|
ownedgirlie -> RE: Sweet Things (6/2/2006 8:41:57 PM)
|
My entire life I was berated for expressing any emotions that were not positive and happy. My parents could not deal with unhappiness, and punished for it. My ex-husband always told me I was "wrong" for feeling badly and that my emotions "are not tied to facts."
It took a long time for me to understand my own feelings and why I felt certain things (with Master's help). It took a long time for me to learn to express negative emotions, since I was never allowed to do so in my life.
Having said that, I told my Master one night, after trying very hard to tell him I was upset about something, but feeling like all I was doing was annoying him, that I need to go back to tempering my emotions, because it would be easier for both of us if I did that.
His reply: "You must be emotional. Your emotions are part of you and who you are. They are important to your service. Do not try to cut them off - I forbid it. They belong to me and I want them. I want the devotion they enable, the loyalty they engender, the trust they produce. Without them, I would not have the pleasure you provide."
It was the first time in my life I was accepted to be who I am. When I said, "But I know they frustrate you at times," he said, "Such is life."
He gave me "me" back.
And of course every time he tells me he loves me I burst into tears. It isn't said often. When it is said, it never fails to floor me.
|
|
|
|
