RE: Civility

RE: Civility (Full Version)

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LizDeluxe -> RE: Civility (2/7/2012 3:29:50 PM)
You handled it well. I would not have handled it as diplomatically as you did. I am the most civil driver on the planet... until provoked. I was going to share a few tales of my encounters with tailgaters but I think it would be best to simply say that tailgating me is a really bad idea. [:D] While I am ardently against bumper stickers on my vehicle if I ever see one that says "Tailgate At Your Own Risk" I'm on it.

FrostedFlake -> RE: Civility (2/7/2012 4:15:48 PM)
Guy deserves a ticket for creating a traffic hazard. You don't just stop in the middle of the road for no reason. Now, IF there had been a traffic hazard and he stopped for it, that would have been cool. But there is no reason you can't honk at him, even if the moron wasn't a moron, unless you could see "what the fuck?" A horn is a WARNING device. The message is, "Hey Buddy, you're being stupid! And I might get rear-ended!" Him getting bent merits the back of the hand. So, yes, you are an asshole. The next time something like this happens I expect you to sit there with a blank look on your face thinking about products or services you MAY wish to purchase. All the answers to lifes' problems are found on TV.

kitkat105 -> RE: Civility (2/7/2012 4:30:04 PM)
I think you were well within your rights. The purpose of a car horn is to alert attention to a traffic hazard. He should've pulled over. His defensive asshole attitude is because he knew deep down he was wrong. Some drivers are a special kind of crazy. In person, I generally treat people how they treat me. If you're an asshole, you get bitchy Kat or silent treatment. If you're nice, you'll be engaged in nice conversation. It takes less energy to be nice.

IrishMist -> RE: Civility (2/7/2012 5:11:16 PM)
Since you seem to be focusing on "civility", I will say that I would have instead been focused on myself, instead of what you consider to be a lack in another person. From what you wrote here, you were no more civil than he was.

rockspider -> RE: Civility (2/7/2012 5:22:12 PM)
Once, years back, my car stalled in the middle of the road. Imidiately the bitch (big Mercedes, lots of jewellery and a layer of makeup put on with a showel) behind started honking her horn. So I politely got out of the car and asked her to go and start my car while I kept my finger on her horn. Needless to say, that didn't make her very happy[:)]

IrishMist -> RE: Civility (2/7/2012 5:27:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: rockspider Once, years back, my car stalled in the middle of the road. Imidiately the bitch (big Mercedes, lots of jewellery and a layer of makeup put on with a showel) behind started honking her horn. So I politely got out of the car and asked her to go and start my car while I kept my finger on her horn. Needless to say, that didn't make her very happy[:)] snicker

Iamsemisweet -> RE: Civility (2/7/2012 5:28:26 PM)
Really? I don't know what else I could have done, other than what I did, which was walk away from his diatribe. I am not the one who decided to turn this into a confrontation. I honked (not laid on the horn, but a short tap). He then moved, so he was obviously mobile. The whole thing was over from my point of view. He was the one who took time from his busy day to wait for me by my office door. What would you have done, IM? I really am interested in knowing. Car stops suddenly in front of you on a public street, is obviously still running. Just wait until he feels like moving? quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist Since you seem to be focusing on "civility", I will say that I would have instead been focused on myself, instead of what you consider to be a lack in another person. From what you wrote here, you were no more civil than he was.

IrishMist -> RE: Civility (2/7/2012 5:31:55 PM)
quote: Really? I don't know what else I could have done, other than what I did, which was walk away from his diatribe. I am not the one who decided to turn this into a confrontation. I honked (not laid on the horn, but a short tap). He then moved, so he was obviously mobile. The whole thing was over from my point of view. He was the one who took time from his busy day to wait for me by my office door. What would you have done, IM? I really am interested in knowing. Car stops suddenly in front of you on a public street, is obviously still running. Just wait until he feels like moving? If you are focusing on civility...which is what your topic is supposed to be about...YOU COULD HAVE waited patiently for him to start moving again, and then when you both had parked your car, politely asked him if everything was alright. Instead, you chose to tap your horn, which in turn, caused him to become irritable. If a car stops suddenly in the front of the road in front of me, I stop my car, put on my hazards, get out and go to make sure that the person in front of me is ok. But that's just me.

