Online vs Real Life meetings (Full Version)

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RiotGirl -> Online vs Real Life meetings (10/25/2004 6:49:05 PM)

Now, What really is the difference between meeting some one in public and online? Is there really a difference? I've looked online and offline and I think there really isnt anything more dangerous about it being online. I'm sick of people making a big deal out of it. Like the only psycho crazed people are online.. or that there are more of them online then in life. Completely absolutely nuts. Personally i think there are more psycho's in life then online. I mean not everyone has the internet, just most. Really if you think about it, the ones that are out there kidnapping, destroying and murdering ppl probably dont have much time to get online and check their mail. Who knows.

Its not any less safe. In life people can hide themselves (just as easily), pretend what they are not, pretend to know what they dont and generally hide their psychotic tendencies just as well. Hasnt anyone seen that movie (american psycho) I think its called? The office guy goes nuts and starts offing ppl?

We are dealing with the human mind here. Its a tricky place, no matter where you encounter it.

Who disagrees?



Suleiman -> RE: Online vs Real Life meetings (10/25/2004 6:54:39 PM)

Real life is far more dangerous. What's the worst that happens online? Identity theft? Most of the folks who indulge in purely online play are basically harmless. Even the most chivalrous of souls who engages in BDSM as a real time experience has an edge to them, and some folks slither their way out of the muck and under the watchful radar of our community leaders to wreak mighty havoc among the unwary.

That being said, there is honestly very little threat other than the usual vanilla bullflop of clingy psycho stalker exes. (dear god, did that sentence just come out of my keyboard?), and this threat is equally dispersed among online and real life potential partners. In love, as with all aspects of life, you take your chances and hope for the best.



karmaslave -> RE: Online vs Real Life meetings (10/25/2004 7:00:05 PM)

There's a certain sense of protective sanctity when online that can often transgress someone's normal behavior and influence the way they (inter)act with other people; kind've like one big cyber blanket that falls apart when you meet someone in real life. It may not be intentional misrepresentation but sometimes it happens, and the dissoance between online and offline can be pretty disturbing for people.

Not that it's ever happened to me (i'm special!) but I'm sure it has soured the views of other people.



Estring -> RE: Online vs Real Life meetings (10/25/2004 10:57:29 PM)

quote:

Its not any less safe. In life people can hide themselves (just as easily), pretend what they are not, pretend to know what they dont and generally hide their psychotic tendencies just as well. Hasnt anyone seen that movie (american psycho) I think its called? The office guy goes nuts and starts offing ppl?


It's kind of strange that you would use a movie as an example of real life.



stef -> RE: Online vs Real Life meetings (10/25/2004 11:19:03 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

It's kind of strange that you would use a movie as an example of real life.

It's kind of strange that you find that strange.

~stef



subbiejenn -> RE: Online vs Real Life meetings (10/26/2004 4:23:12 AM)

i think there is just as much danger in meeting someone at the mall as there is online-- The people you meet at the mall probably have a computer also! i think actually we ( i know i am ) are a lot more careful in getting to know people we meet online -- check them out and ask more questions before we meet in real life. We set up that safe call. Do we set up a safe call when we meet someone at the mall and decide to meet them for lunch the next day? Until i started learning of the lifestyle online i wouldn't have set up a safe call for a date with someone i just meet in real life.

I know I have heard a lot “all people online are just freaks” of course from people who do not interact with people online. Very close minded people *grins* I among the freaks think the online world of meet someone is a wonderful thing!

JMO



afmvdp -> RE: Online vs Real Life meetings (10/26/2004 12:01:04 PM)

I really can't understand the idea behind this. I would say it's pretty equal the ammount of insanity between online and real life...just the real life insanity tends to be a bit more hidden and camouflaged.

Of course, to the matter of what is more dangerous...well the most someone can do online is say something...in real life...well as we all know quite a bit more could happen. Can't say that would ever be a reason for me to live my life online for fear of entering into the real world though.



GentleMistress -> RE: Online vs Real Life meetings (10/26/2004 2:33:48 PM)

online...real life...the people online are real people. You meet them the first time, talk about likes and dislikes, what your favorite color is, what your most worst bad habit. Online they could lie to you, but so could those you meet the first time real life. Either way, online or in real life, you have to use your own judgment, your own instincts. IMO both are the same, because they both involve real people.



afmvdp -> RE: Online vs Real Life meetings (10/26/2004 4:36:11 PM)

yes but the difference is, like referenced in an obscure way in the other post, online I could pretend to be a 20 yr old buxom blonde that would be a hard thing for me to pull off in real life.

Also if you "meet" a psychopath online, it's as simple as block/ban...when you meet them in real life you have the physicality and the reality of human mortality to deal with.



mouseyone -> RE: Online vs Real Life meetings (10/27/2004 6:05:15 PM)

In real life there are more chances of being hurt, physically and mentally. Online if a person is being an a** then just click the iggy, big red X, sign out...etc...its over and done and no more mr/mrs bad. *Thinks i hope to use better judgment next time before meeting someone*.



MrThorns -> RE: Online vs Real Life meetings (10/27/2004 6:44:43 PM)

I believe that online BDSM is far safer than real-time BDSM...that is, until the two online people meet face to face. At that point, all bets are off.

Wether online or real-time, we run the same risk of being deceived by another person. Unfortunately, for far too many people offline, being deceived and getting their feelings hurt is the least of their worries.

~Thorns



INSIDEYOURMIND -> RE: Online vs Real Life meetings (10/27/2004 7:08:07 PM)

I don't see a difference in meeting online, or in real life, they are both a crap shoot.
I think the biggest issue is the people that meet online continuing a relationship online.
The Internet has brought people closer together, and yet far, far apart.

