Advice for a new dom?

Advice for a new dom? (Full Version)

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rabiddogg -> Advice for a new dom? (6/1/2006 9:10:27 PM)
I have just decided to embrace my dominant side. In the past, I have met women through traditional means and then after we became comfortable with eachother, we moved into the occasional dom/sub relationship. I joined this site through the advice of a friend, but I am having a bit of a problem breaking the ice so to speak. What is the proper protocall for contacting a sub. Should I assume control from the begining or should I act as an equal at first and then when we are comfortable move into the dom position?

NastyDaddy -> RE: Advice for a new dom? (6/1/2006 10:39:24 PM)
I recommend spending a few hours over a few days reading topics on just that... right here in the message boards. It is a very common topic and your thoughts would also be welcome in each topic. The reading experience will give you a greater insight to general stances/protocols (expectations), and the thoughts of sub/slaves who receive an occaisional (very rare right ladies) troll or Manson message.... essentially to size up your counterpart salmon as you make the arduous swim upstream, surrounded by other sometimes funky acting salmon. If you offend anybody there will be a little doll somewhere that looks like you... with pins stuck all in it, so be nice and not drunked/drugged up when you introduce yourself. Don't offer to send any bus tickets (make them pay), pay $1,000 for their services (pimp them out), pick them up in your executive jet (frequent flyer award ticket) and the like... subs/slaves are smart and have brains, they are up to these passe ploys... so you'll either have to be honest or come up with something novel?

juliaoceania -> RE: Advice for a new dom? (6/2/2006 12:50:59 AM)
From a sub's perspective (I know this is ask a master forum) this is how it is in my opinion... every sub ius different I remind you... Read a submissive's profile, mention something you notice about her, even if it is her location and her interests. Tell her a little about yourself, be respectful.Write each email for each submissive (Most of us dislike "form emails".. at least I know I won't email someone with a form email back). Understand she may not respond to you for whatever reason Do not contact those who state they are "taken" or "collared" It sounds like you have had few "lifestyle" experiences. Not all submissives are looking for "lifestyle" dominants. Leave protocol and just get to know them as people, that is what you are isnt it? Most subs I know do not like having anything about their service or protocol from someone they have not even established a friendship with It is not so much protocol here as it is common sense and respect. If they do not like your approach even after you have been respectful, well they were not the sub for you. Take what you need from this advice and leave the rest...smiles (or leave it all...lol)

shivvy -> RE: Advice for a new dom? (6/2/2006 1:07:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania From a sub's perspective (I know this is ask a master forum) this is how it is in my opinion... every sub ius different I remind you... Read a submissive's profile, mention something you notice about her, even if it is her location and her interests. Tell her a little about yourself, be respectful.Write each email for each submissive (Most of us dislike "form emails".. at least I know I won't email someone with a form email back). Understand she may not respond to you for whatever reason Do not contact those who state they are "taken" or "collared" It sounds like you have had few "lifestyle" experiences. Not all submissives are looking for "lifestyle" dominants. Leave protocol and just get to know them as people, that is what you are isnt it? Most subs I know do not like having anything about their service or protocol from someone they have not even established a friendship with It is not so much protocol here as it is common sense and respect. If they do not like your approach even after you have been respectful, well they were not the sub for you. Take what you need from this advice and leave the rest...smiles (or leave it all...lol) Sorry, like julia, i know this is meant to be a Masters forum, but i'd like to agree with wot julia said and add something else too if i may. Speaking only for myself, i tend to reply to people who are nice to me. Think of it like you would in a normal vanilla situation, and approach each person individually. i get emails that look like a Dom spent ages and ages writing it, coz it's full of long words i don't really understand, and after i looked them all up, the email looks like the Dom neva even looked at my profile. Also if i may, just one other thing, and i apologise if i sound rude, i really don't mean to be. But like, i think some Doms reckon just coz the call themselves Dom, every sub they write too will fall on her knees to Them. i think some Doms need to remember first, we gotta OFFER our submission to them, BEFORE they can demand it. i'd like to think i woz an obedient sub, to my Master. He is my Master and i wear His collar, nobody elses. With respect, shiv -x-

DelRey -> RE: Advice for a new dom? (6/2/2006 5:07:55 AM)
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh grab one by the hair and and say, "You'll do" that is pretty much it. (The real answer is be nice, but don't over think things, this board is flooded with people who would love to write "best way to" manuals. Keep it simple use comon sense and you'll be fine.)

RavenMuse -> RE: Advice for a new dom? (6/2/2006 5:35:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: rabiddogg What is the proper protocall for contacting a sub. Should I assume control from the begining or should I act as an equal at first and then when we are comfortable move into the dom position? Firstly, there is no 'proper protocol' for any of this, you will find folks who state things as 'one true way' and sure it might work for them, doesn't mean it will work for anyone else. Take advice, but find your own way of doing things. On that note, my advice..... On assuming control... Whilst there are subs out there that will react to that, do you want one who would? Or are you looking for something more than just a chatroom fantasy, someone who submits to YOU because YOU draw that submission from her by who you are rather than someone so desprate, so much a doormat, that she will kneel to just any nerd who pins a 'dom' lable to his chest? The majority, from my experience, fully understand that although they are submissives, until they submit to you they are not YOUR submissive and as such have absolutely no obligation, nor frankly inclination, to obay a 'command' from you before that dynamic between you has been built by getting to know each other at least to some extent. Polite, clear about what you are looking for, confident without being overbearing, open and honest.... is what I'd recomend.