Iamsemisweet -> RE: Civility (2/7/2012 5:32:14 PM)
I remember my car spun out and stalled in the middle of the road a few years ago. The guy behind me was able to stop before hitting. Unfortunately, the rock truck behind him was following too close, and hit him. MY insurance company paid off on that one, since, apparently, you are liable if you just stop in the middle of the road, regardless of the circumstances. I would certainly agree that it is pointless to honk and keep honking at a car that is obviously not running. I agree that is needlessly rude, but that isn't what happened here. quote: ORIGINAL: rockspider Once, years back, my car stalled in the middle of the road. Imidiately the bitch (big Mercedes, lots of jewellery and a layer of makeup put on with a showel) behind started honking her horn. So I politely got out of the car and asked her to go and start my car while I kept my finger on her horn. Needless to say, that didn't make her very happy[:)]

IrishMist -> RE: Civility (2/7/2012 5:33:29 PM)
quote: MY insurance company paid off on that one, since, apparently, you are liable if you just stop in the middle of the road, regardless of the circumstances. That is true. [:o]

popeye1250 -> RE: Civility (2/7/2012 5:45:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kitkat105 I think you were well within your rights. The purpose of a car horn is to alert attention to a traffic hazard. He should've pulled over. His defensive asshole attitude is because he knew deep down he was wrong. Some drivers are a special kind of crazy. In person, I generally treat people how they treat me. If you're an asshole, you get bitchy Kat or silent treatment. If you're nice, you'll be engaged in nice conversation. It takes less energy to be nice. kitkat, that's true, you really have to go out of your way to be an asshole! Much easier to be nice!

Kaliko -> RE: Civility (2/7/2012 5:51:25 PM)
FR I once had an anxiety attack - a BIG anxiety attack - out of nowhere in the dark on a highway. I am positive that I must have come to a complete stop or at least slowed it down to 10 mph. I don't really remember much because I was so disoriented. Since, then, I never, ever assume that someone is deliberately being a jerk when they are stopping somewhere they shouldn't be stopping. Likely, something is wrong.

LookieNoNookie -> RE: Civility (2/7/2012 7:06:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet One of the problems with this country is that I think people have become less civil and polite in every day life. One of my resolutions this year is to be more civil. However, this was just put to the test. I was driving to work this morning and had pulled into the street that runs into my parking lot. The car in front of me stopped suddenly right in the middle of the street. I honked my horn at him, and he pulled ahead, and turned into the parking lot. The driver than waited for me to get out of my car, and started screaming at me! He told me he had a "bad heart" and needed to take a pill. I told him that he still shouldn't stop in the middle of the street. As I turned around and walked off, he yelled "Do you want to see people die?" I saw little to be gained from confronting the guy, but the more I think about it, the more of a dick I think he was being. Even if you are having a medical emergency, stopping in the middle of the street is bound to lead to an accident. And, if his health is that bad, maybe he shouldn't be driving. Finally, why get so upset over someone honking their horn? Is that really that "uncivil" of an action? I don't know, what do you think? I hate civility. Pisses me off. But, that's just me

sunshinemiss -> RE: Civility (2/7/2012 10:34:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet One of the problems with this country is that I think people have become less civil and polite in every day life. I don't know, what do you think? I think it's polite to not presume everyone is in your country. Where I live people are amazingly polite! If I ask where the bus stop is, they walk me there, wait with me until the bus comes, and then make sure the bus driver knows where I will be getting off so that I can be alerted in case my mind wanders. Since that type of civility is not the norm for where you are, I will presume you are not in So. Korea.

stellauk -> RE: Civility (2/7/2012 11:54:47 PM)
I'm a cyclist and a former cycle courier in central London. I love modern car designers because they usually have these wing mirrors that pop out of their sockets if you tap them firmly (just take care not to hit them too hard or you'll damage the casing/wiring or break the mirror). If there's anything that is guaranteed to royally piss off a car driver it's the gentle clunk of a wing mirror hitting the car door or the sight of it cascading towards the ground. However as I tend to generally assume that most car drivers are retarded anyway I rarely have problems (it's not a personal view just an assumption for my own safety).

