Sadism vs Sadists (Full Version)

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MrBukani -> Sadism vs Sadists (2/6/2012 2:20:54 AM)

I can be the most sadistical bastard you will ever meet.
Dont ask me to prove it I won't.
But I am not a sadist.
I was military trained in torture techniques and sworn to secrecy.
You just either believe it or not.
I can enjoy punishing and diciplining someone to a certain extent. But the bottomline in punishment is altering behaviour. Not deriving pleasure merely from hurting another person.

What I do not understand completely is why so many dominants are selfproclaimed sadists.

Is it from past trauma?
Is it a nurtured powertrip?
I dont know.
I am wondering and very interested to hear it from a sadist's point of view.



Aileen1968 -> RE: Sadism vs Sadists (2/6/2012 3:18:46 AM)

He gets an erection like you wouldn't believe when he inflicts pain on me.

Why do you assume that sadism only occurs as punishment or discipline?
For him...it's how he shows me he loves me.



MrBukani -> RE: Sadism vs Sadists (2/6/2012 3:28:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

He gets an erection like you wouldn't believe when he inflicts pain on me.

Why do you assume that sadism only occurs as punishment or discipline?
For him...it's how he shows me he loves me.

Punishment and dicipline are tools to me to alter a state of mind. There doesnt have to be any sadism involved.
I could even state it is an act of love.
I do not assume sadism to be connected only to dicipline or punishment.
Thanks for your reply.
It doesnt really answer my question of motivation. Besides him gettin a hard on from it.
Edit or that it shows you his love for you.
The last explains a little more.
Still I wonder the origin of why he enjoys inflicting pain.
Is it solely projected on you?
Does he like to be a sadist at work?
Things of that nature, I am interested in.



Aileen1968 -> RE: Sadism vs Sadists (2/6/2012 3:34:59 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MrBukani


quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

He gets an erection like you wouldn't believe when he inflicts pain on me.

Why do you assume that sadism only occurs as punishment or discipline?
For him...it's how he shows me he loves me.

Punishment and dicipline are tools to me to alter a state of mind. There doesnt have to be any sadism involved.
I could even state it is an act of love.
I do not assume sadism to be connected only to dicipline or punishment.
Thanks for your reply.
It doesnt really answer my question of motivation. Besides him gettin a hard on from it.


I got the impression from your words that you view sadism as only coming into play when punishment or discipline was necessary.
I let you know that for some, sadism isn't involved for those aspects. In fact, I've never had pain inflicted on me for those aspects.

And it does answer your question. A hard on is mighty fine motivation. [:)]



Aileen1968 -> RE: Sadism vs Sadists (2/6/2012 3:38:53 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MrBukani


Edit or that it shows you his love for you.
The last explains a little more.
Still I wonder the origin of why he enjoys inflicting pain.
Is it solely projected on you?
Does he like to be a sadist at work?
Things of that nature.


To respond to your edit...
It is solely projected on me.
He has said many times "I don't like hitting someone. I like hitting you"
He is not a sadist at work. He is dominant at work, but not a sadist.
He is dominant in all parts of his life, but not sadistic.
He is only sadistic with me.



MrBukani -> RE: Sadism vs Sadists (2/6/2012 3:40:10 AM)

Maybe I get a hard on from watching two girls go down on eachother. It doesnt explain why I get the hard on.
Sorry I was editting in between I dont wanna overexpose with to many posts.

Edit Thanks for clearing that edit part up.
I do understand a bit what you are saying.



LillyBoPeep -> RE: Sadism vs Sadists (2/6/2012 3:41:21 AM)

Because they like it? It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with past trauma or anything. It can, but heck, so can an affinity for certain foods. :p
It isn't always about punishment, discipline, whatever - a lot of people make that assumption, but for a lot of people, it's just something they like. Nothing bigger or more overblown or nefarious than that.

There's a lot of other stuff balled up into the idea of "merely hurting someone" - different motivations, reactions, sexual aspects, some do enjoy the power rush of it. Some like the push and pull between themselves and their partners.
Just remember, if you really want a good conversation, you have to have an open mind - you don't have to accept everything, but have the willingness to at least think about something in different ways.



