Masterly Advice Needed (Full Version)

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joyinslavery -> Masterly Advice Needed (6/1/2006 7:48:26 PM)

I recently traded messages with a Dom/Domme in another city in a neighboring state.  We seemed to hit it off in our messages and set up a date to meet.  I would be driving to their city to meet them and staying in a hotel for at least one night.  We share many interests but I am concerned They may be too advanced for me and have interests that I could not accomodate.  Because I am travelling such a distance, I asked for permision to try and find ONE other Dom/Domme to talk to while I was there in case OUR interview did not go well.  I would like to find a permanent Dom/Domme in this city but will be travelling a good distance for this interview and, of course, it's not a sure thing at all.  I was thinking it may be a good idea to have a "backup" just in case.  Is this wrong?  Is this rude?  Was it wrong for me to ask?  Any assistance/advice would be greatly appreciated. 



BitaTruble -> RE: Masterly Advice Needed (6/1/2006 7:54:51 PM)

Are you planning on telling the dom behind door #2 that's he's the 'back up' plan? What happens if things do go well with Dom #1? Do you just blow off Dom 2?

You don't need 'masterly' advice for this one.. you need to look within and see how you're treating people in your quest for a Master.

Fungible Masters. ::sighs::

Celeste



joyinslavery -> RE: Masterly Advice Needed (6/1/2006 8:01:44 PM)

Thank You Celeste!  I did request permission to seek out one other Dom/Domme to speak with and did plan on letting them know too.  My feeling was not to be secretive, only the distance I would be travelling and the thought that it is, afterall, an interview process both for the Dom/Domme and the sub (of course I don't know if You agree with that).   Thanks again!  You're helping me work through it and I really appreciate Your kind input. 



Lordandmaster -> RE: Masterly Advice Needed (6/1/2006 8:06:05 PM)

I've found that relationships work best when you don't have a backup plan.  And I've found that they never succeed when you do.

quote:

ORIGINAL: joyinslavery

I was thinking it may be a good idea to have a "backup" just in case.  Is this wrong?  Is this rude?  Was it wrong for me to ask?  Any assistance/advice would be greatly appreciated. 



BitaTruble -> RE: Masterly Advice Needed (6/1/2006 8:06:36 PM)

Did the dom have any issues with you finding someone else to try to connect with if things don't work out? If not, and you're open and up front, then it sounds like you, again, don't need advice because the people involved are all good with it. Good luck.. hope things work out and you don't need to worry about #2. ;)

Celeste



joyinslavery -> RE: Masterly Advice Needed (6/1/2006 8:13:03 PM)

I don't know Ma'am...I can only assume Dom #1 was NOT ok with it because suddenly, after requesting permission to seek out another Dom/Domme to meet with, and explaining why, my messages aren't being returned...that's why I wanted to come here and ask the opinion of other Doms/Dommes.  



BitaTruble -> RE: Masterly Advice Needed (6/1/2006 8:15:54 PM)

I think the fact he stopped responding to you speaks volumes.

Celeste



marieToo -> RE: Masterly Advice Needed (6/1/2006 8:19:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: joyinslavery

Is this wrong?  Is this rude?  Was it wrong for me to ask?  Any assistance/advice would be greatly appreciated. 


I personally don't like to get to know more than one person at a time;  that's just my preference.  I like to focus only on one completely to really figure out if there is any chemistry.  If I had someone else in the back of my mind, I think it may be a distraction and cause me to not give the first person, and my potential relationship with them, a fair shake.  But thats just *me*.  If this system works for you, I really don't see anything wrong with it.  You are simply conducting your search for a dominant in a very practical way.  If you feel that both of these people could be potentials for you and they both live in the same area, it only makes sense to meet them both in the same trip, especially because you are staying at a hotel and not at one of their homes.  Furthermore, I wouldn't think you need permission from anyone who is not your Dominant---again---just *my* viewpoint.  Good luck either way, I hope one of them works out for you.