MHOO314 -> RE: Advice for a new dom? (6/2/2006 5:43:01 AM)
Just because you are a man and I am a woman, does that mean we are meant to be together? The same holds true in the life, just because you proclaim to be a Dominant does not mean all or any submissives are obligated to fall at your feet---(not meant to be sarcasm, meant to be wise words)---remember, this is still a search and until you find a submissive and they find you--you are only someone seeking and nothing more--it is when the two agree that the dance of the D/dynamic begins. And remember, a Dominant does not take control--a Dominant uses the control they are given. The search here is no different than out there--treat people with respect, kindness and humanity.

Tikkiee -> RE: Advice for a new dom? (6/2/2006 5:44:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: rabiddogg I have just decided to embrace my dominant side. In the past, I have met women through traditional means and then after we became comfortable with eachother, we moved into the occasional dom/sub relationship. I joined this site through the advice of a friend, but I am having a bit of a problem breaking the ice so to speak. What is the proper protocall for contacting a sub. Should I assume control from the begining or should I act as an equal at first and then when we are comfortable move into the dom position? Hmmm, have you thought of the possibility of just being yourself?

lisa1978 -> RE: Advice for a new dom? (6/2/2006 7:20:41 AM)
Nothing too much to write becasue I agree with everything juliaoceania wrote. From your post, I will just throw this out, just becasue you are dominant do not assume or act that you call the shots when communicating with a submissive on this site or anywhere. Treat us like normal women when writing us. Also I looked at your profile, please take another shot at it. Too short with no real information that tells me very little that "male dominant" does not infer.

Submotive -> RE: Advice for a new dom? (6/2/2006 9:36:39 AM)
quote: Should I assume control from the begining or should I act as an equal at first and then when we are comfortable move into the dom position? (Said - totally tongue in cheek) oooh i love it. Go ahead, assume control from the begining and see what happens. You'll find that any experienced sub/slave, will have no problem showing you that they are equal. "act" as an equal?Interesting statement. i don't recommend you "act" like anything. Just be you, be real and honest. The "dom position". Oooh can i see it? About time you doms have a position - LMAO - Okay, okay, i'll behave now. Couldn't resist.

tangldupinblue -> RE: Advice for a new dom? (6/2/2006 9:45:12 AM)
when a dom or top starts off any message to me with "you will" i think to myself "like hell i will", just because you own a coomputer doesnt mean that you are a Master or a Sir or anything other then capable of making a purchase. Be nice, compliment her, ask her about herself. and something other then what do you like to do. and as far as control goes, it will all come into play when its time, pushing it will only make you both uncomfortable. blue

amayos -> RE: Advice for a new dom? (6/2/2006 12:28:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: rabiddogg I have just decided to embrace my dominant side. In the past, I have met women through traditional means and then after we became comfortable with eachother, we moved into the occasional dom/sub relationship. I joined this site through the advice of a friend, but I am having a bit of a problem breaking the ice so to speak. What is the proper protocall for contacting a sub. Should I assume control from the begining or should I act as an equal at first and then when we are comfortable move into the dom position? I never contact a submissive with the intent to "get her". On the rare occasion I pay a girl (or boy) a compliment, it really has nothing to do with his/her orientation as much as it has to do with something I find commendable about them. If an on-line friendship and mutual admiration develops out of that, I think it's wonderful. As far has acquiring slaves, I find it far more effective (and less troublesome) to let them come to me. Running around with a cyber erection—albeit a "patient" and well articulated one with all the best intentions—immediately puts you in the role of subtle supplicant. The gesture, as innocent as it may seem, is contrary to power. Of course, many feel completely the opposite. They believe it is the right or role of the dominant to initiate interest, and I do see the validity in that idea from a conceptual point of view, but so often I just don't think it bodes well from the psychodynamic perspective. Better to sculpt your profile well, reveal your geographic particulars, include nice images in your profile and be specific (and honest) about what you seek. Build up a reputation on-line. Keep your nose clean and don't get involved in drama. Thus far this philosophy has worked for me. Once communication has been initiated and the basics covered, I highly suggest getting out of email and IM land with relative speed. Be confident in your written words, but avoid "dominating" on-line as a first gesture. Move to phone conversation to get to know each other and let happen what may.

rabiddogg -> RE: Advice for a new dom? (6/2/2006 6:18:28 PM)
What I understand here is basically be myuself, and the right one will find me.

DelRey -> RE: Advice for a new dom? (6/2/2006 7:09:08 PM)
On the other hand, you could just wait in the shadows for all the stars to align, I'm told then women kneel in the streets while waiting for the first male to whisk them away.

LaMalinche -> RE: Advice for a new dom? (6/2/2006 8:20:13 PM)
Something else that you might consider. . . I tend to email those that post to the forum boards and are more likely to respond to those who post to the boards because their posts give me a sense of who they are and how they think. Somthing that you might try.

rabiddogg -> RE: Advice for a new dom? (6/2/2006 9:32:29 PM)
I appreciate all the support. I think I have enough of an understanding. I have been speaking with a few subs through here, and with time I will find the right one. Personally, I am finding that old honesty thing works here just as well as it does anywhere else.

Petruchio -> RE: Advice for a new dom? (6/3/2006 1:14:00 AM)
Generally good advice posted. My gut feel is that by seeking knowledge, you are already off on the right track.

enigmabrat -> RE: Advice for a new dom? (6/3/2006 2:27:38 AM)
Honestly subs are equals and should be treated as such let her tell you how much controll she wants to give you it takes trust to give uo controll, you cant just take it!!

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