Aileen1968 -> RE: Sadism vs Sadists (2/6/2012 3:43:44 AM)

You said in your OP that you're not a sadist.
He is a sadist. That's the way he's wired...he hits me. He gets hard. We fuck like bunnies. Life is good.
Just like I'm a masochist. He hits me. I get wet. We fuck like bunnies. Life is good.

edited to add missing words and to also clarify a little more...
He could tell me to hit him as hard as I could. Physically I could do that.
Mentally, it would do nothing at all for me. I wouldn't get turned on at all. In fact it would probably turn me off.
The ability to do sadistic things doesn't make someone a sadist.
Getting turned on by doing sadistic things does.



LillyBoPeep -> RE: Sadism vs Sadists (2/6/2012 3:47:23 AM)

It just may not be something you can really understand in the way you seem to want to. Like Aileen said, the hard on is perfectly good motivation for a lot of people. You want a deep psychological analysis of someone? You may never get that.



MrBukani -> RE: Sadism vs Sadists (2/6/2012 3:53:55 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

Because they like it? It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with past trauma or anything. It can, but heck, so can an affinity for certain foods. :p
It isn't always about punishment, discipline, whatever - a lot of people make that assumption, but for a lot of people, it's just something they like. Nothing bigger or more overblown or nefarious than that.

There's a lot of other stuff balled up into the idea of "merely hurting someone" - different motivations, reactions, sexual aspects, some do enjoy the power rush of it. Some like the push and pull between themselves and their partners.
Just remember, if you really want a good conversation, you have to have an open mind - you don't have to accept everything, but have the willingness to at least think about something in different ways.


I always try my very best to keep an open mind. Like I said I can be sadistical as well, but I can't class myself as a sadist. I just wonder why people class themselves as sadists and if it's just about the bedroom or life in general. Where it really comes from. If you class yourself a sadist it is not just in your relationship in my view.
And I have seen comments that some sadists only like it when the masochist doesnt enjoy it.
What is real and what is roleplay?
Words to me have definitive meaning. I cant play with that. Cause I would never be able to understand what somebody is talkin about in an indepth discussion, if they don't keep words for what they are really meaning.



Aileen1968 -> RE: Sadism vs Sadists (2/6/2012 4:01:02 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MrBukani


quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

Because they like it? It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with past trauma or anything. It can, but heck, so can an affinity for certain foods. :p
It isn't always about punishment, discipline, whatever - a lot of people make that assumption, but for a lot of people, it's just something they like. Nothing bigger or more overblown or nefarious than that.

There's a lot of other stuff balled up into the idea of "merely hurting someone" - different motivations, reactions, sexual aspects, some do enjoy the power rush of it. Some like the push and pull between themselves and their partners.
Just remember, if you really want a good conversation, you have to have an open mind - you don't have to accept everything, but have the willingness to at least think about something in different ways.


I always try my very best to keep an open mind. Like I said I can be sadistical as well, but I can't class myself as a sadist. I just wonder why people class themselves as sadists and if it's just about the bedroom or life in general. Where it really comes from. If you class yourself a sadist it is not just in your relationship in my view.
And I have seen comments that some sadists only like it when the masochist doesnt enjoy it.
What is real and what is roleplay?
Words to me have definitive meaning. I cant play with that. Cause I would never be able to understand what somebody is talkin about in an indepth discussion, if they don't keep words for what they are really meaning.


That would mean that he could just walk around inflicting pain on just anyone. A coworker. A cashier. Etc.
Life doesn't work that way. He'd be in jail.
There's something called self control.
You are making this way too complicated. It really is simple.
Hit=erection=fuck.
Our relationship is sadistic and dominating at it's core. It's why we don't do any kind of public play.



MrBukani -> RE: Sadism vs Sadists (2/6/2012 4:02:14 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

It just may not be something you can really understand in the way you seem to want to. Like Aileen said, the hard on is perfectly good motivation for a lot of people. You want a deep psychological analysis of someone? You may never get that.

I know, but I would like to see someone who can motivate something, besides a mere physical reaction to an act.
In my view there is always( exemptions excluded) a reason and motivation of the mind.
Like she said it's an act of love. That is a psychological motivation.