I think you may enjoy this article, its a bit wordy, but a good read
http://www.washingtonmonthly.com/features/2000/0007.thompson.html




perverseangelic -> RE: Online vs Real Life meetings (10/27/2004 7:38:22 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: INSIDEYOURMIND

I don't see a difference in meeting online, or in real life, they are both a crap shoot.


In terms of honesty, sure. In terms of saftey, though? One is in little to no danger through online contact. Sure, someone can always look up your address, or google you, or whatever, but if one never puts that information online, or never connects it to the handle used in BDSM rooms and sites, one is in no danger.

However, realtime meetings come with a whole lot of risks. Even meeting in a public place can result in some fairly horrible things.

I don't understand how one can say that meeting someone online is the same as meeting them offline. Perhaps it is in terms of making friends, and getting aquainted. However meeting in realtime come with risks that one can avoid online. If one doesn't like where a conversation is going, one can stop talking, or block said person. If someone gets into a sitation they don't like in real life, well...depending on the situation, they have to rely on the nature of the person they've met to get them out of it, which can be risky.

So unless one has gone around posting vast amounts of personal and locational (is that a word) info on the net, I'd say it's a very very safe way to meet people. Offline, many more precautions must be taken.



MistresKatamaura -> RE: Online vs Real Life meetings (10/28/2004 9:04:49 PM)

Since I only do offline sessions with people, I found out that people lie when you meet them in person or online first. Doesn't matter. Just when you find the person that tells the truth...Get serious with them.



tymegagme -> RE: Online vs Real Life meetings (10/29/2004 6:27:55 AM)

well, i think real-life meeting can bring to light a lot of truths. obviously, a guy/gal can no longer lie about his/her height/weight/hair/eyes/bra size/penis size! looks aside, a nice, long public conversation with no promise of play afterwards can tell you a lot about a person that you just can't get from a computer screen.

i'd say the biggest flaw in online meeting is the time and resources it allows a person to use to defraud. a chance meeting with a perfect stranger at a phone booth just doesn't give a person much time to create a bogus personna.

sorry so long winded...



Dom4TPE -> RE: Online vs Real Life meetings (10/29/2004 3:06:26 PM)

I dont see how using a Movie, is that strange. There are millions of movies, that show good things, with meeting people online, and bad things. For instance, Dee Snider's STRANGELANDS. Heres a flick, that seems normal enough to go and meet someone offline, after they met online. But this turned out all wrong. *For those of you who havent seen this movie, BE FOREWARNED! IT IS JUST A MOVIE (FICTION).* Now you get movies, like EUROTRIP where at first things were thought to be what they werent, but turned out to be a good ending. RiotGirl, and I met in person, after meeting here on Collarme, and she is very happy to be with me.

Yes I think that people should have an eye open, when meeting offline, but I do not suggest, that they take online, and think of it as an escape from reality. Meeting online, is harmless. Whats the worse that can happen? someone gets upset, and "hacks" you? THAT'S BS, and childish. But your not harmed. Now when you meet someone in real life, the best thing to do is meet in a very public place. Before you spend any time alone with either one, Spend time together, around the public, so you have a little more "protection, or safeguard". Then when you feel comfortable then explore the more private scene of being together alone. But for the beginning, always keep your eye open. I can go on and on, about Do's and Dont's. But Ill keep it short and simple for right not.

Rob



LadyAngelika -> RE: Online vs Real Life meetings (10/29/2004 3:58:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tymegagme

well, i think real-life meeting can bring to light a lot of truths. obviously, a guy/gal can no longer lie about his/her height/weight/hair/eyes/bra size/penis size! looks aside, a nice, long public conversation with no promise of play afterwards can tell you a lot about a person that you just can't get from a computer screen.


Exactly. You have much more then just words on a screen to base yourself on. A lot of people have had the experience of things being so very perfect when they chatted online or on the phone only to discover when they meet in person that there is no attraction.

Real life meetings give you much more information in order for you to make an informed decision.

As for the "safety issues" related to RL meetings...

Why is it that so many people live in fear of the other? Seriously. The great majority of people have good intentions and are not out to get you.

How is it dangerous to go meet someone for coffee in a public place if you follow the proper guidelines of a safe meeting? Seriously.

Paranoia Destroy Ya

- LA



jillwfsub4blkdom -> RE: Online vs Real Life meetings (10/29/2004 4:17:30 PM)

LA,
so very true. i have found numerous times when talking to someone online i thought they were just the greatest. When i went to meet the person, there was just not the attraction or the sparks that occurred online or on the phone.

jill



proudsub -> RE: Online vs Real Life meetings (10/29/2004 4:52:29 PM)

quote:

Exactly. You have much more then just words on a screen to base yourself on. A lot of people have had the experience of things being so very perfect when they chatted online or on the phone only to discover when they meet in person that there is no attraction.


The opposite happens occassionally too. Sometimes people fall for each other online because they get to know the inside of the person before the shell. They may never have been attracted to each other in real life without the cyber experience first. For example, i have some friends who met in a pogo chat room, he is 36 and she is 63. They have been happily married for 3 years now. If they had met in r/l first they probably wouldn't of even looked at each other. I meant to add that i have met him in r/l and hope to meet her soon.



LadyAngelika -> RE: Online vs Real Life meetings (10/29/2004 6:13:02 PM)

quote:

The opposite happens occassionally too. Sometimes people fall for each other online because they get to know the inside of the person before the shell.


True. Online can be a great place to meet someone. I just think that it's not necessarily the best place to get to know someone. I say this based on my experiences of course.

- LA



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