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SilverBoat -> RE: cant handle poly (2/4/2012 8:20:15 AM)
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Yeah, there's a whole tangle of stuff involved in open-, poly-, mono-, etc relationships, and it's not just in the dom-sub context, but personal, sexual, commercial, etc.
I'd agree with many of the comments posted already, even if that ticks-off the predatory sorts who lie, conn, browbeat, whatever, because they want to control a harem of women. Often, their claim of 'poly-' really means "bully." If you dig into their psyche, you'll find that they justify their behaviors as the social aspect of 'biological-imperative'; the more cows in their herd, the more 'successful' they are (according to their take on evolution, etc). That whole thing goes on in 'vanilla' contexts too, and it's not unique to lizard-brain male 'Doms' ...
That said, there are other people and groups of three-somes, four-somes, and more-somes for whom the personal-bondings of relationships are truly more open, multiple, flexible, even simply opportunist. Sure, some people in those groups might argue that insistence on monogamy can be (or is) due to insecurity (watch out for that, it's redflag-ish), but there are lots of severally or openly, sincerely polyamorous people too. I was fortunate to meet a couple of women like that, a decade ago, and they changed how I viewed such matters.
The thing to keep in mind, perhaps, is how you fit or might fit into all that, and whether you are a) truly monogamous-only, b) monogamous plus 'play' partners, c) monogamous plus approved 'open' flings, d) possibly triad-(or more-ad)-amous, e) pair-bonded ethical (or unethical) slut and rake, f) some combination or permutation of the above, or g) one of the breeders in a human-herd.
When you've figured that out (and it can change with time and experiences) about yourself, then you'll need to figure out whether the 'Doms' with whom there is some mutual interest are being sincere and honest about where they are on all that. Sure, that can be a tough task, because the nastiest predators have had lots of practice at lying, conning, etc. The best advice on that is that you're not the exception to the red-flags, and to take things slowly, very slowly. And you really should meet folks in person, in groups, go to munches, classes, etc, there are several in your area.
As Janah and Steven mentioned, real polygamy can be very difficult to sustain. Three people can have four times the conflicts that two might. All of the people involved really have to be 'into' each other, otherwise it's lopsided and really doesn't work as equal-valued partners.
If the poly-thing isn't for you, then keep that as a hard-limit up front, but be aware that insisting on exclusivity in just talking or meeting people can be two-way bottle-neck, on both sides, to finding compatible partner(s).
SB
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