MrBukani -> RE: Sadism vs Sadists (2/6/2012 4:08:58 AM)

I can be sadistical at work without gettin in trouble or anyone ever knowing I was. And get my victim fired just for the fun of seeing his life ruined.
Just a hypothetical example BTW.



Aileen1968 -> RE: Sadism vs Sadists (2/6/2012 4:10:45 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MrBukani

I can be sadistical at work without gettin in trouble or anyone ever knowing I was. And get my victim fired just for the fun of seeing his life ruined.
Just a hypothetical example BTW.


That's not being a sadist. That's being an ass.



crazyml -> RE: Sadism vs Sadists (2/6/2012 4:14:06 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MrBukani

Words to me have definitive meaning. I cant play with that. Cause I would never be able to understand what somebody is talkin about in an indepth discussion, if they don't keep words for what they are really meaning.


I have a lot of sympathy with this point of view, but if you stick to it in the context of labels people choose to describe their bdsm kinks then you're well and truly fucked.

All of the words that we use - "Dominance" "Submission" "Sadism" "Masochism" have very flexible meanings that really do depend on the context and the relationship within which their used.



MrBukani -> RE: Sadism vs Sadists (2/6/2012 4:14:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968


quote:

ORIGINAL: MrBukani

I can be sadistical at work without gettin in trouble or anyone ever knowing I was. And get my victim fired just for the fun of seeing his life ruined.
Just a hypothetical example BTW.


That's not being a sadist. That's being an ass.

Well business is war they say, call Bill Gates an ass, cause he takes pride and probably a lot of enjoyment in ruining the competition. Edit: Anyway a sadist is someone who enjoys hurting other people right?(or beings like animals woops forgot about that)



Aileen1968 -> RE: Sadism vs Sadists (2/6/2012 4:17:59 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MrBukani


quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968


quote:

ORIGINAL: MrBukani

I can be sadistical at work without gettin in trouble or anyone ever knowing I was. And get my victim fired just for the fun of seeing his life ruined.
Just a hypothetical example BTW.


That's not being a sadist. That's being an ass.

Well business is war they say, call Bill Gates an ass, cause he takes pride and probably a lot of enjoyment in ruining the competition.


You are trying to attribute being an aggressive, successful businessman to sadism. A bad and ineffectual analogy.



crazyml -> RE: Sadism vs Sadists (2/6/2012 4:19:29 AM)

I think that successful business leaders get their pride from competing effectively with the competition. While I've been to some sales meetings where the team have promised to spank the competition, I'm pretty sure they don't mean,. actually spank.




LillyBoPeep -> RE: Sadism vs Sadists (2/6/2012 4:21:37 AM)

A sadist enjoys hurting other people, but that does't expressly mean "everyone s/he meets"
That can mean "sexual/relationship partners"



NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: Sadism vs Sadists (2/6/2012 4:25:11 AM)

I've done a lot of thinking about these questions already on my own.

\What I do not understand completely is why so many dominants are selfproclaimed sadists.
It makes me really wet.

Is it from past trauma?
Nope.

Is it a nurtured powertrip?
Nope, not a power trip.

I dont know.
I am wondering and very interested to hear it from a sadist's point of view.
I just do it because I like to do it & like the reactions and the noises that come from it. If I didn't care a lot about the person, I wouldn't care about doing it. And again....it makes me wet.

I do not assume sadism to be connected only to dicipline or punishment.
Neither do I. As a matter of fact, to date, I haven't used it for either.

it shows my love for someone.
That's it. Right there. Like I said before, if I didn't care a lot about someone, I wouldn't do it. Yet, I have friends I care a lot about and I'm not sadistic with them. That wouldn't turn me on. It wouldn't do anything for me, as a matter of fact, I'd feel really bad for being that way with them, where I don't feel bad at all being sadistic with someone if there's a sexual component to our relationship. It's the combination of love for someone + making me wet = sadism. I get off on it. Yet I don't get wet because of my platonic friends. I'm sadistic because I'm sexually attracted to the person it's directed at + my love for them that = the sadism that makes me wet.

So yes, it all comes down to it being a sexual turn on and it makes me wet.

NBMG



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