NastyDaddy -> RE: Masterly Advice Needed (6/1/2006 8:20:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: joyinslavery
I recently traded messages with a Dom/Domme in another city in a neighboring state.  We seemed to hit it off in our messages and set up a date to meet.  I would be driving to their city to meet them and staying in a hotel for at least one night.  We share many interests but I am concerned They may be too advanced for me and have interests that I could not accomodate.  Because I am travelling such a distance, I asked for permision to try and find ONE other Dom/Domme to talk to while I was there in case OUR interview did not go well.  I would like to find a permanent Dom/Domme in this city but will be travelling a good distance for this interview and, of course, it's not a sure thing at all.  I was thinking it may be a good idea to have a "backup" just in case.  Is this wrong?  Is this rude?  Was it wrong for me to ask?  Any assistance/advice would be greatly appreciated. 


Change the room to 6 more nights and setup 5 more interviews, you're bound to hit the Lotto... if you hit it early disappear.

Alternative contingency plan:

Keep the room for the one night, have a joint interview with all 7 at the same time... competition ensues, winner takes all.

Also consider reserving another room just in case the toilet stops up in the room you will be staying in.

   



joyinslavery -> RE: Masterly Advice Needed (6/1/2006 8:27:25 PM)

Yes Ma'am, I agree.  I do wonder though how often, in a situation like this, the sub simply lies or keeps their true intentions to himself or herself(?)...decides NOT to tell the truth.  I thought I would be honest about it and give my reasons why.  Afterall, it IS an interview isn't it?  I did ASK for permission.  The answer could just as easily been no with or without reasons why.   I do sometimes wonder why, in cases of initial interviews, assuming full disclosure, the sub seems to be operating on a totally different set of  rules than a Dom/Domme.   If I want to relocate to Syndy, Australia, what sense does it make to travel there 3 times to interview with 3 different Doms/Dommes??  Wouldn't it make more sense to make 1 trip and 3 interviews??  It's just a different scale, that's the only difference.  Does a sub even have a right to "interview" a Dom/Domme??



marieToo -> RE: Masterly Advice Needed (6/1/2006 8:29:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: joyinslavery

I don't know Ma'am...I can only assume Dom #1 was NOT ok with it because suddenly, after requesting permission to seek out another Dom/Domme to meet with, and explaining why, my messages aren't being returned...that's why I wanted to come here and ask the opinion of other Doms/Dommes.  


Hey good thing you have the other one lined up!  lmaoo  Seriously, I think it may have been a bit tacky to 'request permission' from someone who is not your dominant.  Are you sure, he just hasnt gotten your messages yet??



marieToo -> RE: Masterly Advice Needed (6/1/2006 8:33:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: joyinslavery

I do sometimes wonder why, in cases of initial interviews, assuming full disclosure, the sub seems to be operating on a totally different set of  rules than a Dom/Domme. 


I couldnt agree more.  Doms do this all the time, only they arent up front about it.

I dislike the word interview...but to answer that question...Yes, a sub has the right to "interview" a dominant...In fact its *your* responsibility to choose wisely for yourself.  You choose him/her as much as they choose you.  



joyinslavery -> RE: Masterly Advice Needed (6/1/2006 8:36:32 PM)

Thanks marieToo!  I know they've been read and I've sent 2 messages asking essentially what I'm asking here but nada.  I only asked "permission" out of deference and in a spirit of full disclosure.  I wanted to explain what I was thinking, the whys of it, and ask if that would be ok.  I thought I was doing the right thing but based on the response I'm getting I don't think think I did (lol).  Thanks for your kind response!  



LadyHugs -> RE: Masterly Advice Needed (6/1/2006 8:41:57 PM)

Dear joyinslavery, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
I realize that distance is a major factor.  However, to have the undivided attention of Dom #1 as far as the interview goes is thwarted when you made plans for Dom #2.  I wouldn't have a problem with it myself as, I am secure enough to not be so clutchy with a prospect.   
 
