense.






KnightofMists -> RE: The thin line between trust and disobediance (2/10/2012 12:53:09 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LilNewThing

Hi Fellow Subs/slaves,

I am quiet new to the BDSM scene and Dom/s relationships. I have met my first Dom and trust and like him so much it scares me a little. We live far apart but we speak on the phone, skype, chat, txt constantly and we have made, what i feel, is a rather unique connection. In fact it has been a soul touching experiance for me and he reiterates these same feelings.  
He has never made me doubt his care for me. In fact I find him to be such a remarkable man i nearly dont believe he is who he says he is!!??  
I've broached this with him and he says he is exactly who he says he is. He has asked me to trust him completely, which has always been difficult for me for personal reasons. He says everything he tells me is true and he has never given me a reason to doubt this, however i kind of want to tell him to 'prove it' but this would offend him deeply, maybe undermine him as a Dom and possibly risk the relationship, which i dont want. So, has anyone exoerianced this on online connections?? How do I trust him over my own personal (possibly irrational) insecurities...?  Or, do i trust that instinct and ask him to share more with me?
thanks LNT



Kyra and I first crossed paths online. We spent about 2 years apart before she moved to join Alandra and I. It was and is an incredbile almost disbelieving experience the connection we all had with each other. Much of your doubts and concerns expressed was very similiar to what we experienced in the intially years. We also had those conversations of it being real or not. Where I see the difference is I didn't ask Kyra to trust. I just earned it and more importantly I knew that I would. She would express her fears or doubts. I would simple acknowledge them as rational to have them considering the circumstances but in time they will be gone. "You will trust me and you will do so when you ready and not a moment before. I just keep being me and all will be fine".

We can ask someone to trust us... but the reality to me is we have to prove that we are worthy of such trust in the first place. I can't decide when I have earned the trust of another by my actions. If I did... everyone would be trusting me! That is up to the other person and rightfully so. If you partner is offended by lack of trust. That could be a red flag of concern.

The flip side though... I will be me.. and will not jump through hoops to earn the trust of another. I may want the trust of another. But sometimes the price is just not worth it or impossible for someone to pay. There was a real possible that I might of reached a point that I believed I done enough to earn Kyra's trust or that she was being irrational in her fears or doubts that where hurdles to trust. If such a situation evolved I am sure our relationship would of went a different direction that so many others have taken.




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