OrionTheWolf -> RE: Civility (2/8/2012 5:07:08 AM)
Civility is a perception of an action. That being stated, often people are not uncivil they are just not considerate of those around them, I am a pretty blunt and straight forward person, but while out and about I often smile, show manners, and give most people the benefit of the doubt. I have found it to be less stressful on me, and most will not learn from any confrontation anyway. I am not perfect though, and there has been occassion where I have determined someone is being an asshat, and I speak my mind. Speaking my mind only helped me feel better, and did not thing to maintain civility, in fact on those occassions I have sometimes become very uncivil. In your case I can understand both sides of what happened. You tooted your horn because someone was blocking your way. The person blocking moved, but felt that they should have been excused for their action, and voiced that opinion. In that case you walked away from someone that was obviously responding to you on an emotional level, which is pretty civil. It is likely more than what I would have done, as I hate it when people use excuses for bad behavior. In the area I live in, I see a lot of manners and people being civil, but I see less today than I did 10 years ago. It may come from the detachment many have become accustomed to by communicating in less personal ways (such as the internet), in combination with society wanting to see more spectacles (many people love to see more drama), but I am not sure if that is it or not. Just my perspective on things. Maybe if people in a detached medium, such as forums, started acting a little more civil, then it would carry over into offline? Who knows what will happen when we modify our own behavior, and the example it may set.

Zonie63 -> RE: Civility (2/8/2012 7:04:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet One of the problems with this country is that I think people have become less civil and polite in every day life. One of my resolutions this year is to be more civil. However, this was just put to the test. I was driving to work this morning and had pulled into the street that runs into my parking lot. The car in front of me stopped suddenly right in the middle of the street. I honked my horn at him, and he pulled ahead, and turned into the parking lot. The driver than waited for me to get out of my car, and started screaming at me! He told me he had a "bad heart" and needed to take a pill. I told him that he still shouldn't stop in the middle of the street. As I turned around and walked off, he yelled "Do you want to see people die?" I saw little to be gained from confronting the guy, but the more I think about it, the more of a dick I think he was being. Even if you are having a medical emergency, stopping in the middle of the street is bound to lead to an accident. And, if his health is that bad, maybe he shouldn't be driving. Finally, why get so upset over someone honking their horn? Is that really that "uncivil" of an action? I don't know, what do you think? I tend to agree overall that civility has fallen by the wayside in this country. Civility in driving is practically a separate category by itself, although I've seen examples of incivility in many other situations, including public discourse. I live in a city full of retirees and elderly drivers, so I encounter similar situations as you've encountered. I can sort of sympathize with the guy and his bad heart, although he seems to be a rage-a-holic, choosing to get angry over something relatively minor. He should have understood that he was blocking traffic and should have expected someone to honk at him. Although it could be that he was angry about many other things, and you just happened to be the one he took it out on. But it depends on the situation, as some areas have laws which prohibit honking except in a genuine traffic emergency. Even if someone is napping at a green light, it would be against the law here to honk at them. As to the subject of civility in general, I think the main problem might be due to an overall cold-blooded attitude and a lack of compassion in society, emanating from the top down. We all have to deal with some level of heartless bullshit in society, whether from banks, government agencies, corporations, homeowners associations, landlords, police officers, rent-a-cops, or whatever. Some people tend to reach the breaking point sooner than others. It's really not that surprising that the level of incivility and rage is rising in this country. I think it will continue to escalate, especially as people feel more pressured in a struggling economy.

Iamsemisweet -> RE: Civility (2/8/2012 7:56:14 AM)
My avatar says the Great Northwest. Doesn't that indicate what country I am from? Therefore give a hint of which one I am talking about? If not, I will change it to the US. quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss quote: ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet One of the problems with this country is that I think people have become less civil and polite in every day life. I don't know, what do you think? I think it's polite to not presume everyone is in your country. Where I live people are amazingly polite! If I ask where the bus stop is, they walk me there, wait with me until the bus comes, and then make sure the bus driver knows where I will be getting off so that I can be alerted in case my mind wanders. Since that type of civility is not the norm for where you are, I will presume you are not in So. Korea.

Iamsemisweet -> RE: Civility (2/8/2012 8:07:22 AM)
It isn't just driving where civility has gone away. I live in an extremely rural area. There is a certain class of people who like to dump their garbage out here. Old couches, refrigerators, household garbage, even a dead horse one time. They would rather dump their trash on public or private property than pay to take it to the dump. So, someone else gets to pay to dispose of their filth, how is that not stealing?

LafayetteLady -> RE: Civility (2/8/2012 8:07:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet The old Iamsemisweet would have undoubtedly poiinted out that I couldn't have seen the placard when I honked since I was behind him, and that being allowed to park in handicapped spaces did not exempt him from the rules of the road. Kind of like those people who have those "baby on board" signs on the window. Although I see those as the reason for crappy driving.

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