It wouldn't be much different then dating.  A guy doesn't want to be told that you have a back up plan, just in case.  The first man hasn't had a chance and you already have signaled that you'll find faults as to make it useless to even continue.  Distance was a failing factor already.  So, I can understand why communication was cut.  I'm sure if he was the back up, he wouldn't be so happy either; as his signal may be that he is not worthy to consider #1 but, a less than back up.
 
Remember, as secure and outward appearances that we can take it--Dominants have feelings also.  Please be kind to them, their heart breaks just as much as submissives.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs



BitaTruble -> RE: Masterly Advice Needed (6/1/2006 8:48:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: joyinslavery

Yes Ma'am, I agree.  I do wonder though how often, in a situation like this, the sub simply lies or keeps their true intentions to himself or herself(?)...decides NOT to tell the truth.  I thought I would be honest about it and give my reasons why.  Afterall, it IS an interview isn't it?  I did ASK for permission.  The answer could just as easily been no with or without reasons why.   I do sometimes wonder why, in cases of initial interviews, assuming full disclosure, the sub seems to be operating on a totally different set of  rules than a Dom/Domme.   If I want to relocate to Syndy, Australia, what sense does it make to travel there 3 times to interview with 3 different Doms/Dommes??  Wouldn't it make more sense to make 1 trip and 3 interviews??  It's just a different scale, that's the only difference.  Does a sub even have a right to "interview" a Dom/Domme??


It would make perfect sense if you were looking for a job. In looking for a relationship, I think it has the potential to hurt someone's feelings to ask such a thing. That's your call though. It didn't seem to work out very well for you in this instance, but maybe the dominant will write back to you eventually. If it's a femdom with whom you are dealing, don't count on it. Male and female dominants do think quite differently on such matters. Males might be more forgiving of the breech in etiquette than a female.

YMMV but my experience as a female Top, I'd shut the door on any 'interview' and not respond further to you.

Celeste



CrappyDom -> RE: Masterly Advice Needed (6/1/2006 8:49:13 PM)

The question you have to figure out, was Dom #1 scared that you would be comparing him to another or did they decide you were a flake and dropped you.

I just have to thank the gods that I live in a place where I don't have to drive hours to see ONE person...best of luck with that...



joyinslavery -> RE: Masterly Advice Needed (6/1/2006 8:50:46 PM)

Thanks LadyHugs!  I agree totally...it IS like dating...BUT...once you decide on a Dom/Domme and that Dom/Domme decides on you...you're engaged and if you're lucky, on your way to be married (in a manner of speaking LOL).  That's what dating is FOR...to find the right  one...the big difference here is, unlike vanilla dating that can drag on and out, once the commitment is made, it's fairly immediate.  I agree, the selection process is like dating and don't people date to find the right "one"?   That's exactly what I'm trying to do.  I'm certainly NOT trying to mess anyone around or lie about anything I'm doing.   And I didn't set anything up with #2 (haven't even found a #2 yet LOL)...I just asked if it would be ok to interview with someone else while I was there.  Thanks LadyHugs!!!! 



joyinslavery -> RE: Masterly Advice Needed (6/1/2006 8:53:39 PM)

Thanks CrappyDom...great nick btw!!   I wish I didn't have to either!   :) 



marieToo -> RE: Masterly Advice Needed (6/1/2006 8:54:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: joyinslavery

Thanks marieToo!  I know they've been read and I've sent 2 messages asking essentially what I'm asking here but nada.  I only asked "permission" out of deference and in a spirit of full disclosure.  I wanted to explain what I was thinking, the whys of it, and ask if that would be ok.  I thought I was doing the right thing but based on the response I'm getting I don't think think I did (lol).  Thanks for your kind response!  


If you thought you were doing the right thing, then dont regret your choice.  I can see how he may have been disappointed and hurt (Ladyhugs makes a very good point) and I can also understand your desire to be completely honest with him.  Im sure it was a tough call for you.  I know this sounds cliche, but everything happens or doesnt happen for a reason.



joyinslavery -> RE: Masterly Advice Needed (6/1/2006 8:59:21 PM)

Thanks marieToo!  Nothing cliche about it and good advice!  Thanks!!  :) 



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